Effective Jokes
105 effective jokes and hilarious effective puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about effective that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the art of effective communication through simple but effective jokes! Learn how to effectively use humor to your advantage and create memorable moments. Explore the use of specific strategies like STDs and Homeopathy to make jokes more effective. Rewind and get ready to laugh!
Quick Jump To
- Short Effective Jokes
- Effective One Liners
- Short But Effective Jokes
- Cost Effective Jokes
- More Effective Jokes
Funniest Effective Short Jokes
Short effective jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The effective humour may include short efficient jokes also.
- One of the side effects of the COVID vaccine is constipation. After getting the first dose, you'll need to wait a few weeks for number 2.
- I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish.
- I regret joining the gym recently.. leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds
- Effective immediately, the navy is only conscripting non-swimmers. They defend the ships much more eagerly.
- How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.
We are very effective and don´t have a great sense of humor.
Guten Tag! - Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds They've left no tern unstoned
- TIL: Due to the placebo effect, if you tilt your head back, close your eyes, and pretend as if you're shaking a salt-shaker into your mouth, your brain will cause you to actually taste salt
- 2 Cows in a feild.. one says "what do you think of that mad cow disease?" The other replies "I dunno, it doesn't effect me, I'm a duck"
- Why are diet pills so effective in the UK? If you buy enough, you are guaranteed to lose 30 pounds fast.
- I went to a restaurant last night where none of the food was real; it was all just special effects. CGI Fridays.
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Effective One Liners
Which effective one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with effective? I can suggest the ones about successful and productive.
- Finally figured out why clickbait is so effective
- I finally found out why clickbait is so effective.
- Abortion is The most effective form of spawn camping
- I've just been reading about the Dunning-Kruger effect. Go on, ask me anything.
- I just killed a pizza boy and now I have to kill another one It's the domino effect
- Kicked a mime in the nuts today. Very effective unmute option.
- What is the most effective pickup line? Hello, this is your Uber driver.
- How does a carpenter effectively build stairs? He thinks one step ahead
- What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday? Forget it once
- One of the effects of ADHD… Is that you can't
- I'm such a genius... I know everything about the Dunning-Kruger effect!
- 100% effective method on quitting smoking 1. Start quitting
2. Quit starting - What is Darth Vader's favorite snack? (Breathe heavy for effect)
"Coooo-Keees" - I found the most effective way to remember your SO's birthday.. Just forget it once.
- After reading about the effects of smoking and drinking I've decided to quit Reading.
Short But Effective Jokes
Here is a list of funny short but effective jokes and even better short but effective puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Spraying Cillit Bang directly into the lungs is fatal In the short term. But there's been no research whatsoever into the long term effects.
Cost Effective Jokes
Here is a list of funny cost effective jokes and even better cost effective puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife has clamored for months for plastic surgery so she could have a smoking hot body…. After seeing the doctor's estimate, I told her cremation seemed more cost-effective.
- Samsungs Galaxy Note 7 is really cost effective You get alot of bang for your buck.
- How accountants date Your food was 100 bucks, the wine 30. I can buy you one beer at the bar, otherwise it's more cost-effective just to get a p**....
- c**... Barrel just won a $10 Billion contract to construct a restaurant on Mars, to serve future colonists. According to NASA, this is the most cost-effective means of creating atmosphere.
Howlingly Hilarious Effective Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about effective you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean working jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make effective pranks.
It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only s**... education...
According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.
An economist, a chaos theorist, and a statistician are trying to shoot a deer for dinner with a bow and arrow...
The economist assumes no wind, and misses five feet to the left. He hands over the bow to the chaos theorist, who overestimates the effect of the wind, and misses five feet to the right. The statistician pumps his fist in the air and exclaims: "We got him!".
Drunk lecture
A cop stops a drunk late at night and asks where he's going. " I'm going to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body." Slurs the drunk. " Really? who's giving that lecture at one in the morning?" " My wife."
This just in: A white flag factory has burned to the ground in Paris...
... Effectively crippling the French military.
Pest Control
There is a church that is infested with rats. No amount of traps or exterminators have any effect on the still growing population. One day the local pastor thinks up a plan. The next day, all the rats are gone. The people are floored and asked what he did. He replies by saying that he baptized them and they will only be back on Christmas and Easter.
I wish the book "How to be an adult" came in hard cover...
.. it would be that much more effective at bonking s**... people in the head.
My grandpa's favorite joke
This works better in my native language, but I am going to do my best to try to translate it effectively.
At the end of a good day's work, an accountant goes home and announces proudly to his wife "Honey, I missed the bus today but I saved $2 by chasing after it all the way home! "
His wife fixes him with a look of pure contempt and says "You fool!! You could have saved $75 if you'd only chased after a cab."
Last day for your taxes
A man walked into a restaurant with his young son. He gave the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy started choking, going blue in the face. The father realized the boy had swallowed the nickels and started slapping him on the back. The boy coughed up 2 of the nickels, but kept choking.
Looking at his son, the father panicked and shouted for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit was sitting at the coffee bar reading a
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looked up, put her coffee cup down, neatly folded the newspaper and placed it on the counter, got up from her seat and made her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully dropped his pants, took hold of the boy's t**... and started to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the last nickel, which the woman deftly caught in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's t**..., the woman handed the nickel to the father and walked back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he was sure that his son had suffered no ill effects, the father rushed over to the woman and started thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."
An elderly man is stopped by the police at 1 A.M.
The officer asks where he's going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I'm going to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body."
The officer laughs and says, "Oh really? And who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife."
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
I heard we like Native American jokes.
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with
his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see
that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says,
"about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white.
Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian
knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they
are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a
half hour ago."
An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m
...and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied,
"I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked,
"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
I'll just apologise right now...
A man goes to the doctor. He says, "Doc, I think there may be something wrong with the pills you gave me last time."
The doctor peered over his glasses, "Why do you think that, Mr Jones?"
"I keep veering to the left, then to the right."
"I shouldn't worry about that," replies the doctor. "Those are just side effects..."
A man gets pulled over by the police...
A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
Did you hear about the 80 year old woman that tried to kill herself?
She was told that the most effective way would be to shoot herself through the heart, just below her left breast... She woke up in hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
The Way Women Think
Husband's Message (by text):
"Darling, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have been doing tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, should not have any serious or lasting effect but, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot. Fingers crossed!"
Wife's Response:
"Who's Paula?"
I don't really know about the effects of nocturnal drinking
I'm just taking a shot in the dark.
Husband send a text to his wife
Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?
A nutritionist is giving a speech at a conference on eating healthy
Red meat is terrible for your metabolism, soda rips apart your gastric wall. Fast food is almost all fat and sugar but there's one food that is the worst of all. Almost all of us eat it sooner or later and the negative effects can last for years after a single consumption. Does anyone know what this is?
After a moment of silence an elderly specialist sitting in one of the front rows gets up and says "wedding cake"
A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
"Now I will fullfill your 3 wishes" - he said.
"I wish two lines of the best stuff on the world. Let's take it together, it will be great."
"Ok, that was your first wish. Don't waste all of them on drugs" - genie said and two lines of the best stuff appeared. They both had a great party but suddenly the effect of these drugs ended.
"What is your second wish?" - genie asked
"I want another two lines of the best stuff on the world."
Another two lines appeared and they both were on high again. When the effect ended, Genie asked: "And your third wish?".
"Two lines of the best stuff on the world again."
Two lines appeared again and they were on high. When the effect ended, the genie appeared again:
"So, my friend, what is your fourth wish?"
A drunk man
A drunk man is questioned by a police officer at midnight, asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to attend a lecture on alcohol a**... & ill effects on my health."
Officer: Really....??? Sounds interesting, Who is giving that lecture at this time of night.....???"
Man: "My Wife"!!!
A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
Why is Pokemon quite realistic?
Because in the games, Bug-types are effective against Dark-types. Just like malaria in Africa.
Why does keeping tropical fish in your home have a calming effect on the brain?
Because of the indoor fins.
What's the difference between a mad engineer and a mad scientist?
The mad engineer builds an efficient, well-desined death ray and destroys the world in one blow.
The mad scientist builds his death ray and divides the world into three randomised groups: an experimental group to be killed, a control group to be spared and a group that is told they are dead to account for the placebo effect.
I always wear a helmet during i**... cause I'm a firm believer in safe s**....
Doesn't help much against the STD's but it sure is effective against the pepper-spray.
A farmer spent over $12 million to see the effects of m**... on cows...
The steaks had never been higher.
I tried explaining to my girlfriend what the effects of network packet loss were.
I couldn't get the message across.
A rather drunk fellow on a bus was tearing up a newspaper into tiny pieces and throwing them out the window.
'Excuse me,' said the woman sitting next to him. "But, would you mind explaining why you're doing this?
"It scares away the elephants,' replied the drunk. "But I don't see any elephants around here,' said the woman
"Effective, isn't it?" crowed the drunk.
Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, m**... is twice as effective as s**...
So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.
There was a recent study that tried to pinpoint the effect that alcohol had on walking…
The result was staggering…
My mate asked me why I have s**... noises saved on my phone.
I said, It's for sound effects during s**....
He asked, Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?
I replied, No, I work in a morgue.
The toilet brush
A man walks into a store looking for a toilet brush. The store owner shows him a variety of brushes at various pricepoints. The man thinks for a little while, then buys the cheapest one.
The next day the man is back at the store. "Were you unhappy with your purchase?" asks the shopkeeper. "We have other models that might work better."
The man agrees and buys a little more expensive one.
The next day the man is back yet again. The shopkeeper, visually puzzled on how a toilet brush can be such a big deal, asks "What's the matter, didn't like the new one either?"
"Well" replies the man. "To be honest it *was* pretty effective. But I gotta say, I prefer toilet paper!"
There's a new drug that is guarenteed to get you molested.
The only side effect is you feel Spacey.
You m**... one pizza delivery driver, and then you have to m**... another pizza delivery driver.
That's the domino effect
My childhood was effectively over at 11.
That's when the bars closed and my uncle came home.
Did you know that dogs chase their tails clockwise in the southern hemisphere and counter-clockwise in the northern hemisphere?
It's called the Corgi-olis Effect.
An amputee is taking part in a discussion on the effectiveness of gloves
On one hand, they are good for cold weather.
On the other, they don't really help.
You order one pizza
You love it.
Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.
Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.
That's the domino effect.
I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.
I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it's starting to become a domino effect.
A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.
His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.
The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.
Did you know that l**... is a really effective weight loss drug?
How are you supposed to eat if there's a dragon guarding the fridge?
Trump just suggested that injecting sanitizers like bleach might have a cleansing effect on the body
I think medical research would agree that injecting bleach definitely cures stupidity.
Thor was viewing the earth, when he saw a beautiful milkmaid. He transformed to human form, descended to earth - and seduced her.
They made love for 3 days and 3 nights, then one morning Thor was stood with his back to her, shuttered sunlight streaming through his golden hair and across his massive frame - the very image of godlike perfection. And he spoke.
Darling, I must away from this place he turned round for dramatic effect, then thundered. FOR I, AM THOR!
She replied YOU'RE thor? I can barely thtand!
Tom was stopped by the cops while walking home at 2am the other night.
The cop asked where him where he was going at that time of night. Tom replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" Tom replied, "That would be my wife."
A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...
They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.
Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own sign. They agreed, and to their surprise, just days later a passing officer saw a row of cars moving very slowly past the farmer's place. The policeman approached the farm, and saw a new, hand-painted sign stating: "Nudist Colony".
I didn't tell anybody but I volunteered for the Russian vaccine trials for C-19 in Amsterdam
I received my first shot today and wanted to let you all know that it's completely safe with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно
Mix Tabasco sauce with your hand sanitiser
It won't make it any more effective, but it will remind you not to touch your face and eyes.
In memorial of Sean Connery: My favorite knock knock joke. (Say out loud for best effect)
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dish
Dish Who?
(Said in Sean Connery accent) DISH IS SEAN CONNERY LET ME IN!
I was griling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices made my mouth water....
Got me thinking....Do vegetarians have the same effect when mowing a lawn ?
My girlfriend got the COVID vaccine and it seems like the main side effect is...
...that she can't stop talking about getting the COVID vaccine.
Keeping tropical fish at home can have a truly calming effect on the brain.
Due to all the indoor fins.
[Prop comedy] When you're at a formal event,
roll up both ends of your tie and ask, "Which end do you think's gonna unfurl the fastest?"
After they make their guess (or sarcastic remark)--pause for effect--create the atmosphere-- and let them drop!
They'll look at the tie first, then slowly pan up to your goofy grin..
and that's when you raise your arms and exclaim, "It's a ***TIE***!!"
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, h**..., alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late.
The officer then asks, Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?
The man replies, That would be my wife.
Weird Pfizer vaccine side effect
I haven't made any sounds when I go to the bathroom since I got the shot.
Doctor said that with Pfizer, the p is silent.
Side effects may include weight gain, depression and loss of s**... drive.
Ask your doctor if marriage is right for you.
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."
A Russian soldier and an american soldier are drinking at a bar
The Russian says "I'm impressed by american p**.... It's so subtle but effective."
The american responds "What are you talking about, we don't do p**...."
I ate a small pizza, but it wasn't enough, so I ate a bigger one, and then a bigger one...
They call it the dominoes effect.
What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?
One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, h**..., alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife."
In the northern hemisphere, small dogs chase their tails clockwise, but in the southern hemisphere, they chase them counter-clockwise.
This is due to the corgiolis effect.
I told my wife I was gonna start smoking p**.... She said if I did she'd leave me. I guess it's true what they say...
m**... truly is an effective way to get rid of aches and pains.
A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol.
She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
She says "I want you to see this."
She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.
She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"
The child responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
Which restaurant has the best special effects?
C.G.I Fridays
I don't know much about psychology or sociology
But I reckon I can explain the Dunning-Kruger effect better than anyone else.
