Following is our collection of egged humor and poach one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Egg puns for adults, dirty eggcellent jokes or clean omlette gags for kids.
There is an abundance of lette jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 78 funniest jokes on egg. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any yolkswagen witze you can hear about egg.
Since she can't even beat an egg
I'll let you know.
It's gonna take me a little while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick.
Concrete floors are really hard to crack.
Then he said "you were thinking about the egg weren't you!"
The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".
Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you're taking science too far.
The answer is the chicken.
It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.
The chicken
Apparently the answer is Chicken.
Years ago, my older friend told me a joke that I have never heard from anyone else to this day. The joke itself is brilliantly stupid.
"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?"
"It's going to take a moment for me to get hard; I just got laid by some chick."
A life long question was answered. It was the chicken
Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.
Because in France one egg is un oeuf.
"Sorry, it's going to take me a while to get hard, I got laid last night."
and I met a girl who was dressed as an egg. One thing led to another and a lifelong question was answered; it was the chicken.
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken lights up a cigarette. The egg, with a dissatisfied look on it's face, rolls over and remarks, "Well, I guess we answered that question."
By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.
Because one egg is un oeuf.
A long tamago
A hatchet
I want to see which one comes first.
Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.
Anyway you want. Concrete doesn't break easily.
"Not sure I can get hard..just got laid 10 minutes ago"
Because one egg is un oeuf.
The ova achiever
Because one egg is un oeuf.
and I hooked up with a guy dressed as a chicken.
I guess we have an answer to that age old question.
It was the chicken.
One egg a month
What do you call an egg that's scared?
A chicken egg.
Its going to take me a while to get hard because I was just laid.
A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."
With just a piece of sausage and an egg, they can fill a woman's tummy for 9 months.
\-Darling, I'm sorry, but I went to your office and found 5 eggs and 5.000 euros , what's the deal with it?
\-Well, how can I explain it... Since the beginning of our marriage, I would store one egg for each time you annoyed me.
\-Oh, that's so sweet! And what the 5.000 euros are for?
\-I usually wait when I have a dozen of eggs before selling then.
The Rooster. ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
Because in France one egg is un ลuf.
so I said to him, 'Which is your favourite Christian festival?'
He replied 'Have to love Easter, baby.'
Because the egg cracked a yolk.
When the chicken sits up, lights a cigar and says " Well I guess that answers that question."
Egg says in a angry huff "I guess we answered THAT question!"
Went to a party dressed as a chicken last night, and got with a girl who was dressed as an egg - a life long question was answered. It was the chicken.
I'll let you know...
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.ย
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment! ย
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day! ย
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.ย
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.ย
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"ย
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
You only get laid once and the only woman to sit on your face is your mother.
How do you make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.
Why did the cookie go to hospital?
Because he was feeling a little crummy.
Why was the mushroom happy?
Because he was a fungi.
How do you organise a party in space?
You planet.
How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the party?
He had no body to go with.
Hear about the Italian chef?
He pasta way.
What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing they just waved.
Did you hear about the movie constipated?
It never came out.
I just ordered a chicken and an egg. We shall see what one comes first.
Sorry I can't get hard right now. I just got laid.
Because one egg is un oeuf.
A Zy-Goat
I'll escort myself out.
And the world's largest woman is laid by your dad.
The chicken slowly puffs on a cigarette as he radiates satisfaction. The frustrated egg turns to him and barks, "Well I guess that answers that question."
Because the Romans feel that when it comes to eggs, you can't have too many ovum.
But in France, they believe that one egg is un ouef.
You can beat your meat and beat an egg, but you sure cant beat a blow job
A: Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.
... and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can't eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees all the colored eggs, then storms outside and kills the peacock.
I went out last night dressed as a chicken and ended up getting with a girl who was dressed as an egg. A lifelong question has been answered; it was the chicken.
You only get laid once and it's by your mum.
Because one egg is an ลuf.
They won't stop to ask for directions.
It may take me a while to get hard. I just got laid by a chick.
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all builders working on a bridge. The Englishman opens his lunch-box and says, "If I get one more tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Scotsman opens his lunch box and says, "If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Irishman then says, "If I get one more egg sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge."
The next day, all three get the same lunch, all three jump off the bridge, and all three die. At their funeral, the Englishman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like tuna." The Scotsman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like ham." The Irishman's wife says, "I don't understand it. He made his own sandwiches."
His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'
The sperm nodded. Days later, the sperm was sleeping when he heard the siren. He was the first one out of the tunnel and the first to reach the sticky red ball. He was millimeters ahead of all his comrades. He bowed courteously and said: "I'm a sperm".
The red sticky ball smiled and said: "Hi, I'm the tonsil"
Because one is un ลuf.
The midget psychic broke out of prison. He was a small medium at large.
A boiled egg in the morning is really hard to beat.
Newspaper headline reads: Cartoonist found dead at home. Details are sketchy.
I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forget how it goes.
Here's a poem by a dog (Bo Burnham): Roses are grey, violets are another shade of grey, let's go chase cars.
The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late? A cold shoulder.
(I'll see myself out.)
Don't expect me to get hard in three minutes, I just got laid this morning!
Because one egg is un oeuf.
An egg walks into a bar, along with pancakes, and bacon. The bartender looks up and alertly says.
"Sorry guys, we don't serve breakfast"
I don't know if I can get hard I just got laid this morning!
The egg says to herself, "I guess we answered that question."
You get laid once, and it's by your mom.
The first sperm says, are we almost there? I don't know how much longer I can do this!
The second sperm responds, keep going buddy, you can do it. We just passed the tonsils!
A man comes home one night after being at the local bar. He is absolutely smashed as he collapses on his bed next to his wife and falls asleep.
The next morning he wakes up to breakfast in bed. Toast, Egg and Bacon, Juice and Coffee. He is very confused, so he asks his son as he passes his bedroom, who made him this breakfast.
"Mom did", he says.
"Why?", asks the man, "This is the first time in years she has made me breakfast in bed."
"When you got home and fell asleep", says the son, "you were still wearing your clothes, so Mom tried to undress you so you would sleep more comfortably. Then you started yelling "Get off me woman! I am married!""
I'll let you know.
You only get laid once, it takes three minutes to get hard, and you come in a box with eleven others.
The second egg says "beats me".
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
It has been months since I was laid too.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.