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Elderly Neighbor Jokes

14 elderly neighbor jokes and hilarious elderly neighbor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about elderly neighbor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Elderly Neighbor Short Jokes

Short elderly neighbor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The elderly neighbor humour may include short door neighbor jokes also.

  1. A lesbian couple got their elderly neighbor a Rolex for his birthday... Upon opening it the man said, This is really nice, but I think you ladies misunderstood when I told you I wanna watch
  2. My neighbor, an elderly p**..., adopted a puppy and asked me if I could help train it.
    I told her "No sorry, you can't teach an old trick's new dog."
  3. My elderly neighbor loved s**...; he would just keep going and going. He reminds me of that battery brand DieHard

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Rib-Tickling Elderly Neighbor Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about elderly neighbor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean elderly couple jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make elderly neighbor pranks.

Bang !

An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.
She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103, leaving behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

An elderly man is with his wife who is on her deathbed

As she lay there, she says to her husband, "Honey, I must tell you a secret before I die"
"Shh, there is nothing you need to tell me." the husband replies.
"No, I must tell you that I slept with your brother, best friend and the neighbor." the wife responds.
The husband says, "I know this. That is why I poisoned you. Now go to sleep, darling."

A police officer was dispatched to the house of an elderly couple when the neighbors heard gunshots

Shortly after arriving the officer called into the station to update the sergeant
Officer: "well sergeant, the old woman shot her husband because he walked through the kitchen while she was mopping the floor."
Sergeant: "did you arrest her?"
Officer: "no sir"
Sergeant: "why not?"
Officer: "the floor is still wet."

A woman and her husband were arguing over the current precipitation...

The woman insisted it was drizzling outside while her husband said that really, it was just misting.
They decided that the argument would be settled by asking their elderly former soviet neighbor Rudolf.
Rudolf grimaced at the sky for a moment and held up a hand to catch some of the falling moisture. "It is drizzle," he declared.
The husband, a little put out by losing the argument, complained. "And why are we accepting our neighbors judgement?"
"Because," the wife replied, "Rudolf the red knows rain, dear."

So I was visiting my elderly neighbor the other day and he told me something:

He said "Your generation is too dependant on technology."
I replied with "No your generation is." Then I unplugged his life support.

Heard my neighbor having s**... for what seemed like ages last night. Lots of moaning, groaning and b**... the headboard off the wall!!!

Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over, cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for her help. Now I kinda feel guilty about fapping.

A woman is mowing the lawn on a hot summer afternoon...

Her husband sits on the patio, cheerfully drinking a cold beer. Their elderly neighbor looks upon the scene, outraged, and says to the husband "How disgraceful! You ought to be hung!"
"I am," he said, "that's why she's mowing the lawn."

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.
"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor.
"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"
"A rose?" asked the neighbor. "Yes, that's it," replied the old man.
He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith

and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout, "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations that he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for God to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD! God, I need food. I am having a hard time. Please, Lord, send me some groceries."
The next morning, the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD!"
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "HA...HA. I told you there was no Lord! I bought those groceries, myself! God didn't!"
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and saying, "PRAISE THE LORD! He not only sent me groceries, but He made the Devil pay for them! PRAISE THE LORD!"

Senior Driver

My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
He said with excitement, "you appear quite elderly to be driving."
"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's license anymore !! "The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license.
I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying, 'You won't need this anymore,' so I thanked him and
left!"

Skinny dipping in your neighbors pond

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed
it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
Some old men can still think fast.