Eldest Daughter Jokes

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings.
As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.
Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea.
On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming.
The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.”
She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing.
“That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself.
Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.
The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises.
“Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.”
“You’re absolutely right sweetheart,
”the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter.
“Now why were you laughing?” she asked.
“You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered.
“True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.
“Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter.
“Why was it so quiet in your room last night?”
“Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”

A mother is walking her 3 daughters home

The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did I get my name?"
"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose.
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
"Well darling, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a lily petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."
The third girl asks "HHGHGNGHGHNG?!?!?! DDDNBHGHBHNGHHH!!!" (do an exaggerated impression).
"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock."

Diffrence between potential and reality

An 8 years old son asks his dad:
"Whats
the difference between 'Potential ' and 'reality?'
Dad turns to wife: "Would you sleep with
Barack Obama for $1 million?"
Wife: "Of course, I will never waste that opportunity."
Dad turns to daughter: "Would you sleep with Brat Pitt for $1 million?"
Daughter: Yes! He is my fantasy.
Dad turns to elder son: "Would u sleep with Tom Cruise for
$l million?"
Eldest son: "Why not? Imagine what I would do with that money."
Dad then turns to his youngest son: "You see son, 'Potentially ' we are living with 3 millionaires BUT in 'reality ' we are living with two prostitutes and one Gay

Can you explain this strange adoption joke?

A close friend of mine who is my eldest daughter's godmother just posted a very strange joke that references adoption. There must be something to this joke that I am completely missing. Thirty people have gone wild over this and I don't get it. My friend can't possibly be saying something offensive about adoption. My three children are adopted and they are grown up, healthy, happy, and thriving. What is the point here?
@AAPsyc hysterical!
A lawyer, a spy, a mob boss, and a money launder walk into a bar. The bartender says: "you guys must be here to talk about adoption."
TIA

- Daddy, what is the difference between potential and reality?

One day during the family lunch the youngest son Paul asks his father:
- Daddy, what is the difference between potential and reality?
Daddy turns to his wife and gives her a question:
- Would you sleep with George Clooney for 1 million $?
- Certainly, I would never waste such opportunity, - tells the wife
Daddy turns to his teenage daughter:
- Maria, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million $?
- Surely! He is my fantasy, his posters are all over the walls of my room.
Daddy turns to his eldest son Raul and asks:
- Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million $!
Eldest son thinks a little and replies:
- Why not? Imagine what I could do with that money. So yes, I would sleep.
Then daddy turns back to his youngest son Paul and explains him:
- You see, Paul, potentially we are sitting with multi millionaires but in reality we are sitting with two prostitutes and one gay…

Three young daughters.

The three young daughters were hanging out with their mom. They're 8, 7, and 5. The eldest one asked the mom, "Mom, why is my name Paris?". The mom replied "Oh it's because you were made in Paris honey. We had our honeymoon there". The second one curiously asked the mom "is that why my name is Brooklyn mom? Because you guys were in Brooklyn when I was made?". "Yes honey, that's right. It's a very nice place and your dad is from there". The third child was so overly excited to ask about her name so she yelled "what about me mom?". The mom angrily yelled back "shut your mouth Honda"

Since we seem to be doing Jewish jokes...

An old Jewish man is on his death bead, surrounded by his loving family, and preparing to move into the Olam Habah.
While he's lying there, he smells a delicious smell and immediately recognizes it as his wife's delicious apple pie.
He whispers to his eldest daughter:
"Sarah, my time has almost come. Would you mind doing me one last favor?"
Sarah replies: "Of course, Abba. What do you want?"
"I want you to go into the other room and get me one last slice of your mother's delicious apple pie"
So Sarah runs off to get a slice of the pie.
She comes back a few minutes later and says "mom says it's for the f**...."