Eclipse Jokes

139 eclipse jokes and hilarious eclipse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eclipse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

If you love to laugh, then check out these hilarious eclipse jokes! From solar eclipses to moon eclipses, Sonny Eclipse to Mitsubishi Eclipse, orbit to Bella, this collection of jokes is sure to have you in stitches – and ready to deduct a smile!

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Funniest Eclipse Short Jokes

Short eclipse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eclipse humour may include short twilight jokes also.

  1. This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.
  2. I'm taking my wife for skydiving. So if you see a solar eclipse today, don't be surprised.
  3. The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot. It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to
  4. If I had a dollar for every time someone said not to look directly at the eclipse... I'd have enough money to pay for the eye surgery I need now!
  5. Someone told me you can watch a solar eclipse through a colander I tried but just ended up straining my eyes.
  6. Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse. It truly is a site for sore eyes.
  7. Know your eclipses. Earth between sun and moon: Lunar eclipse.
    Moon between sun and Earth: Solar eclipse.
    Sun between moon and Earth: Apoceclypse.
  8. Total Eclipse Today I tried using a colander to view the eclipse.
    I think I've strained my eyes.
  9. Fun fact: 99% of voters who live in the "path of totality" for the upcoming solar eclipse voted for trump. Which is ironic, because the *last* thing they wanted to do is make the country darker.
  10. They shouldn't let students outside to see the eclipse today They need to protect their pupils.

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Eclipse One Liners

Which eclipse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eclipse? I can suggest the ones about sunset and moon phase.

  1. Dad can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is No sun
  2. What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon? An Apocaclipse.
  3. How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child) Eclipse it.
  4. How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
  5. You can use a colander to look at the eclipse But be careful you don't strain your eyes
  6. Hey dad, can you tell me what happens during a solar eclipse? Dad: No son.
  7. I couldn't see the eclipse of the sun today! 😡 Friggin' moon was in the way! 😡
  8. How does the sun cut his hair? Eclipse it.
  9. Why do planets never get invited to summer soirées? They always try to eclipse the fun.
  10. RIP to all the vampires who got fooled by the solar eclipse.
  11. Why can't Java programmers see well? Because of the eclipse
  12. How does an astronaut cut his hair? Eclipse it.
  13. How does the moon get a haircut? Eclipse it
  14. My son asked, dad, can you tell what a solar eclipse is? I said, no son .
  15. My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony Daylight robbery

Solar Eclipse Jokes

Here is a list of funny solar eclipse jokes and even better solar eclipse puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A boy asks his father what is the meaning of the Solar Eclipse? The father replies "No son"
  • What do you call a deaf woman during a solar eclipse. Whatever you want to. It's not like she's going to know.
  • Eclipse is an acronym * Eyes
    * Cannot
    * Look
    * Into
    * Partial
    * Solar
    * Eclipse
  • A solar eclipse is like watching a woman breastfeed in public It's beautiful, it's free, but under no circumstances should you look at it.
  • A solar eclipse is like a woman breastfeeding It's beautiful, it's natural, it should be celebrated, but that still doesn't mean you should stare at it
  • What did the buffalo say during the solar eclipse? Bison...
  • Is it a solar or lunar eclipse where the sun passes in front of the moon? Neither. That would be the apoca-clipse.
  • I asked my dad, "could you tell me what a solar eclipse is?" He said, "no sun".
  • Son: Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is? Dad: No, son
  • Dad, "can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?" No sun.

Moon Eclipse Jokes

Here is a list of funny moon eclipse jokes and even better moon eclipse puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What does the moon do when it needs a haircut? Eclipse it.
    Sorry, my son was studying science and saw this joke. He wanted me to share it. Apparently upping his dad joke skills early.
  • How would a man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
  • How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it.
  • What does the barber do to the moon's hair? Eclipse it.
  • Eclipse is when earth is between sun and moon, what is it called when sun is between earth and moon ? Apocalypse
    P.S . My 11 yr old nephew said this and I found it very funny
  • What does the man on the moon do when he needs a haircut? Eclipse it.
  • What does the man on the moon do if his hair is to long? Eclipse it.
  • How does the moon shave? Eclipse it.
    (He clips it)
  • Topical Humor How does the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it.
  • I saw a double eclipse today. Not only did the moon block out the sun, but the clouds did as well.
Eclipse joke, I saw a double eclipse today.

Lunar Eclipse Jokes

Here is a list of funny lunar eclipse jokes and even better lunar eclipse puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What does the lunar eclipse have in common with the baboon? They both display a red moon.
  • A lunar eclipse is when the earth is between the earth and moon. A solar eclipse is when the moon is between the earth and the sun Apocalypse is when the sun is between the earth and the moon
  • Did you guys see the lunar eclipse the other night? I missed it, the earth was in the way.
  • Did anybody else see the lunar eclipse tonight? I looked, but I couldn't see it.
  • Decided to watch the lunar eclipse tonight... Couldn't see the moon
  • Did anyone see the lunar eclipse tonight? It was right by 'your a**...'.
Eclipse joke, Did anyone see the lunar eclipse tonight?

Ridiculous Eclipse Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about eclipse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean zodiac jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eclipse pranks.

From the man himself: What brand of gum does Neil DeGrasse Tyson chew?


I was told I could view the eclipse through a colander.

I think I strained my eyes

Having lunch in town when I hear a father drop this gem on his son.

How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

Why is Annie the Orphan crying?

There was a solar eclipse.

I was pointing my camera at the sun today and someone asked me if I was preparing for the upcoming eclipse

I replied: "Totally!"

How does an astronaut deal with his growing hair?

Eclipse it!

The government will be giving out special glasses for the solar eclipse

It's called the no child left blind

I'm really worried about the upcoming solar eclipse.

Because I've always heard that once you go black, you never go back.

the teacher was telling the students how their town would get 100% eclipse coverage

when Johnnie said, ''that s**... cause we will be visiting family down in Texas, so I won't get to see the eclipse in its full glory.''
Lindsey said, '' don't worry Johnny! when your mom stands in front of the sun you'll get 100% eclipse coverage wherever you are!

I've been wondering what the eclipse looks like...

But I've been kept in the dark.

Last night there was a total eclipse of the sun...

It was quite an eclipse. The earth's shadow blocked out the sun completely. It got very dark. The temperature dropped. It was eerie. But, after a few hours, I got tired and went inside to sleep.
I hear that there will be another one tonight and every evening next week.

Woke up at 5:30am to get a head start on driving to view the Eclipse today

Must have missed the start though- it was already dark.

If the eclipse glasses I sold you don't work...

see me after, and I'll give you a refund.

Why does everyone care about the eclipse?

Probably because it's significance is astronomical.

The solar eclipse is like my s**... life

it will be dark, hurt your eyes and only last 2 minutes!

Every solar eclipse, children are often reported missing...

Because the parents cannot find their sun.

I looked at the eclipse without glasses.

Now I will get to see it for the rest of my life.

You can use a cereal box to see the solar eclipse,

But can they see why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch?

My dad once told me, "Don't look directly into the sun during the eclipse"

Then I said, "hey dad I'm over here!"

I wonder how many babies were conceived during the eclipse...

I'm sure it's astronomical.

My s**... life is like the eclipse.

It doesnt happen often and only lasts a minute or so.

I'll never forget this solar eclipse, it'll forever be seared into my mind...

...and retinas. I really should've worn some glasses.

Time to invest in LASIK eye surgery

With all the people staring at the eclipse today business should be boomin tomorrow!

The next solar eclipse will be in 2024...

Three or four presidents from now.

GUYS. If you missed the eclipse today, there's going to be a secondary one later.

It's at 8:01 PM. The earth will block out the sun and it will go completely dark during a period of about 10 1/2 hours.

By far, the best picture of the eclipse I have seen so far.


Seeing the eclipse was great...

but I wanted to see Uranus. Unfortunately it was too cloudy.

I looked at the eclipse today through a colander.

I think I strained my eyes.

I have had it with apocalypse jokes with the eclipse.

They keep coming like there is no tomorrow.

What's the eclipses favorite drink?


How do you take a picture of an eclipse without a camera?

Stare at it for 30 seconds

My Dad is like the Solar Eclipse

If i make direct eye contact he'll hurt me, but when it's safe for me to look at him he already left for milk and won't be back for several years.

We all know that today's eclipse was amazing,

but we can't forget the fact that the Falcons still blew a 25 point lead during the superbowl

I am surprised Trump wanted to look at the solar eclipse today...

Because if he went blind all he would see is black

NASA warned us not to stare at the eclipse, but i did it anyway

I cant see what they were so afraid of... At all...

For sale: Slightly used eclipse glasses

Selling them to raise money for my optometry bills.

I looked at the eclipse without protection...

Who needs condoms anyway?

I really wish someone would have told me how long this solar eclipse was going to take.

Don't get me wrong, I had been enjoying watching it, but had I know it would still be going on for this long, I would have bought a pair of those fancy NASA glasses.

The solar eclipse was like a one night stand

I spent a whole lot of effort for two minutes of pleasure.

Trump stared at the eclipse yesterday, but he'll be okay...

He has plenty of practice feeling his way around.

The only reason the eclipse happened

I was changing my mixtape

I don't get what the big deal about an eclipse is...

There's one every night from like 7pm until 5am...

The eclipse kind of reminded me of my father...

...they appear every so many years and expect people to care

Your mom went outside for the first time in 38 years...

Everyone just called it an eclipse though.

My horoscope said the eclipse would bring great change

Yesterday I found 82 cents

My mom told me that if I kept m**..., I'd go blind.

I couldn't help it! The eclipse was so beautiful!

I decided to watch the eclipse with only sunglasses, in spite of all the warnings.

I honestly can't see what all the fuss was about.

I TiVo'd the total eclipse and just caught up and I'm confused...

is it okay to look directly at the sun now?

How does a barber give the Sun a haircut?

Eclipse it.

Son: Can you explain what is a solar eclipse? Father: No son.

No son (No sun)

I have an eclipse joke...

but it gets kind of dark.

Eclipse joke, I have an eclipse joke...

jokes about eclipse