Egg Jokes

Following is our collection of egged humor and poach one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Egg puns for adults, dirty eggcellent jokes or clean omlette gags for kids.

There is an abundance of lette jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 78 funniest jokes on egg. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any yolkswagen witze you can hear about egg.

The Best jokes about Egg

I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.

Since she can't even beat an egg

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon today

I'll let you know.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It's gonna take me a little while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick.

Told by a 7 year old boy: How do you drop on an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it.

Concrete floors are really hard to crack.

Then he said "you were thinking about the egg weren't you!"

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar.....

The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".


Give a man an egg and he'll eat for a day

Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you're taking science too far.

A man goes to a Halloween party dressed up as a chicken and he meets a girl dressed up as an egg.

The answer is the chicken.

What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?

It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.

I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered

The chicken

A guy dressed as a Chicken for Halloween finds a girl dressed as an egg.

Apparently the answer is Chicken.

Must be one-of-a-kind...

Years ago, my older friend told me a joke that I have never heard from anyone else to this day. The joke itself is brilliantly stupid.

"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?"

"It's going to take a moment for me to get hard; I just got laid by some chick."


Went out last night dressed as a chicken and got with a girl dressed as an egg

A life long question was answered. It was the chicken

From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.

Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg?

Because in France one egg is un oeuf.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

"Sorry, it's going to take me a while to get hard, I got laid last night."

I went out dressed as a chicken last night.

and I met a girl who was dressed as an egg. One thing led to another and a lifelong question was answered; it was the chicken.

Chicken and an egg

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken lights up a cigarette. The egg, with a dissatisfied look on it's face, rolls over and remarks, "Well, I guess we answered that question."

How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?

By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.

Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf.


When did Japanese start eating egg?

A long tamago

What tool do you use to open an egg?

A hatchet

I just ordered a chicken and an egg off Amazon....

I want to see which one comes first.

Why do the French make their omelettes with only one egg instead of two or three?

Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.

How can you a drop a egg on concrete without cracking it?

Anyway you want. Concrete doesn't break easily.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

"Not sure I can get hard..just got laid 10 minutes ago"

Why do you only need one egg in France?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

What do you call the first sperm that reaches the egg?

The ova achiever

Why don't French people order 2 eggs in a restaurant?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

I went to a party dressed as an egg

and I hooked up with a guy dressed as a chicken.
I guess we have an answer to that age old question.
It was the chicken.

I have high cholesterol, so my doctor has me on the "period" diet

One egg a month

I came up with this when I was three years old.

What do you call an egg that's scared?

A chicken egg.

What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?

Its going to take me a while to get hard because I was just laid.

One of everything.

A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.

He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."

He says, "I am. How did you know?"

She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."

Men are better cooks

With just a piece of sausage and an egg, they can fill a woman's tummy for 9 months.

After 10 years of marriage, wife manage to discover 5 eggs and 5.000 euros on the cabinet.

\-Darling, I'm sorry, but I went to your office and found 5 eggs and 5.000 euros , what's the deal with it?

\-Well, how can I explain it... Since the beginning of our marriage, I would store one egg for each time you annoyed me.
\-Oh, that's so sweet! And what the 5.000 euros are for?

\-I usually wait when I have a dozen of eggs before selling then.

What came first, the chicken or the egg? (dirty)

The Rooster. ( อกยฐ อœส– อกยฐ)

Do you know why Parisians only have a single egg for breakfast?

Because in France one egg is un ล“uf.

I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg

so I said to him, 'Which is your favourite Christian festival?'
He replied 'Have to love Easter, baby.'

Why did the bacon laugh?

Because the egg cracked a yolk.

A chicken and an egg are laying in bed...

When the chicken sits up, lights a cigar and says " Well I guess that answers that question."

Chicken and an egg are sitting in bed...

Egg says in a angry huff "I guess we answered THAT question!"

Went to the party dressed as a chicken last night.

Went to a party dressed as a chicken last night, and got with a girl who was dressed as an egg - a life long question was answered. It was the chicken.

I ordered a chicken and an egg online

I'll let you know...

Egg timer

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.ย 


As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment! ย 


My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day! ย 


Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.ย 


Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.ย 


Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"ย 


She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

What are the two main problems about being an egg?

You only get laid once and the only woman to sit on your face is your mother.

Cheesy Jokes/ Lame Jokes. They make my day.

How do you make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.

Why did the cookie go to hospital?
Because he was feeling a little crummy.

Why was the mushroom happy?
Because he was a fungi.

