Gather Around for Fun Education Jokes and Laughter with Friends
It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only s**... education...
According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.
Health Class
Three boys received their grades from their s**... education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.
"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy.
"I agree. But what should we do?" said the second.
"I've got it!" said the third. "We can kick her in the nuts!"
There's a new study out from the Department of Education...
It shows that two thirds of Americans don't understand fractions and the other half don't care.
Dear Board of Education,
So are we.
Sincerely,
Students
Mississippi's Education/Testing scores are the worst in the nation...
yep, we're ranked 53rd.
A man walks into a job interview...
He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.
"So son, where did you receive your education?"
The man replied "Yale".
The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"
The man replied "Yack Yackson".
s**... Education
Two boys get their report cards and notice that they both got Fs from their s**... education teacher.
"I can't believe we failed s**... ed," says the first boy. "My dad's gonna kill me."
"I know," says the other. "I'm so mad I could kick Mrs. Wilson in the nuts!"
Foreplay
After the first week of s**... education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you're about to kill someone." "I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position."
Job interview
Interviewer: So tell me, what education have you received in all of your past?
Candidate: Well I went to Yale for 4 years.
Interviewer: Yale?! Oh that's great! You've got the job! Just tell me again, what's your name?
Candidate: Yhonny Yohnson!
Why dont they have Drivers Education and s**... Education class on the same day in Iran
Because it would kill the camel
Where does a toxicologist go to get the best possible education?
A Poison Ivy League College.
You can explore education college reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean education class dad jokes. There are also education puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The American Education System
The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd.
They've left those kids a loan.
What do you call the kids claiming "We don't need no education"?
Comfortably Dumb
Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?
Because Somalia doesn't have an education system
Why don't they teach Driver's Ed and s**... education on the same day in the Middle East?
They don't want to wear out the camel.
Overheard this in the train, not a joke per se, but I found it funny
>Two dudes were talking about moving to US so the first dude's child will have an American education.
Dude1: My wife and I were thinking that we should move to the US so our kid will have an American education?
Dude2: You dont want to do that.
Dude1: Why?
Dude2: You are telling me you want to send your child to a place where people cant tell the difference between a clock and a bomb?
A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.
At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and c**... into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...
"Oh the Humanities!"
They say you can't get a decent job without education.....
They say you can't get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the Moon!
"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"
\- Canada
My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
"I've just had s**... education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.
Donald Trump has done so much good for American education.
Now instead of citing my sources on an English paper, I can just write down, "I know it, you know it, everybody knows it."
They say you can't get a decent job without education.
But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!
I'm glad that DeVos was confirmed as education secretary.
Now I don't have to worry about my grandkids being able to read some of my dumbest Facebook posts... or anything else, for that matter.
Rest In Peace, American Education
Coming to an end in DeVos't way imaginable.
I think that the president and his cabinet listened to Pink Floyd
"We don't need no education" -Devos
"All in all its just another brick in the wall" -Trump
I told my son to get an education.
He said, "I won't."
I said, "Why?"
He said, "Cause you got one and now you're married with five kids."
Our government leaders have obviously never played Civ....
If they had they would know that not investing in education science and the economy coupled with an unreasonably large military is a a good way to get worked over by Gandhi later in the game.
If I had a penny for every time I said something s**...
I could get an education
Why does the Islamic State have s**... education classes and driver's education in different weeks?
So it's not too hard on the goats.
s**... education class
Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the s**... Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be o**...."
I got a few jokes...
My life.
My Girlfriend.
And my education.
Good thing I have bacon.
Why doesn't the middle east teach drivers education and s**... education on the same day?
Because the goat gets tired.
In s**... education, the teacher asked: "does anyone have any questions about the female human body?"
I said: "yes miss, do you know any good places to hide one?"
Our s**... education teacher asked the class, "Who knows what f**... is?"
I put my hand up.
I was fired for sending one of my students to detention "for being tardy".
Special education just wasn't for me.
Prisons nationwide have integrated the Hokey-Pokey into their physical education program.
They think it will help the inmates turn their lives around.
s**... education
Dave's wife said to him, "If our kids are old enough to ask a question about s**..., then they are old enough to be told a truthful answer."
Just then his son came home from school and asked him what a b**... was.
"Son," said Dave, "I can't remember."
I read the other day that Penn State has spent $237 million defending the university during the Sandusky lawsuit. Think of how many peoples' education that would pay for.
At least 4 or 5.
What do Australians get from education?
Koalafications
Why is the education so good in Canada?
Because everyone's a straight 'eh' student
Sticks and stones may break my bones.
But drone strikes affect your education.
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had s**... education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.
Good ol'e USA
18: can I buy a bottle of wine?
USA: no that's i**... & irresponsible
18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?
USA: we encourage it
Degree
I was waiting for a green light when I saw an elderly woman walking with a small child.
The excited young girl was walking slightly faster than the old lady, so the woman yelled, Degree! Wait for me!
Intrigued by such a unique name, I got out of the car and asked why she called the girl Degree.
She said, Well, I sent her mother to college to get an education, and she came home with this instead.
Credit to u/Princess_Kookie
Yale educated
The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.
"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.
"Yale," replied the lad.
"And what's your name?" barked the manager.
"Yim Yohnston," he replied.
Why Americans don't need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British
Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.
Apparently there's a lack of s**... education being taught in school
Which is why I'm glad the Catholic church has taken matters into their own hands.
I visited the Middle East last year...
And I had to spend a whole school year there. It was weird because their schools are unable to have drivers education and s**... education on the same day.
Too hard for the camels.
I offer my kids $500 for every A on their report card.It sends the message that education is a priority in our household.
And it costs me absolutely nothing since my kids aren't that bright.
Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"
Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.
Where do pirates get their education?
Boarding school
s**... education
Three boys received their grades from their female s**... education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.
One day we should get her for this, said the first boy.
I agree. We'll grab her... said the second.
Yeah, said the third. And then we'll kick her in the nuts!
A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.
Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied.
They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon"
Today our leaders closed of the southern border preventing people from coming to our country for a better life a better education and much needed health care!
As a Canadian I am outraged!
Some people are upset that Profesional athletes get payed so much
But really it makes sense.
After a few years of training an athlete is playing professionally.
After more than a decade of work and education most doctors are still practicing.
There are only 2 things missing in Indian Education System:
(1) Education.
(2) System.
s**... Ed
Three boys received their grades from their female s**... education instructor.
One got a D, the second a D-, and the third an F.
"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy. "
We'll grab her he continued. And we'll tie her up! said the second.
"Yeah," said the third. "And then we'll kick her in the nuts!"
During a business meeting yesterday, someone asked me about my background. So I told him about my education, career, family, hopes and dreams.
Turns out he was asking about what was behind me on our Zoom call.
My home state of Nevada is ranked #50 in education
Not the best but at least we're in the top 3
Psychic: I'm sorry to say that you are going to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on your education.
Man: How do you know this?
Psychic: Mostly in tuition.
I'm making a documentary about the American education system.
Shooting starts soon.
My kid says he's not interested in school -
so he tried joining the Board of Education.
I overheard some people talking about the english language.
I decided to put in my two cents worth. One said that the English language is confusing. "It's," I agreed. The other said, "Oh yeah? Have you had an education on it?" "I've," I responded. "So what? You some kinda english wizard or something?" I responded simply, "Some would say: I'm."
Finally, a blonde joke I haven't heard before…
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!
**
My uncle is mad that he lost his job to an i**... immigrant
It took him forever to find a job that neither requires a third grade education nor a background check.
A blond Joke I've only heard once before.
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
"Because I'm the Goalie!"
Education
As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. "Scared, Lieutenant? ", I asked. He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive. "I asked, "What's the difference? "He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education. "
America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year
than a professional athlete earns in a whole day.
Blonde PE Teacher
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher at a school.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!
A bank teller decides to leave his job to go back to college for an education in chemistry.
Turns out he had a compound interest.
