Elected Jokes
115 elected jokes and hilarious elected puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about elected that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Elected Short Jokes
Short elected jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The elected humour may include short nominated jokes also.
- If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
This is not a political post, I just want to travel - "You're telling me that I'm losing my job because donald trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!" "Mister President, we've been over this..."
- COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.
- Oh man you know what my favorite thing about being russian is? Getting to vote in American elections.
- How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask? Ask them who won the election.
- bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
- Our President Elect is a real tough guy... The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a broadway musical.
- Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious
- Why did Trump play golf after the election ? Because that's where the winner has the lowest score.
- Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election? Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
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Elected One Liners
Which elected one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with elected? I can suggest the ones about election and president elect.
- Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years Lose an election.
- You know what the biggest problem with political jokes is? They get elected.
- What do you call it when 2 seniors stay up past their bedtimes? An election.
- As they say during election season in Transylvania... Every Count Votes
- I'm nineteen and won't vote in this upcoming election. Here's why: I'm Swedish
- The results of the election are in! Oops, sorry, that info is only for us Russians.
- How do you milk a sheep? Pretend you didn't lose an election and ask for donations.
- Why was Vladimir Putin sad? No one voted for him in the last election.
- It looks like this election won't end with a bang But with a WI/MI/PA
- What is the only thing that if you fix you make it worse? Elections
- Biden runs for re-election in 2024. He promises it will be a great first term.
- So I took a programming elective in school My final grade was C+
- The election is finally over! Let Bye, Dons be Bye, Dons !!!
- What do call the world's biggest puppet show? The US presidential election.
- Personally, I am against political jokes. They get elected to office too often.
Elected President Jokes
Here is a list of funny elected president jokes and even better elected president puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
- Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
- If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me.... ....Like the words President Bush.
- No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.
- Say what you like about Donald Trump.. But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.
- Election Day Drinking Game: Every time Donald Trump is elected President, we all drink and just never stop.
- I think I'll vote the NSA for president... ...because at least they'll listen to the voters even after the election.
- I don't want to make a political joke It might get elected as president of the United States
- It shouldn't be surprising our first black president was elected prior to Trump It's always darkest before Don
- With elections coming soon, my coworker asked me who my favorite president was. I said JFK, because he's so open-minded.
Comical Elected Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about elected you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean election results jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make elected pranks.
The Inauguration of the First Jewish President.
The first Jewish President has just been elected, and is being sworn in. One man in the audience is watching him take the oath, when he realizes he is sitting next to the President's mother.
She turns to him and says,
"You see that man up there, the one with his hand on the book repeating the sentences?"
"Yeah?" He responds
"His brother's a doctor"
The old Priest
In Washington, DC, an old Priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital and was well known among the elected officials. He motioned for his Nurse to come near.
Yes, Father?" said the Nurse.
"I would really like to see President Obama and Senator Reid before I die," whispered the Priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father," replied the Nurse.
The Nurse had the request sent to the President and Congress and all waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived; President Obama and Harry Reid would be delighted to visit the Priest.
As they went to the hospital, Obama commented to Reid, "I don't know why the old Priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.
Reid agreed that it was a good thing.
When they arrived at the Priest's room, the Priest took Obama's hand in his right hand and Reid's hand in his left hand. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old Priest's face.
Finally President Obama spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you neared the end?"
The old Priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
"Amen," said Obama. "Amen," said Reid.
The old Priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; in fulfilling that consummate desire, I wanted to do the same."
First Jewish President
The first Jewish president becomes elected in the United States. After a couple months in office, he decides to fly his mother up for a visit from her retirement home in Florida.
A limo arrives at the mother's door to pick her up, and she is driven to the airport where Air Force One is waiting to fly her straight to Washington DC. Another limo picks her up from the D.C. airport, taking her to the White House.
The gatekeeper at the White House, not knowing whom the guest is, exclaims to the mother, "Wow! you must know somebody very important to get special treatment like this!"
"Well of course", the mother replies, "the president is brother to my son, the Doctor!"
A cobbler was once elected the mayor of a small town.
People thought he was a real shoe-in.
There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy...
Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846.
JFK was elected into Congress in 1946.
Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
JFK was elected President in 1960.
Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy.
Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.
A week before he died, Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before he died, Kennedy was in Marilyn Monroe.
---
Credit goes to the play: The Complete History of America: Abridged
Did you hear that the Vatican elected a new Pope?
Never mind, they were just blowing smoke.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I submit a new paraphrase of the Peter Principal. Republican politicans shall be elected to their level of incompetency...
And then they shall run for President!
If Hillary is elected President, a new security wall will be built.
Splitting the bedroom in two.
A Jewish man is elected president...
Soon after, he calls up his mother to tell her the good news. "Mom, did you hear, I've been elected president!" "Oh, T
That's so great to hear, darling. I'm so proud of you!"
"So," asks the man, "you'll be coming out for the inauguration, right?" "I'm not sure," says his mother, "D.C. is so cold this time of year." "I'm the president, mom. I can arrange for you to get any sweater you want."
"I'm still not sure," continues his mother, "flying across the country is such a hassle." "Mom, I'll have you flown out here on Air Force One. It'll be no trouble to you." Finally, his mother agrees.
The day of the inaguration rolls around, and his mother is seated between the Vice President and the Secretary of State. As the man is being sworn in, his mother nudges the vice president.
"You see that boy up there? The one with his hand on the Bible? His brother's a doctor. "
Based on Trump's History, if elected, he is likely to get divorced and remarried while in the White House
It will be "Marriage Apprentice" White House Edition
Ben Carson
If elected President, what will Dr. Ben Carson's first executive action be?
Nominate Donald Trump as as a candidate for Secretary of "De-Fence"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you elected me president, I would implement a m**... tax...
Talk about saving the economy single-handedly.
If Bernie Sanders is elected president, I want to spend a weekend at the White House and film it.
I'll call it "Weekend at Bernie's"
A recently elected Arab President asks his adviser why the price of oil was falling.
The adviser says "It's due to the law of supply and demand".
The president replies "Then abolish that law!".
The State of Illinois has just unveiled its new welcome sign...
Welcome to Illinois; not ALL of our elected officials have been indicted!
What's the difference between an elected official and a piece of garbage?
Garbage gets thrown out.
My previous relationship was like a presidential term.
It aged me prematurely and my replacement was elected two months before I was officially out of office!
Hillary Clinton promised to reduce the national debt if elected...
Though I don't think can go any lower than Monica Lewinsky.
Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .
and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...
...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.
The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."
Republicans run for office by saying the government doesn't work...
Then they get elected and prove it.
If Hilary Clinton is elected president, what title will they give Bill?
First Lady's man (;
It's 2023, a child asks her father "how did Donald Trump get elected?"
".....that was the year all the adults were busy coloring."
Trump just said if he's elected he'll shut down the corrugated container industry
He wants to make America crate again
If Bernie gets elected we should give him an honorary military rank.
Colonel sounds right to me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear Mexico agreed to help Donald Trump build his wall?
They've gotta keep all those Americans out once Donald gets elected.
Sorry, super liberal grandpa told me this one on Father's day. Couldn't help but share.
When Trump and Boris are elected...
>When Trump and Boris are elected...
...they'll be like toupees in a pod.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Maybe Trump is right,and he's been warning us all along
If he's elected, there will be a wall, and mexico will pay for it, to keep americans out
What's the one advantage if Hillary Clinton is elected President?
We'll only have to pay her 77¢ on the dollar
If Clinton is elected president...
It will be the first time two presidents slept with each other...
Donald Trump could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot someone and it wouldn't change is chances of being elected.
Because you can't have less than a zero percent chance.
Hillary Clinton has been so embarrassed about her email scandal that if elected she will bring back the secure channels of communication she used growing up...
the pony express.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Clinton gets elected, federal employees will be LEGALLY allowed to consume cannabis!
If you smoke, you have to say "I did not inhale"
and if you do edibles, you have to say "I did not s**..."
Why was 9/11 the worst day in American history?
Because on the 9th November Donald Trump was elected president
We have essentially Elected 4chan for the 45th president of the United States.
This is a day that will go down in Infameme.
Donald Trump and the 2016 Presidential Election
I would make a political joke about it but then it would get elected.
2016
where Leiceister City defies the odds of 3000/1 to win the league title, Cubs win the world series, and Donald Trump is elected as the president of the United States
United States once again votes for a minority President!
Donald J Trump is believed to be the first orange President to be elected in the history of the United States.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On 2008 the United States elected their first black president...
... on 2016 they elected their first orange president.
Some said Trump would be elected when pigs fly...
Of course the irony now is, they're not only flying, they're being flown by Air Force One.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I guess one possible bright side of trump getting elected would be...
Maybe I might live in an age where an assassination happens.
With our national debt...
As he has first hand experience, we just elected the best person to the job to file bankruptcy for the US.
Astronomers have used liquid water as an indicator for planet habitability...
...they might also need to add whether the planet has a Trump elected as president
Since Trump got elected 2.5 million Americans want to leave the country
That's 2.5 million jobs he's already made!
Just gonna say...
Number of times Leonard Cohen died before Trump was elected - 0
Number of times after - 1
Draw your own conclusions...
How many republicans does it take to get Donald Trump elected president?
The same amount that cost Romney and McCain the election.
What is the worst thing about a joke that promotes bigotry?
He was elected President of the US.
What's the most unrealistic detail about the new American wizarding movie?
They elected a female president.
USA elected a billionaire that is appointing other billionaires to fix the system that made them billionaires
I laughed so hard thinking about this on the dinner table
The US government has been trying to get rid of Fidel Castro for 50 years.
Trump gets elected, and Castro is dead within 3 weeks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Trump say to Putin after he got elected?
Well, Vladimir, u**... for a real treat the next four years.
Trump being elected is proof that we never developed time travel.
Today I know why we never developed time travel.
What is the difference between a fascist and a communist?
America hasn't elected a communist yet.
if Trump's presidency has taught us anything its that being elected president is easy..
but being President, now that's hard.
When Trump was elected President, Juan was very worried.
I guess you could say it was because of hispanic issues.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump and Obama having a private conversation in 2012
Trump: Mr. Obama, out of sheer curiosity, what must I need to do in order to be elected President of the United States?
Obama: President?? You have to be s**..., ignorant, probably delusional to think you can be qualified to be the President of the United States!
Trump: Perfect, I will see you on your way out then.
Obama: What???
I didn't get elected president of the Tree Club this year...
I guess I'm just not poplar enough.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've often thought about getting into an elected office,
but I don't think I have s**... assaulted enough people.
Before the election, I told myself that I would leave the country if Trump got elected.
Well, I did it, and it only took 11 months for the immigration officials to find me.
If elected, Roy Moore's first act will be...
...to change the name of the State to Ala-bang-her!
I don't understand why we didn't get Roy Moore elected.
He was the pervfect candidate.
That was bad. I'm sorry.
Canada was shocked when they heard the US had adopted the Loonie .
Elected him president even.
The first Jewish President of the United States is elected.
The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.
"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days."
"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."
"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"
"Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous."
"Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here."
"But accommodations, especially during the inau---"
"MOM!! I'll put you in the Lincoln bedroom itself!!"
She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend.
"Who was that?"
"My son."
*gasp* "The doctor??"
"No, the other one."
How did i know for sure global warming was real?
On the day Trump got elected over 50 million snowflakes melted at once.
What does the US and Russia have in common?
Both of their elected leaders are current or former Russian Intelligence Agents.
Oh Rosie
It is hard to know the difference between racism that gets you fired versus racism that gets you elected President of the United States.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Medical assisted s**... is legal in Mexico now...
All you have to do is run for elected office.
There once was a woman named Ricity Thompson.
She was a successful politician, eventually becoming a popular presidential candidate. People were enthusiastic about her campaign, many chanting for her to be elected. Her opponent, Geoffrey McDonald, was also popular, and it was tough to say who would become the POTUS. Until that fateful November afternoon: the votes were tallying up, more than had ever been seen. The voting machine couldn't process all the information. Overloaded, it began to malfunction, releasing an electric bolt that hit McDonald square in the chest. Indeed, in the end, his downfall was elect Ricity.
A midget got elected mayor yet no one recalled voting for him.
He had friends in high places
I don't think Elon Musk's comments hurt his odds of being elected to public office
Now he just has to run as a Republican
What do a female musician and an elected head of the county police have in common?
She riff.
I accidentally joined an organization...
I accidentally joined a pro-secession organization.
When I tried to leave, I was elected as their chairman.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the racist pub owner get elected Governor?
He promised to keep b**... from behind bars.
Donald Trump was elected President two years ago...
...but here's how Bernie Sanders can still win. -BuzzFeed
Did your hear about the police officer that only let people borrow things conditionally?
He was just elected share-if.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Russian and an American are in a bar talking about democracy
At one point, the American shouts The problem with you Russians is, you don't understand democracy! . To which the Russian eloquently responded What do you mean? We got Trump elected didn't we?
