The Best 89 Elementary Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Elementary jokes. There are some elementary kindergarden jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these elementary elementary school puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Elementary Jokes and Puns

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.

The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."

I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground and being the only adult around, I had to step in...

Little bastards didn't stand a chance…

I found this new social media channel of a cute girl in revealing outfit that teaches elementary mathematics

Her account is "The THOT that Counts"

Elementary joke,  I found this new social media channel of a cute girl in revealing outfit that teaches elementary ma

What's the difference between a meteor and a meteorite?

Ite.

Sorry, a kid said this in elementary school and it was funny back then :)

What does the zero say to the eight?

I like your belt.

Ok, ok. I know it's elementary, but I still love it.


The elementary class was learning about addition...

The teacher asks little Johnny, "If I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"

Johnny thinks about it for a few seconds and says, "Seven."

The teacher says, "No, let's try again. Listen carefully. I give you two, Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more."

Johnny spends a few minutes thinking it out, and again says, "Seven."

The teacher says, "Let's try it another way. If I put two apples on your desk, then two more, and then two more, how many apples would you have?"

Johnny says, "Six."

The teacher says, "Good, now if I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"

Johnny again says, "Seven."

The teacher, obviously frustrated, yells at Johnny, "Why do you keep saying seven?!"

Johnny says, "Because... I've already got a cat!"

An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.

She asks her class: Whoever feels stupid at times stand up!
After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly.
The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel stupid from time to time?
Little Johnny replies: No ma'am, it's just painful to see you standing all alone.

Elementary joke, An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.

Adventures Of Pedo-Sherlock

How would you like your school girls today, Mr. Holmes?

-Elementary, my dear Watson.

It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...

and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.

When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a pimp and a drug fiend."

"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what your dad does!"

"You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?!"

Watson returns from work one day...

and finds Sherlock in bed with a very young girl.

"Christ, Sherlock! How old is this girl?"

"Elementary, my dear Watson."

What's the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al Qaeda training camp?

Don't ask me, I just fly the drone.

You can explore elementary schooler reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean elementary colleges dad jokes. There are also elementary puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani Elementary school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Offensive Joke: The principal of my daughter's elementary school wanted to talk me about her behavior.

Apparently she was making racist remarks towards the black kids in her class and insulting them.

I must say I am terrified and very disappointed, she isn't even allowed to talk to them.

Famous physicist Dirac is talking about his favorite elementary particles...

Dirac says he is "very fond of electrons, they exist in all the atoms in our bodies, explain chemical reactions and the periodic table, and their flow in electrical circuits enables much of modern technology and beautiful lighting at night. Positrons however, well that's another matter altogether."

Found this one in a joke book I wrote in elementary school. (not an original)

A grasshopper walked into a bar. The bartender said,
"We have a drink named after you!"

Imagine that, a drink named Howard.

My teacher told me in elementary school I needed to learn math in my head because I "... Wouldn't have a calculator in me all the time."

Siri thought that was a cute story.

Elementary joke, My teacher told me in elementary school I needed to learn math in my head because I "... Wouldn't ha

Sherlock Holmes has been caught up in a pedophile scandal.

Dr Watson asked him: "In your experience, at what age are women at their peak in the bedroom?"

Holmes replied: "Elementary, my dear Watson."

Arrrrr Matey

These be pirate jokes....

Why can't pirates be EMT's?

They don't know CPRRRRRrrr..

Why did the Pirate take a vacation?

For a little ArRR and ARRRRrrr...

What do they teach at Pirate Elementary?

The three Arrrrrrs...

What TV show do pirates watch?

E.Rrrrrrr.

Why did the pirates need GPS?

So that they could know where they arrrr...

What would Popeye say if he were a pirate?

"I are what I rrrrrrrr..."

there ya be.....

Austria, mid-1950s

Once upon a time in an Austrian elementary school, the children were preparing for the school play. This year it was about classical musicians. The teacher asked some students who they'd like to portray in the production. Hans wanted to be Mozart, Johan wanted to be Beethoven, and Karl wanted to be Brahms. When little Arnold was asked, he replied "I'll be Bach!"


An uneducqted prostitute goes by an elementary school.

She hears a class in progress and is interested. She approaches the classroom window and hears the teacher "..What comes after N?" "P!" The children shout in unison. The teacher continues "Now can someone tell me what comes after P" the prostitute in a fit of excitement burst out "BURNING!"

11 year old step son told me this... I lol'd

Why did the cops show up at the elementary school?
A 1st grader was resisting a rest.

What education should a private detective have?

Elementary, my dear Watson.

An elementary teacher is talking about animals to her students...

Teacher: What does the chicken give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Very good. What does the pig give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Great! What does the cow give you?
Kids: Homework!

What's the definition of a pessimist?

What's the definition of a pessimist? A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.

That was the favorite joke of my englishteacher in elementary school ;)

Usain Bolt isn't allowed near any elementary schools.

The speed limit is only 40 kph!

School Teacher's Note

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

What's the difference between an Iraqi elementary school, and an Isis hideout?

I don't know man, I just fly the drone.

My 20y/o brother went to Elementary school..

To learn firebending

What do you get when you push a piano out of the second floor window of an elementary school?

A flat minor.

Just saw two elementary school kids in a fistfight...

So as an adult, I had to step in.

They didn't stand a chance.

What has four legs and one arm?

An attack dog in an elementary school.

Why was Selena Gomez suspended in elementary school?

Because she couldn't keep her hands to herself.

What's the most assigned elementary school essay in Chicago?

"What I want to be *IF* I grow up"

A girl comes out of Sherlock's office as Watson comes in...he thinks they had sex.

"That girl was in college wasn't she?"

"Elementary, my dear Watson"

So a Muslim man walks into an elementary school...

To pick up his wives

Watson walks into room and sees Sherlock having sex. He inquires is she in high school. Sherlock replies..

Elementary! My dear Watson

What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani elementary school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Why was the bodybuilder arrested at the elementary school?

Because it was a gun-free zone

I once knew a Johnny Glasscock in elementary school...

You could always see him coming...

Sherlock was convicted for child molestation

A disgusted Watson visited him in prison, and said, "I cannot believe you were caught exposing yourself to a child in high school!"

"Elementary, my dear Watson..."

Whats the differebce between an Afghani Military Base and a Pakistani Elementary School?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the elementary school?

He's awake now!

Dr. Watson: How young is too young?

Elementary school, my dear Watson

Is this kindergarten Sherlock?

Its elementary my dear Watson!

Welcome to Male Elementary School

We always have a ball!

I've got an elementary school reunion coming up that I'm dreading,

because I've gained like a hundred pounds.

My friend asked me, "How did you come out?"

In elementary school, someone walked up to me and said, 'Are you gay?'

I said no.

Then he asked, 'Do your parents know you're gay yet?'

Without thinking, I said 'No.'

I tried redacting it, but it was too late.

I was gay.

An elementary school student gets gum stuck in his hair...

So the nurse takes him to the science teacher and say "Can you get the gum out of his hair?"

The science teacher responds "Of course, its just a matter of having the right solvent."

An hour later the nurse asks the science teacher "Have any luck?"

The science teacher responds "Yes, here's the gum back."

Sherlock and Watson go to shoot up a school..

Watson: which part of the school shall we head to first sherlock?
Sherlock: Elementary my dear Watson.
[Please don't kill me for this]

At snack time at a Catholic elementary school there was a tray of apples. A note beside them read "Take only ONE. God is watching." At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note,

"Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Dr. Watson catches Sherlock having sex with a young girl...

Dr. Watson catches Sherlock having sex with a young girl and says:
Sherlock, what are you doing? This girl looks like she's in middle school.
Sherlock: Elementary, dear Watson.

God is watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples

Today in elementary school.

Teacher: Next week, we have a field trip to travel to Uranus.

Kid: Myanus?

Teacher: No... You're traveling to timeout for field trip.

An inspector, making his rounds, inspects an elementary school.

One teacher says to her class, "Treat him like you would the President of the United States." Sure enough, later that day, the inspector walks in to see how the lesson is doing. Just then, one of the students gets up, stomps over to the inspector, punches him in the gut, nicks his phone, and hides behind a curtain.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" shouts the teacher.

The kid says, "Deleting Twitter."

Gold and Silver haven't seen each other since Elementary School

They decided to meet up at a bar. Gold walks in and sees his old friend and calls out to him.

"Aay, G."

Silver gets excited and shouts back, "Hey, you!"

Where does pervert Sherlock Holmes pick up girls?

Elementary my dear Watson

What does my wife telling me about her day have in common with a Pakistani elementary school?

We're both in for a droning.

What's the difference between an ISIS outpost and an Afghanistan elementary school?

I have no clue, I just fly the drone.

Watson walks in on Sherlock in bed with a girl much younger than himself.

As she hastily covers herself and leaves the room Watson looks at her and says

"Jesus, is she in highschool?"

To which Sherlock replies "Elementary, dear Watson!"

Why don't they teach the students about the elements...

in elementary school?

The new elementary school teacher confessed to me that she had severe social anxiety

It's ok, I said. "Just pretend your audience is naked"

Sherlock, what do they call primary school in America?

Elementary, my dear Watson.

They say that if you're afraid to speak to groups, imagine that they're naked...

That's why I no longer work at the elementary school

Have you heard of the new movie "Constapation"?

No?

Probably because it hasn't come out yet.

Told to me by a kid in elementary school.

What do you call an elementary student with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

In elementary school, a deaf girl stole my ice cream

And I signed to her to give it back and she closed her eyes..

What was Babe Ruth called when he was in elementary school?

Childish Bambino

An elementary teacher was talking to her class about safety when crossing the street.

"I used to have a little brother, and on his eighth birthday my parents got him a brand new red bike. He was across the street at his grandmas' when dad wheeled it outside. My brother was so excited that he ran across the street without looking, right in front of a car. The car hit him and he died." One of the children raised his hand and asked, "Where's his bike?"

NSFW A priest and a rabbi are walking past an elementary school...

When the priest says to the rabbi "hey, wanna go screw some kids?"
And the rabbi says "out of what?"

I remember doing a book report in elementary school on, "Fifty Shades of Grey".

I got a B+ and the teacher left a note saying, "thank god you didn't actually read the book, though I loved your creativity stating Christian Grey had 49 other clones".

A cop, a firefighter, and a bureaucrat are at a elementary school career day...

The cop brags, I'm the fastest one out of the three. I can respond to a threat in one minute

The firefighter says, That's nothing, I can run into a burning building and rescue someone in 30 seconds

The bureaucrat responds, pfff, I can work 9-5 and be home by 2

It was so much easier to get girls in elementary, just be the fastest runner...

...now you have to outdrive the police too.

You are what you eat said the fairy, unwisely

Pinocchio gave an eery look at the elementary school.

We all know that elementary school kids try to make each other spell 'icup', but what do kids in the hood say?

Icug.

Little sister told me an elementary school rhyme today.

Women go to college to get more knowledge

Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider

I had sex in elementary school with my teacher

I was homeschooled and my teacher was my Mom.

Elementary grammar: No sentence without a term.

Presidential grammar: No term without a sentence.

What did the asian college student say to his old elementary school teacher?

Long time no C

I always thought it was interesting how double jointed kids were always really cool in elementary school...

I mean weird flex, but ok.

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word contagious . Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- Susan?

- I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!

- Very good. What about you, Johnny?

- Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it's gonna take the contagious!

What is the difference between elementary school and gym?

They count more in elementary school.

What do you call an elementary school dropout?

An anti-vax child.

What did Sherlock Holmes say when Dr. Watson asked him what grade an eight year-old was in?

Elementary, my dear Watson!

Trump visits an elementary school

Trump visits an elementary school to greet the students and teachers. He asks the students, what do you all want to be when you grow up?

A farmer, shouts one.

An astronaut, shouts another.

The President of the United States, confidently says a little girl.

Who said that, shouts Trump. The little girl raises her hand and he darts eyes at her. He begins to fume, are you joking? Are you brainless? Are you a complete moron? Are you stupid? Are you an idiot?

The little girl, taken aback, says, on second thought, nevermind! That sounds like too many requirements!

Back when I was in elementary school one of my teachers would have a letter of the day and then pick one of the students to say something about the letter of the day.

One day I got picked and the letter of that day was N so I got asked, "Jeff, why don't you use the letter of the day, N, and tell us something that you're not very good at that starts with the letter N." I stood up next to my desk and said... Spelling

What type of school did Sherlock Holmes go to as a kid?

Elementary my dear Watson

An elementary school teacher was handing out samples of deer jerky to anyone who wanted to try it.

It was part of the lesson about pioneer days and she hadn't yet told them what kind of meat it was.


She was giving clues to help the students. "I'm sure all of you have seen one as there are a lot of them around here". No response.

"The males often clash to prove who is toughest". Still no response.

Finally she says "You have probably heard your mother call your father this."

Suddenly one of the students hacks and then yells "Spit it out! Spit it out! It's an asshole!"

[BREAKING NEWS] There's been a kidnapping at Lakewood Elementary School today

It's ok, he woke up.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were taking the train one day when they passed a huge flock of sheep in a field.

As quickly as they had observed the fluffy cloud it had passed out of view.

"So many sheep!" Watson exclaimed. "I wonder how many there were?"

"Elementary, Dear Watson. ThereΒ were 167 sheep." Sherlock calmly stated.

"Holmes, are you really telling me you managed to count them all in that brief moment?" Watson inquired.

"Don't be silly, Watson. I counted the legs and divided them by four."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the elementary elemental jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working elementary elementary math piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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