Eggs Jokes
166 eggs jokes and hilarious eggs puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about eggs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends. We've covered all the best easter eggs jokes, deviled eggs jokes, bacon and eggs jokes.
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Funniest Eggs Short Jokes
Short eggs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eggs humour may include short egg drop jokes also.
- I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast. Since she can't even beat an egg
- A computer programmer goes to buy some bread. On his way out, his wife says, "and while you're there, get a carton of eggs".
He never returned. - What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common? They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
- Told by a 7 year old boy: How do you drop on an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it. concrete floors are really hard to crack.
Then he said "you were thinking about the egg weren't you!" - A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar..... The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".
- Give a man an egg and he'll eat for a day Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you're taking science too far.
- A man goes to a halloween party dressed up as a chicken and he meets a girl dressed up as an egg. The answer is the chicken.
- I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered The chicken
- What did the egg say to the boiling water? I'm not sure if I can get hard, I was just laid this morning.
- I asked Vincent van gogh to get me 6 eggs from the store, he came back with three... Forgot he can only hear half of what I'm saying
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Eggs One Liners
Which eggs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eggs? I can suggest the ones about egg laying and chicken egg.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon today I'll let you know.
- I once had a hen that could count her own eggs She was a mathemachicken
- Why do French people eat small breakfasts One egg is an oeuf
- Actual joke dad said this morning waitress: How do you like your eggs?
dad: in a cake - Why don't eggs tell each other jokes? Because they would crack each other up
- Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg? Because in France one egg is un oeuf.
- What's the difference between a Redditor and egg? An egg gets laid
- Where does a socialist bird lay its eggs? In a communest
- When did Japanese start eating egg? A long tamago
- What tool do you use to open an egg? A hatchet
- I have high cholesterol, so my doctor has me on the "period" diet One egg a month
- What came first, the chicken or the egg? The rooster. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- How do you cure a deviled egg? Call an eggsorcist!
- Why do easter eggs hide? Because they're little chickens.
- Why did the bacon laugh? Because the egg cracked a yolk.
Easter Eggs Jokes
Here is a list of funny easter eggs jokes and even better easter eggs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I accidentally drank the water we used to color eggs for Easter. I think I dyed a little inside.
- My son asked me to explain what coloring eggs had to do with the story of Easter... "You see, son, we color Easter eggs to remind us that Jesus dyed for our sins."
- I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg so I said to him, 'Which is your favourite Christian festival?'
He replied 'Have to love Easter, baby.' - What's the best thing about having alzeimhers disease? You can hide your own easter eggs
- There are 3 perks of having Alzheimer 1. You can make new friends every day.
2. You can look for the Easter eggs you hid yourself.
3. You can make new friends every day. - You know what the best thing about Alzheimer's is? You can hide your own Easter eggs.
- Did you know Sean Connery used to save the egg shells from pancake day and paint them to use for egg hunts at Easter? It was an egg shell lent idea
- Doctor says, "I've got good news and bad news…" The bad news is that you have Alzheimer's.
The good news is now you can hide your own Easter eggs! - Arnold Schwarzenegger joined an Easter egg hunt but didn't find any eggs. His secretary asks "Does this mean you hate Easter now?" He shakes his head and responds:
"I still love Easter baby." - My grandmother was a somnambulist who had recurring dreams of coloring Easter eggs Conveniently, she dyed in her sleep last week.
Lay Eggs Jokes
Here is a list of funny lay eggs jokes and even better lay eggs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you get when a chicken lays its eggs on the top of a hill? Egg rolls.
- TIL there is a rooster that lays eggs. The breed is Himalayan.
- What sound do French chickens make when they lay eggs? OEUF!
- Why do chickens lay eggs? To confuse philosophers.
- What does an evil chicken lay? Deviled eggs
- Asked a hen how many eggs it lays daily? It said: two eggs
I said: Oh strange!
It said: what's strange? the fact that I lay two eggs?
I said: no, the fact that you talk - What do you call it when all the hens in the coup resign the same day from their jobs laying eggs? Chicken tenders.
- What do you give to a female fish that has trouble laying her eggs? a SEA-section
- You Know It's Hot When ... Cows are giving evaporated milk ...
Chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs ...
Catfish are already fried when caught ...
Jehovah Witnesses start telemarketing ... - What did the French ostrich say after laying a 4lb egg? Big oeuf
Scrambled Eggs Jokes
Here is a list of funny scrambled eggs jokes and even better scrambled eggs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I decided to have scrambled eggs this morning... Immediately after thinking "I'll just flip this omelette."
- Do egg jokes crack you up? Or do they make you scramble away... omelette you think about it...
- My step sis asked me to bring her something hard to write on... Idk why she's so mad, it's really hard to write on scrambled eggs.
- What do you call this? esgg
egsg
gseg
segg
Scrambled eggs. - Two eggs were talking in secret codes until they were scrambled
- Sgeg Anyone for scrambled eggs?
- I've never made scrambled eggs before but I thought I'd wisk it.
- Guy who hasn't seen his Girlfriend since lock-down, phoned her. Guy: Hi babe hows the diet going.?
Her: Not good, I had eggs for breakfast.
Guy: Scrambled.?
Her: No, Cadbury's. - Do you like eggs? I have them in the morning with my toast.
Sometimes sunny side up, sometimes scrambled, sometimes over easy.
I think they're eggsellent. - Teacher: You should wash your face in the morning "I can tell what you had for breakfast. You ate scrambled eggs"
Student; "Haha, you're wrong, sir. I ate eggs yesterday".
Bacon And Eggs Jokes
Here is a list of funny bacon and eggs jokes and even better bacon and eggs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dad at breakfast: Dad at breakfast: I'll have bacon and eggs, please
Waiter: How do you like your eggs?
Dad: I don't know, I haven't gotten them yet! - The difference between being Involved vs. Committed Take a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese sandwich. The chicken and the cow are involved, but the pig is committed.
- Eggs and bacon A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime's commitment for a pig.
- Kevin Bacon once had a friend named Johnny Eggs They were known as Kevin and Johnny.
- Every morning, I always stack my pancakes, bacon, eggs and biscuits on top of each other…. So I can have a balanced breakfast.
- Roses are red. Violets are blue… Poetry is hard. I'm hungry hmmmm
Hard
Hard boiled eggs
Mmmm bacon and eggs
Sorry where was I? - Eggs and Bacon lead some very interesting lives Eggs went to college but Bacon Strips
- My grandmother passed away. Grandfather tried to stay positive about living the single life.
He said: "Who needs a wife anyway?
-How hard can it be to boil Bacon and Eggs?" - A guy came up to me and asked if I would chuck bacon, eggs, fries, beans and toast at him! I said; "what do you want a brunch in the face?!"
- A man fell into a hot vat at the Cadbury factory. He was bacon 'n eggs.
Deviled Eggs Jokes
Here is a list of funny deviled eggs jokes and even better deviled eggs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Deviled eggs? Is that some kind of cruel yolk?
- What did the naughty rabbit leave for Easter?
Deviled eggs. - What did satan worshippers have for breakfast? Devilled eggs!
- What did the wicked chicken lay? A deviled egg. Hmath out.
Amusing & Witty Eggs Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about eggs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fried egg jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eggs pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which one doesn't belong: eggs, your wife, or a b**...?
The b**.... You can beat your eggs and your wife but you can't beat a b**....
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a drunk guy in line at the grocery store...
The woman in front of him has a block of cheddar cheese, a half gallon of milk, and a dozen eggs.
He stumbles up to her and says, "Why, you must be single!"
Rather surprised, she looks at him and replies, "Yes, I am single! You could tell that just from what I'm buying?"
Without missing a beat, the drunk guy says, "No, it's 'cause you're f**...' ugly!"
An older couple is watching tv...
And the man stands up and says, "I'm going to the kitchen. Do you want anything?"
His wife answers, "yes, please get me some chocolate ice cream with sprinkes."
The man starts to leave, when his wife says, "Honey, are you sure you don't want to write that down, your doctor said you may need to in order to remember."
"no, no, I'm sure I'll remember what you asked for."
A few minutes later, he returns with fried eggs and toast.
His wife says, "well, see, you did need to write that down. You completely forgot my bacon!"
Do you know how to make Notre Dame style eggs?
You put them in a bowl way too big for it...and then beat repeatedly for 3 hours
There are two eggs in a pan of boiling water
One says "oh! I've got a small crack."
The other replies "don't worry, I'm only half hard."
Coloured Eggs
A rooster was strutting around the hen house one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow.
The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.
This came to me randomly today; not sure if old, or OC...
How does Hannibal Lecter like his eggs?
Ovaries-y
What does a Chinese bear fry eggs in?
A pan, duh!
Mother's Day
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.
