Elections Jokes

Following is our collection of russia humor and democracy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Elections puns for adults, dirty elect jokes or clean voted gags for kids.

There is an abundance of reelection jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 38 funniest jokes on elections. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any candidates witze you can hear about elections.

The Best jokes about Elections

Oh man you know what my favorite thing about being Russian is?

Getting to vote in American elections.

If some part of your job feels utterly pointless, remember

Putin campaigned for the 2018 elections.

The last twenty five years have been a bizarre time to grow up.

For instance, i've lived through more 'Spiderman' re-boots than legitimate presidential elections.

Elections joke, The last twenty five years have been a bizarre time to grow up.

Why isn't NSA mass surveillance a hot topic in the US elections?

Because it's the only part of the govt that listens to the American people.

With elections coming soon, my coworker asked me who my favorite president was.

I said JFK, because he's so open-minded.


Russian Elections

Ministry of Russian election announcement: Elections of Vladimir Putin will commence as planned in 2018.

An old Greek man and an old Italian man are arguing.

The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"

The Italian says "We realized the challenge of direct elections and the benefit of the legislature, and thus created the Republic!"

The Greek man says "Yes, but we created beautiful architecture like the Parthenon!"

The Italian says "And we improved your building techniques, and used them to create aqueducts and structures that stood for centuries longer!"

The Greek man, frustrated, finally says "Ah, of course. But the Greeks, we INVENTED sex!"

The Italian man says "That may be true, but we introduced it to women."

Elections joke, An old Greek man and an old Italian man are arguing.

Old Egyptian joke

In Egypt, the election system used to be that people would vote yes or no to the current president to determine wether elections were going to happen or not. The day before the polls everyone would hang signs saying yes to the president. But one man decides to vote no.


Later that night, the man cannot not sleep and fears he might have made the wrong decision. So the next day he goes to the poll workers

"I believe I have voted for the wrong option yesterday," he says. "I want to change my vote to a yes"

The poll worker smiles at him and says:

"No problem we corrected it for you but don't do it again!"

So a Jew, a blonde, and a Narcissistic billionaire walks into a bar...

Then the bartender says: These presidental elections are starting to seem like a joke.

How do you stop the Russians from interfering your country's elections?

Bring in the Olympic drug-testers.

The Alabama Senate elections are in! And even though it was tight,

Roy Moore came in a little behind.


A man is dispatched by the UN to investigate the quality of the democracy in China.

Upon arrival, he has a meeting with the chinese president. He asks the president:

Do you have elections?

The president seems somewhat uncomfortable but answers:

Evely molning

A Jew, a woman, and a racist walk into a bar.

The bartender says "I bet you thought this was going to be about the elections, didn't you?"

An American and a Russian freeze themselves for a 100 years

....taking a bet whose country will be doing better in the future. So they enter the cryo chamber and go to sleep. When they wake up, they buy a newspaper. The Russian takes it and as he reads the headline, he starts smiling.
"The communist party wins the U.S. Elections for the fifth time in a row"

Furious, the American grabs the paper and skims through. Suddenly he starts laughing, so the Russian asks "what could you find? I obviously won!"

The American hands him the paper and points to an article which reads

"Repeated conflicts on the Chinese-Polish border"

My mother-in-law can murder any joke.

After the 2000 Presidential elections with the multiple vote recounts in Florida, she came home and told us the funniest joke she had just heard:

Have you seen the new Texas quarter?



You count it five times!

What TV show can you compare to the 2016 US presidential elections?

Orange is the new black.

Elections joke, What TV show can you compare to the 2016 US presidential elections?

The Chinese have the best Democracy in the World

They have tiny elections every few hours.
;) if you know what I mean

The papal elections came down to two contenders:

Cardinal Koch and Cardinal Sea. The votes were tallied and Cardinal Koch won by 1 vote. However, moments later, Koch suffered a massive heart attack.

The Dean came out of the room where they took Koch. He looked at the assembled cardinals. They asked, Will we have Pope Koch? . The Dean shook his head and said, Koch is gone, is Pope Sea ok?

On my TV I can see plenty of zombies, cartoon characters, and religious hucksters.

I guess the elections are coming up soon!


So, yeah. The Russians might be meddling in the elections...

at least they will not be medaling in the Olympics.

If you meddle in other countries elections and get caught …..

…. Maybe next time you should ***Putin*** more effort to hide it.

I went to the local library

And found out that the post apocalyptic section has been shifted to current affairs after the us elections 2016

According to a recent national poll, American's least favourite colour is...

Brown.

(Poll conducted by the Federal Elections Commission)

UK ELECTIONS UPDATE

It's post election fever in the UK.
And the British ladies are more confused than ever!
They are Conservative in the day, Liberal at night and nine months later in LabourπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

A day before the elections Hillary tells Bill: "You know, tomorrow there will be two presidents in one bed."

Next day Bill asks Hillary: "So.. do I wait Trump here or should I go over to his place?"

Putin decides to remain president for life...

...because too many people die during elections.

For the next election I am going to vote for the NSA

Because they listen to the voters even after the elections.

Asian politicians

Asian politicians are hornier than any other politicians because...


Western politicians have elections while Asian politicians have erections.

I was going to vote in the primary, but I got to the polling place late...

....and I just had to sit in my car until my favorite song, "Tom Sawyer," ended.

But by the time I exited the vehicle, it was too late for me to enter the polling place. I'm really frustrated because it's not the first time that has happened to me.

I'm so sick of Rush's interference in our elections!

what did the kid say when asked about elections?

If they last more than 4 hours, you need to call a doctor.

I keep hearing about how the Washington Redskins name is offensive. Well, if they really want to be offensive, they should change their name to the Riggers.

You know, because politicians rig elections.

If Americans cared about elections like they care about American Idol,

we would still end up with celebrity idiots in government.

What's the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?

News of the elections is getting old.

If the US elections were a series, what would be the title of it's latest season finale?

Orange is the new black.

What did the democrats say after the mid-term elections?

Trump that.

Why do libertarians never win elections?

Most of the people who would vote for them aren't of legal voting age

Heard the one about the Russian hacker meddling in US elections?

The FBI agent monitoring your phone is going to love it!

One letter can change the entire meaning

"I have no elections left to run" - Obama
"I have no erections left to rub" - Clinton

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes