Elementary School Jokes

110 elementary school jokes and hilarious elementary school puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about elementary school that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Elementary School Short Jokes

Short elementary school jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The elementary school humour may include short elementary jokes also.

  1. What's the difference between an ISIS outpost and an Afghanistan elementary school? I have no clue, I just fly the drone.
  2. What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a pakistani Elementary school? I don't know, I just fly the drone.
  3. Just saw two elementary school kids in a fistfight... So as an adult, I had to step in.
    They didn't stand a chance.
  4. What's the difference between an Iraqi elementary school, and an Isis hideout? I don't know man, I just fly the drone.
  5. What do you get when you push a piano out of the second floor window of an elementary school? A flat minor.
  6. What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani elementary school? I don't know, I just fly the drone.
  7. what's the difference between a Pakistani elementary school in the mountains and an Al-Queda outpost? I dunno man I just fly the drone.
  8. What's the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al Qaeda training camp? Don't ask me, I just fly the drone.
  9. Sherlock and Watson go to shoot up a school.. Watson: which part of the school shall we head to first sherlock?
    Sherlock: Elementary my dear Watson.
    [Please don't kill me for this]
  10. What's the difference between a meteor and a meteorite? Ite.
    Sorry, a kid said this in elementary school and it was funny back then :)

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Elementary School One Liners

Which elementary school one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with elementary school? I can suggest the ones about kid school and primary school.

  1. What has four legs and one arm? An attack dog in an elementary school.
  2. Dr. Watson: How young is too young? Elementary school, my dear Watson
  3. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the elementary school? He's awake now!
  4. Why was the bodybuilder arrested at the elementary school? Because it was a gun-free zone
  5. So a Muslim man walks into an elementary school... To pick up his wives
  6. What do you call an elementary school dropout? An anti-vax child.
  7. What type of school did Sherlock Holmes go to as a kid? Elementary my dear Watson
  8. Sherlock, what do they call primary school in America? Elementary, my dear Watson.
  9. What was Babe Ruth called when he was in elementary school? Childish Bambino
  10. Usain Bolt isn't allowed near any elementary schools. The speed limit is only 40 kph!
  11. Why don't they teach the students about the elements... in elementary school?
  12. Welcome to Male Elementary School We always have a ball!
  13. I once knew a Johnny Glasscock in elementary school... You could always see him coming...
  14. My 20y/o brother went to Elementary school.. To learn firebending
  15. Doctor: What school you said you've dropped out, sir? Elementary, my dear Watson!

Amusing Elementary School Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about elementary school you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean middle school jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make elementary school pranks.

An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station.

The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA.
Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!" Officer says "Yes."
Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture.

The Guinness Book of World Records is actually Chuck Norris' elementary school report card.

"If we don't change the direction we're going, we're likely to end up at the wrong end.

"People who go out of their way to help others have great taste."
"An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, but not hungry."
"Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed at another morgue."
"A journey of a hundred trillion cells begins with a single nibble."
"The only difference between a big shot and a little shot is that the big shot takes longer to chew."
"It's all right to have little butterflies in your stomach. In fact, I'd say a trip to the elementary school play is a wonderful idea."
"You don't know what your appetite can get away with until you try. Or are tried."
"If you carry your childhood with you, you should probably go the bathroom soon."
"Never keep up with Joneses. Have them over for dinner."
"Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a very startled swimmer."

Teacher: "I will call your parents!"
Elementary student: "No! I’ll be a good boy!"
Junior High School Student: "Pffff… Anyway…"
High School Student: "Send my mother my greetings!"

All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society's way of preparing you for your driver's license photo.

I'll only go to elementary school reunions because those people didn't start to hate me until we were in high school.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."

I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground and being the only adult around, I had to step in...

Little b**... didn't stand a chance…

It's Career Day at the Elementary School...

...and everyone's dad comes in to give a presentation about their job. The first dad up is a firefighter. Next is a policeman. Then a banker, and so on, until everyone's dad has gone up to talk about their job, except one.
"Where's your father, Bobby?" the teacher asks.
"He died 2 years ago" Bobby replies.
"Well, why don't you tell us what he did before he died?" says the teacher, to which Bobby responds, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

My favorite racist joke is more funny than it is offensive -

On the elementary school playground, there was a group of boys that liked to play basketball. Tyrone, a fourth grader, was the only black boy in the school, and far outperformed his peers in most athletic contests. He could run faster and jump higher than any other student at the school. He could easily outrun and out jump even the fastest and tallest fifth and sixth grade boys. When they played basketball, Tyrone's team could only play three players at a time to be fair, and he was still always picked first.
"You're the best at basketball because you're black, Tyrone," the other boys would say. Tyrone would wonder about this. His mama always told him not to think he was any different than any of those white boys. Being black didn't mean he was any better or any worse than anyone else. But he was obviously better at basketball than any of the white kids at his elementary school, so what else could it be?
Tyrone got home from school one day and asked his mama, "Mama, I can jump higher and run faster than any of the other kids at the school. Even the fifth and sixth graders. Is it a 'cause I'm black?"
"Naw," Mama said, "you's the fastest runner and highest jumper 'coz you's the only one who's twenty two."

Adventures Of p**...-Sherlock

How would you like your school girls today, Mr. Holmes?
-Elementary, my dear Watson.

It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...

and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.
When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a p**... and a drug fiend."
"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what your dad does!"
"You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?!"

Offensive Joke: The principal of my daughter's elementary school wanted to talk me about her behavior.

Apparently she was making racist remarks towards the black kids in her class and insulting them.
I must say I am terrified and very disappointed, she isn't even allowed to talk to them.

Found this one in a joke book I wrote in elementary school. (not an original)

A grasshopper walked into a bar. The bartender said,
"We have a drink named after you!"
Imagine that, a drink named Howard.

One for us old guys

Lady opens a house of ill repute and hired 3 girls to work for her: a fashion model, a telephone operator and an elementary school teacher. She figured the model would be the most popular with the guys as she was so much prettier, followed by the operator then the teacher who was rather a plain Jane. To her surprise, after the second week, most of the guys wanted to see the teacher. Lady decided to stand out side the girl's doors and eaves drop on them.
She heard the model say, don't mess my hair, don't mess my makeup. She heard the operator say, you three minutes are up, deposit another $5.50 (told you it was for the old guys). BUT when she listened outside the teacher's door, she heard," I don't care how many times it takes, you are going to do it over until you get it right!"

My teacher told me in elementary school I needed to learn math in my head because I "... Wouldn't have a calculator in me all the time."

Siri thought that was a cute story.

Austria, mid-1950s

Once upon a time in an Austrian elementary school, the children were preparing for the school play. This year it was about classical musicians. The teacher asked some students who they'd like to portray in the production. Hans wanted to be Mozart, Johan wanted to be Beethoven, and Karl wanted to be Brahms. When little Arnold was asked, he replied "I'll be Bach!"

An uneducqted p**... goes by an elementary school.

She hears a class in progress and is interested. She approaches the classroom window and hears the teacher "..What comes after N?" "P!" The children shout in unison. The teacher continues "Now can someone tell me what comes after P" the p**... in a fit of excitement burst out "BURNING!"

11 year old step son told me this... I lol'd

Why did the cops show up at the elementary school?
A 1st grader was resisting a rest.

They cut down a forest to build an elementary school...

It was called Felled Elm Elm.

What's the definition of a pessimist?

What's the definition of a pessimist? A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
That was the favorite joke of my englishteacher in elementary school ;)

Why did the black guy fail algebra

they don't teach algebra in elementary school

I Dropped Out of Elementary School Because of Recess..

I don't play games.

School Teacher's Note

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

Donald Trump Tragedy

Donald Trump visited an elementary school to talk to a group of 3rd graders. He said to them, "Today we are going to discuss the difference between a tragedy, a great loss and an accident".
Then he said, "Can anyone give me an example of a tragedy?"
A little boy raises his hand and says, "If a kid runs out in the street after a ball and gets hit by a car."
Donald Trump says, "No, that would be an accident. Can anyone else try?"
A little girl raises her hand and says, "If a busload of kids drove off a cliff."
Donald Trump says, "No, that would be a great loss. Come on, anyone else?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and says and says, "If you were on a plane and it blew up."
Then Donald Trump says, "Well, Yes, but can you tell me why it would be considered a tragedy?"
Little Johnny says, "Well, it wouldn't have been an accident, and it sure as heck wouldn't have been a great loss."

Why was Selena Gomez suspended in elementary school?

Because she couldn't keep her hands to herself.

What's the most assigned elementary school essay in Chicago?

"What I want to be *IF* I grow up"

Why don't you see p**... heads in elementary school?

Because they're all in ^High school.

Watson walks into room and sees Sherlock having s**.... He inquires is she in high school. Sherlock replies..

Elementary! My dear Watson

Sherlock was convicted for child m**...

A disgusted Watson visited him in prison, and said, "I cannot believe you were caught exposing yourself to a child in high school!"
"Elementary, my dear Watson..."

Whats the differebce between an Afghani Military Base and a Pakistani Elementary School?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

I've got an elementary school reunion coming up that I'm dreading,

because I've gained like a hundred pounds.

My friend asked me, "How did you come out?"

In elementary school, someone walked up to me and said, 'Are you gay?'
I said no.
Then he asked, 'Do your parents know you're gay yet?'
Without thinking, I said 'No.'
I tried redacting it, but it was too late.
I was gay.

An elementary school student gets gum stuck in his hair...

So the nurse takes him to the science teacher and say "Can you get the gum out of his hair?"
The science teacher responds "Of course, its just a matter of having the right solvent."
An hour later the nurse asks the science teacher "Have any luck?"
The science teacher responds "Yes, here's the gum back."

At snack time at a Catholic elementary school there was a tray of apples. A note beside them read "Take only ONE. God is watching." At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note,

"Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Dr. Watson catches Sherlock having s**... with a young girl...

Dr. Watson catches Sherlock having s**... with a young girl and says:
Sherlock, what are you doing? This girl looks like she's in middle school.
Sherlock: Elementary, dear Watson.

God is watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples

An elementary school teacher is asking a student a Maths question

Teacher: "Ok, Jimmy. If I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?"
Jimmy: "Five!"
Teacher: "No, Jimmy. Let me ask you another way. If I give you two apples and I give you another two apples, how many apples would you have?"
Jimmy: "Four!"
Teacher: "Good, Jimmy! Now if I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?"
Jimmy: "Five!"
Teacher: "Jimmy! That is incorrect! Why are you answering with five?"
Jimmy: "Because I already have a cat!"

Today in elementary school.

Teacher: Next week, we have a field trip to travel to Uranus.
Kid: Myanus?
Teacher: No... You're traveling to timeout for field trip.

An inspector, making his rounds, inspects an elementary school.

One teacher says to her class, "Treat him like you would the President of the United States." Sure enough, later that day, the inspector walks in to see how the lesson is doing. Just then, one of the students gets up, stomps over to the inspector, punches him in the gut, nicks his phone, and hides behind a curtain.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" shouts the teacher.
The kid says, "Deleting Twitter."

Gold and Silver haven't seen each other since Elementary School

They decided to meet up at a bar. Gold walks in and sees his old friend and calls out to him.
"Aay, G."
Silver gets excited and shouts back, "Hey, you!"

What does my wife telling me about her day have in common with a Pakistani elementary school?

We're both in for a droning.

Donald Trump is giving a speech at an elementary school

He is trying to explain to these young children what a tragedy is. A young boy asks if his parents dying from a terrible illness is a tragedy.
"No," Trump replies, "I would consider that a great loss"
A young girl asks if a train derailing, killing all 250 people onbard would be a tragedy.
"No, that is what you call an accident." Trump again replies.
"Look, say if I was flying in my presidential jet, and it crashed and I died, then that would be a tragedy."
A little girl responds, "Well I agree, it certainly would be no great loss, nor would it be an accident."

So one day, Hillary Clinton was going to an elementary school to talk aboit her job.

She gives a speech and then asks for questions. Little Timmy raised his hand and Hillary called on him.
"I have three questions. 1) What was Ben Ghazi? 2) What was the Uranium One deal? 3) What happened back in Arkansas?"
Hillary was just about to answer his question when the recess bell rang and all of the kids went outside. When they all came back in, Hillary continued with questions. Now, she pointed to little Johnny.
"Okay, I have five questions. 1) What was Ben Ghazi? 2) What was the Uranium One deal? 3) What happened back in Arkansas? 4) Why did the recess bell ring twenty minutes early? 5) Where is Little Timmy?"

The new elementary school teacher confessed to me that she had severe social anxiety

It's ok, I said. "Just pretend your audience is n**..."

They say that if you're afraid to speak to groups, imagine that they're n**......

That's why I no longer work at the elementary school

Have you heard of the new movie "Constapation"?

Probably because it hasn't come out yet.
Told to me by a kid in elementary school.

In elementary school, a deaf girl stole my ice cream

And I signed to her to give it back and she closed her eyes..

I remember doing a book report in elementary school on, "Fifty Shades of Grey".

I got a B+ and the teacher left a note saying, "thank god you didn't actually read the book, though I loved your creativity stating Christian Grey had 49 other clones".

A cop, a firefighter, and a bureaucrat are at a elementary school career day...

The cop brags, I'm the fastest one out of the three. I can respond to a threat in one minute
The firefighter says, That's nothing, I can run into a burning building and rescue someone in 30 seconds
The bureaucrat responds, pfff, I can work 9-5 and be home by 2

So, where is your girlfriend from, Holmes?

Elementary, my dear Watson,
Elementary School.

Sherlock Holmes shares good news with Watson at a pub one night...

"I've gone and found myself a girlfriend!" exclaims Holmes.
"Well, right on!" said Watson. "You must tell me more about her."
"She's on the short side, extremely innocent, and she's a determined, hard-working schoolgirl."
"A schoolgirl, eh? Good to hear she cares about her education. But what kind of school does she go to?"
Sherlock smiles, and his face lights up with pride as he proudly responds:
"Elementary, my dear Watson."

Valentines Day changes a lot the higher grade level you are

In elementary, you got to get and give candies while getting compliments from everyone.
In high school, you get shot.

Back in elementary school the other kids used to call me spider-man

because my uncle was shot in the street

You are what you eat said the fairy, unwisely

Pinocchio gave an eery look at the elementary school.

We all know that elementary school kids try to make each other spell 'icup', but what do kids in the hood say?


Little sister told me an elementary school rhyme today.

Women go to college to get more knowledge
Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider

I had s**... in elementary school with my teacher

I was homeschooled and my teacher was my Mom.

What did the asian college student say to his old elementary school teacher?

Long time no C

I always thought it was interesting how double jointed kids were always really cool in elementary school...

I mean weird flex, but ok.

jokes about elementary school