Eating Too Much Jokes
145 eating too much jokes and hilarious eating too much puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eating too much that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Eating Too Much Short Jokes
Short eating too much jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eating too much humour may include short eating food jokes also.
- Eating too much cake is the deadly sin of gluttony But not eating too much pie, because the sin of pi is always zero.
- I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
- My wife just told me that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I believe her, banana are much easier to peel.
- I started flossing again recently to remove food from between my teeth I never realized just how much blood I was eating
- My friends said if you floss you'll be amazed at how much food is stuck between your teeth. I don't remember eating this much blood
- They say "Eat before you go to the grocery store, you do not buy as much" That does NOT work with a liquor store....
- Thinking about how much weight I've put on over the pandemic, I can't help wishing that I stayed in Britain… I'd eat pizza every day and I'd just keep losing pounds.
- If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day but... if you teach a kid how to make pop tarts your job as a parent is pretty much done
- My friends always complain that I can eat so much and never gain weight. I've told them its because I workout like crazy but they say I'm lying. Well they're kinda right, but I dont lie.... IBS.
- I've invented a new talent contest where you have to dress up as a sailor and eat as much spinach as fast as possible. I'm going to call it Popeyedol.
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Eating Too Much One Liners
Which eating too much one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eating too much? I can suggest the ones about eat a lot and drinking a lot.
- Why did the anime girl eat too much? Because her eyes were bigger than her stomach.
- How much do you weigh after eating Chinese food? Wonton
- Why didn't Barca fans eat anything this morning? Because they 8-2 much last night.
- What happens when you eat too much Middle Eastern food? You feelafel
- Do you eat to much sodium? Na.
- How much lead is safe to eat It depends on the velocity
- What do you call a man who became fat from eating too much McDonald's? Big Max
- Knock Knock. Who's there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don't eat this much!
- What does a Mathematician say when he eats too much pie? √(-1/64)
- Why are all mathematicians fat? They eat to much π
- Why do bodybuilders get huge when they consume protein? Because they eat whey too much
- How much does it cost to stop a hungry bear from eating you? An arm and a leg
- Why don't astronauts eat much at breakfast? So they can be ready for lunch
- How much food does a software engineer eat a day? A couple of bytes
- What happens when you eat too much seafood? You begin to feel a little eel.
Eating Too Much Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about eating too much you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eating healthy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eating too much pranks.
Little boy says to his father: "
Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?"
And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
You know she loves you when she picks your nose.
How much is determined by whether she gives it to you or eats it herself.
If you eat too much curry, you get into a Korma.
What's the best thing about having vegetables for dinner?
They can only eat as much as you allow them to.
What do you call someone who eats too much bread?
A gluten
I was eating in an Indian Restaurant when the waiter came over and say "Curry ok?"
I said "no thanks, i'm not much of a singer".
Is this the Rinehart method?
One billionaire was asked how he made his fortune, the fact being known that he was flat broke when he was young. He told this story: he was once wandering the streets hungry and with only 10 cents in his pockets. Saw someone selling some rather unattractive looking apples for 10 cents a piece. He bought one apple and as he was about to eat it, he got an idea. Polished the apple and as it was now much better presenting, he was able to sell it for 20 cents. Which he then used to buy two apples, which he polished and sold for 40 cents. Which he used to buy four apples, earning 80 cents, buying eight apples... and then his childless uncle died and left him a billion dollars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Portions
The minister was coming over for Sunday dinner so mom told the boys they had to wait until the minister had his portion before they could eat. The younger boy asked 'how much is a portion' and the older boy responded 'I don't know, let's watch the minister to figure it out'. So they watched the minister take his food first then the younger boy said to the older boy 'I know what a portion is'. The older boy said, 'what is it?'. The younger boy responded d**... near all of it!"
Elderly Couple Go to Heaven Together
They both arrive at the pearly gates together and meet Saint Peter, who says "Let me show you around" He pointed to a mansion and said "That will be your house, located next to the country club." The old man asks, "and how much will that cost?" St Peter replies, "oh there's no charges, it's free, you're in heaven". He adds, "the country club has no fees or costs either" The old man is really happy by now and asks about food. St Peter says, "Although you don't need to eat, we do have full buffets with the very best pork, beef and poultry" The old man asks, "Aren't those bad for our health?" St Peter assures him, "You're in heaven now, there is no need to worry about your health."
The old man turns to his wife and smacks her upside the head. She says, "What was THAT for?" He answers, "If it wasn't for you and your bran muffins, we could have been here 30 years ago!"
I brought my vegetarian girlfriend home for dinner...
...and my grandmother served us all, including my girlfriend, a very juicy, very much still hanging on the bone, rack of lamb. My girlfriend was looking at me in horror, whilst I took my gran aside.
"Didn't I tell you she was a vegetarian?" I asked.
She replied "oh yes dear, I checked with the butcher and he said the sheep he sells only eat grass!"
So a friend gave me a watch...
But I already have one, so I guess you could say I have too much time on my hands!
I'd eat the extra watch, but that'd be time consuming!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Vegans
Vegans are confusing people. If they care about animals so much, why do they eat all of their food?
Why did I eat so much paste in kindergarten?
It really stuck to my ribs.
Prom
The "geeky" kid in the grade asked the "hot" girl to the prom. Much to his and everyone's surprise, she said yes. While there, she knows she can get him to do anything. And so upon seeing the long buffet line, she asked him to go get her a plate of food. He happily agrees, and while he's gone to get the food, she dances with her friends and has a good time. He comes back, and she thanks him, they sit down and eat together. While eating she spills some food on her shawl. She says "oh no, it's going to stain quickly unless it comes out, can you go to the bathroom and wash it for me" he does so a bit perturbed, realizing she's getting the best of him. But he decides not to argue the point, and so waits in the line at the bathroom, goes in and washes her shawl. When he comes back she says, "this food was spicy, my mouth is burning! can you go get me some punch to quench my thirst?" he does so happily because there's no punch line
"How in the world are you going through so much toilet paper?!" screamed the mom. "What have you been eating?!"
"Toilet paper," said the kid
How much did Juan weigh after eating Chinese food?
Juan ton
My girlfriend's plastic fork broke while she was eating earlier....
....Just a tine-y bit. (i was so proud of myself but no one else laughed as much as I did )
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bacon....
"If you eat much more of that you're going to explode!" said my wife to our young son, as he shovelled in another mouthful of bacon.
Of course, statistically, he's far more likely to explode if he never eats any bacon at all.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Indian said can eat
An Indian told me that using hands to eat is so much more convenient than knife and forks. Knife and forks impose so much restriction when eating and there is NOTHING that he can't eat with his hands, even soup!
I took him to hot p**....
I have bulimic Alzheimers
I always eat too much but forget to throw up.
If you had to choose between having a love life, or a lifetime supply of pudding:
How much chocolate pudding would you eat that first day?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris
The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to the bathroom and the waiter approaches the woman.
"Is everything alright?" He asks. The woman tells him that her husband lost his arm in the second world war when he was fighting in Paris. The waiter tells his manager they've got a proper veteran in their restaurant and the manager doesn't think twice. "Everyone that fought for our freedom eats for free!"
The waiter brings them the good news and the couple is much delighted. After dinner the manager and the waiter e**... the couple to the door. When holding the door open for the veteran he looks at the manager and says "Vielen dank für die guten abend"
What do you call it when someone eats too much wheat?
Glutteny.
I eat so much bacon my friends gave me a nickname...
Kermit the frog.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What disease do donkey's get from eating too much fast food?
Aspergers..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about Caitlyn Jenner gaining weight?
She was eating too much trans fat.
Why do girls like vampires so much ?
They still eat no matter what time of the month.
A man is sitting on the subway when suddenly he sees the only other passenger take out a roll of film and start eating it.
The man stares at him shocked for a while before deciding he has to say something, "But . .but isn't that awefull?" he asks.
The other passenger stops eating "Yeah, your right, the book was much better"
How much sawdust does a chicken have to eat to lay a two by four?
Give up? So did the chicken.
The Dad joke pay-off [not actually a joke, sorry]
Dad, a little after lunchtime: "Are you hungry?"
Son: "No."
D. "Really? You've hardly had anything to eat all day."
S. "Okay, really I am, but I don't want to say it because then you'll do that joke again."
Son hates joke so much he would rather go hungry than risk hearing it one more time. Now my legacy is in place, I may die a happy man.
Doctor, How can I live longer than 100 years?
Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?
Do you smoke?
No.
Do you eat too much?
No.
Do you go to bed late?
No.
Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?
No.
Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?
Sometimes when you eat too much carrot,
you turn orange and you run for presidency.
In Game of Thrones, Ygritte always said how much she hated the night's watch......
boy did she eat crow.
How much money do i need to give you for you to eat meat?
Vegetarian: "umm idk, 100k?"
Me: "HAH! So you do want to eat meat!"
I used to hate Vegemite, but I read that you only need to put a thin spread to enjoy it
It's been much better. The cat is eating the whole thing now.
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine.
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself.
Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
My dentist said I shouldn't eat as much candy.
So I went home without a Peep.
My friend died from eating too much waterfowl
I thought he had lived a good, happy life
He told me that he was full of Egrets
What do you get when Paul Atreides eats too much?
Mahdi Gras
A man asks a blonde how many apples
can she eat on an empty stomach. The blonde replies "Four".
The man says, "No, you can only eat one. After that your stomach is not empty". The blonde gets excited and plans to ask the same question to her friend.
Blonde: How many apples can you eat on an empty stomach?
Friend: Five.
Blonde: Aww shucks. It would have been so much fun if you had said four.
Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.
He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very smelly breath.
He eventually became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog and his froggy son go to a restaurant...
The young frog has been having trouble eating food, and not much seemed to help. The two are eating, and the little frog manages to s**... something without any issues! The father frog notices that the son didn't upchuck. Beaming with pride, the father frog grins over at his son.
"Ah, son! Your fly is down!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL that girls want to be like catterpillars
You just eat as much as you want and then suddenly p**..., you're a butterfly.
Two nuns are out for a stroll...
... they happen by a produce stand with lots fresh-from-the-farm offerings.
The first nun says "Oh my, look at those cucumbers. They look great and they're huge!"
The second nun nods her head excitedly and asks: "How much are those cucumbers young man?"
"They're three for two dollars," he replies.
The nuns smile at the vendor, then at each other.
The first nun says "Well, I guess we'll have to *eat* one!"
People used to ask me how I can eat so much and stay thin.
Now they just ask how I can eat so much.
A married couple was eating at a restaurant
when the wife noticed her ex-husband sitting at the bar. "He's been drinking since I left him seven years ago" she said to her current husband.
"That's silly, dear" he replied. "No one celebrates that much."
waitor theres a fly in my soup
dont worry he wont eat much
The mouse wife shouts to his husband: "John, I already told you you need to stop eating so much Emmentaler!"
The husband replies: "please, Helen, leave me alone. I'm already desperat enough".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I spend at least $800 a month eating out
Why must these d**... h**... charge so much for that??
What do you call someone who eats too much gluten?
A gluten glutton?
Other suggestions welcome....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do cannibals cough so much when eating hands?
They get a tickle in their t**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to e**... new recruits to the mess hall.
After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them
"There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up!
Eat up!
Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"
Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
One day, Obi-Wan and Luke visit a Chinese restaurant...
Obi-Wan is eating normally, but Luke is having so much trouble with the chopsticks he's spilling the food all over the table.
Eventually, Obi-Wan becomes angry and says, "Use the forks, Luke!"
Fishing
- My God, how much your husband lost in weight !
- Fishing is the cause.
- I did not know that, fishing makes you lose weight ?
- Well, he's eating what he gets :)))
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Truck driver
An old man is eating his lunch in a restaurant when three bikers walk up to him.
they make fun of him for being old, and then one of them stubs his cigarette into the truck driver's food. Another spits in the truck driver's milk. The last one smashes the truck driver's food on the ground.
So old man gets up and leaves.
"not much of a man, was he?" one of the bikers says to the waitress.
"not much of a truck driver either" she says. "he just backed his truck over three motorcycles"
Scientists set to release miracle fat lost drug in 2018
They are calling it stop eating so much
So far I'm doin well on my New Years resolution. I'm eating much less.
So far just two days worth of food, last year I ate like 52 weeks of it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a dog that eats too much c**...?
Odie.
Restaurant signboard
A signboard outside a restaurant read "eat as much as you can, your grand children will pay the bill"... A man entered the restaurant and ate as much as he could, got a toothpick and was relaxing when the waiter gave him the bill. He laughed and pointed to the signboard, don't you see, "my grandchildren will pay" The waiter replied, "This is not your bill, it's your grandfather's bill".
My dad keeps giving me slack for eating so much bacon
I don't know why they spend so much money on Superbowl ads,
I still don't feel like buying any cars, eating any chips, drinking Budweiser or eating tide pods.
My mom doesn't like it when I eat a lot of sweets
So whenever she asks me how much I've had I just fudge the numbers.
What do you call the farts you get from eating too much yogurt?
Dairy-Air
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The best way to lose weight is to eat n**... in front of a mirror.
The restaurant will ask you to leave before you can eat too much.
How hard can it be to make peace with Kim Jong-un?
Just tell him he can eat as much cake as he wants
If you eat too much at a Greek restaurant
You might felafel
A lawyer saw a bunch of homeless people eating grass... He goes over and asks them why are they doing that and they tell him that they are homeless and have nothing to eat. Eager to help them out he escorts them to his mansion.. They are very happy and thankful.. He takes one look at them, smiles
And tells them "this is my yard, eat as much as you want, i won't charge you."
Every time I open the fridge, my wife tells me I eat too much.
It's gotten really irritating, she's told me 50 times today!
5 Jokes About Pi
1. Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and what do you get?
Pumpkin Pi
2. I saw a movie and gave it a 3.1415 out of 5.
It was Life of Pi
3. My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face.
It was an irrational decision
4. Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's table?
Sir Cumference . but how did he get that way?
eating too much Pi.
5. I hate all these Pi jokes.
They go on forever.
With that last one I'll show myself the door.