Education Jokes

Following is our collection of college humor and yale one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Education puns for adults, dirty class jokes or clean scholarship gags for kids.

There is an abundance of abstinence jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 67 funniest jokes on education. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any school witze you can hear about education.

The Best jokes about Education

It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

"I've just had sex education in school today, Dad!

You lied to me!

You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"

I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.

Good ol'e USA

18: can I buy a bottle of wine?

USA: no that's illegal & irresponsible

18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?

USA: we encourage it

My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had sex education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…

Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.

Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"

Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.


The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd.

They've left those kids a loan.

A man walks into a job interview...

He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.

"So son, where did you receive your education?"

The man replied "Yale".

The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"

The man replied "Yack Yackson".

They say you can't get a decent job without education.

But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

I was fired for sending one of my students to detention "for being tardy".

Special education just wasn't for me.

Sex education

Dave's wife said to him, "If our kids are old enough to ask a question about sex, then they are old enough to be told a truthful answer."
Just then his son came home from school and asked him what a blow job was.
"Son," said Dave, "I can't remember."

They say you can't get a decent job without education.....

They say you can't get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the Moon!


Donald Trump has done so much good for American education.

Now instead of citing my sources on an English paper, I can just write down, "I know it, you know it, everybody knows it."

Health Class

Three boys received their grades from their sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.

"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy.

"I agree. But what should we do?" said the second.

"I've got it!" said the third. "We can kick her in the nuts!"

Why don't they teach Driver's Ed and sex education on the same day in the Middle East?

They don't want to wear out the camel.

I offer my kids $500 for every A on their report card.It sends the message that education is a priority in our household.

And it costs me absolutely nothing since my kids aren't that bright.

I read the other day that Penn State has spent $237 million defending the university during the Sandusky lawsuit. Think of how many peoples' education that would pay for.

At least 4 or 5.

Sex Education

Two boys get their report cards and notice that they both got Fs from their sex education teacher.

"I can't believe we failed sex ed," says the first boy. "My dad's gonna kill me."

"I know," says the other. "I'm so mad I could kick Mrs. Wilson in the nuts!"

Overheard this in the train, not a joke per se, but I found it funny

>Two dudes were talking about moving to US so the first dude's child will have an American education.

Dude1: My wife and I were thinking that we should move to the US so our kid will have an American education?

Dude2: You dont want to do that.

Dude1: Why?

Dude2: You are telling me you want to send your child to a place where people cant tell the difference between a clock and a bomb?

Yale educated

The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.


"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.


"Yale," replied the lad.


"And what's your name?" barked the manager.


"Yim Yohnston," he replied.


Why doesn't the middle east teach drivers education and sex education on the same day?

Because the goat gets tired.

Sex education

Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.

One day we should get her for this, said the first boy.

I agree. We'll grab her... said the second.

Yeah, said the third. And then we'll kick her in the nuts!

Our government leaders have obviously never played Civ....

If they had they would know that not investing in education science and the economy coupled with an unreasonably large military is a a good way to get worked over by Gandhi later in the game.

A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.

At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and crash into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...

"Oh the Humanities!"

There's a new study out from the Department of Education...

It shows that two thirds of Americans don't understand fractions and the other half don't care.

The American Education System

Kids jokes

Q: What did the ocean say to the airplane?

A: Nothing, it just waved.



Q: Do old planes retire?

A: No, they just get more turbulent.



Q: Why did the young plane study so hard?

A: He really wanted a higher education!



Q: Did you hear the joke about the jet?

A: It's over your head.



Q: What do you call a flying policeman?

A: A helicopper!



Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner?

A: A stamp!



Q: What keeps jazz musicians on earth?

A: Groovity!



Q: What goes up and down but doesn't move?

A: The temperature!



Q: I'm not an airplane, but I can fly through the sky. I'm not a river, but I'm full of water. What am I?
A: A cloud

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because Somalia doesn't have an education system

London Lawyer v Glasgow Cop

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cop's expense!!

Glasgow cop says, " Licence and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and Registration, Please.

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte to come to complete stop, that's the law, Licence and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the lawyer and says,
"Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"

/end
This isn't actually illegal in Scotland (beating lawyers, not failing to come to a stop :P ), but the joke is still funny

"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"

\- Canada

Why dont they have Drivers Education and Sex Education class on the same day in Iran

Because it would kill the camel

Help! Performing in front of a deaf audience, and need an appropriate opening joke or two

Tomorrow I'm conducting a charity benefit for a large state wide deaf education foundation. I'll be in front of ~500 people talking. I Want at least one slightly edgy jokes that would cater to this sort of rich (and largely deaf) audience.

"Once upon a time, Three Little Pigs walk into a bar. The first pig orders 10 beers, downs them, and then asks for the bathroom. The second pig orders 15 beers, downs them, and asks for the bathroom. The third pig orders 20 beers, downs them, and then sits there eating peanuts.
"Aren't you going to ask for the bathroom?" asks the bartender.
"Nope. I'm the pig who goes wee-wee-wee all the way home.""

Dear Board of Education,

So are we.

Sincerely,
Students

Why Americans don't need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British

Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.

A father and son went on a camping trip

An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip.
They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father : "Look up to the sky and tell me what you see?"
Son : "I see millions of stars."
Father : "And what does that tell you?"
Son : "Astronomically, it tells that there are millions of galaxies and planets."
Father slaps the son hard and says, "Idiot, someone has stolen our tent"

MORAL : Too much education can spoil or common sense.

I think that the president and his cabinet listened to Pink Floyd

"We don't need no education" -Devos

"All in all its just another brick in the wall" -Trump

I told my son to get an education.

He said, "I won't."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Cause you got one and now you're married with five kids."

Why does the Islamic State have sex education classes and driver's education in different weeks?

So it's not too hard on the goats.

Foreplay

After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you're about to kill someone." "I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position."

Our sex education teacher asked the class, "Who knows what fisting is?"

I put my hand up.

What do Australians get from education?

Koalafications

PTA Meeting

Three fathers are waiting around at a PTA meeting. They are mulling over life, family and education over by the coffee and the doughnuts until the first dad says, 'I recently taught my son Ben about Taxes. Gee, I wish I hadn't though. Every time I ask him to get me a beer now, he cracks open a tinny and downs half. He then proceeds to say, "There's your beer tax Daddy!"'

The second father laughs. 'Yeah, that sounds like when I taught my Daughters Rose and Violet about Unions. They've been on strike ever since, refusing to do dishes and laundry until they get better pay and more candy!' He chuckles again, retreating into his mug of Coffee.

He looks up again and asks the third man what he's done around the home to help his Daughter. He replied, 'Well, I'm starting to regret teaching Mercedes about Prostitution.'

Degree

I was waiting for a green light when I saw an elderly woman walking with a small child.

The excited young girl was walking slightly faster than the old lady, so the woman yelled, Degree! Wait for me!

Intrigued by such a unique name, I got out of the car and asked why she called the girl Degree.

She said, Well, I sent her mother to college to get an education, and she came home with this instead.

Credit to u/Princess_Kookie

What do you call the kids claiming "We don't need no education"?

Comfortably Dumb

My 3 sons

A father told his 3 sons when he sent them to university: "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened. His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial planner, each very successful financially. When their father's time had come and they saw their father in the coffin, they remembered his wish.

First, it was the doctor who put 10 newly printed crisp $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased.

Then, came the financial planner, who also put $1,000 there.

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn. He dipped into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father's coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.

He is now running for President

Rest In Peace, American Education

Coming to an end in DeVos't way imaginable.

No motivation. Why bother if people don't notice my creative work?

It just seems that lately nobody really notices all the work I do. It seems like no matter how much effort i put into my works, no matter how much I invest in improving my skills via education, books, conferences, no matter how much i try to 'get in the spotlight' and display my art, people seem to just... pass it by and go on like they haven't even noticed it, not even giving it a glance or a moments thought.

I'm in a rut right now. Its hard to stay motivated and creative when all the hard work goes unnoticed, despite the pay being good.

For those wondering, i design camouflage.

Job interview

Interviewer: So tell me, what education have you received in all of your past?
Candidate: Well I went to Yale for 4 years.
Interviewer: Yale?! Oh that's great! You've got the job! Just tell me again, what's your name?
Candidate: Yhonny Yohnson!

Apparently there's a lack of sex education being taught in school

Which is why I'm glad the Catholic church has taken matters into their own hands.

Where do pirates get their education?

Boarding school

In sex education, the teacher asked: "does anyone have any questions about the female human body?"

I said: "yes miss, do you know any good places to hide one?"

Blonde physical education teacher

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher for 16 - 18 year olds.

She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'Are you ok?' she asks.

'Yes,' he replies.

'You can go and play with the other kids, you know,' she says.

'It's best I stay here,' he says.

'Why's that, sweetie?' asks the blonde..

The boy looks at her incredulously and says:

"Because I'm the goal keeper !!!"

Prisons nationwide have integrated the Hokey-Pokey into their physical education program.

They think it will help the inmates turn their lives around.

I'm glad that DeVos was confirmed as education secretary.

Now I don't have to worry about my grandkids being able to read some of my dumbest Facebook posts... or anything else, for that matter.

Sex education class

Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."

Sticks and stones may break my bones.

But drone strikes affect your education.

Why is the education so good in Canada?

Because everyone's a straight 'eh' student

I visited the Middle East last year...

And I had to spend a whole school year there. It was weird because their schools are unable to have drivers education and sex education on the same day.

Too hard for the camels.

I got a few jokes...

My life.

My Girlfriend.

And my education.




Good thing I have bacon.

Learn Chinese in five minutes joke

It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim?
Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
See me A.S.A.P. - Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man - Dum Gai
Are you harboring a fugitive? - Hu Yu Hai Ding?
Has your flight been delayed? - Hao Long Wei Ting?
Your price is too high!! - No Bai De Thing!!
Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat
I am not guilty - Wai Hang Mi?
That was an unauthorized execution - Lin Ching
This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? - Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
You are not very bright - Yu So Dum
I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching?
I got this for free - Ai No Pei
Please, stay a while longer. - Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week. - Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight - Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
That’s not right - Sum Ting Wong

Education is just like an erection

If you have it, it shows

If I had a penny for every time I said something stupid

I could get an education

Where does a toxicologist go to get the best possible education?

A Poison Ivy League College.

Mississippi's Education/Testing scores are the worst in the nation...

yep, we're ranked 53rd.

What does a woman want?

Equality
Safety
Education
Independence
Nutrition
Love

What does a man want?
Woman

Happy Woman's Day!!

America really needs to work on its education system

I mean I hear China has kids working for Apple

Education is a team effort

There's no 'i' in 'illiteracy'!

Only pre-2017 kids will get this

A decent public education

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes