The Best 89 Edge Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Edge jokes. There are some edge ledge jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these edge straight edge puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Edge Jokes and Puns
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"
"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"
"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."
"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."
"It's a big rooster," she said.
The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
The Edge walks into a bar.
U2 guitarist The Edge walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'll ......................................... have a pint of Guinness."
The bartender replies "What's with all the delay?"
When I was a kid in Scotland...
...I asked my dad once day
"How come you always screw the sheep on the edge of the cliffs? Isn't that kind of dangerous?"
He said "Yes, son, it is, but it makes the sheep push back a lot harder."
Poor Boy
A young boy is standing at the edge of a cliff, crying his eyes out.
A Catholic priest happens to walks past and, seeing the boy, asks, "Whats wrong, my child?"
"My mother and father were in the car and it rolled off the cliff. It exploded and they died, and I have no way of getting home!"
The priest looks around and, as he's unbuttoning his pants, says "This really isn't your day is it, my son?"
America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...
America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian government to express their concern. In a conference room filled with diplomats and astrophysicists, the US delegation protested to the Iranians, Listen. Differences aside, we can't let you send people to the sun. It's suicide. They burn to death even at far distances! Please don't carry out this mission! The Iranians laughed wittily amongst themselves, jabbing each other with elbows and pointing at the westerners as one Iranian says, Stupid Americans! They think we're going during the daytime!
A Texan and a New Yorker are sitting in a bar.
The Texan, feeling boastful, says, "Back home in Texas, I can get in my truck at sunup and drive a straight shot until sundown without reaching the edge of my property."
The New Yorker nods sympathetically and replies, "Yeah. I had a car like that once."
A young boy was standing on the edge of a cliff.
He was crying while looking down at a burning car. A man was walking by when he saw the boy was crying so he approched him and asked "What's wrong?". The boy answered that his parents were in the burning car and that they both were dead. Then the man unzipped his pants and said "This really isn't your day,kid.."
You guys hear that Bono fell off the stage at the big U2 concert last night?
He got a little too close to the edge.
My Pi Day joke
There was a village that had four competing pie shops, each inhabiting their own corner of the town. One of these shops was named "The Circle".
The Circle wanted to gain an edge on the other shops, they wanted to stand out. They realized they could transport more pies in their boxes if they made the pies square instead of circular, so they would stack better. The only place in the village to have these oddly-shaped pies is at The Circle.
So, for the area of The Circle, the pie are squared.
A man goes to a fortune teller...
..., where she, in horrified voice, tells him that he'll make the world miserable in the near future. The man, down as f**k, starts walking home, where he sees a small boy standing on the edge of a bridge. He quickly runs to him and saves him from suicide. Happy that he did something good for humanity asks the boy what's his name. Adolf Hitler, the boy replies.
Scottish man at the ranch
A scottish man is visiting a texas oilman. They spend hours touring the ranch; it's an enormous property. Eventually the oilman brags, "I can jump in my car and drive until sun down. I'd never hit the edge of my claim!". The scotsman replies, "Aye, I had a car like that once too".
You can explore edge jump reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean edge rooftop dad jokes. There are also edge puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How do you trap an elephant?
Start by digging a big hole in the ground then fill it with ashes. Take some peanuts and place them around the edge of the hole. When the elephant comes to eat the peanuts, kick him in the ash-hole.
A man bought a horse from a pastor of a church...
The pastor explains to him "to make the horse go yell 'Thank God!' And to make it stop yell 'Hallelujah'". He is riding the horse and gets distracted when he notices he is about to ride off a cliff and begins to yell "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!", and the horse stops just at the edge of the cliff. He wipes his sweat off and says "Phew! Thank God!".
*Old Russian joke my dad used to tell*
Bill Gates Goes Fishing
Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.
"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.
Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.
The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"
Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"
Heresy
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
~Emo Philips
A man lives on the 15th floor of an apartment.
One rainy Saturday afternoon he walks out onto his balcony and sticks his hand out over the edge to see if it's raining or not, and a glass eye falls into his hand. He looks up, and there is a gorgeous woman standing on the balcony above him, who apologises and says she was just leaning out to check the rain and her glass eye fell out. She asks him to bring it up the stairs to her, which he does immediately. To say thanks, she kisses him on the mouth. Mildly surprised, he asks, "Do you do that to every guy you meet?"
And she replies, "Only the ones that catch my eye."
I was walking across a bridge...
and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.
I said, "Well there's so much to live for."
"Like what?"
"Well, are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Baptist or Episcopalian!"
"Baptist."
"Me too! Are you Baptist Church or God or Reformed Baptist Church of God"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1893 or Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917."
To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" as I pushed him off the bridge.
Homeless man and a Suicidal Woman.
A woman was standing on the edge of a bridge ready to jump, a homeless man approached her and the woman said "NO! NOTHING YOU CAN SAY WILL STOP ME FROM JUMPING, I AM WORTHLESS!!"
The homeless man replied "Okay, fine. But before you do, will you have sex with me? I haven't had sex in 25 years."
The woman replied "No, you're disgusting."
The homeless man turned and began to walk away when the woman said "WAIT! THAT'S IT? YOU'RE NOT GONNA TALK ME OUT OF THIS?"
The homeless man turned, smiled and said, "I'm going to the bottom, if I hurry, you'll still be warm."
A guy is doing 90 in a 75 and sees lights from a patrol car in the mirror...
He thinks furiously for a moment and then floors it, 95... 100.. 110... Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows to a crawl and pulls over to the roadside.
The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places hands out where they can easily be seen.
"You were going a little fast there," the officer says "but it is the end of my shift and tonight the boys are coming over for beers and cards, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself."
The man, with all the sincerity he could muster, replied "Sir, round about a year ago my wife left me for a state trooper. I tell ya, that nag leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw your lights in the rearview, I could have sworn you were bringing her back."
The officer paused for a moment and said "Have a nice day and drive safe."
Three women sat discussing their husbands and their sex lives.
"My husband's a wrestler," said the first. "He's really strong and aggressive in bed."
"My husband's an artist," said the second. "He's really gentle and sensitive."
"My husband's an IBM salesman," said the third. "He sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how good it's going to be when I finally get it."
Bono and the Edge walk into a bar.
Bartender says, "Ugh, U2 again?"
A new study of dolphins was recently performed...
The study showed that within a few weeks in captivity, they were able to teach humans to stand at the edge of their pool and throw fish at them.
Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke)
Because that's where students have the most potential.
I was sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling my boxers off when...
...my wife said, "You spoil those dogs."
I sat on the edge of my bed, gently tugging off my boxers... ;)
My wife thinks I spoil those dogs.
What do you call a robotic emo that likes dark humor.
Cutting edge technology
I love relaxing with some sand paper
It's just a little something to take the edge off
What do you call a major advancement made by an emo?
Cutting edge technology.
I've started blunting knives to help myself relax.
Really takes the edge off.
What do you call the knight who measures the edge of the round table?.
Sir cumfrence.
Microsoft Edge is a big improvement over IE...
It downloads Chrome twice as fast!
If there was a reality show about flat-earthers trying to find the edge of the world
The ending would be a cliffhanger.
My ex updated her status on Facebook to standing on the edge of a cliff.
So I poked her
Flat Earthers
It's funny making a flat earth beliver angry, but if you push them over the edge then you're only proving them right.
Earth can not be flat
Because if it was cats would have pushed everything from the edge
I was clinging for dear life on the edge of the cliff...
As the rescue team approached, one of the guys shouted, "Whatever you do, don't look down!"
So I started smiling...
Knives are extremely advanced
They are all cutting edge technology
A woman gets home from work and hears her husband call out from the bedroom...
Husband: can you come here and help me with this clock?
The woman walks in the room and sees her husband sitting at the edge of their bed with a raging hard-on
Wife: thats not a clock
Husband: it will be when you put two hands and a face on it.
A physicist goes outside and sees a man standing on the edge of a roof
The physicist shouts Don't jump, you have so much potential!
A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death
He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".
Chrome and Microsoft edge were having an argument when suddenly...
Microsoft edge stopped responding
I hate the new Windows 10 update.
It puts me on Edge.
We should line up all the parents who do not vaccinate their children...
and push them off the edge of the earth
I'm not addicted to sand paper
I just need something to take the edge off
I'm so annoyed at how much Microsoft tries to make me use their browser...
It's pushing me to the Edge
This sub is overdoing it with the flat earther jokes...
... you're pushing them over the edge.
A knife with a foam blade?
Microsoft Edge.
A buddy of mine is one of those flat Earther's. He said he's angry and going to the edge.
I have a feeling he'll come around.
Did you hear about the guy who tried to prove the Earth was flat by walking to the edge?
He finally came around.
Flat Earth theory debunked
We can say with certainty that the Earth is not flat because if it was cats would have tossed everything off the edge already.
A homeless guy sees a lady about to kill herself.
He walks up to her standing on the edge of a tall bridge and says, hey I know what you're about to do, and I won't pretend to understand or stop you, but before you do, can we please have sex? It's been a really long time.
She replies, no you sicko!
So he says it's cool. I'll just go wait at the bottom.
When a flat-Earther acts carelessly, what is he doing?
Living on the edge.
A moron attempted to commit suicide...
... they failed to find the edge of the Earth.
Want to know how I KNOW the Earth isn't flat?
Cats would've pushed everything off the edge by now.
The Covid19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic.
They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.
Book Jokes.
I read a thriller in Braille.
You can really feel the suspense.
I'm reading a book about Anti-Gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
I read a book about submarine construction.
It's riveting.
I'm reading a book about adhesives.
It has me glued to my seat .
I read a book on suicide.
It had me on the edge of my building.
Feel free to insert more. :)
The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought
The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.
One time I debated a flat earthier.
He got so mad that he stormed off saying that he would walk to the edge of the earth just to prove me wrong. He'll come around eventually
I just got kicked out of a Flat Earth Facebook group....
.... because I asked if the 1.5m social distancing had pushed anyone over the edge yet.
I just got kicked out of Flat Earth Facebook group.
I just got kicked out of Flat Earth Facebook group because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing guideline has pushed anyone over the edge yet.
Why don't we use swords anymore?
Aren't they still cutting edge technology?
The Guillotine was supposed to be ahead of its time
It had cutting edge technology
A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."
‟On what grounds?
‟Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.
‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?
‟Yes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.
^(getting exasperated) ‟Does he beat you up?
‟No, I'm up by 6:30 and sometimes he does not get up until after I've left for work.
‟WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?
‟We just can't seem to communicate.
I sat on the edge of the bed last night, pulling off my boxers, the wife leans in and says:
You spoil those dogs ....
Just came up with this, as far as I know
A man walks into a gastroenterologist's office and stops to stand just at the edge of the seating area. The receptionist waits for him to approach but he fidgets uncomfortably, staring at the wooden seats between himself and the counter. Sir, why don't you come over here so we can get you checked in? says the receptionist.
That's why I'm here, he says, I have difficulty passing stools.
Two caterpillars are escaping a spider. They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped. "Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but...
...he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the hell are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs.
"Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick!?"
How do we know the earth is round?
Because if it was flat, cats would've pushed everything off the edge by now.
A redditor repeating 15, 15, 15 ... passes by a hedge fund manager.
The hedge fund manager starts to follow him curiously. The redditor keeps repeating 15. The hedge fund manager follows him out of the town, on an unpaved road, to the edge of a cliff where the redditor looks down repeating 15. The hedge fund manager comes next to him to look down into the cliff. The redditor pushes him in. 16, 16, 16....
I just got kicked out of flat earth Facebook groups
because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing had pushed anyone over the edge yet.
r/atheism is like a pizza cutter
All edge with no point
A student was standing at the edge of the roof of his school and was about jump off and commit suicide.
Suddenly from the school grounds his physics teacher yells to him, "Don't jump, you've got lots of potential!"
Flat earthers are very worried about the pandemic.
They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.
I get anxious whenever I have to use the default Microsoft web browser
Using Firefox helps take the *Edge* off.
Apple is releasing a new product called the iKnife.
It's cutting edge technology.
My friend was so convinced of flat earth, he said he was going to Antartica to find the edge.
He came around eventually.
Two caterpillars are escaping a spider...
They climb up a small branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped.
"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!" says the second caterpillar. "How are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the *only one* in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick?"
I debated a flat earther once
he stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He'll come around, eventually.
Bono and the Edge walk into a bar, the barman looks up and says
Not U2 again
I debated a flat earther once. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He'll come around eventually.
Sure, lightsabers are cutting edge technology
but the Death Star is groundbreaking
I have invented a machine for automated circumcision
The technology is cutting edge.
A cow is standing out in a field on a miserable winter's day.
There is a fox in the forest on the edge of the field sheltered by the trees, and he starts to feel sorry for the cow as it must be so cold. So he scurries out quickly to the cow and says, "man, you must be so cold out here."
And the cow says, " Cold! I'm Fresian!"
The creation of the knife...
Was cutting edge technology at the time.
What do you say to compliment your Gardener?
You are cutting edge
Told this joke to my mom, and my dad overheard and laugh loudly, proud moment for me.
Even until now knives keep being...Cutting edge technology
I had a debate with a flat earther. He said he'll walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
I'm sure he'll come around.
I bought a rooftop tent for my Ford SUV
I like living on the Edge
Bono and the Edge walked into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says "Oh no. Not U2 again."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the edge borderline jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working edge brink piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.