How do you organise a party in space?
You planet.

How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the party?
He had no body to go with.

Hear about the Italian chef?
He pasta way.

What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing they just waved.

Did you hear about the movie constipated?
It never came out.

Ebay is great!

I just ordered a chicken and an egg. We shall see what one comes first.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

Sorry I can't get hard right now. I just got laid.

Why did the Frenchman not want two eggs?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

What do you get when you combine a goat egg and a goat sperm?

A Zy-Goat

I'll escort myself out.

The world's largest egg is laid by the Ostrich...

And the world's largest woman is laid by your dad.

So a chicken and an egg are lying in bed together.

The chicken slowly puffs on a cigarette as he radiates satisfaction. The frustrated egg turns to him and barks, "Well I guess that answers that question."

Why do the Romans use more eggs in their omelets than the French?

Because the Romans feel that when it comes to eggs, you can't have too many ovum.

But in France, they believe that one egg is un ouef.

Whats the difference between a steak, an egg, and a blow job?

You can beat your meat and beat an egg, but you sure cant beat a blow job

Q: How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

A: Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.

It's Easter Sunday morning...

... and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can't eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees all the colored eggs, then storms outside and kills the peacock.

Who came first?

I went out last night dressed as a chicken and ended up getting with a girl who was dressed as an egg. A lifelong question has been answered; it was the chicken.

What's the worst part about being an egg?

You only get laid once and it's by your mum.

Why do French people only eat one egg at breakfast?

Because one egg is an ล“uf.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

They won't stop to ask for directions.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It may take me a while to get hard. I just got laid by a chick.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all builders working on a bridge. The Englishman opens his lunch-box and says, "If I get one more tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Scotsman opens his lunch box and says, "If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Irishman then says, "If I get one more egg sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge."

The next day, all three get the same lunch, all three jump off the bridge, and all three die. At their funeral, the Englishman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like tuna." The Scotsman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like ham." The Irishman's wife says, "I don't understand it. He made his own sandwiches."

A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, the sperm was sleeping when he heard the siren. He was the first one out of the tunnel and the first to reach the sticky red ball. He was millimeters ahead of all his comrades. He bowed courteously and said: "I'm a sperm".

The red sticky ball smiled and said: "Hi, I'm the tonsil"

Why do French people eat no more than 1 egg per meal?

Because one is un ล“uf.

Jokes so Bad that They're Funny

The midget psychic broke out of prison. He was a small medium at large.

A boiled egg in the morning is really hard to beat.

Newspaper headline reads: Cartoonist found dead at home. Details are sketchy.

I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forget how it goes.

Here's a poem by a dog (Bo Burnham): Roses are grey, violets are another shade of grey, let's go chase cars.

The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.

What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late? A cold shoulder.

(I'll see myself out.)

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

Don't expect me to get hard in three minutes, I just got laid this morning!

Why did the French guy only eat one egg?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

AN egg walks into a bar......

An egg walks into a bar, along with pancakes, and bacon. The bartender looks up and alertly says.

"Sorry guys, we don't serve breakfast"

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

I don't know if I can get hard I just got laid this morning!

A chicken and egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette.

The egg says to herself, "I guess we answered that question."

What sucks about being an egg?

You get laid once, and it's by your mom.

Two sperm are swimming along, searching for an egg to fertilize

The first sperm says, are we almost there? I don't know how much longer I can do this!

The second sperm responds, keep going buddy, you can do it. We just passed the tonsils!

Drunken Epicness

A man comes home one night after being at the local bar. He is absolutely smashed as he collapses on his bed next to his wife and falls asleep.

The next morning he wakes up to breakfast in bed. Toast, Egg and Bacon, Juice and Coffee. He is very confused, so he asks his son as he passes his bedroom, who made him this breakfast.

"Mom did", he says.

"Why?", asks the man, "This is the first time in years she has made me breakfast in bed."

"When you got home and fell asleep", says the son, "you were still wearing your clothes, so Mom tried to undress you so you would sleep more comfortably. Then you started yelling "Get off me woman! I am married!""

I bought a chicken and an egg off of Amazon today...

I'll let you know.

Why is it awful to be an egg?

You only get laid once, it takes three minutes to get hard, and you come in a box with eleven others.

Two eggs are on the counter, they see a fork. One of them turns to the other and asks "what's that?"

The second egg says "beats me".

Breakfast musings...

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

After months in quarantine, I have something in common with a rotten egg..

It has been months since I was laid too.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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