Election Vote Jokes
70 election vote jokes and hilarious election vote puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about election vote that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Election Vote Short Jokes
Short election vote jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The election vote humour may include short election results jokes also.
- COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.
- Oh man you know what my favorite thing about being russian is? Getting to vote in American elections.
- The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections. Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.
- Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious
- Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for hillary clinton this election She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
- Covid is not a joke and should be taken seriously A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards, he wrongly believed he'd won an election he actually lost by millions of votes.
- I think I'll vote the NSA for president... ...because at least they'll listen to the voters even after the election.
- I Hear that Russia is so mad about the US airstrike in syria That they are seriously considering voting democratic in the next election.
- Putin recently won the election with about 77 percent of the vote, Over the next few weeks Russia will see a 23 percent population decrease.
- With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say Make America Great Britain again!
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Election Vote One Liners
Which election vote one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with election vote? I can suggest the ones about election day and voting.
- As they say during election season in Transylvania... Every Count Votes
- I'm nineteen and won't vote in this upcoming election. Here's why: I'm Swedish
- Why was Vladimir Putin sad? No one voted for him in the last election.
- Chuck Norris doesn't vote.
He elects! - Why was it i**... to vote for Trump in the 2020 election? It was strictly forbiden.
Election Vote Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about election vote you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean popular vote jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make election vote pranks.
A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech.
Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city."
"Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."
For the next election I am going to vote for the NSA
Because they listen to the voters even after the elections.
What's the difference between voting in an election and finding a girlfriend?
When you're voting, you pick the politician that s**... the least
Indian Election Joke...
How can you get one million Indian youths into a polling(voting) booth at the same time?
Tell them there's a Call Center Job Inside!
Two opposing candidates for county office...
... happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.
One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."
"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."
Everybody should be free to vote in a general election. Everybody should be free to vote in the X factor.
Nobody should be able to vote in both.
Using a pencil to vote in the 2015 General Election...
As safe an option as letting Jimmy Saville volunteer in a Kids Hospital.
Jeb says hes good at fixing things and I don't doubt him...
People who voted in Florida during the 2000 presidential election know what I'm *talkin* about.
In the latest federal North Korean election, Kim Jung Un won 100% of the vote.
A landslide victory against his sole competitor: "*Or else*".
An average American voter walks into a bar ...
... and sees Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton huddled together at the end of the bar, whispering to one another. Intrigued, the voter approaches the pair and asks them what they are doing.
"We're planning the 2016 election," brags Trump.
"What's going to be different about it this year?" the voter asks.
"Well," Clinton replies, "We're going to rig the vote count and put me in office, as well as delete a few of my emails."
"What's so important about these emails that they've got to be deleted?" inquires the voter, eyeing the two suspiciously.
"See!" Clinton exclaims, turning towards Trump, "I told you no one would care if we rigged the election."
There were elections in the United States.
Tom Hanks went to cast his vote. As soon as he came out of the polling booth after doing so, everyone started applauding. Why?
It was a vote of T. Hanks.
Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump
Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential Election, because the last time a Clinton was in office, it left a bad taste in her mouth.
I've never voted for the winner in the U.S. Presidential election, and this year I'm voting for...
...the American people.
To teach my kids about the election I let them vote for dinner.
They voted for pizza so I made tacos to teach them their vote doesn't matter anyway.
My life long Republican grandfather voted Democrat for the first time this election.
He died 2 years ago. We miss you Pappy.
United States once again votes for a minority President!
Donald J Trump is believed to be the first orange President to be elected in the history of the United States.
How do you count your vote on a broken machine?
Use Twitter. as of 2016, It will win every election.
Mahogany was competing with oak and maple in the wood election.
Nobody got a majority in the electric collage. However, oak narrowly beat out maple in the poplar vote.
If the voting recount flips the outcome of the election, I have the perfect guy to call Trump and tell him that he's no longer going to be President...
Steve Harvey.
"I have to apologize.....the 1st runner-up, is Trump. The next President of the United States is...Hillary Clinton!"
*DEEP INHALE*
"***WRONG***"
Donald Trump says the only reason he lost the popular vote is because 3 million undocumented immigrants voted in the election
He knows this because thats how many of his employees asked him for the day off.
How many Puerto Rican voters have to die before Trump decides to save one?
All of them. Puerto Ricans can't vote in the presidential election....
One year anniversary edition: What do you call someone who lost an election by 2 million votes?
Mr. President.
A vegan, a bitcoin trader, and someone who didn't vote in 2016 election all walk into a bar
Who tells you about it first?
I was voted most likely to succeed in high school
Oh really, I was voted most likely to rig a school election
It was just announced that President Putin won the election with 75% of people voting for him;
I voted for Hillary, so don't blame me.
Putin's top official comes to him after the election...
"You won with 99% of the vote! Only 1% if Russia voted against you! What more could you want?" The officer said overjoyed.
Putin stared at him. "Their names."
Vladimir Putin receives a phone call from his assistant after the election...
"Good morning, Mr. Putin. I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that your adversary has taken 61% of the vote. The good is, you've taken more."
Putin is sitting at his desk, waiting upon the results of the recent election
An election official walks in and announces himself.
"Mr. Putin, I have good news and bad news. Which would you prefer to hear first?"
"Let me hear the good news first", Putin says.
"Okay, good news is that you've won the election! Congratulations!"
"And the bad news?"
"Nobody voted for you."
A man jumps into a lion's cage to save a 5 year old boy by punching the lion in the nose
Soon, reporters are on the scene.
"Why don't you tell us a bit more about yourself"
"Well, I'm currently a stockbroker, but I got out of the Army only two years ago"
"What do you do for fun"
"I'm an avid fisherman, and I teach rifle safety classes for the NRA"
"Who'd you vote for in the last election"
"Trump."
The next day, the headline reads:
*GUN TOTING RIGHT WING CRAZY REPUBLICAN CRAZED VETERAN CAPITALIST PUNCHES AN AFRICAN IMMIGRANT IN THE FACE, STEALS HIS LUNCH*
Bush cheated using voting machines in Florida during the 2000 election
He s**... with the Al Gore rhythm.
There once was a woman named Ricity Thompson.
She was a successful politician, eventually becoming a popular presidential candidate. People were enthusiastic about her campaign, many chanting for her to be elected. Her opponent, Geoffrey McDonald, was also popular, and it was tough to say who would become the POTUS. Until that fateful November afternoon: the votes were tallying up, more than had ever been seen. The voting machine couldn't process all the information. Overloaded, it began to malfunction, releasing an electric bolt that hit McDonald square in the chest. Indeed, in the end, his downfall was elect Ricity.
A midget got elected mayor yet no one recalled voting for him.
He had friends in high places
Despite the fact she is a Democrat, Monica Lewinsky decided to vote for Trump in the last election...
....she said to her friend, "I'd like to vote for Hillary, but the last Clinton left a very foul taste in my mouth."
On Election Day, here's a little tip that I learned in high school civics class:
Vote for option C every time, and you'll get at least 75% correct.
Why do libertarians never win elections?
Most of the people who would vote for them aren't of legal voting age
My mother-in-law can m**... any joke.
After the 2000 Presidential elections with the multiple vote recounts in Florida, she came home and told us the funniest joke she had just heard:
Have you seen the new Texas quarter?
You count it five times!
Two pirates were aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge discussing the upcoming pirate captain's election
One says to the other: "Arrr matey, I'll give ye my clear glass eye if ye give me yer vote for captain tomorrow."
The other considers the proposal for a moment, then squeezes his fake wooden eye out of its socket, throws it overboard, spits on his hand and offers it to the first pirate.
"Arrr, an Aye for an eye it is, then."
I can't believe they're considering an all mail election...
...females worked so hard to get voting rights
The papal elections came down to two contenders:
Cardinal Koch and Cardinal Sea. The votes were tallied and Cardinal Koch won by 1 vote. However, moments later, Koch suffered a massive heart attack.
The Dean came out of the room where they took Koch. He looked at the assembled cardinals. They asked, Will we have Pope Koch? . The Dean shook his head and said, Koch is gone, is Pope Sea ok?
Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter tp be president?
Because they didnt want to Elect Ron
I've decided that I will not vote in the next election for the following reasons, please hear me out.
I'm 14
I was going to vote in the primary, but I got to the polling place late...
....and I just had to sit in my car until my favorite song, "Tom Sawyer," ended.
But by the time I exited the vehicle, it was too late for me to enter the polling place. I'm really frustrated because it's not the first time that has happened to me.
I'm so sick of Rush's interference in our elections!
Joke from my Russian friend about the last presidential election:
Advisor: Putin! I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Putin: The good news of course.
Advisor: You won the election!
Putin: So then whats the bad news?
Advisor: No one voted for you.
Why i love being Russian
I get to vote in the US election
FYI: I am actually British and never have stepped foot in Russia
It's 294 days after the US Election...
...Biden has progressed to 269.99 electoral votes, and Nevada has discovered 26 million uncounted postal votes that were discovered on 'Storage Wars'. More updates coming soon.
Breaking News: Supreme court has ruled that basic intelligence tests for Election voting is Discriminatory.
The judge said that it is unfair to block all Republicans from voting.
On the Sherrifs Wife's Death Bed
On her death bed, the Sheriff's wife confesses that she cheated on him three times, but swears it was always for a good reason. He asks what happened, and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for free?" He says yes, and forgives her. "And the second time, do you remember when our boy got a DUI, and the judge let him off with probation?" He says yes, and forgives her. "And last, do you remember when the polls had you about a hundred votes shy of winning the election for Sheriff?"
Did you hear about the results of the recent Ent election?
The alder statesman will remain at the elm, despite losing the poplar vote.
A vegan bitcoin investor who does CrossFit and didn't vote in the 2016 election walks into a bar.
Now everyone's wondering what he's gonna bring up first.
In Afghanistan, they've made it i**... to count the votes cast in any election.
It's the Tally Ban.