But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.
"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."
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what do eggs benedict and a b**... have in common?
you dont get either at home.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Pakistani cook get fired?
He could only cook eggs Sunni side up and, honestly, they tasted like s**...'ite.
Married mathematicians deciding what to get from the store.
A husband and wife are mathematicians. Husband asks the wife if she needs anything from the store. She looks in the fridge and says she needs eggs.
"How many?" he asks standing right next to her.
She yells, "4!".
He wonders for a moment why she yelled, figures it out and comes back with two dozen.
Eggs
A couple were married for 25yrs. One day while cleaning their room, she finds a box hidden inside his closet and decides to open it with the thought that her husband is keeping a secret to her. In the box she finds 3 eggs and 10 grand.
This seems very strange so she went to him and asks:
"Why are there 3 eggs in a box in your closet?"
"Well, dear," the husband replies, "everytime I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box."
She's hurt that he had been unfaithful but consoles herself with the fact that they have been married for 25yrs and he had only been unfaithful 3 times.
Wife asks: "Where did the 10 grand come from?"
With head bowed down he answers: "Everytime it reaches a dozen, I sell them!"
From my 3yr old nephew: Why do chickens sit on their eggs?
Because they don't have chairs.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[Bad joke] How does a Marine like his eggs?
Semper-fried!
(Bring on the booings and the beatings)
A man meets a Native American with flawless memory...
When he meets this Native American Chief he notices he is older than most.
He asks the Chief many questions, and the Chief replies flawlessly to each one.
Then he thinks of a random date and asks the Chief, "What did you eat on October 18, 1987?" The Chief replies "Eggs".
He leaves the Chief and goes home. A year later he meets the Chief again. Feeling respectful he approaches the Chief, and says "How" and the Chief says, "Scrambled!"
It's Easter Sunday morning...
... and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can't eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees all the colored eggs, then storms outside and kills the peacock.
How do you cook eggs found on someone else's property?
You poach them.
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Muslims are a lot like breakfast eggs.
If they aren't Sunni side up, they're probably Shiite.
The wife
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Egg timer
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Whilst in America, my son and I went shopping in Wal-mart. I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder eggs.
"Oh no, sir, we don't sell them in the States - they are a health hazard!"
"Okay," I replied. "I'll just take these two assault rifles then."
Toast at a Wedding
"May you live as long as you want and not want for as long as you live." That's an Irish toast.
"Cinnamon, eggs, bread, and maple syrup." That's a French toast.
Two eggs are on the counter, they see a fork. One of them turns to the other and asks "what's that?"
The second egg says "beats me".
A wife asks her newfie husband to stop by the grocery store on the way home...
She tells him, "pick up a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen"
He comes home later with 12 loaves of bread
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Why will people click on any link with s**... or eggs in the headline?
Hey, s**... cells.
A boy goes to the circus
and one of the sideshows is a tent that says "Man Who Remembers Everything." Intrigued, the boy goes inside and sees an old Native American man sitting on the ground. He approaches the man and asks, "If you remember everything, what did you have for breakfast exactly three weeks ago?"
Without hesitation, the man responds, "Eggs." The boy is sufficiently impressed and leaves to enjoy the rest of the circus.
Many years later, the boy has grown up, gotten married, and had children. One day he takes his family to the circus and is shocked to see the Man Who Remembers Everything is still there. He brings his family into the tent, and there is the same old man sitting on the ground.
Excited to see the old man again, he walks up and greets him, "How!"
The old man looks into his eyes and replies, "Scrambled."
My girlfriend asked me why I was sitting with the eggs...
I couldn't find my whisk, and if you can't beat them, you might as well join them...
A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single."
He got fired.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A logician is asked to go to get groceries.
His wife said: "Go get a jug of milk. If they have eggs, buy a dozen". Later, his wife said: "Why did you come back with a dozen j**... of milk?" The logician said: "They had eggs."
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I asked my grandfather for twenty dollars.
"Twenty dollars?!" he said. "For what?"
"To buy groceries," I told him.
"When I was a boy," my grandfather said. "My mama would give me one dollar, just *one dollar*, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles of milk, a can of coffee and a box of tea."
He shrugged and paused.
"Times have changed and ya can't do that now," he told me. "Too many f**...' security cameras."
Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...
Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."
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Why do the Romans use more eggs in their omelets than the French?
Because the Romans feel that when it comes to eggs, you can't have too many o**....
But in France, they believe that one egg is un ouef.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Isn't it just a little ironic to see a group of pro-lifers
throwing eggs at an abortion clinic?
I ate a salad today and it contained both eggs and chicken
I didn't know where to start.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Going through customs at a US airport
Customs agent: Do you have anything to declare today?
Me: *starts sweating* ummmmm no. *trips and falls. Hundred of Kinder eggs spill from my pockets, jacket and bag*
Customs agent: GET ON THE FLOOR NOW!
Me: But, I am -
*armed guards swarm around and pin me down*
Armed guards: WHAT'S IN THE EGGS!!!
Me: I don't know, it's a surprise!!
(Sorry if the formatting s**.... On mobile)
The Easter massacre
After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later the rooster walked in saw all the colored eggs, then stormed outside and killed the peacock
There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast.
On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"
A priest, a monk, and a Rabbi walk into a barbershop.
A priest walks into a barbershop. After he gets his hair cut, he goes to pay. The barber says "I do not charge men of faith." The next day the priest leaves twelve eggs in front of the barbershop as thanks.
Soon after, a monk walks into the same barbershop and gets his hair cut for free. The monk leaves twelve apples by the door as thanks.
A few days later, a Rabbi walks into the barbershop. He gets his free haircut. The next day the barber comes to work to see twelve Rabbis by the door.
I've always wondered how vegans survived
No meat, no milk and no eggs. How do they do it? But that's when I realized...
They feed off of attention.
Just realized I really like Eggs Benedict when they're served on disposable dishes..
There's just no plates like foam for the Hollandaise
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me eggs Benedict.
So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
Did you hear about the new Christmas restaurant downtown?
They have an eggs Benedict dish that they service on car hub caps - it's called there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise
"Back in the day," my grandfather started to say,
"you could walk into a grocery store with 2 dollars in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well."
"But today," he continued, "wherever you go - there are cameras."
"Doctor, my brother is crazy. He thinks he is a chicken."
"Well, why don't you commit him to a mental asylum?"
"I would, but I need the eggs."
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
Joke my physics teacher told us
A farmer has a bunch of chickens who aren't laying eggs. Puzzled, he enlists the help of a physicist to try and work out the problem. The physicist went away and did his calculations, then came back a week later.
'I have a solution to your problem, but...' the physicist said.
'But what?' Said the farmer.
'It only works for circular chickens in a vacuum.'
My French friend doesn't believe Eggs are round.
He's a member of the flat Oeuf society.
When is was a kid, mum used to send me the shops wtih 50p. i could come home with a chicken, 2 pints of milk, 6 eggs, 2 packs of bacon and a comic book...
You can't do this nowadays though because of CCTV.
When I'm single I go straight to the farm and collect eggs
It's the best place place to pick up chicks.
After 10 years of marriage, wife manage to discover 5 eggs and 5.000 euros on the cabinet.
\-Darling, I'm sorry, but I went to your office and found 5 eggs and 5.000 euros , what's the deal with it?
\-Well, how can I explain it... Since the beginning of our marriage, I would store one egg for each time you annoyed me.
\-Oh, that's so sweet! And what the 5.000 euros are for?
\-I usually wait when I have a dozen of eggs before selling then.
Mafia informants are like good eggs.
They sink right to the bottom.
Drunks
Drunk guy: "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before
the devil knows you're dead!"
Drunk girl: "What's that mean?"
Drunk guy: "It's an Irish toast."
Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
Drunk guy: "Huh?"
Drunk girl: "That's
On my way to climb Mt. Everest, I came upon a local villager who said he had a rooster that laid eggs.
"How is that possible?" I asked.
"Himalayan rooster," he replied.
It always irked my single mother that her grocery store didn't carry eggs in packages of six—just by the dozen.
Then one day, her wish came true. She walked into the grocery and found fresh eggs in cartons of six. I was so excited, she told us later, that I bought two!
Saw a sign at a farm that said, "duck, eggs."
I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call deviled eggs served by a p**...?
w**...-d'oeuvres
Two eggs in a frying pan
One says to the other; wow! It's warm in here!
The other replies Argh!!! A talking egg!
I am jealous of eggs...
... they get laid, while I do not.
A mother Chameleon was so overcome with joy when her eggs hatched that her camouflage dropped.
Looking down excitedly, she exclaimed, "I've become apparent!"
I need to beat some eggs. Will need to borrow one of my wife's kitchen utensils (she hates that)
A whisk I'm willing to take
