Election Jokes

What are some Election jokes?

"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"

"Mister President, we've been over this..."

Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote

Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious

Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?

Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election

She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth

Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

Because everytime they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle

What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless?

2nd place in a presidential election.

No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic.

We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.

With all this media coverage about the clowns...

I'll be so glad when the election is over.

Hillary's mad at Satan

Hillary: Satan! We had a deal! Where's the election victory that you promised me?

Satan: Where's the soul that you said you had?

Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

Trump Advisor: "You should't have called Putin to congratulate him on winning a sham election...."

Trump: "Why not? He called to congratulate me!"

Election Day Drinking Game:

Every time Donald Trump is elected President, we all drink and just never stop.

I think I'll vote the NSA for president...

...because at least they'll listen to the voters even after the election.

I Hear that Russia is so mad about the US airstrike in syria

That they are seriously considering voting democratic in the next election.

If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.

Putin recently won the election with about 77 percent of the vote,

Over the next few weeks Russia will see a 23 percent population decrease.

Doctor's orders for more peace in your life

A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives after this election, we should always finish things we start. Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished.

I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. Yu has no idr how fablus I feel rite now.

As a Hilary supporter in Colorado, I'm still happy with the outcome of the election.

Since proposition 106 passed I can legally kill myself now that trump won.

Trump called Putin to congratulate him on winning the election.

Putin said, 'Thanks, but why have you waited for over a year?

I really don't think Roy Moore will win the Alabama Senate election.

He'll probably come in a little behind.

With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say

Make America Great Britain again!

Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election

She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.

"Ugh, I hate this time of month," she said. "It's like I've got the 2000 election in my pants..."

"'cuz there's Bush and there's Gore."

[OC] NSFW

BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump does not accept presidential election...

Says he doesn't want to move into an estate which previously had black tenants.

Sleeping with POTUS

The night before the election, Mitt Romney was very confident & told his Wife Ann; "...this time tomorrow night, you'll be sleeping with the
President of the United States". After Mitt's concession speech, they headed to bed. Ann was getting undressed when she asked,.."...so how does this work? Is Barrack coming over here or I'm supposed
to go over there?"

This Election Day will be like a dinner date with Bill Cosby.

When you wake up, you just know something bad happened.

Obama walks into a bar.....

Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.

Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"

"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."

"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago?"

"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."

"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"

"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."

Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:

"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.

Hillary and Trump tie in the election...

And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn.
Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds.
Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20.
The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks "9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"
The moderator says "No, Bush did 9:11".

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Election

It's almost as if he doesn't understand that no means no!

Election Day was the perfect day to go see Doctor Strange...

I got to experience a scary bizarro world were sanity was cast aside and the laws of nature were twisted to the breaking point, and I also went to a movie.

To teach my kids about the election I let them vote for dinner.

They voted for pizza so I made tacos to teach them their vote doesn't matter anyway.

With so many Americans upset with the candidates in the upcoming Presidential election, we should look on the bright side ...

... and please let me know what it is when you've found it.

Before leaving for the convention center on Election night, Hilary told Bill: "Tonight, for the first time in history, America will finally have two presidents sleeping with each other"...

When she got home, Bill was already eagerly waiting in bed, and he said:

"Is Trump on his way or should I drive to his place?"

Only a few weeks left before Election Day in the US and I am still undecided...

...if I should move to Canada or New Zealand.

Putin's top official comes to him after the election...

"You won with 99% of the vote! Only 1% if Russia voted against you! What more could you want?" The officer said overjoyed.

Putin stared at him. "Their names."

It's looking like Hillary is definitely going to win the election

I think I might move to Benghazi, at least she'll leave me alone there.

If a Republican candidate who is hated by the GOP establishment and loathed by half the country just won the election...

...maybe Hillary should consider running as a Republican!

Before the election, I told myself that I would leave the country if Trump got elected.

Well, I did it, and it only took 11 months for the immigration officials to find me.

On the bright side of the election

There hasn't been a presidential assassination in a while.

Millions of children are being inspired by seeing their first presidential election.

If a misogynistic con artist and a lying criminal can run for president, then so can that kid eating dirt on the playground.

With elections coming soon, my coworker asked me who my favorite president was.

I said JFK, because he's so open-minded.

The winner of tonight's election is...

the Voyager space probe which is currently traveling at 62,137 km per hour away from the Earth into interstellar space.

Putin recently won the Russian election with a 76.6% majority...

Oddly enough 23.4% of Russian citizens were found poisoned a few days afterwards

A vegan, a bitcoin trader, and someone who didn't vote in 2016 election all walk into a bar

Who tells you about it first?

Putin is sitting at his desk, waiting upon the results of the recent election

An election official walks in and announces himself.

"Mr. Putin, I have good news and bad news. Which would you prefer to hear first?"

"Let me hear the good news first", Putin says.

"Okay, good news is that you've won the election! Congratulations!"

"And the bad news?"

"Nobody voted for you."

Two opposing candidates for county office...

... happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.

One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."

"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."

A lot of people keep saying to me Trump cheated the election.

Well, honestly we shouldn't be Russian to collusion's.

Everybody should be free to vote in a general election. Everybody should be free to vote in the X factor.

Nobody should be able to vote in both.

In the latest federal North Korean election, Kim Jung Un won 100% of the vote.

A landslide victory against his sole competitor: "*Or else*".

Russian Elections

Ministry of Russian election announcement: Elections of Vladimir Putin will commence as planned in 2018.

Woohoo! Donald Trump won the presidential election!

As a Clinton voter I'm not happy that he won, just happy that I'm not Mexican

With the election coming close, I trust Bill Clinton the most...

He always picked someone other than Hillary, so I will too.

Democrats have been really angry over the 2016 election results

The last time Democrats were THIS angry is when the Republicans took their slaves away

If Hillary won the election she would have become the first F president.

I said F because someone deleted the emale.

A joke from Korea

"Americans are saying that in 2016, they will either have their first woman president, or their first insane president.

Like what's the big deal? Korea did both in one election cycle back in 2012"

I kinda want Hillary to win the US election

Just for the sheer irony of her sitting at the desk Monica was under.

[Russian Joke] What will the results of the next election be?

No one knows! The results were stolen from the Politburo just last night!

Trumps election win is like his erection

He keeps on telling us that it was large, magnificent, and very hard. But we all know it was small, pathetic, and needed a little assistance to happen.

As a brown person in the US...

People would yell at me to get out of their country and I would get offended and feel attacked.

After election 2016, I just reply, "thanks for the concern! You should too!"

Not sure if this is the right place to post, but after the US election results from last night, I need help creating a new dating website. It will help desperate American men and women find love in Canada.

It'll be called ehHarmony

After winning the election, Donald Trump has already started with his racist agenda...

He's already kicking a black family out of their own home.

When Roy Moore lost the election he went straight to the liquor store.

He heard they had a 14-year-old Brandy.

Civil war

To all of the Hillary supporters who are unhappy with the election and would like to start a civil war, just remember, you are on the side that doesn't want any guns.

What do Ted Cruz and an impotent Japanese man have in common?

Neither can achieve an election

An average American voter walks into a bar ...

... and sees Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton huddled together at the end of the bar, whispering to one another. Intrigued, the voter approaches the pair and asks them what they are doing.

"We're planning the 2016 election," brags Trump.

"What's going to be different about it this year?" the voter asks.

"Well," Clinton replies, "We're going to rig the vote count and put me in office, as well as delete a few of my emails."

"What's so important about these emails that they've got to be deleted?" inquires the voter, eyeing the two suspiciously.

"See!" Clinton exclaims, turning towards Trump, "I told you no one would care if we rigged the election."

Why would Donald Trump want to lose the election?

Winning means he'd need to live in a smaller house in a black neighborhood

Despite the fact she is a Democrat, Monica Lewinsky decided to vote for Trump in the last election...

....she said to her friend, "I'd like to vote for Hillary, but the last Clinton left a very foul taste in my mouth."

To silence her critics who hail her as Satan, Hillary is set to launch a new post-apocalyptical video game after winning the election!

It's called President Evil.

Congratulations to Justin Trudeau on the results of the Canadian Election

He always did want to be a minority.

What are you called when you're rich and in a hurry to rig the U.S. election?

A Russian Oligarch.

Why is Roy Moore so mad about the election anyways?

He normally likes coming in a little behind.

Hillary Clinton says to the Devil, "What happened? You promised me that I'd win the election?"

The Devil replies, "Yeah, and you promised me a soul."

This year's presidential election shares the same tagline as the 2004 movie "Alien versus Predator".

"Whoever wins... We lose."

Election One-Liner

Looks like the Democrats were holding strong in the Midwest until the republicans got off work..

How to make Election jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Election to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Election? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Election pick up lines to share with friends.

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