Edinburgh Jokes
18 edinburgh jokes and hilarious edinburgh puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about edinburgh that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Edinburgh Short Jokes
Short edinburgh jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The edinburgh humour may include short immigration jokes also.
- When I see Donald Trump I get the same thought in my head as I get after a particularly painful bikini wax.
Bush wasn't that bad.
- By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I but it is the same house and it is the same family
- I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that's four hours of my life that I'm definitely getting back
- I was at the train station. The woman next to me said, "Is the next train from London to Edinburgh?"
I said, "I doubt it. I don't think trains are that long." - I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta
- Hedgehogs... Why can't they just share the hedge?
One of my favourite jokes to come out of the Edinburgh Comedy festival :-) - Man lost in Edinburgh says to a policeman, Excuse me is there a B&Q in Leith? Policeman replies, No sir, but there are two Ds and two Es in Dundee.
- My friend recently got married in the Signet Library in Edinburgh. I was surprised he managed to bag the reservation They're usually fully booked.
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Edinburgh One Liners
Which edinburgh one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with edinburgh? I can suggest the ones about festival and pub.
- I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx
- I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days
- Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it's next-day delivery
- My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock
- My Scottish friend said he was going on holiday so i said... Where ya edin-burgh.
Comical & Quirky Edinburgh Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about edinburgh you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean depot jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make edinburgh pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whenever I see an astronomy discovery it reminds me of this joke
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician were on the train from London to Edinburgh, as they passed the Scottish border they saw a black sheep.
'Ah ha' said the astronomer 'from that I can deduce that in Scotland all sheep are black'
'No' said the physicist 'we can deduce that in Scotland some sheep are black'
'Actually' said the mathematician 'all we know is that in Scotland there is a field in which there is a sheep, one side of which is black'
An Englishman a Scotsman and a Irishman are trapped on a deserted island
One day a magic lamp washes up on shore. After rubbing the lamp a genie appears and promises them a wish each.
The Englishman says "I wish I was back at my favourite pub in London drinking beer with my mates". The genie wisks him away.
The Scotsman says "I wish I was back in Edinburgh drinking a bottle of whisky making love to my wife". The genie again wisks him away.
The Irishman is left and says "It's a bit lonely here now I wish my two mates were back here with me".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't knock threesomes.
Having a t**... is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Nicola Sturgeon is being shown around an Edinburgh hospital when one of the patients sits up in bed and exclaims:
"Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o' the pudden race!"
Before Nicola can respond, another patient responds: "Wee, sleekit, cowerin', timorous beastie! O what a panic's in thy breastie!"
while a third one chimes in with "Some hae meat and cannae eat, and some w**... eat that want it!"
She turns a puzzled face upon her doctor e**... and says "Is this the psychiatric ward, then?"
And he replies, "Och, no...
"It's the Burns Unit!"