edit Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious edit stories

What are the best edit puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Edit? Well here is a complete list of the top edit jokes:

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

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Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

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So Tekashi69 could face life in prison

Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence

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Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888

So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678

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Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.

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Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump.

But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.

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"Mom, I'm dating a man."

"Whom, sweetheart?"

"Mike the mailman."

"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"

"But mom, age is just a number."

"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."

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What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

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A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow.

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I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky". I said "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick".

She said "how do you get Dick from Kyle?"
I replied "you just ask nicely".



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TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

Because they are more likely to be dead

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How do you stop an anti-vaxer from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.


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My wife left me because I'm insecure and paranoid.

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The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

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What do you call a stolen Tesla?

An Edison.

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What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car?

A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.





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Your mom is so fat

Your mom is so fat that, a group of people started believing that your mom is actually flat.

[EDIT] OMG, thanks for the Platinum

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I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.

Since she can't even beat an egg

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If you masturbate after smoking marijuana....

Is it high-jacking or weed-whacking?










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Dude 1: Hey, bro?

Dude 2: Yeah bro?
Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: Brochure

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Do you know how to avoid clickbait?

Apparently not.


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Q : With Britain leaving EU soon, how much space will be freed up?


A: 1 GB



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Where do little jokes come from?

Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.

(I made this up myself, I'm really proud of it)

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I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

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As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...

maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

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Wearing crocs is like getting a blowjob from a guy,

It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

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When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan

But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution

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(My first dad joke) Wife was breastfeeding

Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in

Me: yeah he is really milking it

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Why was the anti-vaxxer's 3 year old crying?

They were having a mid-life crisis.


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What do you call children born in whorehouses?

Brothel sprouts



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Im surprised that Roy Moore wants a recount; a large gap in numbers had never bothered him before.

Get it?



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If you find gold in Australia where should you look for silver?

**Ag**stralia

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How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.

(

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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to be "saved" or else you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen









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I got thrown out of math class today.

The teacher asked me "If I gave you $20 and you gave $5 to Katie, $5 to Claire and $5 to Laura, what would you have?"

Apparently, 3 blowjobs and enough left for a kebab wasn't the answer...


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Harry Potter has way too many characters...

Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

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A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.

The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."

The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".

The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"

"No" says the boy, "But he minded his own fucking business."

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My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

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A bad workman blames his fools...


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I am giving up drinking alcohol for the month of January.

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My wife gets upset when I steal her kitchen utensils...

But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.

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What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

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Republicans are the true snowflakes...

they're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools

EDIT* Thanks for the gold! You popped my gold cherry!

its a joke folks. just a joke.

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How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

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I have to tell my girlfriend that I don't like the fetish she's into...

But first I need to get some shit off my chest.

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Milk

Me: Hey, thanks for the glass of milk earlier

Sperm bank employee: What glass of milk

Me: The glass of milk that was sitting on your desk

Sperm bank employee: Oh no

Me: What

Sperm bank employee: You drank my glass of milk


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Without the Arabs we wouldn't have 9/11.

It would be IX/XI.

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The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant

Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop

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Prison may be just one word

But to others, it's a whole sentence


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I'll like to brag that after 12 Years of marriage, I still have sex with my wife almost every day!

Almost on Monday

Almost on Tuesday

Almost on Wednesday

Almost on Thursday

Almost on Friday

Almost on Saturday

Almost on Sunday.!

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best edit jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about edit. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty edit gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these edit jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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