Elected President Jokes
102 elected president jokes and hilarious elected president puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about elected president that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Elected President Short Jokes
Short elected president jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The elected president humour may include short elected jokes also.
- "You're telling me that I'm losing my job because donald trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!" "Mister President, we've been over this..."
- bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
- Our President Elect is a real tough guy... The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a broadway musical.
- Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for hillary clinton this election She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
- Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
- If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me.... ....Like the words President Bush.
- No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first canadian president, or the last president.
- Say what you like about Donald Trump.. But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.
- Election Day Drinking Game: Every time Donald Trump is elected President, we all drink and just never stop.
- I think I'll vote the NSA for president... ...because at least they'll listen to the voters even after the election.
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Elected President One Liners
Which elected president one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with elected president? I can suggest the ones about president elect and president.
- Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years Lose an election.
- If you elect me as president I promise to end 2020 in less than 7 month.
- Chuck Norris got elected for president, even though he didn't run for anything.
- It's time to elect a ventriloquist for President. Right now, all we have is the d**...!
Playful Elected President Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about elected president you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean presidential election jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make elected president pranks.
Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House.
She has waited so long…
The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Washington says, "Never tell a lie."
"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don’t know about that."
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears…
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."
"Oh! I really don’t want to do that."
On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears…
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."
Barack Obama was elected president of the USA because Chuck Norris said so.
He remind him of Trivette...
"Because it would be hilarious," is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.
Sleeping with POTUS
The night before the election, Mitt Romney was very confident & told his Wife Ann; "...this time tomorrow night, you'll be sleeping with the
President of the United States". After Mitt's concession speech, they headed to bed. Ann was getting undressed when she asked,.."...so how does this work? Is Barrack coming over here or I'm supposed
to go over there?"
The Inauguration of the First Jewish President.
The first Jewish President has just been elected, and is being sworn in. One man in the audience is watching him take the oath, when he realizes he is sitting next to the President's mother.
She turns to him and says,
"You see that man up there, the one with his hand on the book repeating the sentences?"
"Yeah?" He responds
"His brother's a doctor"
The old Priest
In Washington, DC, an old Priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital and was well known among the elected officials. He motioned for his Nurse to come near.
Yes, Father?" said the Nurse.
"I would really like to see President Obama and Senator Reid before I die," whispered the Priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father," replied the Nurse.
The Nurse had the request sent to the President and Congress and all waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived; President Obama and Harry Reid would be delighted to visit the Priest.
As they went to the hospital, Obama commented to Reid, "I don't know why the old Priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.
Reid agreed that it was a good thing.
When they arrived at the Priest's room, the Priest took Obama's hand in his right hand and Reid's hand in his left hand. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old Priest's face.
Finally President Obama spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you neared the end?"
The old Priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
"Amen," said Obama. "Amen," said Reid.
The old Priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; in fulfilling that consummate desire, I wanted to do the same."
First Jewish President
The first Jewish president becomes elected in the United States. After a couple months in office, he decides to fly his mother up for a visit from her retirement home in Florida.
A limo arrives at the mother's door to pick her up, and she is driven to the airport where Air Force One is waiting to fly her straight to Washington DC. Another limo picks her up from the D.C. airport, taking her to the White House.
The gatekeeper at the White House, not knowing whom the guest is, exclaims to the mother, "Wow! you must know somebody very important to get special treatment like this!"
"Well of course", the mother replies, "the president is brother to my son, the Doctor!"
There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy...
Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846.
JFK was elected into Congress in 1946.
Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
JFK was elected President in 1960.
Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy.
Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.
A week before he died, Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before he died, Kennedy was in Marilyn Monroe.
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Credit goes to the play: The Complete History of America: Abridged
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I have Electile Dysfunction
Electile Dysfunction : the inability to become a**... over any of the choices for President put forth by either party in the 2016 election year.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I submit a new paraphrase of the Peter Principal. Republican politicans shall be elected to their level of incompetency...
And then they shall run for President!
If Hillary is elected President, a new security wall will be built.
Splitting the bedroom in two.
A Jewish man is elected president...
Soon after, he calls up his mother to tell her the good news. "Mom, did you hear, I've been elected president!" "Oh, T
That's so great to hear, darling. I'm so proud of you!"
"So," asks the man, "you'll be coming out for the inauguration, right?" "I'm not sure," says his mother, "D.C. is so cold this time of year." "I'm the president, mom. I can arrange for you to get any sweater you want."
"I'm still not sure," continues his mother, "flying across the country is such a hassle." "Mom, I'll have you flown out here on Air Force One. It'll be no trouble to you." Finally, his mother agrees.
The day of the inaguration rolls around, and his mother is seated between the Vice President and the Secretary of State. As the man is being sworn in, his mother nudges the vice president.
"You see that boy up there? The one with his hand on the Bible? His brother's a doctor. "
Ben Carson
If elected President, what will Dr. Ben Carson's first executive action be?
Nominate Donald Trump as as a candidate for Secretary of "De-Fence"
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If you elected me president, I would implement a m**... tax...
Talk about saving the economy single-handedly.
If Bernie Sanders is elected president, I want to spend a weekend at the White House and film it.
I'll call it "Weekend at Bernie's"
A recently elected Arab President asks his adviser why the price of oil was falling.
The adviser says "It's due to the law of supply and demand".
The president replies "Then abolish that law!".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
America is so accepting
We had our first black president, Now we are electing our first orange one
Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .
and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...
...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.
The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."
If Hilary Clinton is elected president, what title will they give Bill?
First Lady's man (;
With elections coming soon, my coworker asked me who my favorite president was.
I said JFK, because he's so open-minded.
Regardless of who wins, this year's presidential election will again end with an historic first:
We'll have either the first woman president, or the first orange president.
What's the one advantage if Hillary Clinton is elected President?
We'll only have to pay her 77¢ on the dollar
If Clinton is elected president...
It will be the first time two presidents slept with each other...
2016 Election
Honestly hurricane Matthew should run for president because I think he left the biggest mark on the country
Hillary and Trump tie in the election...
And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn.
Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds.
Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20.
The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks "9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"
The moderator says "No, Bush did 9:11".
To silence her critics who hail her as Satan, Hillary is set to launch a new post-apocalyptical video game after winning the election!
It's called President Evil.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My friend told me a s**... joke.
I told him it was so s**..., I want to elect it as president.
Why was 9/11 the worst day in American history?
Because on the 9th November Donald Trump was elected president
We have essentially Elected 4chan for the 45th president of the United States.
This is a day that will go down in Infameme.
2016
where Leiceister City defies the odds of 3000/1 to win the league title, Cubs win the world series, and Donald Trump is elected as the president of the United States
United States once again votes for a minority President!
Donald J Trump is believed to be the first orange President to be elected in the history of the United States.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On 2008 the United States elected their first black president...
... on 2016 they elected their first orange president.
Right when I thought all this news of terrifying clowns had blown over...
... We elect Donald Trump as President
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At least Americans aren't racist....
After all we did just elect the first orange President.
Astronomers have used liquid water as an indicator for planet habitability...
...they might also need to add whether the planet has a Trump elected as president
How many republicans does it take to get Donald Trump elected president?
The same amount that cost Romney and McCain the election.
A joke from Korea
"Americans are saying that in 2016, they will either have their first woman president, or their first insane president.
Like what's the big deal? Korea did both in one election cycle back in 2012"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Despite all the flak the public gives him, Trump has already solved the immigration problem in just a few days after becoming President-elect
Just ask yourself, who would want to sneak into America now?
What is the worst thing about a joke that promotes bigotry?
He was elected President of the US.
Before leaving for the convention center on Election night, Hilary told Bill: "Tonight, for the first time in history, America will finally have two presidents sleeping with each other"...
When she got home, Bill was already eagerly waiting in bed, and he said:
"Is Trump on his way or should I drive to his place?"
"Mr. Obama, how exactly does someone impeach a president?" "The american people have made their decision. To suggest we impeach a president before he's had a chance is an outrage! Regardless of your opinions and the flawed system we're under the election was held fair and square...
...Now would you *please* stop asking that, Mr. Trump?"
inspired by the recent election, i'm going to run for president
the first step will be to change my name to "none of the above".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Remember when President-Elect Trump said immigrants were going to take our jobs?
