One of them is an elephant
They said thank you. I said don't mention it.
Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"
Me: "I dunno, what?"
Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"
He told me "thank you."
I said "don't mention it."
I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.
They are really good at it.
is it irrelephant?
Marry her.
-They only have one pair of trunks.
So they can hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Shows you it works then.
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries.
Because six inches isn't going to satisfy a female elephant.
An elephant with diarrhea...
A letter from the Scientific Ethics Committee and a withdrawl of your grant money.
Who cares? It's a relephant.
Why are you doing that? asked the keeper.
The sign says it's okay, replied the visitor.
No, it doesn't.
Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'
An elephant never forgets.
swimming trunks! :D
The benefits aren't great, but the tips are huge.
"How do you breath through something so small?"
So they can sneak across pool tables.
Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?
Works, doesn't it?
This joke was in a book I had as a young child, probably from the 70s or 80s. It's so ridiculous, I remember it to this day.
Q: How do you kill a blue elephant?
A: Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you kill a white elephant?
A: Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
You can tell a woman that she is beautiful 1000 times and she will pay no mind to your comments. But tell her that she's fat, just one time, and she will never let you forget it.
Do you want to know why that is?
Because an elephant never forgets.
The only reason I'm doing this is so when people ask me "Why do you have a tattoo of an elephant on your ear?" I can say "Don't worry about it. It's ear elephant."
Well first you dig a really big hole. Then put dry leaves and wood in the hole and light them on fire. Wait for the fire to go out. Then cover the hole with leaves and wait for the elephant to walk by it.
Then, sneak up behind the elephant, and when it least expects it, kick it in the ash hole
An elephant
Because if they were small and purple, they would be called grapes.
To forget
what do you get when you cross a elephant, rhino, and a hippo?
helliphino
Nothing. It just gave a little wine.
What is harder then getting a pregnant elephant into a Volkswagen?
Getting an elephant pregnant in a Volkswagen.
I'm taking a gunsmithing class and this was in the text book with no context. Just stuffed between a paragraph on slave pins and one on replacing firing pins.
"el' if I know."
A can of coke, a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and an elephant.
A sternly worded letter from the ethics committee and your funding revoked.
Irrelephant.
...and ended up in a little old lady's back garden. The lady had never seen an elephant before, so she rang the police.
"Please come quickly," she said to the policeman who answered the phone. "There's a strange looking animal in my garden picking up cabbages with its tail."
"What's it doing with them?" asked the policeman.
"If I told you," said the old lady, "you'd never beleive me!"
You can't, there are no elephants with one arm
What did you just call it?! I cried.
It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture! Look! he shouted, pointing excitedly.
And so it did...A F R I C A N Elephant.
A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
499.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?
A brick falls from the sky and kills her.
Knock knock Who's there?
Not Mary
- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
499
- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge
- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge
- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?
Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.
- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
The alligators are all at the birthday party.
- Sally dies anyways. Why?
She got hit in the head by a flying brick
499.
What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into a fridge?
Open fridge, put elephant in fridge, close fridge
What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into a fridge?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.
The lion king is hosting a party. All but one of the guests show up. Who is missing?
The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to go to the party, but she has to cross a crocodile-infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, how?
All the crocodiles are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, why?
She got hit in the head by a falling brick.
A hedgehog in the condom factory.
He thanked me. I said "don't mention it."
Whatever you want he can't hear you.
Irrelephant.
Nothing, he just let out a little whine.
A little boy, just about the age of 3, was playing with his toy elephant and his dad comes up to him and says "What do you have there son?"
The boy responds with, "It's a fricken elephant!"
The dad in shock asks him, "What was that?"
"Dad, it's a fricken elephant!!"
Then the mother comes over and asks the little boy what he said and he responds with the same answer, "It's a fricken elephant!!"
Then the grandfather comes over to the parents and says, "Well he sure does like that AFRICan Elephant I got him."
99
How do you fit a giraffe in a fridge?
Open the fridge, take everything out, put the giraffe in and close the door
How do you get an elephant in a fridge?
Open the fridge, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door
The lions hosted a party and all the animals came, except for which one?
The elephant
A man swims across a man-eating crocodile infested river and survives, how?
The crocodiles are at the party
Then he dies. How?
The brick hit him
An elephant with diarrhea.
Why do elephants paint their toenails red? To hide in cherry trees.
Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? Thats because it had its toenails painted.
Why should you never walk through the forrest between the hours of 5pm and 7pm? That's when elephants tend to jump out of cherry trees.
Why are midgets so short? They tend to walk through the forrest between the hours of 5pm and 7pm
Why do ducks have flat feet? To stamp out forrest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.
'ell if I know.
How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a white elephant?
Choke it until it becomes blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know.
A visit from the university board of ethics.
We have collected gags and puns about Elephant to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Elephant? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Elephant pick up lines to share with friends.