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Egg Jokes

153 egg jokes and hilarious egg puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about egg that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Brighten up your Easter Sunday with these funny egg jokes! Whether you're looking for puns or groan-worthy quips, this article has you covered with the best egg jokes for the whole family to enjoy. Get cracking and enjoy your Easter!

Funniest Egg Short Jokes

Short egg jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The egg humour may include short lays jokes also.

  1. I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast. Since she can't even beat an egg
  2. A computer programmer goes to buy some bread. On his way out, his wife says, "and while you're there, get a carton of eggs".
    He never returned.
  3. A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
    cashier: "Because you're ugly."
  4. What do Green eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common? They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
  5. What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's gonna take me a little while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick.
  6. Told by a 7 year old boy: How do you drop on an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it. concrete floors are really hard to crack.
    Then he said "you were thinking about the egg weren't you!"
  7. A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar..... The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".
  8. Give a man an egg and he'll eat for a day Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you're taking science too far.
  9. A man goes to a halloween party dressed up as a chicken and he meets a girl dressed up as an egg. The answer is the chicken.
  10. I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered The chicken

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Egg One Liners

Which egg one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with egg? I can suggest the ones about omelette and hen.

  1. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon today I'll let you know.
  2. Women have eggs and milk in them... And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
  3. I once had a hen that could count her own eggs She was a mathemachicken
  4. Why do French people eat small breakfasts One egg is an oeuf
  5. Actual joke dad said this morning waitress: How do you like your eggs?
    dad: in a cake
  6. Why don't eggs tell each other jokes? Because they would crack each other up
  7. Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg? Because in France one egg is un oeuf.
  8. What's the difference between a Redditor and egg? An egg gets laid
  9. I just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon. I'll let you know.
  10. I had a hen who could count her own eggs She was a mathamachicken
  11. Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf.
  12. Where does a socialist bird lay its eggs? In a communest
  13. When did Japanese start eating egg? A long tamago
  14. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know what comes first.
  15. What tool do you use to open an egg? A hatchet

Chicken Egg Jokes

Here is a list of funny chicken egg jokes and even better chicken egg puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A guy dressed as a Chicken for Halloween finds a girl dressed as an egg. Apparently the answer is Chicken.
  • Went out last night dressed as a chicken and got with a girl dressed as an egg A life long question was answered. It was the chicken
  • I asked my wife, Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Without hesitation, she sighed and said, The rooster did. The rooster always comes first.
  • I went out dressed as a chicken last night. and I met a girl who was dressed as an egg. One thing led to another and a lifelong question was answered; it was the chicken.
  • I just ordered a chicken and an egg off Amazon.... I want to see which one comes first.
  • I went to a party dressed as an egg and I hooked up with a guy dressed as a chicken.
    I guess we have an answer to that age old question.
    It was the chicken.
  • I came up with this when I was three years old. What do you call an egg that's scared?
    A chicken egg.
  • I own a chicken that counts her own eggs. She's a mathamachicken.
  • What came first, the chicken or the egg? The Rooster. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • Why do easter eggs hide? Because they're little chickens.

Chicken And Egg Jokes

Here is a list of funny chicken and egg jokes and even better chicken and egg puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A chicken and an egg are laying in bed... When the chicken sits up, lights a cigar and says " Well I guess that answers that question."
  • Chicken and an egg are sitting in bed... Egg says in a angry huff "I guess we answered THAT question!"
  • I ordered a chicken and an egg online I'll let you know...
  • Ebay is great! I just ordered a chicken and an egg. We shall see what one comes first.
  • What do you get when a chicken lays its eggs on the top of a hill? Egg rolls.
  • Who came first? I went out last night dressed as a chicken and ended up getting with a girl who was dressed as an egg. A lifelong question has been answered; it was the chicken.
  • I ate a salad today and it contained both eggs and chicken I didn't know where to start.
  • A chicken and egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette. The egg says to herself, "I guess we answered that question."
  • From my 3yr old nephew: Why do chickens sit on their eggs? Because they don't have chairs.
  • The difference between being Involved vs. Committed Take a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese sandwich. The chicken and the cow are involved, but the pig is committed.

Egg Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny egg day jokes and even better egg day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Eggs and bacon A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime's commitment for a pig.
  • There are 3 perks of having Alzheimer 1. You can make new friends every day.
    2. You can look for the Easter eggs you hid yourself.
    3. You can make new friends every day.
  • Did you know Sean Connery used to save the egg shells from pancake day and paint them to use for egg hunts at Easter? It was an egg shell lent idea
  • What's an eggs least favourite day? Spanish Inquisition.
  • Why do Frenchmen only eat 1 egg a day? Because an egg is un œuf.
  • What do you call it when all the hens in the coup resign the same day from their jobs laying eggs? Chicken tenders.
  • Every time I eat eggs benedict I'm reminded of my time in the Netherlands. You know, my Holland days.
  • How long does it take the Dutch to make eggs Benedict? It takes Holland days!
  • My Egg died. He died last fry day. Thank God he wasn't beaten.
    Don't worry he went over easy.
    He's now on the sunny side.
    He's definitely in a better plate...
  • What are the three best things about Alzheimer's? You never hold a grudge ...
    You can hide your own Easter eggs ...
    And you meet new people every day!

