Element Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Element puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Element

Just saw two elementary school kids in a fistfight...

So as an adult, I had to step in.

They didn't stand a chance.

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word contagious . Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- Susan?

- I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!

- Very good. What about you, Johnny?

- Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it's gonna take the contagious!

An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.

She asks her class: Whoever feels stupid at times stand up!
After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly.
The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel stupid from time to time?
Little Johnny replies: No ma'am, it's just painful to see you standing all alone.

What elements make up life?

Lithium and Iron

How often do scientists check the element table?

Periodically...

Which element is most likely to surrender an electron?

Francium.

What is an office ninja's most deadly weapon?

The element of supplies

Go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby.

He'd be so freaked out that a baby is trying to murder him, you'll have the element of surprise.

Scientists have discovered the new element AH

The element of suprise

A professor makes a bet with a student

A professor makes a bet with a student. Every question the professor asks that the student can't answer the student will owe him $1, every question the student asks that the professor can't answer he owes the student $100.

Professor: What element has the atomic number 45?

The student having no idea hands the professor $1.

Student: What animal walks on 2 legs, sleeps on 4 legs, and runs on 3 legs?

The professor is stumped, so he gives the student $100.

Professor: Ok you win, but on earth was the answer to your question?

The student gives the professor $1 and goes home.

My boyfriend and I both drive Hondas.

He's got one of those boxy ones, and mine is a mid-size sedan. And neither of us has our own place, so we mostly end up just having sex inside the car. His is a little bigger, so we usually use his.

Recently, however, he's been wanting to experiment a little bit, and he's saying we should try some things out while having sex on top of his car, instead of inside it.

But if I'm gonna have sex with my boyfriend in a way that's out of his Element, it will have to be on my own Accord.

The elementary class was learning about addition...

The teacher asks little Johnny, "If I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"

Johnny thinks about it for a few seconds and says, "Seven."

The teacher says, "No, let's try again. Listen carefully. I give you two, Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more."

Johnny spends a few minutes thinking it out, and again says, "Seven."

The teacher says, "Let's try it another way. If I put two apples on your desk, then two more, and then two more, how many apples would you have?"

Johnny says, "Six."

The teacher says, "Good, now if I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"

Johnny again says, "Seven."

The teacher, obviously frustrated, yells at Johnny, "Why do you keep saying seven?!"

Johnny says, "Because... I've already got a cat!"

The Chinese have successfully tested their new Stealth Drones.

Not only will they be used in Recon and Combat missions but they will have the ability to drop vital equipment onto the battlefield.

They will have the element of supplies.

Breaking: scientists sneak up on periodic table

And add the element of surprise

Hear are sum morre punny science jokes

How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.

The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.

Chemistry puns Im in my element.

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Ion-estly cant think of anymore... All the good ones Argon!

Edit 1 just thought of this.

What does Barium Cobalt and Nitrogen make?
BaCoN

My favorite element is Helium

I can't speak highly enough of it

Chuck Norris joke cause it's been a long time.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

What's the most capable element?

Tin, because tin can.

An elementary school teacher is asking a student a Maths question

Teacher: "Ok, Jimmy. If I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?"

Jimmy: "Five!"

Teacher: "No, Jimmy. Let me ask you another way. If I give you two apples and I give you another two apples, how many apples would you have?"

Jimmy: "Four!"

Teacher: "Good, Jimmy! Now if I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?"

Jimmy: "Five!"

Teacher: "Jimmy! That is incorrect! Why are you answering with five?"

Jimmy: "Because I already have a cat!"

Which element of the Periodic Table is the poorest?

Antimony. ^I'm ^so ^sorry...

Figured this is an appropriate time to tell this. What is an Undertaker's favorite element?

Barium.

Why is North Korea going fail against America?

They lack the element of supplies

Copper is the only element that have eyes

Becuase it can Cu.

What's a pirate's favourite element?

Gold of course - what would a pirate want with argon?

What elements are a banana made out of?

BaNaβ‚‚

What does AH stand for in the Periodic Table?

The Element of Surprise

Why does nobody like the element Bi?

Because he's all up in your bismuth.

What kind of plant contains every known element?

A chemis-tree.

Datasheet of a Woman

Element | Woman

Symbol | ♀

Discoverer | Adam

Atomic Mass Β  | Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg

**Physical Properties:**

1. Body surface normally covered with a film of powder and paint
2. Boils at absolutely nothing - freezes with no apparent reason
3. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore.

**Chemical Properties:**

1. Reacts well to gold, platinum and all precious stones.
2. Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning
3. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man

**Hazards**

1. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.
2. Possession of more than one is possible but specimens must not make contact.

The periodic table just got one block smaller

Scientists now say Plutonium is not a real element

The bears in China discovered a new element...

It's Panda-monium

Why can't you scare a chemist?

