Eleven Jokes
106 eleven jokes and hilarious eleven puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eleven that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you love jokes, you've come to the right place! In this article we'll share eleven hilarious jokes from an eleven year old that are sure to leave you laughing. From jokes about 7-Eleven stores to sixty and seventy year-olds, there is something for everyone - even the barmen! Read on for a good chuckle.
Quick Jump To
- Short Eleven Jokes
- Eleven One Liners
- 7 Eleven Jokes
- Nine Eleven Jokes
- Seven Eleven Jokes
- Eleven Year Old Jokes
- More Eleven Jokes
Funniest Eleven Short Jokes
Short eleven jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eleven humour may include short twelve jokes also.
- My new girlfriend asked me how many girls I've slept with. "Eleven," I replied. "Wow! You must be a player," she laughed. "No," I said, "I'm their coach."
- Why can't a blonde dial 911? Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven. - If apple released iphone 8 and 10 this year Would it release nine eleven next year
Edit : my first 24 hours top 10 thanks all - The reason women don't play football The reason women don't play football is that eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
- A ghost walks into a bar "Sorry sir" the barmen says, "We don't serve spirits after eleven"
- A blonde's boyfriend dies after choking She tried calling 911 but couldn't find the eleven.
- I entered a contest where I had to submit eleven jokes about Wimbledon. But I think tennis enough.
- Why is it awful to be an egg? You only get laid once, it takes three minutes to get hard, and you come in a box with eleven others.
- There are eleven types of people in the world Those who understand Roman numerals, and those who don't.
- Two out of eleven jokes about religion are discriminatory towards Jews... ...the other 9/11, towards Muslims.
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Eleven One Liners
Which eleven one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eleven? I can suggest the ones about thirteen and fifteen.
- Why does Peter Parker only have eleven months on his calendar? Because he lost May.
- What is DJ Khaled's favorite number? Eleven. Because it has another one.
- I'm a Sikh and tired of being called a Muslim. We're the 7-ELEVEN guys not the 9/11 guys.
- Eleven Years ago Greece won Euro 2004 Today, Greece would be happy with 2004 Euros.
- Where do Indians go when they die? Heven-eleven
- Why do German shower heads have eleven holes? Because Jews only have ten fingers.
- Yo Mama is so dumb she thinks there has been...... eleven World Wars
- Taco Bell is like a 7-Eleven You go there for food and get gas.
- I'll say this about Drake Most rappers date nines and tens, but he goes to Eleven
- What is Count Rugen's favorite rock band? Finger Eleven
- Why can't blondes dial 911? They can't find the number eleven on the phone.
- An eleven year old walks into a bar... Just kidding, he's underage, he can't do that.
- "Mommy why do I have eleven fingers?" "Just ask your uncle, uh I mean your father!"
- Why was Twelve scared of Eleven? Because Eleven has telekinetic abilities.
- What's Elevens [Stranger Things] Favourite Disney Song? Let Eggo, Let Eggo...
7 Eleven Jokes
Here is a list of funny 7 eleven jokes and even better 7 eleven puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I paid $30 for gas that would last for weeks And when I finished eating at Chipotle, I stopped at 7 Eleven to fill my car up.
- Sometimes you go to 7-eleven to pick up ice... ...and sometimes ICE goes to 7-eleven to pick you up.
- Funny Images At 7-Eleven's "Bring Your Own Container" Slurpee Day | divide.rocks
- I came to the conclusion that Jewish people control all the 7-Eleven stores around the world They make over a billion dollars every year and yet each store only has $30 in the safe.
- 7 Eleven apparently had to remove paper towels from the bathroom because people were flushing them. Apparently they were having problems with it clogging the chili dispenser.
- Do you know why I don't believe in government conspiracies? Because 7-Eleven was only a part-time job.
- What did the big mouth bass buy at 7-Eleven? A big gulp.
- What time is it in India? 7-Eleven on the dot.
Nine Eleven Jokes
Here is a list of funny nine eleven jokes and even better nine eleven puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between Nine-Eleven and a cow? You can't milk a cow for 14 years straight.
Be gentle... it's my cake day :-) - What's worse than nine eleven? 311
- NINE... ಠ_ಠ... ELEVEN... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 8==D?
- Why was nine afraid of ten? Cause ten eleven twelve
- Why is eleven running away from seven? Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven.
Seven Ate Nine Then Eleven. - (Offensive joke) What kind of pizza did they order on nine eleven?
2 large planes - A mathematical limerick A dozen, a g**..., and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.
Seven Eleven Jokes
Here is a list of funny seven eleven jokes and even better seven eleven puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Q: Why don't Indians play football? A: Because every time they get a corner they open up a shop or a seven eleven.
