Gather Around for Heartwarming Elf Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What's the rudest kind of elf? n**...
A go fuckyourself
A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar...
The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.
What's the rudest type of Elf?
The GofuckyoursELF
Warrior: I swear I will have my revenge for the death of my brother!
Elf: You have my bow.
Dwarf: And my axe.
Necromancer: And your brother.
The Hero: I'm on a quest to avenge the death of my Father!
The Paladin: You have my sword!
The Elf: And my bow!
The Dwarf: And my axe!
The Necromancer: And your father!
An Elf, a Dwarf, and a Hobbit walk into a bar...
All three proceed to eat, drink and have a good time, slamming down pint after pint of ale until finally the pub was closing. The bartender asks them how he should split the tab as it was a pretty hefty sum.
"I got this," replies the Elf as he looks at the bill. "My two friends here are always a little short anyway."
Why wasn't the elf allowed to use the step ladder to decorate the Christmas tree?
Because of 'elf and safety restrictions.
Dad Joke
Don't care what my 10yo daughter does or says from this forward, I'll always be a proud Fatherβ¦
She asked me what do you call a Elf that just won the lottery⦠Welfy
Why did the elf have to play with Mega Bloks?
Because he was Legoless
What sort of elf lives in a can?
A sprite
When is an elf not an elf?
When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin.
What happens when you s**... an elf of all his legos?
He becomes Legolas. . .
What do you call a workplace accident at the North Pole?
Shelf on the elf.
I like to imagine my fingers as the races of Middle Earth...
The thumb is the dwarf because it's stout
The pinkie is the hobbit because it's diminutive
The index is the elf because it's the most dexterous
The ring is the human because they were given the most rings
And the middle is the orc... because it's the rudest
Two elves are winding down in the North Pole bar after a long day of making toys.
After downing some shots of peppermint schnapps, the first elf says to the second, That COVID outbreak in China has really messed up the toy production schedule. I don't think Santa has ever pushed us so hard! .
The second one added, Yeah, things were so bad today that Rudolph and Blitzen were even called in to work on the assembly line.
The first one got an odd look on his face and said, Well, that explains why those Raisinets I found on the floor tasted so strange.
What do you call an elf with a personal trainer?
Elfy.
Did you guys hear about the elf who got tangled up in sleigh bells on his way back to Santa's workshop?
They said he jingled all the way.
Almost everyone at the North Pole becomes extremely anxious whenever Santa feels depressed
That's when he's most likely to elf harm.
What would you call Dobby, the house elf, if he were a really good speaker?
Dolby.
A judge is hearing a m**... trial.
Imp and her spirite-elf that was killed and the suspect, a 16 year old who's represented by his father, Ep.
After hearing the case, the judge decides.
Ep's teen didn't kill Imp's elf.
What do you call a house elf that edits documents?
A-Dobby.
(Adobe)
Which elf was the best singer?
Elfis Presley
(I'll get my coat)
What's the best thing about working for Santa Claus?
Universal elf care.
You've heard of Elf on a Shelf, but have you heard...
Jeffrey Epstein definitely didn't kill himself.
why was santa's little helper so depressed?
he had low elf esteem!
in india, muslim guy used to get divorce just bay saying the word 'talaq' 3 times. i found a joke based on it.
Wife: What I really hate about this house is the lack...
Husband: the lack....
Wife: the lack!
Husband: the lack?
Wife: yeah the lack of...
Husband: the lack o-
Wife: aye Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf
Husband: Damnnnnnn Fatima.
What does a diabetic elf need?
Tinselin
What do you get when you mix an elf and a scientologist?
Elrond Hubbard!
I think I'm ready to declare Elf of the year already:
Epstein didn't kill hims Elf.
The United Kingdom is to provide special support to those self-identify as gnomes, fairies or pixies...
It'll be known as the National Elf Service.
For German-speakers: How many helpers does Weihnachtsmann have?
Elf.
This one's for the D&D players. A human, an elf and a dragonborn walk into a bar.
The gnome and halfling walk underneath perfectly fine.
An Elf, an Orc, and a Dragonborn walk into a bar...
There's no punchline, it's just a fantasy of mine.
What do you call an Elf that sings?
A wrapper!
Merry Christmas.
I hope you got what you wished for. ( Ν‘Β° ΝΚ Ν‘Β°)
Whats the Jewish version of Elf on a Shelf
Mensch on a bench
My great uncle Chuck started the elf on a shelf tradition.
Well, actually, he was a drunk on a bunk, but we toned it down for the kids.
Ice Bank Mice Elf
(repeat this 10 times fast)
Who's Santa's rudest elf?
Gofuckyours elf.
Why was Santa forced to shut his grotto?
He was being investigated by the Elf and Safety Executive.
Only 341 days 'til Christmas!
I saw a garden elf
On the subway today muttering to himself click.... click.... click.... click....
He was a metro gnome.
What did Han Solo say to the Keebler elf who complained he couldn't understand Chewbacca?
Sorry friend, that's the way the Wookiee mumbles.
The elf in the Fellowship of the Ring must not have had that great of a childhood.
Since there's no plastic in Middle Earth, he was lego-less
What do you call a selfish elf?
Myself
Why did Santa have to close his toy factory?
Elf and safety!
What do you call a singing elf
A wrapper
Here in about 50 years, when Harry Potter is on its 5th reboot, this time with an all house elf cast, the author will be
J. K. Rowling over in her grave.
What do you call an elf that won't shut up?
Gobby.
Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas?
Elf and safety
What's the first thing an elf learns in school?
The elf-abet...
How do you enslave a house elf?
By doing its laundry.
By taking into account this year's string of s**... accusations, I can say with confidence that...
...it was nice knowing you Mr. Claus. But seriously, why that elf???
What did the dragon say to the elf?
You have heard of elf on a shelf ? now we have.....
Pell in a cell
AG Sessions is a Keebler elf isolationist
and he is afraid w**... is making cookies too mainstream
What do you call a plastic elf?
Poly-mer
How many elves does a german santa have?
Elf.
Clown on the shelf
Works waaaay better than a s**... elf.
The place I store my loud elf
Shhh elf
What do you call an elf singer?
Elvish Presley
Eomer gets off of his horse and says, "What business does an elf, a man and a dwarf have in the Riddermark?"
A nearby horseman answers, "Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!"