Lay Egg Jokes

Here is a list of funny lay egg jokes and even better lay egg puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • TIL there is a rooster that lays eggs. The breed is Himalayan.
  • What sound do French chickens make when they lay eggs? OEUF!
  • What breed of roosters lay eggs Himalayan.
  • A chicken and an egg lay in bed smoking cigarettes. The egg says, "well, that answers that old question."
  • Why do chickens lay eggs? To confuse philosophers.
  • What does an evil chicken lay? Deviled eggs
  • Asked a hen how many eggs it lays daily? It said: two eggs
    I said: Oh strange!
    It said: what's strange? the fact that I lay two eggs?
    I said: no, the fact that you talk
  • What do you give to a female fish that has trouble laying her eggs? a SEA-section
  • You Know It's Hot When ... Cows are giving evaporated milk ...
    Chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs ...
    Catfish are already fried when caught ...
    Jehovah Witnesses start telemarketing ...
  • What kind of eggs do evil hens lay? Deviled eggs!

Silly Egg Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about egg you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chicken jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make egg pranks.

What did the egg say to the p**... of boiling water?

It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

I'm not sure if I can get hard, I was just laid this morning.

Must be one-of-a-kind...

Years ago, my older friend told me a joke that I have never heard from anyone else to this day. The joke itself is brilliantly s**....
"What did the egg say to the p**... of boiling water?"
"It's going to take a moment for me to get hard; I just got laid by some chick."

From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.

The best chicken joke ever!

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is
smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg is frowning and looking a bit p**... off.

The egg mutters to no one in particular,
"Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"

In France, do you know why they only eat one egg at breakfast time?

Because one egg is enough

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

"Sorry, it's going to take me a while to get hard, I got laid last night."

Chicken and an egg

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken lights up a cigarette. The egg, with a dissatisfied look on it's face, rolls over and remarks, "Well, I guess we answered that question."

How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?

By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.

I was talking to a lovely young lady and things seemed to be going really well.

Then she said "There's something I want to get out of the way right now," and she reached up and took a wig off her head, and it turned out she was as bald as a new-laid egg.
"Alopecia," she said. "It's a condition that causes hair to fall out."
"Oh," I said. "...Just on your head, or from anywhere else as well?"
"Well," she dimpled, "there's only one way to find out."
"Of course!" I said, and took out my phone. "Hey, Google..."

Why do the French never have more than one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf

Why do the French make their omelettes with only one egg instead of two or three?

Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.

How can you a drop a egg on concrete without cracking it?

Anyway you want. Concrete doesn't break easily.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

"Not sure I can get hard..just got laid 10 minutes ago"

Two eggs are put into a p**... of boiling water, what did one egg say to the other?

It's going to take me a minute to get hard, I got laid last night

Why do you only need one egg in France?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

What do you call the first s**... that reaches the egg?

The ova achiever

Why don't French people order 2 eggs in a restaurant?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

I have high cholesterol, so my doctor has me on the "period" diet

One egg a month

After 10 years of marriage, wife manage to discover 5 eggs and 5.000 euros on the cabinet.

\-Darling, I'm sorry, but I went to your office and found 5 eggs and 5.000 euros , what's the deal with it?
\-Well, how can I explain it... Since the beginning of our marriage, I would store one egg for each time you annoyed me.
\-Oh, that's so sweet! And what the 5.000 euros are for?
\-I usually wait when I have a dozen of eggs before selling then.

One of everything.

A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."

What did the egg say to the p**... of boiling water?

Its going to take me a while to get hard because I was just laid.

Men are better cooks

With just a piece of sausage and an egg, they can fill a woman's tummy for 9 months.

Why did the egg and the s**... start a business?

Because s**... cells.

I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg

so I said to him, 'Which is your favourite Christian festival?'
He replied 'Have to love Easter, baby.'

Do you know why Parisians only have a single egg for breakfast?

Because in France one egg is un œuf.

What's the difference between a Redditor and an egg?

you know the egg gets laid at least once

Why did the bacon laugh?

Because the egg cracked a yolk.

Egg timer

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. 
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!  
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!  
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table. 
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck. 
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?" 
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

Do egg jokes crack you up? Or do they make you scramble away...

omelette you think about it...

What are the two main problems about being an egg?

You only get laid once and the only woman to sit on your face is your mother.

Went to the party dressed as a chicken last night.

Went to a party dressed as a chicken last night, and got with a girl who was dressed as an egg - a life long question was answered. It was the chicken.

How do you make an amazing egg roll?

...you push it

The world's largest egg is laid by the Ostrich...

And the world's largest woman is laid by your dad.

What do you get when you combine a goat egg and a goat s**...?

A Zy-Goat
I'll e**... myself out.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

Sorry I can't get hard right now. I just got laid.

So a chicken and an egg are lying in bed together.

The chicken slowly puffs on a cigarette as he radiates satisfaction. The frustrated egg turns to him and barks, "Well I guess that answers that question."

Why did the Frenchman not want two eggs?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

Q: How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

A: Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.

It's Easter Sunday morning...

... and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can't eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees all the colored eggs, then storms outside and kills the peacock.

Why do the Romans use more eggs in their omelets than the French?

Because the Romans feel that when it comes to eggs, you can't have too many o**....
But in France, they believe that one egg is un ouef.

Whats the difference between a steak, an egg, and a b**...?

You can beat your meat and beat an egg, but you sure cant beat a b**...

What's the worst part about being an egg?

You only get laid once and it's by your mum.

Why does it take 1 million s**... to fertilize one egg?

They won't stop to ask for directions.

Why do French people only eat one egg at breakfast?

Because one egg is an œuf.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It may take me a while to get hard. I just got laid by a chick.

Why do the French prefer to have a small breakfast

Because one egg is un oeuf.

Why do French people eat no more than 1 egg per meal?

Because one is un œuf.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

Don't expect me to get hard in three minutes, I just got laid this morning!

Why did the French guy only eat one egg?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

AN egg walks into a bar......

An egg walks into a bar, along with pancakes, and bacon. The bartender looks up and alertly says.
"Sorry guys, we don't serve breakfast"

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

I don't know if I can get hard I just got laid this morning!

jokes about egg