Comical Elected Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
A little girl asked her father...
A little girl asked her father, Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with `Once Upon A Time`?
He replied, No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with `If elected I promise`.
The Inauguration of the First Jewish President.
The first Jewish President has just been elected, and is being sworn in. One man in the audience is watching him take the oath, when he realizes he is sitting next to the President's mother.
She turns to him and says,
"You see that man up there, the one with his hand on the book repeating the sentences?"
"Yeah?" He responds
"His brother's a doctor"
A cobbler was once elected the mayor of a small town.
People thought he was a real shoe-in.
There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy...
Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846.
JFK was elected into Congress in 1946.
Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
JFK was elected President in 1960.
Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy.
Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.
A week before he died, Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before he died, Kennedy was in Marilyn Monroe.
---
Credit goes to the play: The Complete History of America: Abridged
You know, people in the 1970s thought there would be a black president when pigs fly...
Then Barack Obama was elected. And after a year, swine flu.
If Hillary Clinton get elected President of the United States...
...then it will be the first time two presidents have had i**... with each other(hopefully).
Fairy tales
My granddaughter asked me, "Do all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time?
I said, no, some begin with "If elected, I promise to……………………"
Based on Trump's History, if elected, he is likely to get divorced and remarried while in the White House
It will be "Marriage Apprentice" White House Edition
If you elected me president, I would implement a m**... tax...
Talk about saving the economy single-handedly.
If Bernie Sanders is elected president, I want to spend a weekend at the White House and film it.
I'll call it "Weekend at Bernie's"
The State of Illinois has just unveiled its new welcome sign...
Welcome to Illinois; not ALL of our elected officials have been indicted!
You can explore elected inauguration reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean elected electoral dad jokes. There are also elected puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's the difference between an elected official and a piece of garbage?
Garbage gets thrown out.
My previous relationship was like a presidential term.
It aged me prematurely and my replacement was elected two months before I was officially out of office!
After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...
...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.
The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."
Republicans run for office by saying the government doesn't work...
Then they get elected and prove it.
It's 2023, a child asks her father "how did Donald Trump get elected?"
".....that was the year all the adults were busy coloring."
Breaking: Donald Trump just announced ban on shredded cheese if elected!
He says this is a crucial step toward Making America Grate Again.
Trump just said if he's elected he'll shut down the corrugated container industry
He wants to make America crate again
If Bernie gets elected we should give him an honorary military rank.
Colonel sounds right to me.
Did you hear Mexico agreed to help Donald Trump build his wall?
They've gotta keep all those Americans out once Donald gets elected.
Sorry, super liberal grandpa told me this one on Father's day. Couldn't help but share.
When Trump and Boris are elected...
>When Trump and Boris are elected...
...they'll be like toupees in a pod.
Mexico is starting to build a wall
They're worried about the Americans crossing the border when Trump is elected.
Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office.
Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
Maybe Trump is right,and he's been warning us all along
If he's elected, there will be a wall, and mexico will pay for it, to keep americans out
If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me....
....Like the words President Bush.
What's the one advantage if Hillary Clinton is elected President?
We'll only have to pay her 77¢ on the dollar
If Trump is elected president...
He will be the first billionaire to move into government housing after a black man.
If Clinton is elected president...
It will be the first time two presidents slept with each other...
If Trump gets elected...
...it will be the first time in History that a billionaire moves into public housing vacated by a black family.
Say what you like about Donald Trump..
But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.
Donald Trump could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot someone and it wouldn't change is chances of being elected.
Because you can't have less than a zero percent chance.
Cheer up Hillary Clinton.
Nelson Mandela wasn't elected president, until after serving 27 years in prison.
Election Day Drinking Game:
Every time Donald Trump is elected President, we all drink and just never stop.
Why was 9/11 the worst day in American history?
Because on the 9th November Donald Trump was elected president
We have essentially Elected 4chan for the 45th president of the United States.
This is a day that will go down in Infameme.
Donald Trump and the 2016 Presidential Election
I would make a political joke about it but then it would get elected.
2016
where Leiceister City defies the odds of 3000/1 to win the league title, Cubs win the world series, and Donald Trump is elected as the president of the United States
United States once again votes for a minority President!
Donald J Trump is believed to be the first orange President to be elected in the history of the United States.
On 2008 the United States elected their first black president...
... on 2016 they elected their first orange president.
"How can this idiot possibly be elected as president?"
Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months.
Some said Trump would be elected when pigs fly...
Of course the irony now is, they're not only flying, they're being flown by Air Force One.
Since Trump got elected 2.5 million Americans want to leave the country
That's 2.5 million jobs he's already made!
Just gonna say...
Number of times Leonard Cohen died before Trump was elected - 0
Number of times after - 1
Draw your own conclusions...
Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.
He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
What's the most unrealistic detail about the new American wizarding movie?
They elected a female president.
USA elected a billionaire that is appointing other billionaires to fix the system that made them billionaires
I laughed so hard thinking about this on the dinner table
The US government has been trying to get rid of Fidel Castro for 50 years.
Trump gets elected, and Castro is dead within 3 weeks.
Women and minorities feel betrayed by Trump being elected...
Now they know how smart people felt with George Bush.
What did Trump say to Putin after he got elected?
Well, Vladimir, u**... for a real treat the next four years.
I don't want to make a political joke
It might get elected as president of the United States
Trump being elected is proof that we never developed time travel.
Today I know why we never developed time travel.
What is the difference between a fascist and a communist?
America hasn't elected a communist yet.
When Trump was elected President, Juan was very worried.
I guess you could say it was because of hispanic issues.
Trump and Obama having a private conversation in 2012
Trump: Mr. Obama, out of sheer curiosity, what must I need to do in order to be elected President of the United States?
Obama: President?? You have to be s**..., ignorant, probably delusional to think you can be qualified to be the President of the United States!
Trump: Perfect, I will see you on your way out then.
Obama: What???
I didn't get elected president of the Tree Club this year...
I guess I'm just not poplar enough.
I've often thought about getting into an elected office,
but I don't think I have s**... assaulted enough people.
Before the election, I told myself that I would leave the country if Trump got elected.
Well, I did it, and it only took 11 months for the immigration officials to find me.
I don't understand why we didn't get Roy Moore elected.
He was the pervfect candidate.
That was bad. I'm sorry.
Canada was shocked when they heard the US had adopted the Loonie .
Elected him president even.
The first Jewish President of the United States is elected.
The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.
"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days."
"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."
"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"
"Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous."
"Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here."
"But accommodations, especially during the inau---"
"MOM!! I'll put you in the Lincoln bedroom itself!!"
She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend.
"Who was that?"
"My son."
*gasp* "The doctor??"
"No, the other one."
I didn't learn a thing in university
I elected to get a major in psychology and minor in reverse-psychology.
How did i know for sure global warming was real?
On the day Trump got elected over 50 million snowflakes melted at once.
A girl asks her father, Do all fairytales begin with Once Upon A Time?
And the father replied, No there is a whole series of fairytales that begin with 'If Elected I Promise.....
Oh Rosie
It is hard to know the difference between racism that gets you fired versus racism that gets you elected President of the United States.
The problem with political jokes
The problem with political jokes is that often they get elected president of the United States
A midget got elected mayor yet no one recalled voting for him.
He had friends in high places
Son to father: Do all fairytales begin with, Once upon a time?
Father to son:
No, some begin with, if elected I promise…
I don't think Elon Musk's comments hurt his odds of being elected to public office
Now he just has to run as a Republican
What do a female musician and an elected head of the county police have in common?
She riff.
I accidentally joined an organization...
I accidentally joined a pro-secession organization.
When I tried to leave, I was elected as their chairman.
Did your hear about the police officer that only let people borrow things conditionally?
He was just elected share-if.
I don't approve of political jokes
They keep on getting elected.
You know the problem with political jokes?
Sometimes they get elected.
You know what the biggest problem with political jokes is?
They get elected.
It shouldn't be surprising our first black president was elected prior to Trump
It's always darkest before Don
A Russian and an American are in a bar talking about democracy
At one point, the American shouts The problem with you Russians is, you don't understand democracy! . To which the Russian eloquently responded What do you mean? We got Trump elected didn't we?
If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country
If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.
This is not a political post. I just want to travel.
If Biden is elected, I stay in the country
If Trump is reelected, I stay in the country.
This is not a political post, I just can't leave because coronavirus.
What is the problem with political jokes?
They sometimes get elected!
In Sweden the CEO of IKEA was just elected president.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.
Breaking News: The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
The CEO of IKEA was elected as president of Sweden
I hear he's still assembling his cabinet
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
The first thing he'll do is to assemble his cabinet.
Vladimir Zelenski is a backwards politician.
Most politicians act like heroes to get elected and comedians while in office.
Volodymyr Zelenskyy is a backwards politician
Most play heroes to be elected and become comedians while they're in office
Personally, I am against political jokes.
They get elected to office too often.
Not all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time...
Many begin with "If I am elected, I promise to..."
It was a dark night in the cemetery..
..and Eric had, unwisely, elected to take a short cut. The leaves rustled in the trees, the shadows appeared to move around him, and then.. and then.. tap, tap, tap. Eric started to walk faster but the tapping was only getting louder. Eric grew scared, really scared, until he rounded a big old gravestone and saw a man tapping away at the front of the stone. Trying to hide his relief, Eric said, "You're up late on a cold windy night!" "Yes", said the man. "You always work this late?" said Eric. "Not normally", replied the man, "But the b**... spelt my name wrong!"
Do all fairytales start with "once upon a time"?
No, some start with "if I'm elected, I promise..."
The problem with political jokes is that oftentimes they get elected...
...And if they're bad enough, they bomb everywhere.
David Byrne gets elected as U.S. president.
His first act is to issue an executive order to the U.S. Mint.
To stop making cents.
