The Best 65 Eclipse Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Eclipse jokes. There are some eclipse sun jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these eclipse solar eclipse puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Eclipse Jokes and Puns

How does the sun cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

How does the man on the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

Total Eclipse Today

I tried using a colander to view the eclipse.

I think I've strained my eyes.

Eclipse joke, Total Eclipse Today

I was told I could view the eclipse through a colander.

I think I strained my eyes

Why can't Java programmers see well?

Because of the eclipse


How does an astronaut cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

How does the moon get a haircut?

Eclipse it

Eclipse joke, How does the moon get a haircut?

What do you call a deaf woman during a solar eclipse.

Whatever you want to. It's not like she's going to know.

How does an astronaut deal with his growing hair?

Eclipse it!

Fun fact: 99% of voters who live in the "path of totality" for the upcoming solar eclipse voted for trump.

Which is ironic, because the *last* thing they wanted to do is make the country darker.

Know your eclipses.

Earth between sun and moon: Lunar eclipse.
Moon between sun and Earth: Solar eclipse.
Sun between moon and Earth: Apoceclypse.

You can explore eclipse deduct reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean eclipse sunglasses dad jokes. There are also eclipse puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I've been wondering what the eclipse looks like...

But I've been kept in the dark.

What does the man on the moon do when he needs a haircut?

Eclipse it.

Woke up at 5:30am to get a head start on driving to view the Eclipse today

Must have missed the start though- it was already dark.

A solar eclipse is like watching a woman breastfeed in public

It's beautiful, it's free, but under no circumstances should you look at it.

If the eclipse glasses I sold you don't work...

see me after, and I'll give you a refund.

Eclipse joke, If the eclipse glasses I sold you don't work...

You can use a colander to look at the eclipse

But be careful you don't strain your eyes

A boy asks his father what is the meaning of the Solar Eclipse?

The father replies "No son"

They shouldn't let students outside to see the eclipse today

They need to protect their pupils.


Why does everyone care about the eclipse?

Probably because it's significance is astronomical.

The solar eclipse is like my sex life

it will be dark, hurt your eyes and only last 2 minutes!

I'm taking my wife for skydiving.

So if you see a solar eclipse today, don't be surprised.

Eclipse is an acronym

* Eyes
* Cannot
* Look
* Into
* Partial
* Solar
* Eclipse

I looked at the eclipse without glasses.

Now I will get to see it for the rest of my life.

My sex life is like the eclipse.

It doesnt happen often and only lasts a minute or so.

If I had a dollar for every time someone said not to look directly at the eclipse...

I'd have enough money to pay for the eye surgery I need now!

The next solar eclipse will be in 2024...

Three or four presidents from now.

GUYS. If you missed the eclipse today, there's going to be a secondary one later.

It's at 8:01 PM. The earth will block out the sun and it will go completely dark during a period of about 10 1/2 hours.

Seeing the eclipse was great...

but I wanted to see Uranus. Unfortunately it was too cloudy.

What did the buffalo say during the solar eclipse?

Bison...

I couldn't see the eclipse of the sun today! 😡

Friggin' moon was in the way! 😡

I have had it with apocalypse jokes with the eclipse.

They keep coming like there is no tomorrow.

How do you take a picture of an eclipse without a camera?

Stare at it for 30 seconds

My Dad is like the Solar Eclipse

If i make direct eye contact he'll hurt me, but when it's safe for me to look at him he already left for milk and won't be back for several years.

I am surprised Trump wanted to look at the solar eclipse today...

Because if he went blind all he would see is black

The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot.

It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to

NASA warned us not to stare at the eclipse, but i did it anyway

I cant see what they were so afraid of... At all...

For sale: Slightly used eclipse glasses

Selling them to raise money for my optometry bills.

Trump stared at the eclipse yesterday, but he'll be okay...

He has plenty of practice feeling his way around.

The only reason the eclipse happened

I was changing my mixtape

The eclipse kind of reminded me of my father...

...they appear every so many years and expect people to care

Your mom went outside for the first time in 38 years...

Everyone just called it an eclipse though.

This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses

I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.

My horoscope said the eclipse would bring great change

Yesterday I found 82 cents

My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony

Daylight robbery

My mom told me that if I kept masturbating, I'd go blind.

I couldn't help it! The eclipse was so beautiful!

RIP to all the vampires

who got fooled by the solar eclipse.

Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse.

It truly is a site for sore eyes.

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.

Eclipse is when earth is between sun and moon, what is it called when sun is between earth and moon ?

Apocalypse

P.S . My 11 yr old nephew said this and I found it very funny

What does the barber do to the moon's hair?

Eclipse it.

How does a barber give the Sun a haircut?

Eclipse it.

How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child)

Eclipse it.

Son: Can you explain what is a solar eclipse? Father: No son.

No son (No sun)

What does the moon do when it needs a haircut?

Eclipse it.

Sorry, my son was studying science and saw this joke. He wanted me to share it. Apparently upping his dad joke skills early.

Dad can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is

No sun

How does the moon cut its hair?

Eclipse it.

Dad, "can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

No sun.

I have an eclipse joke...

but it gets kind of dark.

Is it a solar or lunar eclipse where the sun passes in front of the moon?

Neither. That would be the apoca-clipse.

Son: Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?

Dad: No, son

I asked my dad, "could you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

He said, "no sun".

How would a man on the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

Hey dad, can you tell me what happens during a solar eclipse?

Dad: No son.

I wanted to tell an eclipse joke

But it gets kind of dark

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the eclipse astronomers jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working eclipse lunar eclipse piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes