The Best 14 Edinburgh Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Edinburgh jokes. There are some edinburgh festival jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these edinburgh edinburgh fringe puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Edinburgh Jokes and Puns
A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"
I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."
credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments
A pair of Scottish nuns were riding in a cab in Edinburgh, and one turned to the other saying, "I've never come this way before." The other nun smiled and said...
"Aye, it's the cobblestones."
Two nuns are cycling down the Royal Mile in Edinburgh....
"One says, "I've never come this way before."
The other says, "Me neither. It must be the cobblestones."
My Grandad is a truly special man
He has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh Zoo.
Whenever I see an Astronomy discovery it reminds me of this joke
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician were on the train from London to Edinburgh, as they passed the Scottish border they saw a black sheep.
'Ah ha' said the astronomer 'from that I can deduce that in Scotland all sheep are black'
'No' said the physicist 'we can deduce that in Scotland some sheep are black'
'Actually' said the mathematician 'all we know is that in Scotland there is a field in which there is a sheep, one side of which is black'
"When I see Donald Trump..." - Edinburgh Fringe 2018
When I see Donald Trump I get the same thought in my head as I get after a particularly painful bikini wax.
Bush wasn't that bad.
Angela Barnes, Pleasance Courtyard, 7.15pm
An Englishman a Scotsman and a Irishman are trapped on a deserted island
One day a magic lamp washes up on shore. After rubbing the lamp a genie appears and promises them a wish each.
The Englishman says "I wish I was back at my favourite pub in London drinking beer with my mates". The genie wisks him away.
The Scotsman says "I wish I was back in Edinburgh drinking a bottle of whisky making love to my wife". The genie again wisks him away.
The Irishman is left and says "It's a bit lonely here now I wish my two mates were back here with me".
I was at the train station.
The woman next to me said, "Is the next train from London to Edinburgh?"
I said, "I doubt it. I don't think trains are that long."
Nicola Sturgeon is being shown around an Edinburgh hospital when one of the patients sits up in bed and exclaims:
"Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o' the pudden race!"
Before Nicola can respond, another patient responds: "Wee, sleekit, cowerin', timorous beastie! O what a panic's in thy breastie!"
while a third one chimes in with "Some hae meat and cannae eat, and some wad eat that want it!"
She turns a puzzled face upon her doctor escort and says "Is this the psychiatric ward, then?"
And he replies, "Och, no...
"It's the Burns Unit!"
The Prince of Wales and the Duke of Edinburgh
The recent death of the Duke of Edinburgh reminded me of the time that Prince Charles went to open a school in Brixton in London. The Prince's speech went well, but people were distracted by his headwear, which was a Davey Crockett-type hat made from fox fur, with the fox's tail hanging down at the back. After the ceremony the headmaster thanked Charles and said, "I couldn't help noticing what you were wearing on your head ...?"
"Ah yes", said Charles, "That was Daddy's idea. He asked where I was going today, then he said 'Brixton? Wear the fox hat'".
Hedgehogs...
Why can't they just share the hedge?
One of my favourite jokes to come out of the Edinburgh Comedy festival :-)
You can explore edinburgh immigration reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean edinburgh cobblestone dad jokes. There are also edinburgh puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
This joke won the funniest joke award at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
My friend recently got married in the Signet Library in Edinburgh. I was surprised he managed to bag the reservation
They're usually fully booked.
Man lost in Edinburgh says to a policeman, Excuse me is there a B&Q in Leith?
Policeman replies, No sir, but there are two Ds and two Es in Dundee.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the edinburgh scotland jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working edinburgh edinburgh festival piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.