It's all true! Just ask Michelle Obama!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If the voting recount flips the outcome of the election, I have the perfect guy to call Trump and tell him that he's no longer going to be President...
Steve Harvey.
"I have to apologize.....the 1st runner-up, is Trump. The next President of the United States is...Hillary Clinton!"
*DEEP INHALE*
"***WRONG***"
What's the most unrealistic detail about the new American wizarding movie?
They elected a female president.
Somebody just tried to kill the president elect!
They only managed to shoot the fox off his head.
Donald Trump has his daily intelligence briefing.
"We're almost done, Mr. President-Elect," says the man conducting the briefing, "just one more small piece of information."
"Bring it on."
"5 Brazilian soldiers were killed last night"
"That certainly isn't a good thing," replies Trump, "but if you don't mind, could you refresh my memory on one thing?"
"Of course, Mr. Trump, what do you need?"
"How many is a Brazilian?"
You can't say America isn't inclusive and progressive
The Current president is a black man and latest election was between a female and a mentally handicapped person.
A day before the elections Hillary tells Bill: "You know, tomorrow there will be two presidents in one bed."
Next day Bill asks Hillary: "So.. do I wait Trump here or should I go over to his place?"
The President-Elect has recently begun learning how to play bridge with the help of master bridge players. it turns out, the President-Elect's plays are far superior to those of his peers. In other words...
Trump's trumps trump Trump's trumps' trumps.
I'm a vertebrate that's in love with the president elect.
I guess you could say I've got my spine, I've got my orange crush.
I don't want to make a political joke
It might get elected as president of the United States
if Trump's presidency has taught us anything its that being elected president is easy..
but being President, now that's hard.
A son asks his father how to always win like the president...
The president always wins because you can't be president and lose the election.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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If Hillary won the election she would have become the first F president.
I said F because someone deleted the emale.
When Trump was elected President, Juan was very worried.
I guess you could say it was because of hispanic issues.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Gary Johnson woke up the day after the election...
Gary Johnson: "What happened? Am I president?"
Doctor: Sir, we found you passed out n**... in the desert.
Gary Johnson: Far out man.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump and Obama having a private conversation in 2012
Trump: Mr. Obama, out of sheer curiosity, what must I need to do in order to be elected President of the United States?
Obama: President?? You have to be s**..., ignorant, probably delusional to think you can be qualified to be the President of the United States!
Trump: Perfect, I will see you on your way out then.
Obama: What???
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I believe in giving jobs to the mentally disabled...
but we shouldn't elect them President.
The 2016 Presidential Election ended in a tie
So then president Obama decided the tie breaker would a race around the White House, with the fastest time being awarded the presidency. Bernie Sanders being the honest man he is went first, but is older and well past his physical prime, completed the race on 17 minutes 46 seconds. Trump being the next man up is in a bit better physical shape in 15 minutes even. Hilary Clinton wanting to assure the country is safe from Donald Trump cuts a few corners to improve her time. At the finish line Obama informs her she ran a time of 10 minutes 17 seconds. "Wow!" Hilary responds "10:17 must be a record!" jumping for joy. "Not exactly" States Obama. "Bush did 9:11"
I didn't get elected president of the Tree Club this year...
I guess I'm just not poplar enough.
One year anniversary edition: What do you call someone who lost an election by 2 million votes?
Mr. President.
A blind man ran for president
... But he got smashed in the election.
Well, he didn't see that coming
Canada was shocked when they heard the US had adopted the Loonie .
Elected him president even.
The first Jewish President of the United States is elected.
The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.
"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days."
"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."
"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"
"Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous."
"Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here."
"But accommodations, especially during the inau---"
"MOM!! I'll put you in the Lincoln bedroom itself!!"
She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend.
"Who was that?"
"My son."
*gasp* "The doctor??"
"No, the other one."
It was just announced that President Putin won the election with 75% of people voting for him;
I voted for Hillary, so don't blame me.
Putin decides to remain president for life...
...because too many people die during elections.
Oh Rosie
It is hard to know the difference between racism that gets you fired versus racism that gets you elected President of the United States.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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The US is the only country in the world to say "Our president is such a d**......
I bet a monkey could do a better job" and then actually follow through by electing an orangutan as their president.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What do you get when the people elect a narcissist as president?
A narcissistic president. What did you people expect?