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Elementary Jokes

123 elementary jokes and hilarious elementary puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about elementary that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover a collection of hilarious jokes for elementary school students! Make your students laugh with jokes about Halloween, Thanksgiving, and more! Don't miss out on these good elementary jokes perfect for any classroom setting!

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Funniest Elementary Short Jokes

Short elementary jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The elementary humour may include short primary jokes also.

  1. Made up by my elementary-aged kid: How do old people line up? In an elderly fashion. (So proud)
  2. What's the difference between an ISIS outpost and an Afghanistan elementary school? I have no clue, I just fly the drone.
  3. What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a pakistani Elementary school? I don't know, I just fly the drone.
  4. Just saw two elementary school kids in a fistfight... So as an adult, I had to step in.
    They didn't stand a chance.
  5. What's the difference between an Iraqi elementary school, and an Isis hideout? I don't know man, I just fly the drone.
  6. What do you get when you push a piano out of the second floor window of an elementary school? A flat minor.
  7. What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani elementary school? I don't know, I just fly the drone.
  8. what's the difference between a Pakistani elementary school in the mountains and an Al-Queda outpost? I dunno man I just fly the drone.
  9. What's the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al Qaeda training camp? Don't ask me, I just fly the drone.
  10. Sherlock and Watson go to shoot up a school.. Watson: which part of the school shall we head to first sherlock?
    Sherlock: Elementary my dear Watson.
    [Please don't kill me for this]

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Elementary One Liners

Which elementary one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with elementary? I can suggest the ones about middle school and kindergarten.

  1. What has four legs and one arm? An attack dog in an elementary school.
  2. Dr. Watson: How young is too young? Elementary school, my dear Watson
  3. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the elementary school? He's awake now!
  4. Why was the bodybuilder arrested at the elementary school? Because it was a gun-free zone
  5. So a Muslim man walks into an elementary school... To pick up his wives
  6. What do you call an elementary school dropout? An anti-vax child.
  7. What type of school did Sherlock Holmes go to as a kid? Elementary my dear Watson
  8. Watson: Which tree do we get lemons from? Sherlock: Elementary, my dear Watson
  9. Sherlock, what do they call primary school in America? Elementary, my dear Watson.
  10. What was Babe Ruth called when he was in elementary school? Childish Bambino
  11. What do you call an elementary student with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.
  12. Is this kindergarten Sherlock? Its elementary my dear Watson!
  13. Usain Bolt isn't allowed near any elementary schools. The speed limit is only 40 kph!
  14. Why don't they teach the students about the elements... in elementary school?
  15. Where does pervert Sherlock Holmes pick up girls? Elementary my dear Watson

Elementary School Jokes

Here is a list of funny elementary school jokes and even better elementary school puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between a meteor and a meteorite? Ite.
    Sorry, a kid said this in elementary school and it was funny back then :)
  • [BREAKING NEWS] There's been a kidnapping at Lakewood Elementary School today It's ok, he woke up.
  • What's the most assigned elementary school essay in Chicago? "What I want to be *IF* I grow up"
  • I got A's in elementary school. I got C's in middle school. In high school, I got D's and boy did my grades improve.
  • Today in elementary school. Teacher: Next week, we have a field trip to travel to Uranus.
    Kid: Myanus?
    Teacher: No... You're traveling to timeout for field trip.
  • Have you heard of the new movie "Constapation"? No?
    Probably because it hasn't come out yet.
    Told to me by a kid in elementary school.
  • I've got an elementary school reunion coming up that I'm dreading, because I've gained like a hundred pounds.
  • Whats the differebce between an Afghani Military Base and a Pakistani Elementary School? I don't know, I just fly the drone.
  • I always thought it was interesting how double jointed kids were always really cool in elementary school... I mean weird flex, but ok.
  • What's the definition of a pessimist? What's the definition of a pessimist? A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
    That was the favorite joke of my englishteacher in elementary school ;)

Good Elementary Jokes

Here is a list of funny good elementary jokes and even better good elementary puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Teacher: "I will call your parents!"
    Elementary student: "No! I’ll be a good boy!"
    Junior High School Student: "Pffff… Anyway…"
    High School Student: "Send my mother my greetings!"
Elementary joke

Elementary Math Jokes

Here is a list of funny elementary math jokes and even better elementary math puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My teacher told me in elementary school I needed to learn math in my head because I "... Wouldn't have a calculator in me all the time." Siri thought that was a cute story.
Elementary joke, My teacher told me in elementary school I needed to learn math in my head because I "... Wouldn't ha

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about elementary can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of elementary puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Uplifting Elementary Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about elementary you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean fundamental jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make elementary prank.

An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station.
The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA.
Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!" Officer says "Yes."
Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture.

The Guinness Book of World Records is actually Chuck Norris' elementary school report card.

Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven.
There is a brouhaha.
Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem.
Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls.
It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly.
The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him.
"Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."

All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society's way of preparing you for your driver's license photo.

I'll only go to elementary school reunions because those people didn't start to hate me until we were in high school.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."

I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground and being the only adult around, I had to step in...

Little b**... didn't stand a chance…

I found this new social media channel of a cute girl in revealing outfit that teaches elementary mathematics

Her account is "The THOT that Counts"

The elementary class was learning about addition...

The teacher asks little Johnny, "If I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"
Johnny thinks about it for a few seconds and says, "Seven."
The teacher says, "No, let's try again. Listen carefully. I give you two, Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more."
Johnny spends a few minutes thinking it out, and again says, "Seven."
The teacher says, "Let's try it another way. If I put two apples on your desk, then two more, and then two more, how many apples would you have?"
Johnny says, "Six."
The teacher says, "Good, now if I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"
Johnny again says, "Seven."
The teacher, obviously frustrated, yells at Johnny, "Why do you keep saying seven?!"
Johnny says, "Because... I've already got a cat!"

An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.

She asks her class: Whoever feels s**... at times stand up!
After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly.
The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel s**... from time to time?
Little Johnny replies: No ma'am, it's just painful to see you standing all alone.

Adventures Of p**...-Sherlock

How would you like your school girls today, Mr. Holmes?
-Elementary, my dear Watson.

It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...

and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.
When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a p**... and a drug fiend."
"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what your dad does!"
"You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?!"

Watson returns from work one day...

and finds Sherlock in bed with a very young girl.
"Christ, Sherlock! How old is this girl?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson."

Offensive Joke: The principal of my daughter's elementary school wanted to talk me about her behavior.

Apparently she was making racist remarks towards the black kids in her class and insulting them.
I must say I am terrified and very disappointed, she isn't even allowed to talk to them.

Famous physicist Dirac is talking about his favorite elementary particles...

Dirac says he is "very fond of electrons, they exist in all the atoms in our bodies, explain chemical reactions and the periodic table, and their flow in electrical circuits enables much of modern technology and beautiful lighting at night. Positrons however, well that's another matter altogether."

Found this one in a joke book I wrote in elementary school. (not an original)

A grasshopper walked into a bar. The bartender said,
"We have a drink named after you!"
Imagine that, a drink named Howard.

Arrrrr Matey

These be pirate jokes....
Why can't pirates be EMT's?
They don't know CPRRRRRrrr..
Why did the Pirate take a vacation?
For a little ArRR and ARRRRrrr...
What do they teach at Pirate Elementary?
The three Arrrrrrs...
What TV show do pirates watch?
E.Rrrrrrr.
Why did the pirates need GPS?
So that they could know where they arrrr...
What would Popeye say if he were a pirate?
"I are what I rrrrrrrr..."
there ya be.....

Austria, mid-1950s

Once upon a time in an Austrian elementary school, the children were preparing for the school play. This year it was about classical musicians. The teacher asked some students who they'd like to portray in the production. Hans wanted to be Mozart, Johan wanted to be Beethoven, and Karl wanted to be Brahms. When little Arnold was asked, he replied "I'll be Bach!"

What education should a private detective have?

Elementary, my dear Watson.

An elementary teacher is talking about animals to her students...

Teacher: What does the chicken give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Very good. What does the pig give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Great! What does the cow give you?
Kids: Homework!

School Teacher's Note

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

Why was Selena Gomez suspended in elementary school?

Because she couldn't keep her hands to herself.

A girl comes out of Sherlock's office as Watson comes in...he thinks they had s**....

"That girl was in college wasn't she?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson"

Watson walks into room and sees Sherlock having s**.... He inquires is she in high school. Sherlock replies..

Elementary! My dear Watson

Sherlock was convicted for child m**...

A disgusted Watson visited him in prison, and said, "I cannot believe you were caught exposing yourself to a child in high school!"
"Elementary, my dear Watson..."

Welcome to Male Elementary School

We always have a ball!

My friend asked me, "How did you come out?"

In elementary school, someone walked up to me and said, 'Are you gay?'
I said no.
Then he asked, 'Do your parents know you're gay yet?'
Without thinking, I said 'No.'
I tried redacting it, but it was too late.
I was gay.

An elementary school student gets gum stuck in his hair...

So the nurse takes him to the science teacher and say "Can you get the gum out of his hair?"
The science teacher responds "Of course, its just a matter of having the right solvent."
An hour later the nurse asks the science teacher "Have any luck?"
The science teacher responds "Yes, here's the gum back."

At snack time at a Catholic elementary school there was a tray of apples. A note beside them read "Take only ONE. God is watching." At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note,

"Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Dr. Watson catches Sherlock having s**... with a young girl...

Dr. Watson catches Sherlock having s**... with a young girl and says:
Sherlock, what are you doing? This girl looks like she's in middle school.
Sherlock: Elementary, dear Watson.

God is watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples

An inspector, making his rounds, inspects an elementary school.

One teacher says to her class, "Treat him like you would the President of the United States." Sure enough, later that day, the inspector walks in to see how the lesson is doing. Just then, one of the students gets up, stomps over to the inspector, punches him in the gut, nicks his phone, and hides behind a curtain.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" shouts the teacher.
The kid says, "Deleting Twitter."

Gold and Silver haven't seen each other since Elementary School

They decided to meet up at a bar. Gold walks in and sees his old friend and calls out to him.
"Aay, G."
Silver gets excited and shouts back, "Hey, you!"

What does my wife telling me about her day have in common with a Pakistani elementary school?

We're both in for a droning.

Watson walks in on Sherlock in bed with a girl much younger than himself.

As she hastily covers herself and leaves the room Watson looks at her and says
"Jesus, is she in highschool?"
To which Sherlock replies "Elementary, dear Watson!"

The new elementary school teacher confessed to me that she had severe social anxiety

It's ok, I said. "Just pretend your audience is n**..."

They say that if you're afraid to speak to groups, imagine that they're n**......

That's why I no longer work at the elementary school

An elementary teacher was talking to her class about safety when crossing the street.

"I used to have a little brother, and on his eighth birthday my parents got him a brand new red bike. He was across the street at his grandmas' when dad wheeled it outside. My brother was so excited that he ran across the street without looking, right in front of a car. The car hit him and he died." One of the children raised his hand and asked, "Where's his bike?"

I remember doing a book report in elementary school on, "Fifty Shades of Grey".

I got a B+ and the teacher left a note saying, "thank god you didn't actually read the book, though I loved your creativity stating Christian Grey had 49 other clones".

A cop, a firefighter, and a bureaucrat are at a elementary school career day...

The cop brags, I'm the fastest one out of the three. I can respond to a threat in one minute
The firefighter says, That's nothing, I can run into a burning building and rescue someone in 30 seconds
The bureaucrat responds, pfff, I can work 9-5 and be home by 2

Valentines Day changes a lot the higher grade level you are

In elementary, you got to get and give candies while getting compliments from everyone.
In high school, you get shot.

It was so much easier to get girls in elementary, just be the fastest runner...

...now you have to outdrive the police too.

Back in elementary school the other kids used to call me spider-man

because my uncle was shot in the street

You are what you eat said the fairy, unwisely

Pinocchio gave an eery look at the elementary school.

We all know that elementary school kids try to make each other spell 'icup', but what do kids in the hood say?

Icug.

Little sister told me an elementary school rhyme today.

Women go to college to get more knowledge
Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider

I had s**... in elementary school with my teacher

I was homeschooled and my teacher was my Mom.

Elementary grammar: No sentence without a term.

Presidential grammar: No term without a sentence.

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word contagious . Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- Susan?
- I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!
- Very good. What about you, Johnny?
- Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it's gonna take the contagious!

What is the difference between elementary school and gym?

They count more in elementary school.

What did Sherlock Holmes say when Dr. Watson asked him what grade an eight year-old was in?

Elementary, my dear Watson!

Trump visits an elementary school

Trump visits an elementary school to greet the students and teachers. He asks the students, what do you all want to be when you grow up?
A farmer, shouts one.
An astronaut, shouts another.
The President of the United States, confidently says a little girl.
Who said that, shouts Trump. The little girl raises her hand and he darts eyes at her. He begins to fume, are you joking? Are you brainless? Are you a complete m**...? Are you s**...? Are you an idiot?
The little girl, taken aback, says, on second thought, nevermind! That sounds like too many requirements!

Elementary joke, Trump visits an elementary school

jokes about elementary

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these elementary jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.