Eighty Jokes
22 eighty jokes and hilarious eighty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eighty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Eighty Short Jokes
Short eighty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eighty humour may include short sixty jokes also.
- This pretty much sums up the eighties 80 + 81 + 82 + 83 + 84 + 85 + 86 + 87 + 88 + 89 = 845
- Everyone trying to get their bachelor's degree four years... and I'm over here waiting eighty years to graduate just so I can be on the front page.
- Joke #83 In an old joke, two noblemen vie to name the bigger number. The first, after ruminating for hours, triumphantly announces "Eighty-three!"
The second, mightily impressed, replies "You win."
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Eighty One Liners
Which eighty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eighty? I can suggest the ones about seventy and ninety.
- Approximately eighty million Americans are obese. But those are just round figures.
- Eighty percent of married men cheat in America The rest cheat in Europe
- I'd like to meet an eighty-year-old who's wise beyond his years.
- What did the blackbird say when he turned eighty? "Aye, matey!"
- What's the most ironic movie of the nineteen eighties? Ferrous Bueller's Day Off
- Why couldn't the driver pay attention to the road? Because his car had "Eighty-HP"
- The inventor of Mad libs died He was eighty p**... years old
Howlingly Hilarious Eighty Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about eighty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean turning 80 jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eighty pranks.
An 60 guy introduced his friend to his new trophy wife
When they alone without the wife they asked him : "how did you got such a hot wife? "
He said: " i lied about my age"
"did you tell her that you are fifty?" asked one of his friends
"no i told her i am eighty" replied the man
Interviewer: You said you are quick in mathematics, could you tell me what is a two hundred and fifty times eighty whole divided by sixty nine?
Man: Six thousand eight hundred and fourty five.
Interviewer: Hm... that's not the right answer...
Man: But i'm quick.
I see your eight-year-old joke and raise you my nine-year-old joke.
Why didn't the bullet have a job?
It got fired.
Darkened Room
A young associate was romantically ambushed in a darkened room of the law firm. After months of the social isolation that comes from eighty hour work weeks, the associate was happy to reciprocate. However, when asked by a friend to identify the lover, the associate was puzzled. "All I know for sure is that it was a partner -- I had to do all the work."
An eighty year old man is in the hospital waiting room about to be a first time father.
The nurse comes out of the opperating room as say "Good news sir your wife just gave birth to twins. You have two healthy baby boys. "
The old man stands up excitedly takes off his hat and says to the nurse "It just goes to show you even if you have snow on the roof you can still have a fire in the furnace!"
The nurse replied: "Well you better change your filter because the babies are black"
A lady went to an auction...
And was smitten by a beautiful parrot for sale and decided that she must own this gorgeous bird! When the bird came up for sale, the auctioneer asked, "How much am I bid for this parrot?" and the lady bid with "Seven hundred dollars". "Eight hundred!" "Eighty hundred fifty!" "Nine hundred fifty!" go the next several bids, and the lady bid "One thousand dollars!" Bidding goes on this way for several minutes until she found herself the proud owner of an parrot for $1500.
She approached the auctioneer and asked him "Can the bird talk?" to which the auctioneer replied "Lady, who do you think was bidding against you?"
For all you boxing fans out there
Eighty year old woman, huge boxing fan, decides to get a couple of tattoos of her favourite pugilists done.
One of Mohamed Ali on the inside of her upper right thigh, one of Mike Tyson on the inside of her upper left thigh.
Pleased as punch, she goes home to her husband, lifts up her dress, spreads her legs and says, ' Well, what do you think of these?'
Husband replies 'The one on the right could be Mohamed Ali, the one on the left might be Mike Tyson, but the one in the middle is definitely Don King.
An eighty-year-old man thinks his wife is losing her hearing
After a few weeks of being consistently ignored by his wife, he decides to see if she is deliberately ignoring him or just losing her hearing.
One evening, while she is cleaning the dishes, he stands about ten feet behind her and asks "Can you hear me?" His wife does not respond.
He takes a few steps forward and asks again, "Can you hear me?" Again, he gets no response.
He takes a few more steps forward until he is right behind her, and says "Can you hear me?"
"FOR THE THIRD TIME, YES!" she shouts.
A hundred and eighty five cheese wheels roll into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve cheese here!" The cheese wheels said "That's not a very gouadea"
A hundred and eighty five playing cards go into a bar. The Bartender says "We don't serve cards here!" The playing cards shuffled off.
A hundred and eighty five trees go into a bar. The bartender says 'We don't serve trees here!" The trees decided to leaf.
A hundred and eighty five vikings sailed into a bar. The bartender says 'We don't serve vikings here!" So they razed the bar.
A hundred and eighty five miners walked into a bar. The bartender says 'We don't serve miners here!" They said 'Don't worry, we have IDs."
Geriatric problems
Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says: "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."
The second old man says: "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."
Finally the third old man speaks up: "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."