- A combinatorics professor once said, A combinatorics professor once said, "Please solve exercises one, three, seven, and eleven, once, in any order."
- I wonder why there are locks on the doors of Seven-Eleven when it says they are open 24/7.
Eleven Year Old Jokes
Here is a list of funny eleven year old jokes and even better eleven year old puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the trilobite say to his girlfriend while they were eating? "Can I trilobite of your food?"
P.S. - my eleven year old sister came up with this - Where does George Washington keep his armies? In his sleevies
*best joke my eleven-year-old past self ever heard - Eleven year old’s environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution:
"When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead." - My eleven year old brother: "I have Asperger's Syndrome..." "...want a burger?"
Comical Eleven Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about eleven you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fourteen jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eleven pranks.
65,000,011 years ago
Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."
The teacher knew tommy could only count while using his fingers. She told him to put his hands in his pockets and then she asked him: what is five and five?
After a short pause he replied Eleven?
A Catholic priest, a Baptist priest, and a m**... priest are sitting in a bar
So a m**... priest, a baptist priest, and a catholic priest are sitting in a bar. The catholic priest says "I have six kids now, I have a basketball team". The baptist priest says "I have eleven kids now, I have a football team". The m**... priest says "I have 18 wives now, I have a golf course"
A German woman was walking down a dark alley when she got accosted by eleven men...
...who tear her clothes apart and start to r**... and m**... her. The woman shouts 'Nien! Nien!', so two of them left.
How many social justice warriors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Twelve, one to change it and the other eleven to start a support group called "recovering from the darkness"
Whenever somebody asks us how long we've been married...
Whenever somebody asks us how long we've been married, we always answer:
Me: Eight wonderful years.
Wife: Eleven years.
This is an organic chemistry joke
A dozen carbon atoms walk into a bar. Not eleven carbon atoms or thirteen carbon atoms, but exactly 12. They order eleven glasses of water. Not 12 glasses of water, and not 10 glasses of water, but exactly eleven glasses of water. What did they get?
As I lay in my new girlfriend's bed...
As I lay in my new girlfriend's bed, I noticed four lines carved into the headboard.
"Is that how many men you've slept with?", I asked.
"Yes", she replied, "One thousand, one hundred and eleven."
What can you say about a car and not a girl/your gf?
It's easy to turn on, and even though it's eleven, I still love her.
What do you call.......
What do you call a white guy surrounded by five black guys? Coach.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by eleven black guys? Football coach.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of black guys? Warden.
Two Germans are talking about 9/11....
One said : How much terroristen died zat dey? Twelve? The other replied : "Nein, Eleven."
For a change of pace, here's a limerick; "( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0"
Sorry, did that not make any sense?
How about -
>"A dozen, a g**..., and a score,
>
>plus three times the square root of four,
>
>divided by seven,
>
>plus five times eleven,
>
>is nine squared and not a bit more."
Why can't a blonde dial 911
She can't find the eleven.
Not sure if someone already posted this joke but a friend told me so I had to post it.
Last night for Halloween, I saw exactly 12 people dressed like Eleven.
I know this because after the 9th 11, I swore I'd never forget.
I can't wait to read the BuzzFeed article on "20 Things You Will Love about Stranger Things"
Eleven will blow your mind!!!
Black History Month
A kid in my class asked why we had a Black History Month and not a White History Month.
I told him we had eleven.
A German tank commander boasted "One Tiger can take on ten Shermans!"
And an American replied "Good thing we have eleven."
So I told h**... about 9/11
I told him about the carnage and the aftermath, and how the state of America was changed forever, but he was confused.
So, I told him about the backstory, and how Bin Laden began to plan this in the 90s, but he was still confused.
Then, I told him about the numerous connections and the conspirators who trained to fly the planes.
I saw the look on his face.
"What's the confusion?"
h**...: "But why no eleven?"
My girlfriend has a f**......
...which is a shame for me, because my c**...'s only eleven and a half inches long.
An elderly man walks into confession and says...
Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and eleven healthy grandchildren, and last night I had an affair with two 18 year old girls. I made love with both of them… twice.
The priest said, Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?
Never Father… I'm Jewish.
So then, why are you telling me?
I'm telling everybody!
Counting with Fingers
TEACHER: Brian, what's one plus one?
(The kid holds up his fingers and counts two.)
BRIAN: Two
TEACHER: Good job, what's three plus three?
(The kid holds up his fingers and counts six.)
BRIAN: Six
TEACHER: Good job, now put your hands in your pocket and tell me what's five plus five?
(The kid put his hands in his pocket and starts counting in his head and tells the teacher.)
BRIAN: Eleven.
What is Finn Wolfhard's (Mike Wheeler from Stranger Things) favorite band?
Finger Eleven
I got a h**... from a girl with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It was the best minute of my life...
Then the worst eleven minutes of my life.
As kids on a farm we had to round up the cows.
I'd count eleven and just say there were a dozen.
Isn't it funny how many building engineers won't include a thirteenth floor
Yet book publishers don't seem afraid to have a chapter eleven...
( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0
A dozen, a g**..., and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more
If I asked my wife to describe herself in one word,
... it wouldn't be "concise".
Because that isn't eleven words.
A pirate goes to see his doctor
... to look at the spots on his arm.
After examining them, the doctor looks up and says, Nothing to worry about, they're benign.
The pirate says, No, Doc, there be eleven! I counted them meself!
What do you rate a s**... t**...?
A fine eleven
Man walks in to a bar and asks for a spoonful of lager in a pint glass, topped up with water.
"That's a strange drink to order" says the barman.
"That's what you'd be drinking if you had what I've got" replied the man.
"What have you got?" Asked the barman.
"Eleven Pence"....,
Finally!! Eleven long years after I nervously popped the question, she made me the happiest man on Earth by saying yes!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We start divorce proceedings tomorrow...
This morning eleven n**... Japanese men came into my room.
Apparently it's my bu-cake day or something?
My maths tutor told me to get to his house at ten past one.
So I turned up at eleven but the place was empty.
Several aristocrats are having a party on a cruise ship, when the captain comes down and interrupts.
"I have some good news and some bad news," he says. "Which do you want to hear first?"
"Good!" everyone says in unison.
The captain says, "We won eleven Oscars!"
I took my bicycle to the bottle shop the other day...
I got a bottle of v**... and put it in the bike's basket. As I was about to leave I thought to myself that if I fell the bottle would break. So I drank all the v**... and then headed home. It turned out to be a really good decision because I fell eleven times on my way home.
Maths teacher - Johnny, what's 2+2?
*Johnny counts on his fingers....*
Johnny - FOUR, miss?
Math teacher - yeah, that's right. But you are counting on your fingers...
Put your hands behind your back and tell me what's 3+3?
*Johnny fumbles around..*
Johnny - SIX, miss?
Math teacher - yes, that's right..but you're still counting on your fingers...
Put your hand in your pockets and tell me what's 5+5?
*Johnny fumbles around his pockets...*
Johnny - ELEVEN, Miss??
As I lay in my new girlfriend's bed, I noticed four lines carved into the headboard.
Is that how many men you've slept with? , I asked.
Yes , she replied, One thousand, one hundred and eleven.
A dad says to his son Ten times two and eleven times two equal the same number
The son says it's wrong
The dad asks what's ten times two?
The son replies Twenty
Then the dad says And eleven times two is twenty too!
Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.
This might be the nerdiest joke I know. Here's a bonus mathematical nerd joke:
Why don't riddles work in octal notation?
Because seven ten eleven.
There was a lawyer who had twelve kids.
He could not find a house to rent, as no landlords wanted to have twelve kids breaking their properties. As he believed that he must not lie, he told his wife to bring eleven kids to have a walk at a nearby cemetery. Then he took the other kid and went to meet a landlord. The landlord asked:
\- How many kids do you have?
\- Twelve.
\- Where are they now?
The lawyer answered with sadness:
\- They are at the cemetery, with their mother.
That's how the lawyer rented a house!
Cr
After telling my teenage daughter she has to be home by eleven
Daughter: Why are you so mean!
Me: Well, I consider myself to be above average.
Daughter: What's that mean?
Me: I suppose I could assign each letter a value and then add them up and give you the mean.
Daughter: Are you crazy?
Me: No, that's how you calculate the mean.
Daughter: I don't know what that means.
Me: I don't know yet either, I have to calculate it.
Daughter: Ugh, why do you have to be like this. I'll be home at eleven.
Game, set, match, Dad wins.
A couple moves into an apartment and decides to paper the living room.
They ask their neighbor, who has the same size living room, if he had ever papered his room and how many rolls he bought. The neighbor answers "Eleven".
So the couple buys 11 rolls of expensive wall paper and gets to work. To their surprise, after 8 rolls the living room is finished. Annoyed, they confront their neighbor about the 3 wasted rolls.
He replies "Huh. That happened to you too?"
A pirate goes to the dermatologist.
A pirate goes to the dermatologist to check the red bumps on his arm.
The dermatologist looks at them, and says "Don't worry, they're benign."
The pirate says, "Arrr! I counted them meself, and there be eleven of 'em!"
