Ego Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

An ego and a superego walk into a bar.

The bartender says "I'll have to see some id"

Clever Insult joke

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level.

If I wanted to kill myself...

I'd jump from your ego to your IQ.

I just found my friend has a secret life as a priest

It's his altar ego

My friends a farmer with a huge ego problem

All I did was ask where he was and he brags that he's out standing in his field

Trump's ego is so big...

Trump's ego is so big that when he bangs a super-model, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off.

-Seth Macfarlane, CC Roast of Trump

One I wrote a while ago: Anti-Boasting Cream

Now I don't tell many jokes and definitely don't write them so I found this on my phone from about two years ago and was amazed!

I went to see the Doctor this morning about my big ego. He told me to try this anti-boasting cream.

I said, how do I apply it? It's just i've got really soft, sensitive, supple skin. He said, You just have to rub it in.

How does the pope refer to his secret superhero identity?

It's his altar ego.

Went golfing with my Grandpa yesterday..

We were on the 12th hole and I hit my tee shot a bit to the left. When we got to my ball there was a big 40ft tree right in my way and I was just going to hit around it when my grandpa chimed in:

"Ya know, when I was your age I could hit it right up and over that tree"

Well not to be outdone my ego took over and I grabbed my 9 iron to hit it right over that tree. I took my shot and *THWACK* the ball hit dead center of the tree and bounced back 30 yards behind me. That's when he chimes in again:

"Of course when I was your age that tree was only 2 feet tall!"

I told my wife "Beware the Ides of March!"

I told my wife "Beware the Ides of March! I'm in the mood to do some stabbing from behind, if you know what I mean. "

She said, "I just might die of surprise if you make it to 23 stabs!"

So yeah, only my ego got murdered today.

Three words to ruin a man's ego...?

Is it in?

How do you kill an Italian?

Take him to the top of his ego and throw him off.

(This is a joke we say in Colombia but about the Argentinians)

Conversation at the breakfast table this morning.

Him: I shouldn't say I love you with all my heart. I should say, I love you with all my liver, since it's bigger.

Me: Then you should love me with all your ego.

Him: I don't love you that much.

What three words are most destructive to a man's ego?

Is it in?

Why are Americans so arrogant?

Because our national bird is the ego.

They say I have an inflated Ego.

I don't know what they mean. Got an inflatable castle for my kids,
and I guess they're just envious that I'm such a great father.

A guy and a girl meet at a bar……

They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.

The girl has been watching him and says:

"You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says: "Yes .... How did you figure that out?"
"Easy.." she replies, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing leads to another and they make love.
After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with an inflated ego, says:
"Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"

The girl replies:....

"Didn't feel a thing."

I lost my Id the other day.

Well, at least I still have my Ego and Super Ego.

Three Words

Three words to ruin a man's ego...
"Is it in?"

Three words to ruin a woman's ego...
"I don't know"

If I ever wanted to kill myself...

climbing up your ego and jumping down to your IQ level would get the job done.

How Putin ruined the ego of swingers everywhere

Vladimir Putin: Some people say that group sex is better than sex as a pair - because I guess, like with any teamwork, one can dodge being good at it.

What do you call a Superhero with a dentist alter ego?

Plaque Panther

Three Words to Ruin a Guy's Ego

Girl: Is it in??

During our breakup, my ex said that my ego was way too big

But I think it's one of the things that makes me so great

Did ya hear about the cannibal lion with a huge ego?

He had to swallow his pride

What city would you be in if you dropped your waffle on the beach?

....Sandy ego.

As a middleaged Argentine native I have come to the conclusion that our big ego and our arrogance don't let us see things the way they really are. We must admit that sometimes we make mistakes. Thus, we Argentines are imperfect.

...until you reach 50.


If I'd ever want to commit suicide, I will jump off your ego to your elo.

Trump has such high ego

that when he bangs a supermodel, he closes his eyes and imagines he is jerking off.

The Id, The Ego, and The Super Ego walk into a bar....

The Id, The Ego, and The Super Ego walk into a bar. No they didn't! Yes, they did! None of this even matters!

My sex life is exactly like my ego...

I always come first

I am considering making a balloon of my subconscious...

But I'm afraid it will only inflate my ego...

Why do people's personalities change so much after marriage?

Because out comes their altar ego.

I don't have an ego

I'm just perfect

How does an Argentinean commit suicide?

He climbs up on his ego and then jumps off.

Before he was famous

Biggie Smalls to friend: I'm the greatest rapper of all time. Nobody can match my skills. Not even you.

Friend: wow, big ego.

The king's ego really took a hit when he couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

His men were walking on eggshells.

Does one really suffer from having an inflated ego?

...or is it the greatest disease anyone could possibly ever have, ever?

"If I wanted to commit suicide

"If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level."

The size, complexities and wonder of the universe can only be matched by the ignorance, ego and stupidity of man.

Source: my ex-wife

Well there's definitely one word I can't use to describe Tom Brady's ego...


If a priest is selfcenteret

Would you say he has an alter ego?

Ego and Super-Ego walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "I'm going to need to see some Id."

Big Ego

Usually I have a big eggo, but I just wasn't in the mood for waffles today.

What do you call a cannibal who has a big ego?

Full of himself

I'm trying to work on my ego...

But it's hard if you're so awesome.

Donald Trump just tweeted he will build a Moon base and be the first person to step foot on the Moon again.

I can hear it now... Houston this is Tranquility base the Ego has landed

Why does it take more than a million sperms to fertilize one egg?

1) Female Ego...
Rejection without Reason!

2) Male Ego...
Won't Ask For Directions!

If a priest is preparing to sacrifice something or preparing for holy communion...

Is he in his altar ego?

Three words to hurt a mans ego?

"Is it in?"

What are the funniest ego jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Ego? Well, here are the best Ego puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Ego pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes