electricity Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious electricity puns

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....

My boss asked what companies?

Gas, water and electricity.

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A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

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What did little Johnny's mother do when she caught him zapping the other children with static electricity?

She grounded him.

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I remember when my dad once gave me money to pay the electricity bill.

Instead, I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car. When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me.

But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the house door, parked outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried; especially me, because the car was from the electricity company and they were there to cut off the electricity, so my dad beat the crap out of me again.

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When I was a little kid, I was afraid of the dark.

But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.

I'm now afraid of light.

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Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle?

Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*

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Sarcasm is like electricity

Half of the world still doesn't get it!

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With great power comes great...

electricity bills

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If electricity always follows the path of least resistance

Why doesn't lightning only strike in France?

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What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?

"Shomething'sh Amish..."

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Mike Pence doesn't believe in science

But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables

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What did soviet russians use for lighting before they started using candles?

Electricity.

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Before candles, what did North Korean communists use to light their homes with?

Electricity.

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Fastest thing on Earth

4 guys are talking about what the fastest thing is. 1st guy says it's a thought. 2nd guy says it's the blink of an eye. 3rd guy says it's electricity. 4th guy says it's diarrhea, the other guys say, diarrhea? What are you talking about?
4th guy says, the other day before I could think, blink or turn on the light,I shit my pants.

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I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill, but instead I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car.

When i got home I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me. But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried especially me, because the car was from the electricity company, they were there to cut off the electricity, my dad beat the crap out of me again.

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My electricity bill was running suspiciously high

Had the power company send someone over. He found a wire tapped into my house running to a neighbor's. Watt do you know, a Joule thief lives next to my Ohm.

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If electricity always flows in the path of least resistance

Why doesn't lightning always strike in France?

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A man storms into his manager's office

and demands a raise. "And just so you know," he blusters, "three other companies are after me!"

"Is that so?" the manager says. "Which companies in particular?"

"The electricity company, the telephone company and the gas company."

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What did Russians used to light their houses with before candles?

Electricity.

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Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of her class.

Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of her class. It was the beginning of the new school year. Mrs. Flebs said, "ok class, we're going to go around the room and have everybody say a sentence. We'll start with Sarah."

Sarah said "cows have spots." Terrence said "baseball is a sport." Carla said "computers use electricity." Then, Johnny said "urinate." Mrs. Flebs responded by saying "Johnny, urinate is a word, not a sentence."

Little Johnny then said "not 'urinate', it's 'you're an eight', and if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten."

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What did communists use for light before candles?

Electricity.

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If electricity takes the path of least resistance...

why doesn't lightning only strike the country of France?

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3 rednecks are sitting around a fire...

The first one says, "My wife's stupid, she's so gosh-darn stupid... the other day she bought us one of them there washing machines, and we ain't even got no running water." Second one says, "Oh yeah, well my wife's stupid, she's so gosh-darn stupid... she bought us one of them there microwaves, and we ain't even got no electricity. " Third one says, "Oh yeah, well my wife's stupid, she's so gosh-darn stupid... the other night I was going through her purse and I found a box of condoms, and she ain't even got a penis!"

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Why are wires addicted to electricity?

They can't resist.

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If hydrolysis is splitting things with water and electrolysis is splitting things with electricity...

... What is analysis?

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Hillbilly Birth

Deep in the back woods of Eastern Kentucky, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, 'Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing!'


Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. 'Whoa there', said the doctor, 'Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think there's another one coming.'

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. 'Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!' Said the doctor.


Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby 'No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!' cried the doctor.


The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, 'You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?'

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My dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill...

I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car.
When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me.
But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried especially me, because the car was from the electricity company, they were there to cut off the electricity, my dad beat the crap out of me again

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How many congressmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

Doesn't really matter, they forgot to pass the electricity bill again.

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What did the blonde say after the lesson on electricity?

Watt?

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How to ask for a raise

Employee: Sir, I really need a salary increment, 4 companies are after me.


Boss: Which 4?


Employee: Electricity, Gas, Cable, Credit Card.

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A new source of electricity is found!

Lincoln is is infinitely rolling in his grave right now.

We can use that somehow.

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I opened my water and electricity bills at the same time.

I was shocked.

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A philosopher, an electrician and a redneck walk into a bar

And they started arguing what was the fastest thing ever:

- From my point of view - says the philosopher - it's the thought, it has gone through your mind before you even notice it!

- Well - Says the electrician - to me, it's electricity, the moment you turn the lights on, they're on! Boom! Immediately!

- I'm afraid you're wrong - claims the redneck - to me, diarrhea is the fastest thing in the world.

Both stare at the redneck dumbfoundedly - diarrhea?!

- Heck yes, just yesterday I had bad diarrhea and just before I even thought of turning on the bathroom light, I had already shit myself.

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Q. What did Zimbabweans do before candles?

A. They had electricity.

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There aren't many puns about electricity

I'd be shocked if I thought of one!

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What are the most funny Electricity jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Electricity? Well, here are the best Electricity dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Electricity pick up lines to share with friends.

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