einstein Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious einstein puns

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.

Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.

Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!

👍🏼

After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...

"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"

👍🏼

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius..

But his brother Frank was a monster.

👍🏼

They say you can't get a decent job without education.

But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

👍🏼

A new study shows that the majority of humans alive today are better at math than Albert Einstein.

Because he's dead.

👍🏼

Einstein was wrong

My girlfriend makes something out of nothing all the time

👍🏼

Albert Einstein just finished his theory about space.

Its about time too

👍🏼

I got a hand job from Albert Einstein the other day...

It was a stroke of genius

👍🏼

Einstein: Dad, my paper on the Theory of Relativity finally got published!!

Einstein's Dad: Damn son, it's about time!

👍🏼

Einstein developed a theory about space...

...it was about time too.

👍🏼

Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek

While Einstein is counting down from 100, Pascal runs and hides. Newton stands in pain view, and carefully measures out a meter square, then stands in it.

When Einstein turns around, he exclaims "Newton you're supposed to hide so I can't find you" . Newton replies "you found a Newton over a square meter, you found a Pascal"

👍🏼

Einstein famously said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

But doing the same thing over and over again and actually getting a different result - that's called Computer Programming.

👍🏼

Einstein walks into a bar...

The bartender asks "What's the deal, Einstein? You look like you're out of energy tonight."

Einstein responds: "Eh, no matter."

[BTW this was original]

👍🏼

Einstein is on a train leaving New York.

He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"

👍🏼

I have qualities of both Albert Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger

Body of Einstein, brain of Schwarzenegger

👍🏼

They say you can't get a decent job without education.....

They say you can't get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the Moon!

👍🏼

How five Jews changed the way we see the world:

Moses: "The Law is everything"

Jesus: "Love is everything"

Marx: "Money is everything"

Freud: "Sex is everything"

Einstein: "Everything is relative"

👍🏼

Einstein, Newton and Pascal...

... were playing hide and seek. Einstein started counting so Pascal ran off to hide, but Newton simply drew a square on the floor and stepped in it. Einstein shouted "Ha, found you!", to which Newton simply replied "Nope, 1 Newton per square metre, you found Pascal!"

👍🏼

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein is counting down while Newton and Pascal are trying to hide. Pascal jumps into the bushes and Newton walks a few steps, picks up a stick, draws a square on the ground and just stands there. Einstein turns around and instantly spots Newton.

- Found you Newton, you lose!
- Now wait a minute good sir, can't you see what I drew below me? I am a Newton on a square meter so technically you found Pascal.

👍🏼

Albert Einstein owed the inspiration for one of his best ideas to his cousin who had Down Syndrome...

he had a special relative, you see?

👍🏼

Not to brag, but I consider myself as a mix between Rambo and Einstein...

...I have Rambo's intelligence and Einstein's muscles.

👍🏼

Nerd joke.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims Newton! I found you! You're it! Newton replies You didn't find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!

👍🏼

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek

Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot.

"I found you Isaac, great hiding spot," says Einstein.

"You didn't find me," Newton replies. "You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!"

👍🏼

Einstein, Newton & Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. Instead of hiding Newton knees down and draws a square of one meter side length. Then he steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies: "No, what you see is one Newton over one square meter - so what you have found is one Pascal."

👍🏼

Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

Einstein is it and starts counting. Pascal immediately runs off and hides. Newton just stands there and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square and sits there waiting for Einstein to finish counting. When Einstein finishes counting, he immediately sees Newton, exclaiming, "You're it!" Newton only smiles and says, "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"

👍🏼

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein counts down while the two hide. Pascal immediately runs for it, but Newton just draws a square around himself and stands there.

As he turns around he proclaims "Found you, Newton!"

"No, you found one Newton on a square-metre. You found Pascal."

👍🏼

Einstein invented a theory about space...

and it was about time too!

👍🏼

What was it called when Einstein masturbated?

Stroke of genius.

👍🏼

What do you call Albert Einstein giving a handjob?

A stroke of genius.

👍🏼

An alien walks into a human brain shop

Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.

Alien: I'll take a look.

Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.

Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?

Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.

👍🏼

Albert Einstein, Issac Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

They play rock-paper-scissors to choose the seeker. A. Einstein is left so he has to be te seeker. He starts counting down from 10.

Pascal hides in a bush bearby, but Newton remains in plain sight. He draws a square with an area of 1m^2 and stays in it.

Einstein's countdown ends. 3.... 2.... 1....

He turns around and sees Isaac Newton in plain sight. He tells him:

"Ha, found you, Newton!"

I. Newton responds while nodding:

"You didn't find me, because 1N/1m^2 =1 Pascal. So it's Pascal who you found!"

👍🏼

Totally Nerdy Joke: Einstein, Newton, and Pascal playing hide and seek

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek. It's einstein's turn to count. Pascal runs away and hides under some bushes. Newton draws a large box in the dirt and stands inside it. Einstein finishes counting, sees Newton and declares "Aha! Newton, I found you!" Newton replies "No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal."

👍🏼

It's Albert Einstein, not mine

Few things are Infinite,
The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.

👍🏼

Someone gave a handjob to Albert Einstein...

What a stroke of genius!

👍🏼

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon.

Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"

The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."

Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.

But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a 1 meter x 1 meter square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not -- here I come!"

Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing right in front of him. He says, "I found you, Pascal!"

👍🏼

What are the most funny Einstein jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Einstein? Well, here are the best Einstein dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Einstein pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes