effort Jokes

funny effort pick up lines and hilarious effort puns

It's refreshing to see a President keeping his campaign promises.

Although I'm not entirely sure rotating people through the cabinet counts as creating jobs but the effort is certainly present.

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The guys at the gym called me a fat loser ...

It's really great how they notice my effort.

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Sometimes, to impress girls, I use big words that I don't fully understand...

...in an effort to sound more photosynthesis.

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Sometimes I use big words

that I don't quite understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis

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Little Johnny

Little Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

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What do the Special Olympics and a hand job have in common?

You appreciate the effort but you could do it better.

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I got arrested last night for murder...

I can't remember too much, I was out drinking till late. Once I left the pub I saw two young men fighting. It took some effort but I successfully managed to separate them.

The judge says they were Siamese twins conjoined at the head.

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All three of my uncles used to grow weed together

It was a joint effort.

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Bad News

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

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Your age

In an effort to inspire his young son who did not want to go to school, his father told him :

"When Abraham Lincoln was your age he used to walk miles for the privilege of going to school."

The young boy thought for a moment and responded,

"Yes, but when he was your age he was President of the United States."

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Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?

I wouldn't recommend it.

Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.

It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonyms which
don't feel right, just to produce weird, stilted
prose.

You'd be better off giving up, to be honest.

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Sad news..

Sad news today. After years of medical training and hard work, a mate of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients so can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time and effort. A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet.

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A marine hero gets back home and the president grants him one wish for his effort

The president said that he would fulfill any wish the hero marine asked for.
"I want 50$ for every inch from the tip of my penis to my balls"- said the marine.
The president, a bit surprised, accepted.
They started measuring him and saw that he has no balls.
"Where are your balls?"- they asked.
"In Afghanistan."

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What do you call a bunch of potheads working together?

A joint effort!

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Three gay men are at a bar.

The first one says, I'm so loose, my boyfriend can fit his fist inside me without effort! Second one says, Oh yeah? I'm so loose that my bf can fit his whole arm inside me without effort! Third guy laughs and the stool beneath him disappears.

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The Dying Man and the Cookies

An old man was on his death bed and had less than a day to live. As he lay there reflecting on his life, he smelled his favorite cookies in the kitchen. So using his last bit of will and effort, he dragged himself out of bed and crawled to the kitchen for a cookie. He sat down at the table and reached for one when his wife popped his hand with a wooden spoon: "Don't touch it! Those are for your funeral!"

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Devil in the Church

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

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Satan appeared before a small town congregation and everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away...

Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman, who sat calmly.

Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

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Whatever you do, don't tell this joke to a math person; they will just make you upset

Bill is a giant nerd, and he knows that he isn't perceived as cool; in fact, lots of people call him a square. So, in an effort to be cool, he finds some cool guys and decides to go do everything he can with them.

They say, "Hey Bill, we're going to the bar. Want to come?"

He says, "Sure," and comes to the bar. They all order shots and beers. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he orders shots and beers, and they all have a great time.

Next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a club. Bill comes along with them. They all start grinding on women and ordering tons of booze. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he does the same and has a good time.

The next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a football game. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he comes along. The guys are all cheering for their team enthusiastically, but Bill just sits quietly in his seat. Finally one of the guys says, "Bill, this isn't like you. Everything else we've done, you've joined in happily. Why won't you root for the team with us?"

Bill replies, "Well, I don't want to be a square. And rooting? Rooting is for squares."

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Medical distinction between Guts and Balls

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.

Both result in death.

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The funniest joke I've heard happen organically.

I was sat in front of a couple I didn't know on the bus who were arguing. The girl was asking why the guy never made more of an effort romantically, but he's saying that it doesn't come naturally to him to make these big gestures. She keeps angrily saying he needs to be more spontaneous.

He says "I'm a guy, I can't just turn it on like a tap."

She says "Force it!"

He says "Fine, I can't just turn it on like a faucet".

Unsurprisingly, this didn't help. Neither did it help that the guy in front of them cracked up and turned around for a high five.

