Eldest Jokes
25 eldest jokes and hilarious eldest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eldest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Learn about the often-hilarious jokes about eldest sons and daughters! From the perspective of the son or daughter and their mothers, these jokes will have you laughing. Discover why being the eldest can be a source of entertainment and hilarity.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Eldest Short Jokes
Short eldest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eldest humour may include short oldest jokes also.
- My eldest came to me and he told me he was feeling suicidal. I said, "Hang in there son", and pointed to the spare room.
- [Walks into a bar] A forgetful women of three children walks into a bar, intensely focused on knitting a sweater for her eldest... Whoops, wrong thread.
- What did the king utter when he was offered the village eldest daughter as a bride? What a peasant surprise!
- Mary has is from a family with 5 sisters. The eldest sisters' name is Twa, second is Twe, third is Twi, the fourth is Two. What's the 5th sisters name? Twu. Mary is a dude.
- I have two cousins One of the eldest is named Negar, and the other is called Nazy.
They dont get along too well.
(mfw actually true) - We are so poor that in our house we were 8 sleeping in the same bed. But the eldest daughter got married... ... And now we are 9.
Share These Eldest Jokes With Friends
Eldest One Liners
Which eldest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eldest? I can suggest the ones about youngest and earliest.
- The president's eldest daughter wants to visit East Africa That's So Malia
- I lost my eldest daughter to s**.... One down, two to go
Rib-Tickling Eldest Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about eldest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean elderly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eldest pranks.
A woman is walking home with her three daughters.
The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did I get my name?"
"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose".
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
"Well darling, when we were bringing *you* home from the hospital, a *lily* petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."
The third girl asks "AAArrgghhrasfdg".
"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock".
The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"
"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."
Satisfied, the child goes away.
Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"
"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a feather floated down and landed on your head."
The little girl smiles and goes on her way.
A few moments later the youngest child runs into the room and says: "WARGLBARGLAAHRGLB?"
The mother says: "Shut up, Refrigerator."
A woman is walking home with her three daughters
The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did get my name?"
"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose."
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
"Well darling, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a lily petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."
The third girl asks "HHGHGNGHGHNG?!?!?!
DDDNBHGHBHNGHHH!"
"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock."
A Native American child asks his father how they choose children's names.
Father - "After you are born, we open the tepee and the first thing we see is what we name you. Like your eldest brother, Soaring Eagle, your sister, Falling Leaves, and your little brother, Grizzly Cub. Why do you ask Two Dogs h**...?"
Three Muslim women are sitting talking...
The first one says, "I miss my eldest son Ahmed. He was martyred in Iraq last year."
"Oh I know," says the second women, "I miss little Hamza. He drove a car-bomb into a Syrian checkpoint six months ago."
The third woman nodded, "Me too. My Omar was a s**... bomber in Gaza, so sad."
The first woman shook her head sadly. "Kids these days. They blow up so fast."
A man had been away from home for 3 days trying to hunt a deer.
Finally, he was able to shoot the largest deer he had ever seen.
He took it home and kept it a surprise from everybody else. He cooked it in the shed so that no one could see what it was.
When he brought the cooked deer to the table, his kids asked what it was.
"It's what your mother calls me," he said with a smile on his face.
The eldest son was repulsed by this statement and shouted, "Nobody eat it! It's a dog!"
The School Janitor
Janitor: I know im just a school janitor, but my eldest son is in M.I.T., his younger brother in Princeton, and my youngest in Harvard.
Student: (amazed) Wow, what are they studying?
Janitor: Oh no, they are janitors as well.
The naming of my children
Yesterday, my eldest daughter asked me,"Father, why is my name Rose?". I explain to her it was because a rose petal landed on her head as she was birthed on our patio. Curious, my middle child asked me,"Father, why is my name Lily?". I explain to her it was because when she was birthed a lily flower petal fell onto her head after it blew in through a window. My youngest grunted,"Raaghhrgh?". I reply,"Quiet down now Cinderblock we already fed you!".
Two brothers were fast alseep when the eldest heard a thud sound.
Eldest: What's that sound?
Youngest: Oh, it's just my t-shirt falling off my bed.
Eldest: T-Shirt? Why was it so loud?
Youngest: Because I was still in it.
A mother is walking her 3 daughters home
The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did I get my name?"
"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose.
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
"Well darling, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a lily petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."
The third girl asks "HHGHGNGHGHNG?!?!?! DDDNBHGHBHNGHHH!!!" (do an exaggerated impression).
"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock."
Diffrence between potential and reality
An 8 years old son asks his dad:
"Whats
the difference between 'Potential ' and 'reality?'
Dad turns to wife: "Would you sleep with
Barack Obama for $1 million?"
Wife: "Of course, I will never waste that opportunity."
Dad turns to daughter: "Would you sleep with Brat Pitt for $1 million?"
Daughter: Yes! He is my fantasy.
Dad turns to elder son: "Would u sleep with Tom Cruise for
$l million?"
Eldest son: "Why not? Imagine what I would do with that money."
Dad then turns to his youngest son: "You see son, 'Potentially ' we are living with 3 millionaires BUT in 'reality ' we are living with two prostitutes and one Gay
An old rich Corsican is about to die
According to the tradition, the most lazy son inherits all wealth
"Come here, Paul", morigan says
The eldest one comes to him
"Yes, father"
"Imagine you see 500 francs and the wind blows it away. What will you do?"
"I won't do nothing. Why should I tire if there's no need?"
"Good boy. Good boy"
"Come here, Michelle", tycoon tells the second one to come
"Yes,father"
"Imagine that a n**... passionate woman want to embrace you. What will you do?
"I won't make a movement. I don't want to get exhausted if there's no need"
"Good boy, good boy"
Finally, dying corsican addresses the third son
"Come here, Fransisco"
"No, you come to me"
Sorry for grammar, English isn't my native language
A Brazillian Classic
There was a family with three kids. One day, the eldest kid, Dropey, came up to his mom and asked:
Mommy, why am I called Dropey?
It's because when you were born, a drop of water fell onto your forehead!
Oh, okay!
Then Flowey, the middle kid, got kinda curious, and decided to ask too:
What about me mommy, why am I called Flowey?
It's because when you were born, a little flower fell on top of your head!
Ah, I see!
Then, the youngest kid, Bricky, seeing all this, thought he should ask too:
HURUUUURR AHAHAUHEKAGDKAMNSSS?
A brick, Bricky. That's what fell right onto your face.
Four football players are stranded on a deserted island
One of them succumbs to dehydration and the others begin to panic about their own fates. The eldest of them nods grimly and proposes a solution.
"Lads," he says, "it's not nice, but we're going to have to cannibalise him if we want to survive. I play for Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver."
The second footballer nods in agreement, "I'm from Manchester, so I'll eat his chest."
The third footballer frowns. "Well lads," he sighs, "I play for Arsenal... but I'm not hungry."
Can you explain this strange adoption joke?
A close friend of mine who is my eldest daughter's godmother just posted a very strange joke that references adoption. There must be something to this joke that I am completely missing. Thirty people have gone wild over this and I don't get it. My friend can't possibly be saying something offensive about adoption. My three children are adopted and they are grown up, healthy, happy, and thriving. What is the point here?
@AAPsyc hysterical!
A lawyer, a spy, a mob boss, and a money launder walk into a bar. The bartender says: "you guys must be here to talk about adoption."
TIA
