electric Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious electric puns

How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.

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A murderer is to be executed by electric chair and the priests asks if he has any last request.

The man asks for the priest to hold his hand. Needless to say, the priest was shocked.

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Court decision: "I hereby find you guilty of clickbait, and sentence you to death by electric chair......

....what happens next will shock you."

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I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me...

He asked me which companies and I told him, "The gas, electric, and cable ones"

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An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an IT admin are in a car that won't start.

Electrical Engineer: "It has to be the battery. Let's check that."

Mechanical Engineer: "No, I think it's the engine. Let's check that instead."

IT Admin: "How about this? Let's all get out of the car and get back in."

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I told my boss 3 companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my present job.

He asked which 3 were interested. I said the gas, electric and cable.

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The court has decided you guilty of clickbait and has sentenced you to death by the electric chair...

... What happens next will shock you

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I'm so much in debt, I can't afford to pay my electric bill...

These are the darkest days of my life...

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I went to my boss at work and said, "I need a raise. Three other companies are after me."

He said, "Really? Which companies are after you?"

I said, "The electric company, the utilities company and the phone company."

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I built an electric fence around my property yesterday…

My neighbor is dead against it…

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I opened my water and electric bills simultaneously...

Needless to say, I was shocked.

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As a child, my dad gave me some money to go pay the electric bill. Instead, I used the money to buy a raffle ticket for a new truck.

I went home and told my dad what I had done, and he beat the crap out of me. But the next day when we woke up, my dad opened the door, and there in front of our house was a brand new truck. We all cried, but especially me, because the truck was from the electric company. They were there to shut off our power. My dad beat the crap out of me again.

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If electricity always follows the path of least resistance

Why doesn't lightning only strike in France?

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A priest asks the murderer at the electric chair....

-"Do you have any last requests? Β 

-"Yes,can you please hold my hand?"

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A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.

Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. Yes, replied the murderer. Will you hold my hand?

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Two electric windmills are standing in a field.

One turns to the other and asks "What kind of music do you like?" The second one replies "I'm a huge metal fan".

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My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.
Fast-forward to day of execution.
Guard straps him in.

Guard: "Any last requests?"
Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"
Guard: "The electric current is going to be started now, what happens next will shock you"

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Two electricians are up on a pole

A granny walks by. One of the electricians shouts at the granny:

β€” Hey grandma, can you hold that cable that's on the ground next to you for a bit, please?

The granny picks up the cable. The same electrician then states to the other:

β€” Told you it was the ground.

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Two Electricians Are Working On A Telephone Pole

As they're working, an old woman walks by them. The first electrician calls out "Ma'am! Can you move that wire aside for us?"

She replies "Oh yes, deary", as she picks up the wire and moves it out of the sidewalk and strolls off.

The second electrician says to the first "I told you it wasn't live, moron."

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An electrician, a cobbler, and a mechanic

I asked an old man why he was sitting by himself in a bar. He told me, "If you replace a light bulb, it doesn't mean that you're an electrician. If you fix a shoe, it doesn't mean that you're a cobbler. And, if you change your oil, it doesn't mean you're a mechanic. But, if you fuck one goat..."

*edit - I derp'd (your vs. you're)

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A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?

A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests? Β 


"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"

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I bought a new set of Electric Garden Trimmers.

They're cutting-hedge technology.

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My electricity bill was running suspiciously high

Had the power company send someone over. He found a wire tapped into my house running to a neighbor's. Watt do you know, a Joule thief lives next to my Ohm.

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You have been charged guilty for clickbait, and will now have to use the electric chair

What happens next will shock you

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If electricity always flows in the path of least resistance

Why doesn't lightning always strike in France?

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Sam walks into his boss's office.

Sir, I'll be straight with you, I know the economy isn't great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.

After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5 per cent raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave.

By the way , asks the boss as Sam is getting up, which three companies are after you?

The electric company, water company, and phone company , Sam replied.

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Two Jews die and wait outside the pearly gates.

While waiting they realise that they both survived the same concentration camp.

After some chatting, one says to the other: "remember that time when the guard pushed you onto the electric fence and you almost died?" A second of silence passes and suddenly they both start laughing hysterically.

Upon calming down the other Jew asks his new friend: "remember when that dog chased you for so long that you ended up exhausted and almost died of hunger?" Another second of silence passes and again, they both start laughing like crazy.

God, overhearing the conversation, approaches the old Jewish couple and asks them what's so funny about any of these events.

They both look up and say: "Oh you wouldn't understand, you just had to be there".

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Snow wife.

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"



With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

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A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father,may I ask a favor?'

'Of course child. What can I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for
me? Under your robes perhaps?

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her..

The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!

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Tesla is considering releasing a line of electric buses named after Egyptian gods.

It'll be A-new-bus.

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From my Botswanan friend

A man dies and goes to hell.

He finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.

He goes to Germany Hell and asks, 'What do they do here?'
... He is told 'first they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day'.
The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.

He checks out the USA Hell as well as the Russia Hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.

Then he comes to the BOTSWANA Hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, 'What do they do here?'

He is told 'first they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
The BOTSWANA devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.

'But, that is exactly the same as all the other hells why are there so many people waiting to get in?' asks the man.

Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work.
The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on.
And the BOTSWANA devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in;
signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business.'

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An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why...

He said he couldn't resist.

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Why do electricians wear pants?

Because they hate shorts.

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Criminal on the electric chair. The officer ask: Any last wishes?

The criminal: Please hold my hand...

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What's the best thing about having Parkinson's?

Never having to buy another electric toothbrush.

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What are the most funny Electric jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Electric? Well, here are the best Electric dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Electric pick up lines to share with friends.

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