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Devil in the church

Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

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Profound (And Deep) Jokes

A manager at Goldman Sachs has this to tell.

Once upon a time in a village, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs 10. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at Rs 10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at Rs 20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs 25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs 50!

However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs 35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs 50."

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Welcome to 'Goldman Sachs'!

**Continued in the Comments**

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Three Texans die and end up in hell

after a day, Satan notices that they don't seem affected by the heat, so he cranks it up. The next day, he notices that they're sweating a bit, but still don't seem all that affected. So in a final effort, Satan orders the heat turned off entirely. He comes in the next day to discover the Texans joyously celebrating. He asks them why they're so happy; they reply: "Hell just froze over. There's another Bush in the White House!"

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Donald Trump dies in Israel

After too much effort during a state visit in Israel, Trump collapses of a heart attack. The Israeli officials take the body and tell the Americans : " There's two options."

" The first one, you pay $5,000,000 and we send the body back to the United States so he can be buried there. "

" Second option, you pay $100,000 and we bury him here in the sacred land of Israel"

After much debating, the Americans decided to pay the larger fee and repatriate the body. Surprised, the Israelis ask them why they chose the bigger figure.

" Well, the last time you buried someone he came back after three days so we're not taking any chances !"

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My wife gets really annoyed when I use the word "cunt."

I suppose she has a point, I really should make an effort to learn her mother's real name.

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Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers...

Well, here it is:

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time - pancakes, ice cream, candy… -- just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for the drive and breakfast.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed.
"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked. "Not really, Pa Pa , it was really boring. We didn't see a single asshole, queer, lesbian, piece of crap, horse's ass, liberal pinko democrat Obama lover, blind bastard, dipshit, Muslim camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"
Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

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A couple goes to marriage counseling

A couple goes to marriage counseling for one last effort to save their marriage. The counselor asks what the main problem seems to be.

"We disagree on everything. We basically have nothing in common"

The counselors thinks for a second and says "Well this is easy enough. Let's find something that you both have in common."

The husband pipes up, "Well neither of us suck dick."

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I put as much effort into life...

As the guy who named the sleeping bag

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An awkward loner goes to a pub.

An awkward loner, sick of being lonely, makes the effort to go to a pub.

It's crowded and noisy but he decides to stay and have a counter lunch.

Having made his choice from the menu over the bar, he pushes his way to counter and attracts the the attention of a rather attractive barmaid.

"What can I get you?" she asks.

"I'd like a quickie, thanks," he replies.

She immediately flushes with and snarls, "Why don't you piss off?"

Humiliated and blushing, the guy go back to his table. After a while, he bravely decides that there was a miscommunication and makes his way back to the counter.

The barmaid glares at him but asks, "Waddaya want?"

The awkward guy says, "I'd like a quickie."

The barmaid slaps the poor guy's face so hard that it stops the noise in the pub momentarily, and all eyes are on him. Hurt and even more humiliated than before, he makes his way back to his table.

After quite some time nursing his drink, he decides on one more try before he goes home.

He pushes his way back to the counter, where the barmaid snarls, "WHAT-DO-YOU-WANT?"

He says, just loud enough to hear, "I'd like a quickie."

Quick as a flash, the barmaid punches him in the face. He drops to floor, holding his bloodied nose and lip, trying to hold back his tears.

A man sitting on a bar chair right by the guy and having seen the whole thing, leans over and says, "Look mate, it's none of my business but I think it's pronounced 'keesh' (quiche)...."

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A lot of effort goes into my erections.

They're all handmade.

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After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a friend of mine has been fired after one minor indiscretion

He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession he loves. What a waste of time, effort, training and money.
He was a genuinely nice guy and brilliant vet.

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Some guys at the gym called me a fat loser today

I'm glad they notice my effort.

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A man sends ten puns to a friend in an effort to make him laugh.

Alas, no pun in ten did.

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Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villager that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villager that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers; "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

They never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the cryptocurrency market works.

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What are the best Effort puns ?

Did you ever wanted to be joking with someone about Effort? Well, here are the best Effort dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Effort pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes