Edited Jokes
52 edited jokes and hilarious edited puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about edited that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Edited Short Jokes
Short edited jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The edited humour may include short editing jokes also.
- So Tekashi69 could face life in prison Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
- Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump. But I guess comparing apples to orange is unfair.
- What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital? I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.
- TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead
- What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car? A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
- I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast. Since she can't even beat an egg
- Dude 1: Hey, bro? Dude 2: Yeah bro?
Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: Brochure
- Where do little jokes come from? Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
- As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself... maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
- When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
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Edited One Liners
Which edited one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with edited? I can suggest the ones about editor and written.
- Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888 So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
- Do you know how to avoid clickbait? Apparently not.
-
- Q : With Britain leaving EU soon, how much space will be freed up?
A: 1 GB
- Why was the anti-vaxxer's 3 year old crying? They were having a mid-life crisis.
- What do you call children born in whorehouses? Brothel sprouts
- Prison may be just one word But to others, it's a whole sentence
- KFC has asked scientists to edit the chicken genome. They want something CRISPR.
- I once threw an abstinence party... And no one came.
- You shuold be be able to edit titles
- v v
EDIT*: Looks like my CTRL key is broken - I edited my pig's genes to make it taste better you might even say the bacon is CRISPR
- Why should you distrust atoms? Because they make up an awful lot of stuff.
- My friend is an anti vaxxer. Edit : was.
- Yo Momma so fat (Avengers Edition) Yo Momma so fat it took Thanos 2 Snaps to destroy her.
- Did you hear the CEO of Honda wont be back next year? He's leaving of his own accord.
Delightful Fun Edited Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about edited you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean modified jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make edited pranks.
When is a palindrome not a palindrome?
All the time.
(edited to remove any chance of perceived iron pointing.)
So, I saw Simba walking today..
and he was walking too slow. So I told him "C'mon! Mufasa"!
Edited for a bit more for clarity..
So a man walks into a psychiatrists office...
wearing nothing by saran wrap. The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says, "well, I can clearly see you're nuts!"
edited for spelling, thanks for edfitz83 keen eye ;)
The lawyer called his client overseas...
..."Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep and I can't reach any other relatives. Shall we order burial or cremation?"
Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order both."
Two guys are out on the street...
...One looked up and said, "That's the moon."
The other one responded, "No it's not, that's the sun."
They were arguing back and forth when suddenly an extraterrestrial came up to them (as they tend to do). They asked him what it was, and he replied, "I don't know. I'm not from around here."
Knock-Knock joke my wife came up with near the end of our 10 hour road trip
Knock-Knock
Who's There?
P.
P Who?
No, not P Who, P.U.!
I'm sure someone somewhere has probably thought of this before but we thought it was hilarious at the time. :)
*edited for formatting
Did you hear about the COW that got a promotion?
She was out standing in her field.
For gamers of a certain age
Why did Rodney Dangerfield always make such unbalanced RPG characters?
He never got no respec.
So I'm in Ikea....
...and I ask the salesperson, "Is this a finished desk?"
and she says, "No, it's Swedish."
(edited to make more better)
Edited from my mistake earlier today: what do paedophiles and n**... have in common?
They can both s**... a Vietnamese orphan in under 30 seconds.
While at the mall with my infant son, I was glad to see the men's room had a baby changing station...
…so I took the kid right in there and strapped him into it.
Imagine my disappointment when we left the restroom and he was still the same foul-tempered, demanding and inarticulate little brat I walked in there with.
[Edited for clarity]
Don't cough in your shirt...
Why shouldn't you couhh in your shirt?
You'll get a chest cold!
(Edited for formatting)
What's the difference is between a lobster with breast implants and a filthy bus depot?
One is a b**... crustacean and the other is a crusty bus-station!
*edited because I s**... up my original punchline...
What's the difference between jokes and d**...?
My girlfriend doesn't laugh at my jokes.
*edited for spelling: "Mr" instead of "my"*
What do you call an edited series of m**... videos?
A Momtage
In North Korea...
[edited] everything is grand and prosperous and USA is smelly
Edited: "All hands on deck!"
It's amazing how much difference swapping out an e for an i can make.
Doctor: "I have some bad news, and some very bad news"
Patient:"Well, might as well give me the bad news first."
Doctor:"The lab called and told me you only have 24 hours to live."
Patient:"24 hours!? That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"
Doctor:"Your phone has been off, and I've been trying to reach you since yesterday..."
[Edited to clarify punchline...I guess. xP]
Knowledge is knowing that papers are best written with alcohol and edited with caffeine.
Wisdom is realizing that this does not make a Jagerbomb a study tool
Why did the man take a bath in Vinegar?
self-preservation.
Why was his wife upset?
She didn't like pickles.
[edited to change horrible wording]
Math class
Teacher asks Johnny:
"Imagine you have $200. And you give $50 to Jane, $50 to Suzi, $50 to Melissa. What would you have?"
"An o**...?"
Edited: names spelling, grammar.
Someone has been asked
"have you ever been to Crimea?"
"Yes, but I was really small"
"How small were you?"
"So small that I went there in my Dad and got home in my Mom"
Edited: wording
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
^Edited ^for ^better ^understanding
A doctor at work
A doctor's at work and has to sign some papers. He reaches into his breast pocket to get a pen and, to his surprise, pulls out a r**... thermometer instead. "Some a**...'s got my pen!", he exclaims.
*Edited on the suggestion of /u/c**...-hooks*
A priest is pulled over for speeding...
Smelling alcohol on the priest breath and noticing a wine bottle in the passenger seat of the car, the highway patrolman asks, "father, have you been drinking?"
"just water," the priest replies.
"Then why do I smell wine on your breath?" quipped the patrolman.
The priest looks down at the bottle and exclaims, "good Lord he's done it again".
Edited for u/littlekiing
Tiger Woods was pulled over and given a sobriety test.
He would have passed but withdrew 1/2 way through.
*edited for word superfluous word removal.
I hope I pass away like my grandpa. Peacefully in his sleep.
Not wide awake like his passengers.
Edited because I s**....
(Edited) What's a vampire's favorite beer?
Blood-weiser
A cell had his foot stepped on by his sister and he screamed....
MITOSIS!!!!
*edited for wording
hi people i have recently made a channel called ree
i will tell u why to sub
1 i will upload edited and funny videos
2 i will stream battle royale i have over 400 wins
playing with big you tubers
An edited version of a joke that's been already posted.
A proton, a neutron, and an electron got into a bar fight.
The bartender called the police, but when the officers arrived, they only arrested the proton. Confused, the bartender asked, why did you only arrest the proton?
To which one of the officers replied, well you see, the electron kept running around the proton like a madman, so we couldn't know its exact location. And no one can press charges on the neutron.
What part of the fridge do you keep the gene edited baby in?
The CRISPR
Why was the first person to have their eyes genetically edited so pleased?
Well, who wouldn't want CRISPR vision?
An 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with no memory and brain damage.
The doctor asked him a series of questions:
Do you know where you are?
I'm at Rex Hospital.
What city are you in?
Raleigh.
Do you know who I am?
Dr. Hamilton.
the old grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, I hope he doesn't ask me any more questions. Why? she asked. Because all of those answers were on his badge.
guys i have copied this joke and edited formating. its not my original creation.
I was once on in a band called 1023MB
We were so close to our first GIG
(edited - XXXX MB is 1 GB. Its a binary joke and yes, it makes sense)
(edit 2 - KiB, MiB and GiB can toss it, 1111111111 )
A lot of women actually turn into good drivers.
So, watch out for turning women, good drivers. (Edited and improved with necessary comma added.)