...because they always lack the element of surprise...

If I was an element on the Periodic Table...

...I'd be a noble gas. I don't form bonds easily, if at all.

Element Jokes (CHEESY)

Two chemistry students are walking together.

The first student asks the second, "Can you tell me what the symbol for Potassium is?"

The second student replies, "K."

---

The two students are studying together after class.

"Do you remember the symbol for sodium?" the first student asks the second.

"Na," he replies.

---

The two students are working together again.

"Did you memorize the symbol for Nobelium?" the first asks the second.

"No," he tells him.

---

The second student is telling the first student about neptunium.

"Thanks for all the information you've given me," the first student says to the second.

"Np," the second student responds.

---

What's a sheep's favourite element?

Barium.

---

How do you make element soup?

Mix Sulfur, Oxygen, Uranium, and Phosphorus into boiling water and stir.

---

Do the Spanish love Silicon?

Si.

---

How do you sing the element song?

Just repeat "Lanthanum" over and over again.

---

What's Santa's favourite Christmas present to get?

3 atoms of Holmium.

What is Mike Tyson's favorite element?

None of your Bismuth

Scientists discovered a new element, and it shocked everyone.

It was the element of surprise.

I had to sell my Honda

Guess I am out of my element now

What happened to the guy who ingested lead?

It wasn't the lead that killed him, but rather the element of surprise.

Why did the element Fluorine get a copyright strike?

Because it was extremely reactive

A new element was just discovered that not even the greatest minds in the world could have prepared for...

It was the element of surprise!

I just noticed the Periodic Table has been updated recently. Welcome #119- "AH"!

The element of surprise!

An elementary teacher is talking about animals to her students...

Teacher: What does the chicken give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Very good. What does the pig give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Great! What does the cow give you?
Kids: Homework!

I never really liked chemistry...

There's always an element of surprise.

What is a hipster's favorite element?

Fe, because it's so ironic

So, an elementary teacher in Chicago is on her first day at the job...

To get to know her students, she asks "Hey, which of you guys love the White Sox?" and everyone but one of her students exitedly raises their hands.

So she asks the single student why he doesn't love the White Sox. And the kid replies "Uh, I dunno... my mother was a cheerleader for the Cubs, and my dad played for them, and they met that way... so, of course I love them?".

And the teacher says "Oh. But you don't have to love a team because of your parents. If your father was a random pimp and your mother was some crack-whore?".

"I guess then I'd be a White Sox fan...".

Why is the element Ah always so hard to find on the periodic table?

It's the element of surprise.

An elementary school student gets gum stuck in his hair...

So the nurse takes him to the science teacher and say "Can you get the gum out of his hair?"

The science teacher responds "Of course, its just a matter of having the right solvent."

An hour later the nurse asks the science teacher "Have any luck?"

The science teacher responds "Yes, here's the gum back."

What is an assassin's favorite element?

What is an assassin's favorite elem-
Surprise!
(it is much better when spoken, but I'm proud of it)

What is the least interesting element?

Boron

So this dude is like, "Where are you going with all that Element 83?"

and I was like "None of your bismuth"

Why are elements so important?

Because they matter

Why must aspiring ninjas study the periodic table?

To master the element of surprise! - haha happy Saturday πŸ™‚

What is a pirate's favourite element?

Aye. Ye might say aarrrrgon, but no, it's the element of surprise!

Did you hear the one about the Sexy element?

It was sodium fine

What's the flashes favorite element?

Barium

The most important element of public speaking?

Podium

Why can't any of the others elements ever get in touch with Sodium?

Because it's always NA.

Why does Kendrick Lamar like to roll past the police in a Honda?

Because they can't take him out his Element

I saw a burglar on the CCTV of my elements shop. He was taking gold, iodine, carbon, uranium, platinum, and three bottles of nitric oxide. I said over the tannoy....

'Au, I C U! NO NO NO!'


I didn't mention the Fifth Element because it was so overpriced and overhyped.

What do interested chemists and 12 year-old hackers have in common?

Inspect element

What is Michael Jackson's favorite element

He He

What's a weeb's favorite element?

Manga-nese

New (Periodic Table) Element

A new element added to the PERIODIC TABLE :

Name: Girl
Symbol: Gl
Atomic weight: Don't even dare to ask.

Physical properties:
1. Boils at any time,
2. Melts when handled with love and care,
3. very bitter when mishandled.

Chemical properties:
1. Very reactive,
2. Highly unstable,
3. Possesses high affinity to gold, platinum, diamond, branded clothes and other expensive items.

Nature:
1. Money reducing agent.
2. Volatile when left alone.

Occurrence:
Mostly found in front of the mirrors.

Which element is the top three?

Podium

What is the most mediocre element?

So-Sodium

What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously?

Silly-con!

What's after the last element on the periodic table

AH- the element of surprise

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes