email Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious email puns

Maybe if we all emailed the Constitution to each other…

…the NSA will finally read it.

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If we all email the constitution to each other

The NSA might finally read it

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A young lady from my office just sent me an email

saying "ithinktherearesomeproblemswithmykeyboardcanyoupleasegivemeanalternative"

Oh boy am I excited, but what does "ternative" mean?

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A Zen student asked his master, "Is it OK to use email?"

"Yes," replied the master, "But no attachments."

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Just got an email from Google detailing how they have devised a way to read maps backwards...

Turns out to be spam

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Today it became clear to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on the keyboard.

This is why I'll never be ending an email with 'Regards' ever again.

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I received an email from Google

It said, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards " I thought, "That's just spam."

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Got an email from Google the other day...

"At Google Earth, we're so good we can read maps backwards"

I thought "that's just spam."

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What was Forrest Gump's email password?

1forrest1

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Hillary's emails would make the perfect construction material for building the great Trump Wall...

Since no one can get the fuck over them.

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I asked my magic 8-ball which email client to use. It told me...

Outlook not so good.

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Hillary Clinton will potentially be the first f***** president.

I wrote female, but apparently someone deleted the email

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A zen student asked his master: Is it okay to use email?

Yes , replied the master, but with no attachments.

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PSA: IF YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL SAYING, "You've won two free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert!" DO NOT OPEN IT.

It contains two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert.

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It is so quiet in the Clinton HQ right now.

So quiet you can hear an email being deleted

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I should never have given my real email address to Rolex.

Now I'm forever placed on some kind of watch list.

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I just received an email titled $50 TO SEE JUSTIN BIEBER LIVE

I'm really the wrong person to email for these kind of ransoms.

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WARNING: There's an email going round...

...offering Processed Pork, Gelatin, and Salt in a Can.

If you get this email, DO NOT OPEN IT.

It's spam!

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I keep getting emails about penis enlargement.

The ones from my wife are starting to get personal, but it's the ones from my mother that really hurt.

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Got an email from boredhousewife423 saying she was looking for some action

I sent her my laundry. That'll give her something to do

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Clinton's blue firewall...

About as secure as her private email server.

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My email password has been hacked again

That's the third time I've had to rename my cat

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There's an email going around that claims to include a nude photo of Hillary Clinton

Don't open it. It contains a nude photo of Hillary Clinton.

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Hey, Magic 8-Ball. Why can't I check my work email?

"Outlook not so good."

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How many NSA agents does it take to change a light bulb?

I've just been informed that the NSA no longer has the capability to change a light bulb, but if we give them access to everyone's email and cell phone communications they will hopefully intercept a message that will crack this lightbulb case wide open.

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There's an email going around offering processed pork, gelatine and salt in a can.

If you get this email, don't open it. It's spam.

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Why can't you email photos to a Jedi?

Because attachments are forbidden

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I got an email telling me that it was vegan month...

I felt bad putting the message in spam.

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Email inventor dies aged 74

I sent my re:re:re:re:re:gards

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Whenever I feel depressed in life.. I open my E-Mail spam inbox

I find:

* 10 banks are giving me easy loans.

* I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.

* 10 Job companies have best jobs for me.

* 5 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for me.

* Dr. Batra has claimed that he will cure my hair fall.

* 3 universities are giving me degrees in random subjects.

* And Approx 40-50 mails from different girls who are feeling lonely and want to meet me.

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To the guy who hacked into my email

You've given me a new Outlook

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A guy tells his psychiatrist:

"It was terrible. I was away on business, and I sent my wife an e-mail saying I'd be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport. And when I got home I found her in bed with my best friend! I don't get it. How could she do this to me?"

"Well," reasons the psychiatrist, "maybe she didn't get the e-mail."

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Wrong Email

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

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My friend's last email to me before she died unexpectedly. Daddy long legs

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.


He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.

Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.



He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.


'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked.

'They're mating,' her father replied.
'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked.

"A Daddy Longlegs,' her father answered.

'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.'

'The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them flat.

'Well ", she said, "that may be OK in California , but we're not having any of that shit in North Carolina ".

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So I went and registered my friends email address at a gay porn site as a prank

"This email address is already in use"

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What are the most funny Email jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Email? Well, here are the best Email dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Email pick up lines to share with friends.

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