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Eck Jokes

95 eck jokes and hilarious eck puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eck that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Short eck jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eck humour may include short jokes also.

  1. The next person who asks me for a mixture of apple juice, pineapple juice and lemon juice is gonna get a punch. Ecks dee
  2. What's the difference between Me and Cancer? My dad didn't beat cancer.






    ecks dee

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about eck can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of eck puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Eck Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about eck you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make eck prank.

My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of an 18 year old.

Until she checked the freezer.

Where do asian neckbeards come from?

M'laysia

How do you tell if OP has left the hotel?

Username checks out

Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it

I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.
Wife: actually I'm holding my son.
Kidnapper: [getting frustrated] then who the heck just asked for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&J?
Wife: oh god.
Kidnapper: what?
Wife. you have my husband.

Two young boys walked into a drug store, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him... He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either"

Just been challenged to a water fight by next door brat kids...

Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.

Every day in Moscow, people buy newspaper, glance at front page, throw straight in trash.

Every day, same. People buy newspaper, look front, throw in trash.
Newspaper seller ask one day, "Why you do that? Why you not read inside newspaper?"
Man respond, "I check obituary"
"But obituary not on front page. Is on back page"
"Putin obituary be on front page"

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like h**... need a reality check.

After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.

A man murdered his wife and was sentenced to death.

There was a crowd waiting around the gallows to watch. As the hangman put the noose around his neck, he was asked, Do you have any last words?
The m**... said, Yeah, I have a joke that I came up with while I was waiting.
So, I hadn't showered for a week by the day I killed my wife. I tied her up and told her that I'd cut her apart while she was still alive, and she told me, 'At least cut my nose off first.'
Everyone there burst out laughing. The hangman said, That joke was about something terrible! Why was it so funny?
Well, I believe you can make a joke about any topic funny, said the m**.... After all, good comedy is all about execution.

If a tree falls.....

A tree falls in the forest but doesn't make a sound.
Hunter in camouflage gear: "WHAT THE HECK???!"
Tree: "I mean, AAAAAARGH, I fell!"

Why did the Proud Boy check on his sad friend?

To make sure his friend was feeling... alt-right.
Feel free to downvote me to reddit h**......

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

R.I.P. dad

My dad passed away yesterday (this is true). He was 87 and had a good innings. We've done the bulk of our grieving and all is good. My brother sent me this message this morning:
"I reckon dad has already told Eddie Van Halen to turn the volume down."
___________________

Why haven't alien come to our solar system?

They checked our reviews.
One star.

A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says to the vendor...

"Make me one with everything."
So the hotdog vendor makes him a hotdog with every topping, and the Buddhist hands him a twenty. He proceeds to eat the hotdog, but gets no change for his twenty dollar bill. He says, "Hey, where's my change?"
The hotdog vendor replies, "Change comes only from within."
(Courtesy of my fifty year old husband, who cant go five hecking minutes without making a dad joke)

Heisenberg and Schroedinger are driving together, but they get stopped by a police officer.

The officer asks, "Did you know you were driving at 75 mph?"
Heisenberg sighs, "Oh great, now we're lost."
The cop is unhappy, and checks the car's trunk. He asks, "And why is there a dead cat in here?"
Schroedinger grumbles, "Well there is NOW!"

Why are r**... murders so hard to solve?

There's no dental records and all the DNA matches

The checker at the grocery store asked me if I wanted my milk in a bag.

I told her to leave it in the carton.

I've probably told checkers that 100 times, and not once did they get the joke.

"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband.

"I think there's water in the carburetor."
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."
"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I 'm sure there's water in the carburetor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool."

"Silent farts that don't stink..."

An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.
"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.
Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.
"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"
Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."

Why do January 6 deniers never last very long in Dungeons & dragon campaigns?

They always fail their Constitution checks.

Why's it so hard to solve a r**... m**...?

Cause the DNA's all the same and there ain't no dental records.

Two r**... are admiring their firearms.

One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.
That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.
Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...

Some bloke just told me he was gonna s**... me with the neck of his guitar....

I said, is that a fret?

A r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**......

A r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**.... Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.
Later, when his buddies at the bar ask what went wrong, he explains...
"If she ain't good enough for her daddy, her uncle, her brother, and her cousin, she ain't good enough for me!!"

When checking out at Walmart I always pick the sexiest cashier...

I always end up at self checkout.

Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a car...

Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a
car...
... And they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.
The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"
"We do now, a**...!" shouts Schroedinger.
The cop moves to arrest them.
Ohm resists.

Burglars are getting very clever these days..

Last night, my wife woke me up..
*Darling! Darling! There's a burglar downstairs!!*
So I go down, check every room and don't find anyone.
Then I realised I don't have a wife and when I went back upstairs my bed and tv were gone.

I used my stimulus check to buy baby chickens

Money for nothing, and the chicks for free

A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet.

'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'.
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.

Whats a fedora clad, neck bearded gentlemen's favorite color?

M'genta

For my birthday, the only thing I got was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I find that very hard to deal with.

How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?

You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist s**.... Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.

I was in bed with this r**... girl when her father, her brother and her boyfriend busted in the room...

....and boy was he mad.

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is s**...?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different s**... orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe s**....
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting.

"Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.
"Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

Donald Trump gets executed

and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.
"But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried.
"Nope!" Donnie beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, "fake noose."

Terrible night. Dreamt something bit me on the neck.

Got up to check, but the mirror wasn't working.

My wife didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday

So the courier guy knocked on the door today to check if we were ok.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
h**...: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the s**... bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your hands," says the man. "I want a chicken sandwich!"

A police officer stopped me and searched my pockets. Found a bag of w**....

