Eats Shoots And Leaves Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A panda walks into a bar...

And eats some beer nuts, he then pulls out a gun fires it in the air heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender and the panda yells back "I'm a panda google me" and sure enough 'panda: a tree climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.'

A panda walks into a restaurant

and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter.

As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!"

"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!

"The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling-mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white-coloring. Eats, shoots and leaves."

A panda walks into a bar.

He sits down at a table and orders a sandwich. When the waiter brings him his check he pulls out a gun, shoots him and starts walking towards the door.
The bartender shouts over to him "hey, what'd you do that for?"
The panda says "I'm a panda buddy, look it up!"
The bartender quickly looks up the definition and sees:
Panda- Bear from Central and Western China forests with black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.

A panda bear walks into a resturant..

And orders some food, after his meal the server comes out and asks how everything was and the panda bear pulls a gun a shoots him. The manager comes out and says "hey man what's going on?" The panda bear replies "I'm a panda bear Google it.." and leaves. The manager curiously Googled panda bear and was reading "panda bear: black and white bear, eats chutes and leaves."

Panda and a Prostitute

A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute. The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"

The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.'

The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous sexual activity for pay. '

The panda throws the dictionary back at the prostitute and tells her to look up 'panda.'

The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves'

What's the stupidest joke you know?

Here's mine:

A panda walks into a bar and orders his food and drinks. When he's done, the panda gets up and pulls out a gun, which he then shoots into the ceiling. He promptly leaves.
The next day, the panda goes into the same bar, at which point the bartender says, "Hey! You can't come in here after what you did yesterday, you didn't even pay!"
To which the panda says, "bartender, look up the definition of a panda in the dictionary."
The bartender opens his dictionary to "panda" and reads aloud, "panda - eats shoots and leaves."

A panda walks into a cΓ‘fe.

He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and unloads it into the ceiling.

Why? Asks the confused waiter, as the panda starts leaving. He tosses a wildlife manual over his shoulder.

I'm a panda, he says at the door, look it up.

The waiter flips to the page about pandas, and it says, Panda. Large black and white bear-like animal native to China. Eats, Shoots, and leaves





Credits: Eats, Shoots, and Leaves

A panda bear walks into a bar...

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich.
The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out. The bartender yells for him to stop.

The panda bear asks, What do you want?
The bartender replies, First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food.
The panda bear turns around and says, Hey! I'm a Panda. Look it up!
The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read:

Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for it's stark black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

A Koala walks into a bar...

A Koala bear walks into a bar, sits down and orders a BLT sandwich. The Koala eats the BLT sandwich, gets up, spins around, pulls a pistol out of his pouch, shoots the piano player, and proceeds to walk out of the bar. The bartender, in shock, shouts to the Koala, "Hey, who do you think you are, you ate my sandwich and shot my piano player, and just where do you think you're going!?" The Koala replies, "Hey, I'm a Koala. Look it up." The frustrated bartender pulls out a dictionary from behind the bar and looks up Koala: The dictionary said "n. a marsupial that eats shoots and leaves."

One that eats shoots and leaves in a classic joke!

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager and left the restaurant, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders one of everything. The panda finishes up his meal and his bill comes the panda stands up and shoots the waiter. The manager comes out of the back and goes you've eaten all my food and shot my staff and wont even pay your bill what's wrong with you? The panda reply's "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" The manager goes and gets a dictionary he looks up panda and the definition is "Eats shoots and leaves"

A panda walks into a bar

sits down and asks the bartender for food. after eating, gets up, takes out a gun and kills the bartender. as he is leaving, a shocked onlooker asks him "why did you do that?" and he answers "Hey. I'm a Panda. It's what I do."
in confusion, they look it up in an encyclopedia.

Panda. Mammal. Eats shoots and leaves.

A Panda Walks Into a Bar

A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up, stretches, and pulls out a gun. He proceeds to shoot everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."

So a panda walks into a restaurant....

sits down and begins looking at the menu. The waiter quite taken aback by this panda decides he doesn't look dangerous and takes his order. The panda eats his meal, takes out a handgun, shoots a few rounds off and gets up to leave.

The waiter now freaking out asks the panda "Why would you do that?!?" In which the panda replies "look it up" and hands him a really crappy looking dictionary. The waiter thumbs through it and finds the word "Panda"

It says:

Panda: a bear-like mammal that Eats, shoots and leaves.

A man and his pet goat walk into a bar.

It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my goat." The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the goat falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a goat."

A koala wakes up next to a prostitute...

Without a sound he gets up, makes his way to the door and begins to open it when the prostitute wakes up and sees him.

"Hey, where do you think youre going?" the prostitute asks? She pulls out a dictionary and shows him the definition of prostitute. It says, "a person, in particular a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment."

He says in response, "Look up the definition of koala."

She finds it and begins to read. "a bearlike arboreal Australian marsupial that has thick gray fur and eats shoots and leaves."

A panda walks into a restaurant

He orders his food just like normal. The waiter brings it out and he eats his meal. When the check comes, the panda pulls out a shotgun and shoots the waiter. He then promptly leaves. The cook sees this and says "Hey what was that for!?" The panda replies "I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary." Once the panda left, the cook brought out a dictionary and looked up the word "panda."

"Panda - a black and white bear. Native to China. Eats chutes and leaves."

A panda walks into a restaurant

and orders some spaghetti. The waiter is surprised but still serves his order.

The panda eats the spaghetti slowly while reading a dictionary. After he is finished, he pulls out a gun, shoots the waiter and exits the restaurant.

The manager is staggered by the turn of events and moves to check what the panda had left behind. He sees the open page on the dictionary and finds the following definition of 'panda':

"a large bear-like mammal with characteristic black-and-white markings, native to certain mountain forests in China. Eats shoots and leaves."

The real joke is in the commas

A panda walks into a cafΓ©. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"I'm a panda," he says at the door. "Look it up."

The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation:

"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After the meal the waiter comes to the table to give the panda the check. Without a word the panda draws a gun and shoots the waiter dead. He then gets up nonchalantly and heads for the door. Seeing what just transpired the manager confronts the panda at the door.

" Hey, you just shot my waiter and didn't even pay for your meal!" screams the manager.

The panda replies "I'm a panda, it's what I do. Look it up."

As the panda walks out the door the manager runs to his office and looks up panda in the dictionary:

Panda- A mammal from the bear family with black and white markings originating from the continent of Asia.

Eats chutes and leaves.

A panda walks in to a bar...

He sits down at a table and orders a bowl of soup. After eating his soup, the panda gets up from his table, pulls out a gun, shoots the waiter in the head and walks out of the restaurant.

The manager comes running out after the panda and yells, "Hey! Get back here!" The panda turns to the manager and the manager asks, "What in the world was that all about? You come to my restaurant, eat, shoot my waiter in the head and then walk out without paying! Who do you think you are?"

"I'm a panda...look it up..."

The manager returns to his restaurant and gets a dictionary from his office to look up "panda."

Panda: (noun) large mammal, native to China. Characteristic black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves...

Bamboo

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After the meal the waiter comes to the table to give the panda the check. Without a word the panda draws a gun and shoots the waiter dead. He then gets up nonchalantly and heads for the door. Seeing what just transpired the manager confronts the panda at the door.

" Hey, you just shot my waiter!" screams the manager.

The panda replies "I'm a panda, it's what I do. Look it up."

As the panda walks out the door the manager runs to his office and looks up panda in the dictionary:

Panda\- A mammal from the bear family with black and white markings originating from the continent of Asia.

Eats shoots and leaves.

What's the difference between a panda and a cop in an ethnic restaurant?

A panda eats chutes and leaves. The cop eats, shoots and leaves.

A panda goes out to dinner

A panda goes out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. After finishing his meal he stands up, pulls out his gun, shoots the waiter, and begins to leave. Frantically, the manager stops the panda and says, "what did the waiter do? ! Why did you shoot him? You can't just shoot people, I'm calling the police". Confused, the panda replies, "Um, I'm a panda. It's what I do. Look it up". So the waiter pulls out his smartphone and looks up panda. Sure enough, right there before his eyes he sees 'Panda - indigenous to southern China. Eats shoots and leaves'.

The killer panda

A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders food, eats it, shoots the waiter, and begins to walk out. The bartender yells to him, "You can do that!" The panda bear replies, "It's in the dictionary."

So they look up panda in the dictionary, and it says, "Panda: eats shoot and leaves."

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich.

After eating, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and leaves.

Next day, the headlines read *Panda eats shoots and leaves!*

A panda walks into a bar

He orders a meal and quietly eats it. When the bartender comes with the check, the panda pulls out a shotgun, shoots the bartender, and prepares to leave the bar. The bartender, on his last breath, screams Why?! The panda pulls out a dictionary, points to the entry on pandas, which reads: Panda (n.) – Eats shoots and leaves.

Panda walks into a bar...

...orders some food and everything seems fine. After he finishes. He pulls out a gun and starts shooting everything. As he is leaving the bartender jumps up and says, "what was that for?" Panda says, "I am a panda. Look it up." The bartender pulls out a dictionary and reads....

"Panda - eats shoots and leaves."

How does a panda do a one night stand?

Eats, shoots, and leaves.

Why is the panda so likely to shoot up a restaurant?

He eats shoots and leaves.

My lover always dresses as a panda when we are in bed

Unfortunately, I don't think we'll last; he just eats shoots and leaves.

A panda bear with a gun walks into a pub and orders some food.

He eats, shoots and leaves

Why is a man like a panda?

Because he eats shoots and leaves.

A panda walks into a restaurant...

A panda walks into a restaurant. He orders some food,then shoots the waiter dead. Then he gets up to leave. The manager said: "Hey! What are you doing?! You shot my waiter!" The panda said: "What did you expect? I'm a PANDA. Look me up!" The manager looks up the definition. "The panda: and animal of black and white coloring that eats, shoots,and leaves."

A panda is the greatest restaurant assassin.

It eats shoots and leaves.

What are the funniest eats shoots and leaves jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Eats Shoots And Leaves? Well, here are the best Eats Shoots And Leaves puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Eats Shoots And Leaves pick up lines to share with friends.

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