...how incompetent I am as an electrician.
Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".
That I'm a horrible electrician.
... how bad I am as an electrician
The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here."
The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here."
The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer."
The other two ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?"
He replies, "So I can beat the hell out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us."
Sherlock Ohms
(sorry if this is repost, I thought of it in class)
A granny walks by. One of the electricians shouts at the granny:
— Hey grandma, can you hold that cable that's on the ground next to you for a bit, please?
The granny picks up the cable. The same electrician then states to the other:
— Told you it was the ground.
As they're working, an old woman walks by them. The first electrician calls out "Ma'am! Can you move that wire aside for us?"
She replies "Oh yes, deary", as she picks up the wire and moves it out of the sidewalk and strolls off.
The second electrician says to the first "I told you it wasn't live, moron."
I asked an old man why he was sitting by himself in a bar. He told me, "If you replace a light bulb, it doesn't mean that you're an electrician. If you fix a shoe, it doesn't mean that you're a cobbler. And, if you change your oil, it doesn't mean you're a mechanic. But, if you fuck one goat..."
*edit - I derp'd (your vs. you're)
3 unborn babies are in their mothers womb talking about what they want to be when they grow up. The first one says "I'll be a plumber so I can fix this leak in here." The second says "I'll be an electrician so I can get some lighting in here." The third one says "I want to be a hunter so the next time that weasel sticks his head in here I'll blast it off.
(Can't take credit for this, heard it a long time ago)
He said he couldn't resist.
There are triplets in a mothers womb, talking about what they want to do when they grow up.
The first triplet says "When I grow up, I will be an electrician, because it's too dark in here."
The second triplet says "When I grow up, I will be a plumber, because it's too wet in here."
The third triplet says, "When I grow up I want to be a boxer, so that I can beat up that bald guy who comes in here and spits on us all the time!"
A Jack Off All Trades
The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and
the charge."
The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician,
charged with
battery."
The judge winced and said, "Bailiff! Put
this man in a dry
cell!"
Because they hate shorts.
So I became an electrician.
..but I really want to become an electrician.
The Ohm Depot.
A not very good electrician...
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says, I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.
His second friend says, I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.
Paddy says, I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.
Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
No, I'm serious, Paddy says. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.
First guy says, "I'm sure my wife is having an affair with a plumber. Yesterday when I came home I found a lot of plumbing equipment under our bed that don't belong to me."
Second guy says, "I'm sure my wife is having an affair with an electrician. I came home yesterday to find an electrician's toolbox under our bed."
Third guy says, "You guys have it easy. My wife is having an affair with a horse!"
- "A horse?! How'd you find that out?"
- "Well, yesterday I came home to find a horse jockey hiding under our bed!"
Three triplets in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up.
The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here."
The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here."
The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer."
The other two ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?"
He replies, "So I can beat the hell out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us."
His wife asks, "wire you insulate?"
He replies, "watt's the problem, I'm ohm aren't I?"
Until I saw my first porno. Since then I can't decide if I want to be a plumber, electrician or the cable repair guy.
He died before he even knew watts up.
And suddenly the car stops. The first guy is a chemists and suggests it could be a chemical problem and that they may be out of gas, the second guy is an electrician and says he believes it could be something with the spark plugs and that they should check that, the third guy is a mechanic and says he thinks it could be the engine and that it needed to be looked at, the last guy is an IT worker and suggests that they all get out of the car, then back in, and shut the doors then try again.
Stop reading if you heard this one before. The dog sits at the bar, locks eyes with the bartender and wearily says "One beer, one shot, please."
The bartender says "Holy moly! A talking dog! You should be in the circus, buddy!"
The goldie says "Why? Do they need an electrician?"
Watt is love?
Baby don't hertz me.
Don't hertz me.
N-ohm-ore.
N-ohm-ore.
Current events
Boy, she could really light up a room!
1, it's a goddamn electrician, what'd you expect?
And they started arguing what was the fastest thing ever:
- From my point of view - says the philosopher - it's the thought, it has gone through your mind before you even notice it!
- Well - Says the electrician - to me, it's electricity, the moment you turn the lights on, they're on! Boom! Immediately!
- I'm afraid you're wrong - claims the redneck - to me, diarrhea is the fastest thing in the world.
Both stare at the redneck dumbfoundedly - diarrhea?!
- Heck yes, just yesterday I had bad diarrhea and just before I even thought of turning on the bathroom light, I had already shit myself.
The electrician knows where the ground is.
Watt?!
Ohm... Ohm...
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