Election Day Jokes
37 election day jokes and hilarious election day puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about election day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Election Day Short Jokes
Short election day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The election day humour may include short voting day jokes also.
- Election Day Drinking Game: Every time Donald Trump is elected President, we all drink and just never stop.
- A little girl asked her Dad one day, Dad, do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time?' Her Dad replied, No honey, some of them begin with 'If I'm elected.'
- This Election Day will be like a dinner date with Bill Cosby. When you wake up, you just know something bad happened.
- Only a few weeks left before Election Day in the US and I am still undecided... ...if I should move to Canada or New zealand.
- Putin recently won the Russian election with a 76.6% majority... Oddly enough 23.4% of Russian citizens were found poisoned a few days afterwards
- In a historic day for Canada, Ontario held a Provincial Election on the same day the Senate passed the Cannabis Legalization Act. Turnout was high.
- UK ELECTIONS UPDATE It's post election fever in the UK.
And the British ladies are more confused than ever!
They are Conservative in the day, Liberal at night and nine months later in Labour😂😂 - We have essentially Elected 4chan for the 45th president of the United States. This is a day that will go down in Infameme.
- How did i know for sure global warming was real? On the day Trump got elected over 50 million snowflakes melted at once.
- Why Donald Trump might win the election but resign on the first day? He finds out he has to move in to a small house in a black neighborhood!
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Uplifting Election Day Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about election day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean election jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make election day pranks.
Q: Why weren't the Republicans behind the verdict in the Saddam Hussein Trial a couple of days before the 2006 Midterm Elections?
A: Because they were so busy fixing the price on oil!
The Secret Society of Body Doubles
Deep underground in Cuba, there is a society that acted as Castro's body doubles when need came to it.
One day, Castro's chief advisor comes to the society during their meeting, and says that the palace where Castro was staying was bombed. Immediately, there was a huge panic between the men, most of whom had this as their only job.
The advisor says, "I have good news and bad news, which would you like to hear first." The men elect to hear the good news.
"Well, the good news is that Castro is still alive and is out of harm's way." Almost immediately, there is a huge sigh of relief all around, followed by lots of cheering. They then ask the advisor for the bad news. "The bad news," said the advisor, " Is that during the b**..., he lost an arm."
Rabbi and Priest
A Catholic Priest and a Jewish Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and the future. "What position do you see yourself in a couple years from now?" asked the Rabbi to the Priest. "Well, actually, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest. "Yes, and then what?" ask the Rabbi. "Well, I could become Arch-Bishop," said the Priest. "Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi. "Well, if I work real hard and do a good job as Arch-Bishop, it's possible to become a full Bishop" said the Priest. "Okay, then what?" continued the Rabbi. The Priest, beginning to be a bit exasperated replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal." "And then?" continued the Rabbi. The Priest is really starting to get frustrated, but replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right place at the right time and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope." "Yes, and then what?" continued the Rabbi. "Good grief!" shouted the Priest, "What do you expect me to become, God?" "Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"
Bing Crosby
A long time ago, back in the autumn of 1952, when Bing Crosby was
filming the movie "White Christmas" in New Hampshire, the Mayor of
Nashua, NH thought it would be a great idea to have Bing visit their
fair town & present him with the key to the city on the steps of City
Hall. You know, a nice little photo op for the mayor's re-election &
a
way for some of the town's dignitaries to meet the Great Bing Crosby.
Now one as to remember, Bing Crosby at this time was at the peak of his singing career. He was bigger than Elvis, the Beatles, Sinatra, Lady GaGa & the Beach Boys all put together. He crossed generational lines, admired by young & old as one of the "coolest cats" in the music world.
Well, word leaked out that Bing would be in town so hundreds of
teenagers skipped school to attend the little ceremony. The
authorities were not prepared for such a large crowd, there were only a few policemen present, and things soon got out of hand. Pushing &
shoving began as the teenagers all wanted to get closer to see their hero. It soon looked like the Mayor was going to a have a riot on his hands and he was growing more frantic by the minute. All he wanted was a nice little ceremony with Bing and now he had a full fledged uprising threatening to ruin everything.
Throughout all this Bing was seated in his chair, calmly observing
what was happening. When the crowd started to push through the barricades that were set up, he had had enough. Bing got up, strolled to the microphone & said in a commanding voice, "All right, everyone cool down right now"! The rioting crowd immediately calmed down and the Mayor's little ceremony went on without a hitch & everyone went home happy.
The next day's newspaper headline read: CROSBY STILLS NASHUA YOUNG!!
Annual Snail Racing Day
It was annual snail racing day and so, all the snails elected Snail B to judge while Snails J, P and O help set up the course. All the other snails then got into their designated soapbox cars, which were painted with their letter.
Snail B yelled out four beeps, and on the last and higher pitched beep, all the snails started racing.
At one point of the race, Snail S's car hit a bump and flew off the track, with him in it. Snail S landed several feet away from his car, badly bruised, and called for help, but no one heard, for all his other snail friends were either racing or waiting at the finish line. After several tense moments, Snail S was picked up, but only to be cooked and eaten.
At the end of the race, Snail X came first, with Snail K second and Snail W third. After all the snails had crossed the finish line, everyone looked around and asked, "Where did the S car go?"
A Jewish man is elected president...
Soon after, he calls up his mother to tell her the good news. "Mom, did you hear, I've been elected president!" "Oh, T
That's so great to hear, darling. I'm so proud of you!"
"So," asks the man, "you'll be coming out for the inauguration, right?" "I'm not sure," says his mother, "D.C. is so cold this time of year." "I'm the president, mom. I can arrange for you to get any sweater you want."
"I'm still not sure," continues his mother, "flying across the country is such a hassle." "Mom, I'll have you flown out here on Air Force One. It'll be no trouble to you." Finally, his mother agrees.
The day of the inaguration rolls around, and his mother is seated between the Vice President and the Secretary of State. As the man is being sworn in, his mother nudges the vice president.
"You see that boy up there? The one with his hand on the Bible? His brother's a doctor. "
Did you hear Mexico agreed to help Donald Trump build his wall?
They've gotta keep all those Americans out once Donald gets elected.
Sorry, super liberal grandpa told me this one on Father's day. Couldn't help but share.
On the fifth day to election, the public gave to me...
Five Gallup polls
Four awful choices
Three Trump Steaks
Two more WikiLeaks
And a cache of Clinton emails!
Why is the American Presidential Election always on a Tuesday?
Because Tuesday is choose-day.
Tonight we dine on the flesh of the enemy.
Or they shall be dining on ours.
JK HAPPY ELECTION DAY!!!
Can't you just feel the excitement in the air?!!?
Only one more day left until the start of the 2020 Presidential Election Season!!
I love Election Day
Because everyone gets a little sticker that lets you know they're old enough.
Why was 9/11 the worst day in American history?
Because on the 9th November Donald Trump was elected president
Election Day was the perfect day to go see Doctor Strange...
I got to experience a scary bizarro world were sanity was cast aside and the laws of nature were twisted to the breaking point, and I also went to a movie.
Despite all the flak the public gives him, Trump has already solved the immigration problem in just a few days after becoming President-elect
Just ask yourself, who would want to sneak into America now?
Donald Trump says the only reason he lost the popular vote is because 3 million undocumented immigrants voted in the election
He knows this because thats how many of his employees asked him for the day off.
A day before the elections Hillary tells Bill: "You know, tomorrow there will be two presidents in one bed."
Next day Bill asks Hillary: "So.. do I wait Trump here or should I go over to his place?"
Gary Johnson woke up the day after the election...
Gary Johnson: "What happened? Am I president?"
Doctor: Sir, we found you passed out n**... in the desert.
Gary Johnson: Far out man.
NJ Gov Elect Phil Murphy says he's going to legalize m**... in his first 100 days. What's going to be higher than NJ residents?
Their taxes.
The first Jewish President of the United States is elected.
The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.
"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days."
"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."
"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"
"Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous."
"Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here."
"But accommodations, especially during the inau---"
"MOM!! I'll put you in the Lincoln bedroom itself!!"
She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend.
"Who was that?"
"My son."
*gasp* "The doctor??"
"No, the other one."
A man jumps into a lion's cage to save a 5 year old boy by punching the lion in the nose
Soon, reporters are on the scene.
"Why don't you tell us a bit more about yourself"
"Well, I'm currently a stockbroker, but I got out of the Army only two years ago"
"What do you do for fun"
"I'm an avid fisherman, and I teach rifle safety classes for the NRA"
"Who'd you vote for in the last election"
"Trump."
The next day, the headline reads:
*GUN TOTING RIGHT WING CRAZY REPUBLICAN CRAZED VETERAN CAPITALIST PUNCHES AN AFRICAN IMMIGRANT IN THE FACE, STEALS HIS LUNCH*
Man, Hillary Clinton doesn't blow much these days,
She only blows elections now instead of Bill.
On Election Day, here's a little tip that I learned in high school civics class:
Vote for option C every time, and you'll get at least 75% correct.
Election Day 2016 was like sticking the dealer in euchre.
You hated your choices but somehow had to choose trump.
First aboriginal Prime Minister of Australia - Aboriginal stand-up comedy
Bulupin Kwobinyarn delivers his acceptance yarn on the day of his election as Australia's first Indigenous Prime Minister.
Old Egyptian joke
In Egypt, the election system used to be that people would vote yes or no to the current president to determine wether elections were going to happen or not. The day before the polls everyone would hang signs saying yes to the president. But one man decides to vote no.
Later that night, the man cannot not sleep and fears he might have made the wrong decision. So the next day he goes to the poll workers
"I believe I have voted for the wrong option yesterday," he says. "I want to change my vote to a yes"
The poll worker smiles at him and says:
"No problem we corrected it for you but don't do it again!"
It's 294 days after the US Election...
...Biden has progressed to 269.99 electoral votes, and Nevada has discovered 26 million uncounted postal votes that were discovered on 'Storage Wars'. More updates coming soon.
