The Best 35 Eats Bacon Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Eats Bacon jokes. There are some eats bacon jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these eats bacon puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Eats Bacon Jokes and Puns

I went to the doctor and he said "don't eat anything fatty."

I asked " no bacon? No burgers?!"

To which he replied "No fatty, just don't eat anything! "

How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger?

One if nobody's looking.

Mother's Day

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."

I just had a physical. The doctor said: Don't eat anything fatty.

I said, Like bacon and burgers?

He said, No fatty, don't eat anything!

I went to the doctor's recently. He told me, Don't eat anything fatty.

Me: You mean like bacon and burgers?

Doctor: No fatty. Don't eat anything.

I went to the doctors recently

He said, Don't eat anything fatty

I respond, What, like bacon and burgers?

He said, No fatty, don't eat anything.

I had a checkup at the doctor recently, he told me, Don't eat anything fatty.

I said, What, like bacon and burgers?


He said, No, fatty don't eat anything.

Three starving guys are wandering in a desert...

They come across a tree, but instead of leaves, it has strips of bacon. They happily climb the tree and start eating the bacon, until they hear a gunshot and one of the guys falls over, dead.
It wasn't a bacon tree.
It was a ham-bush.

(Not sure if this has been posted before, hope you enjoy.)

The World Health Organization has stated that eating bacon increases your chances of getting cancer.

Statistics also show that not eating bacon dramatically increases your chances of blowing yourself up.

I went to see the doctor today and he said to me, Don't eat anything fatty.

I went to see the doctor today and he said to me, Don't eat anything fatty.
I said, What – no bacon or sausages or burgers or anything?
He said, No fatty, just don't eat anything.

Bacon tree

Two soldiers are sat on top of a hill looking for targets. One says to the other

"Hey bob, is that a bacon tree?"

"I don't know Jim, go have a look while I stay here and cover our backs"

Jim goes for a closer look and Bob stays on the hill eating his lunch. After a while Jim returns with about ten arrows in his chest.

"My god what happened? Was it a bacon tree?"

"No Bob, turned out to be a ham bush"

You can explore eats bacon reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean eats bacon dad jokes. There are also eats bacon puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

If you had to choose...

Between eating bacon everyday or being skinny for the rest of your life, would you choose applewood or hickory smoked?

I went to the doctor...

I went to the doctor recently and he said "Don't eat anything fatty." So I asked "So you mean like bacon and cheesecake and stuff like that?" And he said "No fatty, don't eat anything."

Breakfast Wife

(Overheard at work)

I was eating breakfast at a dinner with the old lady when the man at the next booth says to his wife, "Please pass the sugar, sugar".

A short time later at the booth on the opposite side of me, the man says to his wife, "Please pass the honey, honey".

Annoyed, my wife says to me "How come you never talk sweet to me like that?"
"Ok", I say, "Please pass the bacon, pig."

A large man goes to his doctor concerned about his weight.

I really need to lose some weight. What is the best way to do that?

The doctor replied, Don't eat anything fatty.

What, you mean stuff like burgers and chips, pizza, bacon, etc?

No, as I said before, fatty, don't eat anything"

I had to get rid of a friend...

I had to get rid of a friend at college this week. He did nothing but steal my hoodies and eat bacon in every class. I asked him why, and he responded "Keep your friend's clothes, and your enemy's kosher".


"If you eat much more of that you're going to explode!" said my wife to our young son, as he shovelled in another mouthful of bacon.

Of course, statistically, he's far more likely to explode if he never eats any bacon at all.

My doctor said I had to lose some weight.....

He said, Stop eating fatty.

I asked, You mean like fried foods and bacon?

He said, No fatty, just stop eating.

How many vegans does it take to eat a cheese and bacon burger?

One as long as noone is watching.

What's the difference between a Jewish man's wife and a pound of bacon?

Jewish men don't eat bacon.

I love bacon.

Everytime I eat it I get a lard-on.

(Repost because I screwed up) You know how Muslims can't eat pork?

I mean if I couldn't eat bacon, I would want to fly a plane into a building.

(Yeah this joke bombed)

So i used to work with a Muslim

This Muslim I was working with on a tower scaffolding lost his footing and slipped. I managed to grab his hand as he was dangling 150 feet in the air.

"Please, please," he begged, "don't let me drop!"

"Will you eat my bacon sandwich if I pull you up?" I asked,

"Yes! Yes! Of course I will!" he said.

So I let him go. I'm not having anyone steal my breakfast

They say each strip of bacon you eat takes one second off your life...

I did the math, I should have died in 1774.

Why don't Muslims eat bacon?

Because they don't want to become Mufats!

Fatty foods

I went to the doctors recently and the doctor was sexy

He said: Don't eat anything fatty

I said: What, like bacon and burgers?

He said, No. fatty don't eat anything.

What's the difference between British Columbian prostitutes and bacon?

Pigs don't eat bacon.

Why are Muslims and Jews not allowed to eat bacon, which is pork at its best?

Because they also cannot handle pigs at their wurst.

People who eat bacon...

People who eat bacon have a higher risk of a heart attack.

People who don't have an increased risk of bringing the twin towers down.

I eat so much bacon my friends gave me a nickname...

Kermit the frog.

I went to the Dr today. He said " don't eat anything fatty".

So I asked "what like burgers and bacon"?

He said, "No, fatty. Don't eat anything"

What's the difference between a freaky girl and a freaky vegan chick?

A freaky girl will toss your salad, a vegan will eat it and toss your bacon.

What do you call a Russian cattle that does not eat bacon and prays five times a day?

A Mos-cow

I don't get why people find push button, receive bacon amusing

I just want to dry my hands, not eat breakfast - with wet hands

My coworker is in the hospital after eating a giant bacon cheeseburger.

It was mine.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the eats bacon jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working eats bacon piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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