The Best 56 Effective Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Effective jokes. There are some effective bacterial jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these effective contraceptives puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Effective Jokes and Puns

It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

I wish the book "How to be an adult" came in hard cover...

.. it would be that much more effective at bonking stupid people in the head.

I think gambling hotlines would be more effective

if every fifth caller won a prize.

Effective joke, I think gambling hotlines would be more effective

Finally, he had made the perfect AI, a superhuman intelligence, waiting for his orders ...

Finally, he had made the perfect AI, a superhuman intelligence, waiting for his order. It would do whatever he told it to do, and it would do so in the most effective, fastest and cheapest way possible. So he thought, and thought and finally said to the robot, "Robot, I don't want to see any suffering in this world, ever."

Promptly, the robot grabbed the nearby icepick and thrust it in his eyes.

Effective immediately, the navy is only conscripting non-swimmers.

They defend the ships much more eagerly.


So I was told that torture is 100% effective.

They finally admitted to it after 5 hours of waterboarding. I still don't know why they kept lying before it though.

Did you hear about the 80 year old woman that tried to kill herself?

She was told that the most effective way would be to shoot herself through the heart, just below her left breast... She woke up in hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Effective joke, Did you hear about the 80 year old woman that tried to kill herself?

What do 16 year old boys and drug companies have in common?

They are both more worried about getting inside you than being effective once there!

Finally figured out why clickbait is so effective

A bit different, this isn't a joke, but I have an idea for a joke

Basically, in the joke, there's a bride and a groom, and they are planning their wedding. The bride leaves the groom at the altar, and the ceremony goes off *without a hitch*

How can I word this joke to make it the most effective?

I finally found out why clickbait is so effective.

You can explore effective homeopathy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean effective nyquil dad jokes. There are also effective puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Wife told husband that she has gained a lot of weight lately and wants to lose weight

Husband: There's a very effective weight loss patch. You'll lose 10 pounds in one week. The most important thing is that it's really cheap.

Wife: Oh wow! I need to have one. Where do you apply the patch?

Husband: On your mouth.

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"

A friend of mine asked me how he could become a more effective boss...

I said, just change your name to Simon.

Why is Pokemon quite realistic?

Because in the games, Bug-types are effective against Dark-types. Just like malaria in Africa.

I regret joining the gym recently..

leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds

Effective joke, I regret joining the gym recently..

Pokemon GO is trying to fix its servers...

It's not very effective.

I always wear a helmet during intercourse cause I'm a firm believer in safe sex.

Doesn't help much against the STD's but it sure is effective against the pepper-spray.

If Trump actually does build the wall, I hope he makes it an effective one...

If Trump actually does build the wall, I hope he makes it an effective one, like the Wall of China. I mean, there are practically no Mexicans in China.


A rather drunk fellow on a bus was tearing up a newspaper into tiny pieces and throwing them out the window.

'Excuse me,' said the woman sitting next to him. "But, would you mind explaining why you're doing this?
"It scares away the elephants,' replied the drunk. "But I don't see any elephants around here,' said the woman
"Effective, isn't it?" crowed the drunk.

Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex

So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.

Why are diet pills so effective in the UK?

If you buy enough, you are guaranteed to lose 30 pounds fast.

They say dunking your head in cold water helps wake you up

But no one realizes boiling water is much more effective

I was born part of the 1% and it really kind of sucks.

I mean Trojans are only 99% effective.

What's the most effective way to get rid of crabs?

Shave half your pubes, light the other half on fire and smash them with a hammer when they come running out.

My girlfriend asked me how my diet was going

I told her using more sex as an incentive has been really effective thus far.

She responded quizzically, saying, we haven't been having more sex than usual.

So, long story short, my girlfriend dumped me when she found out when I have been doing on my cheat days.

My doctor asked me what I am using for birth control.

I told him my personality. It's 100% effective.

I found the most effective way to remember your SO's birthday..

Just forget it once.

Abortion is

The most effective form of spawn camping

Harry Potter's invisibility cloak was very effective for spying on the women of Hogwarts

They never saw him coming.

What is the most effective pickup line?

Hello, this is your Uber driver.

As a professional sex educator I have frequently teach kids that the "pull-out method" is almost 90% effective when I do it right.

That or I'm shooting blanks

abstinence is the only 100% effective birth control

Tell that to Jesus' mom.

What's the most effective chat up line in the world?

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Jello has created a product that deters insects.

It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.

A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.

The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.

What's the most effective way to remove a sticky chewing gum from your hair ?

Cancer.

Did you know that LSD is a really effective weight loss drug?

How are you supposed to eat if there's a dragon guarding the fridge?

Kicked a mime in the nuts today.

Very effective unmute option.

Studies suggest that masturbation is twice as effective as sex for dealing with stress.

So one in the hand really is worth 2 in the bush

100% effective method on quitting smoking

1. Start quitting
2. Quit starting

Putin just introduced Russia's new COVID-19 vaccine. The good news is that it's 100% effective.

The bad news is that it's Novichok.

Weight-loss pills are very effective...

They drain your bank account so you don't have money for food.

Mix Tabasco sauce with your hand sanitiser

It won't make it any more effective, but it will remind you not to touch your face and eyes.

My mom always used the "here comes the train~" trick to get me to finish my food and it was very effective...

because otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.

Your mom is so ugly that. . . .

The entire world created a virulent strain of Coronavirus just so she'd wear a mask.

And she's so dumb, she thinks that masks aren't effective.

I tried growing a beard over lockdown but couldn't pull it off.

Then I tried using a razor instead and that was much more effective.

The Russian Covid Vaccine Sputnik is 91.6% effective

It's also the only Covid vaccine that will help you win an Olympic medal.

Scientists have found that sunblock is actually 50% effective as birth control

Because it only blocks the sons

A soldier, airman, marine, and a sailor walk into a bar...

The soldier boasts, "Our camouflage is so good, we put 50 men in the desert and only 20 were found."

The airman retorts, "That's nothing. Our camouflage is so effective, we put 50 jets in the sky, and only 15 were found!"

The marine says, with a big grin, "Amateurs, our camouflage is so superior, we put 50 devil dogs in the jungle, and only 10 were found!"

Finally, a clearly distraught sailor on his 6th shot of whiskey says, "Our camouflage was so terrible, we pushed 50 sailors into the ocean, and only 5 were found."

The problem with homeopathy...

There are way too many homeopaths out there. It would be a more effective field of study if homeopaths were thinned out a little, say 1 per 10 million people.

A high school principal made an announcement at an assembly.

He said, "Boys and girls, the faculty have witnessed an alarming increase in public displays of affection, which are against school policy. Effective immediately, we will start issuing fines to those caught doing this. A first offense will be $5. A second offense will be $10. A third offense will be $20. So on and so forth."

Suddenly, a student in the crowd yelled, "How much for a season pass?"

A Russian soldier and an american soldier are drinking at a bar

The Russian says "I'm impressed by american propaganda. It's so subtle but effective."

The american responds "What are you talking about, we don't do propaganda."

How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.
We are very effective and donΒ΄t have a great sense of humor.

Guten Tag!

What's an effective way to get Texas Lawmakers to change their view on abortion law?

Get their wives pregnant, if they have any.

What's the second most effective thing you can swallow to avoid getting pregnant?

Birth control pills

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the effective rho jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working effective facial piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes