Heartwarming Elections Jokes that Make You Laugh
For the next election I am going to vote for the NSA
Because they listen to the voters even after the elections.
The Chinese have the best Democracy in the World
They have tiny elections every few hours.
;) if you know what I mean
I keep hearing about how the Washington r**... name is offensive. Well, if they really want to be offensive, they should change their name to the Riggers.
You know, because politicians rig elections.
On my TV I can see plenty of zombies, cartoon characters, and religious hucksters.
I guess the elections are coming up soon!
Asian politicians
Asian politicians are hornier than any other politicians because...
Western politicians have elections while Asian politicians have erections.
One letter can change the entire meaning
"I have no elections left to run" - Obama
"I have no erections left to rub" - Clinton
If there's an upset in the 2018 Russian Presidential elections, I'll never dine with a Russian again.
They can't stop talking about going Putin-free.
what did the kid say when asked about elections?
If they last more than 4 hours, you need to call a doctor.
So a Jew, a blonde, and a Narcissistic billionaire walks into a bar...
Then the bartender says: These presidental elections are starting to seem like a joke.
What's the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?
News of the elections is getting old.
With elections coming soon, my coworker asked me who my favorite president was.
I said JFK, because he's so open-minded.
You can explore elections democracy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean elections election day dad jokes. There are also elections puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why isn't NSA mass surveillance a hot topic in the US elections?
Because it's the only part of the govt that listens to the American people.
A Jew, a woman, and a racist walk into a bar.
The bartender says "I bet you thought this was going to be about the elections, didn't you?"
There were elections in the United States.
Tom Hanks went to cast his vote. As soon as he came out of the polling booth after doing so, everyone started applauding. Why?
It was a vote of T. Hanks.
America's options in 2016 elections:
1. Person who is okay with b**... people.
2. Person who is really looking forward to b**... people.
If the US elections were a series, what would be the title of it's latest season finale?
Orange is the new black.
So far Hillary Clinton has lost 2 elections over the course of her political career
Well, go figure. You can't spell "Hillary" without 2 L's
I went to the local library
And found out that the post apocalyptic section has been shifted to current affairs after the us elections 2016
For the 2028 US presidential elections, an honest candidate with sensible policy and a clean track record is nominated as a party candidate.
... yup, that's the joke. That's all.
A day before the elections Hillary tells Bill: "You know, tomorrow there will be two presidents in one bed."
Next day Bill asks Hillary: "So.. do I wait Trump here or should I go over to his place?"
The last twenty five years have been a bizarre time to grow up.
For instance, i've lived through more 'Spiderman' re-boots than legitimate presidential elections.
According to a recent national poll, American's least favourite colour is...
Brown.
(Poll conducted by the Federal Elections Commission)
UK ELECTIONS UPDATE
It's post election fever in the UK.
And the British ladies are more confused than ever!
They are Conservative in the day, Liberal at night and nine months later in Labour😂😂
What TV show can you compare to the 2016 US presidential elections?
Orange is the new black.
Russian Elections
Ministry of Russian election announcement: Elections of Vladimir Putin will commence as planned in 2018.
The Alabama Senate elections are in! And even though it was tight,
Roy Moore came in a little behind.
They've only just ruled in favour of gay marriage in Australia
Now they're already having bi elections
How do you stop the Russians from interfering your country's elections?
Bring in the Olympic drug-testers.
So, yeah. The Russians might be meddling in the elections...
at least they will not be medaling in the Olympics.
If you meddle in other countries elections and get caught …..
…. Maybe next time you should ***Putin*** more effort to hide it.
Putin decides to remain president for life...
...because too many people die during elections.
If some part of your job feels utterly pointless, remember
Putin campaigned for the 2018 elections.
If Americans cared about elections like they care about American Idol,
we would still end up with celebrity idiots in government.
Heard the one about the Russian hacker meddling in US elections?
The FBI agent monitoring your phone is going to love it!
Why do libertarians never win elections?
Most of the people who would vote for them aren't of legal voting age
My mother-in-law can m**... any joke.
After the 2000 Presidential elections with the multiple vote recounts in Florida, she came home and told us the funniest joke she had just heard:
Have you seen the new Texas quarter?
You count it five times!
What did the democrats say after the mid-term elections?
Trump that.
The papal elections came down to two contenders:
Cardinal Koch and Cardinal Sea. The votes were tallied and Cardinal Koch won by 1 vote. However, moments later, Koch suffered a massive heart attack.
The Dean came out of the room where they took Koch. He looked at the assembled cardinals. They asked, Will we have Pope Koch? . The Dean shook his head and said, Koch is gone, is Pope Sea ok?
A man is dispatched by the UN to investigate the quality of the democracy in China.
Upon arrival, he has a meeting with the chinese president. He asks the president:
Do you have elections?
The president seems somewhat uncomfortable but answers:
Evely molning
I was going to vote in the primary, but I got to the polling place late...
....and I just had to sit in my car until my favorite song, "Tom Sawyer," ended.
But by the time I exited the vehicle, it was too late for me to enter the polling place. I'm really frustrated because it's not the first time that has happened to me.
I'm so sick of Rush's interference in our elections!
Oh man you know what my favorite thing about being Russian is?
Getting to vote in American elections.
The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections.
Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.
It's that time of the year when many Americans go around in public pretending to be something they're not, with many choosing to appear as monsters and ghouls. But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.
But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.
I was going to post a joke about free and fair elections....
But I'm not sure the Americans will get it.
Americans are so s**..., it takes them a week to get the results.
We in Russia get results 20 years before the elections.
I wish my college professors graded papers like Trump 'wins' elections
\*Professor grading my test\*
Well he got the first couple questions right looks like I can stop grading the rest.
The U.S. election results delay is pathetic
In Egypt, we know who won before the elections.
What is the only thing that if you fix you make it worse?
Elections
Elections
If the Republicans win the midterms, I will leave the United States.
If the Democrats win the midterms, I will leave the United States
This is not about politics, I just want to travel.
