Education Jokes
152 education jokes and hilarious education puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about education that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A collection of jokes about the challenges of getting an education and life as a college student or recent graduate. Enjoy a laugh while exploring the struggles of finding the perfect major, dealing with the stress of being a dropout, and establishing a career after college.
Quick Jump To
- Short Education Jokes
- Education One Liners
- Higher Education Jokes
- Education Major Jokes
- Board Education Jokes
- Special Education Jokes
- More Education Jokes
Funniest Education Short Jokes
Short education jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The education humour may include short educated jokes also.
- The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd. They've left those kids a loan.
- They say you can't get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!
- I was fired for sending one of my students to detention "for being tardy". Special education just wasn't for me.
- Every year we spend more on coffee than we do on educating our children how do we sleep at night?
- Donald Trump has done so much good for American education. Now instead of citing my sources on an English paper, I can just write down, "I know it, you know it, everybody knows it."
- I offer my kids $500 for every A on their report card.It sends the message that education is a priority in our household. And it costs me absolutely nothing since my kids aren't that bright.
- I read the other day that Penn State has spent $237 million defending the university during the Sandusky lawsuit. Think of how many peoples' education that would pay for. At least 4 or 5.
- Psychic: I'm sorry to say that you are going to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on your education. Man: How do you know this?
Psychic: Mostly in tuition. - America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole day.
- There's a new study out from the Department of Education... It shows that two thirds of Americans don't understand fractions and the other half don't care.
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Education One Liners
Which education one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with education? I can suggest the ones about academic and employment.
- I like my women like I like my slaves Educated and free.
- Why are fish poorly educated? All the schools are below C level.
- I'm making a documentary about the American education system. Shooting starts soon.
- There are only 2 things missing in Indian Education System: (1) Education.
(2) System. - The American Education System
- Why can't pirates learn the alphabet? Because Somalia doesn't have an education system
- Why do Hippies do so well at University??? They are all about "Higher" education man!!!
- Dear Board of Education, So are we.
Sincerely,
Students - What do Australians get from education? Koalafications
- Educated people are hot Because they have more degrees
- What do you call the kids claiming "We don't need no education"? Comfortably Dumb
- My kid says he's not interested in school - so he tried joining the Board of Education.
- Rest In Peace, American Education Coming to an end in DeVos't way imaginable.
- Why are educated people hotter than everyone else? Because they have more degrees!
- Where do pirates get their education? Boarding school
Higher Education Jokes
Here is a list of funny higher education jokes and even better higher education puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have a simple solution to promote higher education, build taller schools.
- Why did the student study in an airplane? He wanted a higher education!
- Whats the difference between higher education and google? Google doesnt put you in debt for the rest of your life
- Bro lets study on air plane why air plane For a higher education
- If I was a president, I would make bigger schools So that we can have a higher education
- I definitely feel like I received a valuable higher education Only because it cost so much
- I was expelled for smoking w**... at school All I wanted was a higher education
- President Trump was asked by a reporter if he supports higher education and single mothers. He responded, "Of course I do. Why do you think I've spent so much money at the s**... club?"
- Why did the student smoke w**... before studying? He wanted higher education.
Education Major Jokes
Here is a list of funny education major jokes and even better education major puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Do you know what an education major gets when they graduate from college in Oklahoma? A map to Texas.
- I went to college to get a better education. Decided on a Liberal Arts major.
- Questionnaire I was reviewing some questionnaire and i found this:
highest level of education achieved: **Yes**
major: **Communications**
hobbies: **Irony** - Employer: "So what level of education do you have?" Employer: "So what level of education do you have?"
Me: I studied at PragerU
Employer: "What was your major?"
Me: "**Racism**"
Board Education Jokes
Here is a list of funny board education jokes and even better board education puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- [An open letter to Education systems everywhere] Dear Board of Education,
So are we. - Dear board of education You are not the only ones board of education
Special Education Jokes
Here is a list of funny special education jokes and even better special education puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the special education teacher say to one of their students that was late? You're tardy!
- That's a very good question?🤔 If a kid is late for special education, is it ok to call him tardy?
- IN SPECIAL EDUCATION They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.
Gather Around for Fun Education Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about education you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean technology jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make education pranks.
I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only s**... education...
According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.
Health Class
Three boys received their grades from their s**... education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.
"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy.
"I agree. But what should we do?" said the second.
"I've got it!" said the third. "We can kick her in the nuts!"
The Vicar's Salary
At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to
a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and
proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every
year, and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their
children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if
the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary
and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school
education for all of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free s**....'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you
to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out.
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.
"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he told me last week that he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"
"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you, I, too, brought up my boy in the faith, put him though university, cost me a fortune, then one day he came to me and told me he has decided to become a Chrsitian."
"What did you do?" Asked the lawyer.
"I turned to God for the answer," replied the Rabbi.
"And what did he say?"
He said, "Funny you should come to me..."
How do they educate locomotive drivers?
They train them
What is the most well educated type of nut?
Macademia.
A man walks into a job interview...
He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.
"So son, where did you receive your education?"
The man replied "Yale".
The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"
The man replied "Yack Yackson".
s**... Education
Two boys get their report cards and notice that they both got Fs from their s**... education teacher.
"I can't believe we failed s**... ed," says the first boy. "My dad's gonna kill me."
"I know," says the other. "I'm so mad I could kick Mrs. Wilson in the nuts!"
Foreplay
After the first week of s**... education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you're about to kill someone." "I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position."
Job interview
Interviewer: So tell me, what education have you received in all of your past?
Candidate: Well I went to Yale for 4 years.
Interviewer: Yale?! Oh that's great! You've got the job! Just tell me again, what's your name?
Candidate: Yhonny Yohnson!
Did you hear about the college for dolphins?
It was for educational porpoises only.
Why dont they have Drivers Education and s**... Education class on the same day in Iran
Because it would kill the camel
I just made this one up so cut me some slack...
A man and his wife are at the beach and she catches him staring at a beautiful woman. Predictably she gets mad at him.
Man: Honey, you know I only have eyes for you!
Wife: Then why are you ogling that woman over there?
Man: My dear, I assure you it doesn't mean anything. It is purely for educational purposes.
Wife: What do you mean?
Man: I've always wanted to study a broad!
(I'm sorry)
Where does a toxicologist go to get the best possible education?
A Poison Ivy League College.
Education is a team effort
There's no 'i' in 'illiteracy'!
Found my son and his girlfriend n**... in his room.
And I was like "*s**...-education* is so advanced now that they also give homework!"
Why did the tumblrina quit being a teacher?
It wasn't her job to educate people.
Why don't they teach Driver's Ed and s**... education on the same day in the Middle East?
They don't want to wear out the camel.
Overheard this in the train, not a joke per se, but I found it funny
>Two dudes were talking about moving to US so the first dude's child will have an American education.
Dude1: My wife and I were thinking that we should move to the US so our kid will have an American education?
Dude2: You dont want to do that.
Dude1: Why?
Dude2: You are telling me you want to send your child to a place where people cant tell the difference between a clock and a bomb?
A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.
At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and c**... into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...
"Oh the Humanities!"
What do you call someone who does a BA in Arts, a MA in English and a phd in Gender Studies?
A well educated Barista
They say you can't get a decent job without education.....
They say you can't get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the Moon!
Why did the farmer win the Nobel Prize?
There was a clerical error. The award was intended to go to Malala Yousafzai for her advocacy work for education for young girls.
You know, I'm really glad Ben Carson didn't end up being Secretary of Education.
I really didn't want our kids learning that the food pyramid was built to store grain.
"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"
\- Canada
My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
"I've just had s**... education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.
Many people say a diploma is just a piece of paper. I as an educated person beg to differ
It's a piece of cardboard.
I'm glad that DeVos was confirmed as education secretary.
Now I don't have to worry about my grandkids being able to read some of my dumbest Facebook posts... or anything else, for that matter.
Only pre-2017 kids will get this
A decent public education
I think that the president and his cabinet listened to Pink Floyd
"We don't need no education" -Devos
"All in all its just another brick in the wall" -Trump
I told my son to get an education.
He said, "I won't."
I said, "Why?"
He said, "Cause you got one and now you're married with five kids."
Educated Sons
1st son : Degree in Economics.
2nd son: MBA.
3rd son : PhD
4th son : Thief
Neighbour: Why can't you throw the
4th son out of your house?
Father : He is the only one earning money. The rest are unemployed.
Our government leaders have obviously never played Civ....
If they had they would know that not investing in education science and the economy coupled with an unreasonably large military is a a good way to get worked over by Gandhi later in the game.
If I had a penny for every time I said something s**...
I could get an education
Why does the Islamic State have s**... education classes and driver's education in different weeks?
So it's not too hard on the goats.
Nobody educates the boys about their first b**...…
They learn it the hard way.
s**... education class
Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the s**... Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be o**...."
Why are colleges starting to teach quantum computing?
When professors try to explain binary states, the students tell them to go educate themselves.
I got a few jokes...
My life.
My Girlfriend.
And my education.
Good thing I have bacon.
Why doesn't the middle east teach drivers education and s**... education on the same day?
Because the goat gets tired.
In s**... education, the teacher asked: "does anyone have any questions about the female human body?"
I said: "yes miss, do you know any good places to hide one?"
Our s**... education teacher asked the class, "Who knows what f**... is?"
I put my hand up.
A new report states that paedophiles need re-educating.
What a great idea, paedophiles going back to school.
People say I'm well educated
I never went to actual school, but I significantly deepened my knowledge in the well.
Education is just like an e**...
If you have it, it shows
What is s**...?
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's s**...?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
Prisons nationwide have integrated the Hokey-Pokey into their physical education program.
They think it will help the inmates turn their lives around.
Camping.
An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set-up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father- "Look up to the sky and tell me what you see."
Son- "I see millions of stars."
Father- "And what does that tell you?"
Son- "Astronomically, it tells that there are millions of galaxies and planets."
Father slaps the son hard and says- "Idiot, someone has stolen our tent"
My parents and I came to the US from Germany when I was a little girl.
They didn't speak much English, but were experienced educators back home. One winter, they decided to open a tutoring/ study session program to help students stay productive and focus over the break. It wasn't until after a flood of angry phone calls and visitors that we realized that "Concentration Camp" was not an ideal program name.
s**... education
Dave's wife said to him, "If our kids are old enough to ask a question about s**..., then they are old enough to be told a truthful answer."
Just then his son came home from school and asked him what a b**... was.
"Son," said Dave, "I can't remember."
Why is the education so good in Canada?
Because everyone's a straight 'eh' student
America really needs to work on its education system
I mean I hear China has kids working for Apple
Sticks and stones may break my bones.
But drone strikes affect your education.
I'm one of the few pirates that went to school to get an education...
I'm one of the few pirates that went to school to get an education, and I just recently got my report card in the mail. It was tough, especially with the extra class I took for zero period, but I finally got what I worked so hard for!
*I got all Seven C's*
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had s**... education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.
Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, lets do it
Let's go hurtling straight into a sliding glass door and die
A report has concluded that paedophiles should be re-educated.
What a great idea, let's send paedophiles back to school.
Good ol'e USA
18: can I buy a bottle of wine?
USA: no that's i**... & irresponsible
18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?
USA: we encourage it
As a professional s**... educator I have frequently teach kids that the "pull-out method" is almost 90% effective when I do it right.
That or I'm shooting blanks
Degree
I was waiting for a green light when I saw an elderly woman walking with a small child.
The excited young girl was walking slightly faster than the old lady, so the woman yelled, Degree! Wait for me!
Intrigued by such a unique name, I got out of the car and asked why she called the girl Degree.
She said, Well, I sent her mother to college to get an education, and she came home with this instead.
Credit to u/Princess_Kookie
I finished education...
To a Degree.
Thanks to online schools...
Education is reducing gun violence!
Yale educated
The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.
"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.
"Yale," replied the lad.
"And what's your name?" barked the manager.
"Yim Yohnston," he replied.
There are two types of people in this world.
Those that can make educated guesses based on context.
"We don't need no education."
Yes, you do. You just used a double negative.
I'm proud to say that I sponsor a kid in Africa. I feed clothe and educate him all for less than 30 cents a day!
That's peanuts when compared to what it cost to send him there
