Einstein Jokes
142 einstein jokes and hilarious einstein puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about einstein that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your friends laugh out loud with these witty Einstein jokes that make fun of the famous physicist, his theories of relativity and quantum physics, and the discoveries of Bose and Pasteur. Get ready to crack up!
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Funniest Einstein Short Jokes
Short einstein jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The einstein humour may include short physics jokes also.
- TIL Albert Einstein was a real person. I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.
- They say you can't get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!
- A new study shows that the majority of humans alive today are better at math than Albert Einstein. Because he's dead.
- Einstein walks into a bar... The bartender asks "What's the deal, Einstein? You look like you're out of energy tonight."
Einstein responds: "Eh, no matter."
[BTW this was original] - Einstein is on a train leaving New York. He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"
- I have qualities of both Albert Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger Body of Einstein, brain of Schwarzenegger
- Albert Einstein owed the inspiration for one of his best ideas to his cousin who had Down Syndrome... he had a special relative, you see?
- My friend found out that Albert Einstein was a real guy He thought he was just a theoretical physicist
- Not to brag, but I consider myself as a mix between Rambo and Einstein... ...I have Rambo's intelligence and Einstein's muscles.
- Want to know what the definition of insanity is? The definition of insanity is mindlessly repeating a quote that Einstein never said.
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Einstein One Liners
Which einstein one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with einstein? I can suggest the ones about albert einstein and pascal.
- A bar walks into Albert Einstein. Oops, wrong frame of reference.
- Einstein was wrong My girlfriend makes something out of nothing all the time
- Albert Einstein just finished his theory about space. Its about time too
- Einstein developed a theory about space... ...it was about time too.
- What was Albert Einsteins DJ name? MC Squared
- Einstein's second wife was his cousin ... ... so I guess sometimes love is relative.
- Whats Albert Einstein's rap name? MC Squared
- Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively
- Why Einstein loved his parents and grandparents? They were all relatives.
- Why did Einstein only own grandfather clocks Because time is relative
- You all know Albert Einstein, but did you know he had a brother Named Frank.
- Why did Einstein marry his first cousin? Because, it was all relative.
- I knew a man who had the brain of Einstein... He was also wanted for grave digging.
- Why did Einstein invite time to his wedding? Because it was relative.
- Why did Einstein cross the road? So the other side could get to him
Albert Einstein Jokes
Here is a list of funny albert einstein jokes and even better albert einstein puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that an evil scientist used to experiment on. His name was FrankEinstein
- Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics. His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.
- I'm pretty sure that I am related to Albert Einstein. However despite all of my research into my family tree, I just can't prove my theory of relativity.
- Guys, I just read something on the internet saying that Albert Einstein may not have existed! Turns out he's just a theoretical physicist.
- If I recall correctly, in the mid 1900s, Albert Einstein proposed a new theory on space, and it was about time, too.
- Albert Einstein once famously said... "Every great quote will eventually be misattributed to Albert Einstein"
- My nephew was genetically engineered to be like both frank sinatra and Albert Einstein. He's a regular Frank Einstein.
- "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." ~ Albert Einstein I'm not so sure either...
- What would albert einstein's name be if he was blonde? Nobody would know
- Albert Einstein once said: "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. He was probably talking about the 18th Amendment.
Einstein Relativity Jokes
Here is a list of funny einstein relativity jokes and even better einstein relativity puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Can't believe that it's been over a hundred years since Einstein proposed his theory of relativity. Feels like it was only yesterday...
- My SO told me she had never heard of Einstein's Theory of Relativity before today. I said, "It's about time!"
- Albert Einstein Begins a Lecture on General Relativity: Ok, let's get started, so here is the gravity of the situation...
- How is dating in the south much like one of Einsteins most famous theories? They're all relative.
- Two guys are talking about their family histories... GUY 1: Hey, I heard you're Einstein's distant cousin.
GUY 2: I'm not sure, really. It's just a theory of relativity. - Chuck Norris is the reason why Einstein's theory of relativity is still a theory.
- According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
- I wonder if Einstein thought of his theory of general relativity... in New York's Time Squared...
Einstein Theory Jokes
Here is a list of funny einstein theory jokes and even better einstein theory puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Einstein: I finally finished my theory about space. Mrs. Einstein: It's about time.
Einstein: Wow! How did you know that? - I think my girlfriend's love for Einstein's theories is driving us away from each other. But, hey. I'll be a good guy and understand if she just wants some time and space.
- After 50 years of research, Einstein had finally created his universal theory about space It was about time he did...
- So Einstein finally finished that theory about space he's been working on. It's about time too, right?
- Scientists have finally been confirming Einstein's theory about space It's about time too
Einstein Birthday Jokes
Here is a list of funny einstein birthday jokes and even better einstein birthday puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- On Einstein's birthday, let us not forget about his brother. Frank. He created a monster.
- Stephen Hawking asked Albert Einstein "What do you want for your birthday?". He responded, "You.".
Baby Einstein Jokes
Here is a list of funny baby einstein jokes and even better baby einstein puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did Einstein eat as a baby? Formula!
Uproarious Einstein Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about einstein you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean relativity jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make einstein pranks.
What is the smartest monster?
Frank-Einstein
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was it called when Einstein m**...?
s**... of genius.
Relativity
A student is taking the train back to MIT, and realizes that Albert Einstein just sat down in the seat next to him! Excitedly, the student asks: "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"
scientific joke
Scientists were playing hide and seek. Einstein was seeker.
Amongst the other scientists, Newton did not hide and stood in a 1 meter square.
Einstein: I found you Newton, I-spy
Newton: I am not Newton, as I am standing in 1 mtr square, I am newton per meter square: I am Pascal
!@#$%^&*()
Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?
She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek
Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot.
"I found you Isaac, great hiding spot," says Einstein.
"You didn't find me," Newton replies. "You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get when einstein jacks off????
a s**... of genius!!!!!
(its terrible, i know)
What does Einstein drink with breakfast?
Relativitea!
Einstein discovered three things slow time
1. Speed
2. Gravity
3. My Wife
Einstein, Newton and Darwin are having a small argument.
Newton, a bit annoyed, says "Guys, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation".
Einstein replies, "I think I do relatively understand it."
On which Darwin says, "Please don't let this evolve into a big fight, aight?"
Einstein quietly lays in bed next to a obviously disappointed partner..
After a few minutes of awkward silence he turns to her and says, "You see, it was fast to you..."
They say you can't get a decent job without education.....
They say you can't get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the Moon!
Why can't Einstein build a wall?
He only has ein stein
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How five Jews changed the way we see the world:
Moses: "The Law is everything"
Jesus: "Love is everything"
Marx: "Money is everything"
Freud: "s**... is everything"
Einstein: "Everything is relative"
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It's Albert Einstein, not mine
Few things are Infinite,
The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.
Einstein famously said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
But doing the same thing over and over again and actually getting a different result - that's called Computer Programming.
90% of Albert Einstein quotes are fake.
~Albert Einstein, 2017
My friend told me I have a really bad problem remembering names.
I said, "who do you think I am, Alfred Einstein?"
After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...
"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"
Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does Albert Einstein say after s**...?
To YOU that was fast.
When i went to ask mom for gym money
Me:Mom give me some money for the gym.
Mom:Will you become John Cena after going to gym?
Me:Am I becoming Einstein by going to school?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandma recently claimed she once gave a h**... to Albert Einstein..
What a s**... of genius.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
What was Einstein's brother called?
Zweistein.
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At your age...
Teacher:
You idiots! At Your Age, Einstein Ranked First in Class. What about You???
Student:
Sir, At Your Age, h**... Committed s**.....! What about You???
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a h**... from Albert Einstein the other day...
It was a s**... of genius
What do Einstein and an iceberg with a lisp have in common?
They both tried to think the unthinkable.
What do you call it when Einstein performs a Christmas play with his family?
Relativenativity
As Albert Einstein ones said:
Two things are infinite; the universe and the 40-day trial for WinRAR!
Albert Einstein and Charlie Chaplin meet...
ALBERT EINSTEIN:- What I admire most about your art, is its universality. You do not say a word, and yet ... ... CHARLIE CHAPLIN:- It's true, but your fame is even greater! The world admires you, when nobody understands you!
'Time is certainly a very complex topic in physics, and there are people who believe that time does not actually exist. One common argument they use is that Einstein proved that everything is relative, so time is irrelevant'.
I said boldly to my boss! But he still fired me for being 3 hours late.
What did Einstein tell people when they asked him how he figured out E=mc^2 ?
It was just light math.
Einstein says that anything with mass can't go faster than the speed of light, but...
What if you aren't Christian?
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A boy walks in on his parents having s**... in the bedroom...
Dad says that he and mommy are just having fun and he'll tuck in his son in 20 minutes.
After 15 minutes the father hears screaming from his son's room. He opens the door and sees the boy having s**... with his grandma. The boy looks at his father judgementally saying: It's not so funny when it's your mother, is it?
Bob Einstein in Comedians in Cars Getting Coffe
An alien walks into a human brain shop
Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.
Alien: I'll take a look.
Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.
Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?
Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius..
But his brother Frank was a monster.
What do you call a physicist that only drinks one beer?
Einstein.
Everyone knows Albert Einstein because of his research in physics. But most people don't know about his brother who did research in monster making...
His name was Frank
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Einstein was caught doing 65 in a 30
He was arrested for i**....
"Speed is relative"
What did the bartender say to Einstein when he walked in the bar at the speed of light?
Why the short face.....
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My pal got Einstein tattooed onto his a**....
He's such a wisecrack.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
It's Einstein's turn. He counts till ten and opens up his eyes.
Pascal is nowhere to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein with a chalk in his hand. He's sitting on a box he's drawn, one metre a side.
Einstein: Newton you're terrible, I can see you!
Newton: No No Einy, you've found one Newton per square metre. You've found Pascal!
Marilyn Monroe suggests to Albert Einstein : "If you and I were to marry, our kids will be the smartest and most beautiful in all the world."
Einstein: "What if they get my looks and your brain?"
Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean
Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.
Einstein: asks a question.
Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
Einstein says: Okay, it's your turn.
Mr. Bean asks: What's an animal that has four legs, but when it's crossing a street, it has three legs and when it's on the other side of the street, it has only two?
Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.
Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*
Einstein asks: What is it?
Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.
Einstein and his wife are going through a tough time in their marriage.
Einstein: Tell me what you need, I'm here to help.
Wife: I just need two things right now, some space and time.
Einstein: Ok, so what's the second thing?
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You're not s**... if you haven't been to university
Einstein never went to university and he was the first man to climb mount Everest
An illiterate man and Albert Einstein are sitting together on the train.
Einstein: Let's play a game to pass some time. I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. If I can't answer a question from you, I'll give you $50.
Illiterate man: I'll go first. What has 3 legs in the morning, 4 legs in the afternoon, and 8 legs at night?
Einstein: I don't know. (Gives man $50) What is the answer to that question?
Illiterate man: (Gives $5 to Einstein)
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We all know Albert Einstein was a genius
but his brother, Frank, was a monster creating doctor.
Who was the scariest scientist?
Frank Einstein
was einstein an actual person?
my friend says he is, but im pretty sure he's a theoretical physicist
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Albert Einstein had a brother named Frank.
But he was a real monster.