"What have we here?"
"It's not mine officer."
He scoffs.
"I'm serious! I was cursed by a leprechaun, you know what scallywags they are. Now, every single time I flush this chronic down the toilet it magically reappears in my pocket."
"b**...."
"Try me!"
He frowns, but follows me as we head to the bathroom in this cafe. I take out the cannabis and flush it down the c**.... He checks my pocket and asks,
"So where's the bag of w**...?"
"What bag of w**...?"

A r**...'s father passed away in his sleep

So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"

What do you call an evil wizard who gives good hickeys?

A neck romancer.

A pirate goes to a doctor...

A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"
(sorry if repost, haven't seen it on this sub)

Why did the wizards wife have hickeys on her neck?

Because he was a neck-romancer....

I'm really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. $2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking.....

......I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house.

Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?

They checked the reviews.. only 1 star

A man calls the First National Bank of Texas. The automated voice answers, "Hello, how can I assist you today?" The man says, "Withdrawal"

The automated voice says, "YEEHAW! HOW Y'ALL RECKON I CAN HELP?!"

And the award for best neckwear goes to...

huh, well would you look at that. It was a tie

/u/username goes to the grocery store....

username checks out.

Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship.

One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?"
Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band."
"There is no band on this ship."
"No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."

What did the Russian billionaire say when checking in at a hotel?

I'd like a room on the first floor, please.

Robin: The batmobile won't start. Batman: Check the battery

Robin: What's a tery

What do you call a vampire out on a date?

A neck romancer

A pirate goes to the dermatologist.

A pirate goes to the dermatologist to check the red bumps on his arm.
The dermatologist looks at them, and says "Don't worry, they're benign."
The pirate says, "Arrr! I counted them meself, and there be eleven of 'em!"

I bought a chessboard cake from the bakers last week.

Took one bite, looked up, and said "it's stale mate".
He seemed surprised, said "no, mate".
So I handed him the cake and said "check mate".

A man walks into Target

He gets a cart and visits each aisle picking out various items that he's never bought before. He takes his overloaded buggie up to the checkout and calmly watches each item beginning scanned. When it's over and the cashier asks for payment, he says, "Oh I don't have any money. This was just Target practice."

Yet another r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**......

A r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**.... Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.
Later, when his buddies see him sad at the bar they ask what went wrong, he explains...
"My mom just told me I'm adopted"

I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...

"It's cutting hedge technology!"

Trouble with the car

Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I"ll check it out. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the pool."

Yo mama so fat...

I pictured her in my head and broke my neck.

A guy is having a check up at the doctor's...

"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"
"I doubt it" sais the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"
"I don't believe in that astrology c**..., doc"
"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"

A lumberjack walks into the company office to get paid.

The secretary says, I have a check here for cutting down 236 trees this week.
The lumberjack replies, I actually cut down 237 trees.
Are you sure? , says the secretary, Your foreman counted 236 on the truck.
Sure, I'm sure, replies the lumberjack. I kept a log .

What do you call a wolf that is woke?

Awarewolf



(credit goes to my GF, who's apparently practicing her dad humor. *sigh* please, don't wreck my karma)

What do you call a procrastinating woodpecker?

A wouldpecker

David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin Airport and notices the driver keep looking in his rear view mirror at him.

After about 5 minutes the driver says "Go on then give me a clue!?"
Beckham replies, "I had a glittering career with Man Utd, played over 100 times for England and married a spice girl, is that enough?".
Driver says "No mate, I meant where are you going?"

I fly often for business. Yesterday, I had three bags to check.

I said, "I'd like this bag to go to New Orleans, this one to Seattle, and the third to Chicago."
The gate agent rolled her eyes and said, "We can't do that!"
I immediately shot back, "Why? You did it last week."

A man is at a doctor's office about to have his prostate checked.

The doctor says "Okay, Steve, let's not get an e**... again during the procedure." The man looks at the doctor confused, and says "My name isn't Steve, it's Dave." The doctor says "I know. I'm Steve."

Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.

I store drugs right under my nose

Don't believe me? Check my stash

Why don't r**... like reverse c**...?

Because you don't turn your back on family

A day in the life of an IT guy...

Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.
IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?
Customer: Nothing.
IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?
Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...
IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?
Customer: Nope. The power's out.

I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket.

'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'

How is Rihanna's boyfriend and power tools the same?

They're both Black and Decker.

s**... after surgery

A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
How long will it be before I am able to have a normal s**... life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

A Russian, visiting the USA, went for an eye check up

A Russian, visiting the USA, went for an eye check up.
The Doctor shows the letters on the board:
CZWXNQSTAZKY
Doctor: Can you read this ?
Russian: Read ??? I even know the guy, he's my cousin.

Soviet Curfew

A man in Moscow is walking home after his day at work and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and tells him to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.
What did you do that for? he asks.
Curfew violation, the other guard says.
Curfew violation? Curfew isn't for another half hour!
I know. That's my friend. I know where he lives. He never would have made it.

How do you check the weight of a Red Hot Chilli Pepper

You give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

I brought my dead girlfriend back to life by passionately kissing her neck

...I guess you could say I'm a neck-romancer

A boyfriend and girlfriend die at the same time and go to heaven

They go up to see St. Peter on the pearly gates. They ask him Can we get married in heaven?
St. Peter says Hold on, I'll check.
The couple wait 72 hours and then finally St. Peter comes back and says Yes, you can get married in heaven.
The couple then asks What about a divorce?
St. Peter replies I just spent 3 days finding a minister. Do you have any idea how long it's gonna take to find a lawyer?

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She told me that nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.

So I bought her nothing.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these eck jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.