Eating Too Much Jokes
145 eating too much jokes and hilarious eating too much puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eating too much that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Eating Too Much Short Jokes
Short eating too much jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eating too much humour may include short eating food jokes also.
- Eating too much cake is the deadly sin of gluttony But not eating too much pie, because the sin of pi is always zero.
- I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
- My wife just told me that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I believe her, banana are much easier to peel.
- I started flossing again recently to remove food from between my teeth I never realized just how much blood I was eating
- The sin of Gluttony Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony. However, eating too much pie is okay because the sin of pi is always zero.
- My friends said if you floss you'll be amazed at how much food is stuck between your teeth. I don't remember eating this much blood
- Vegans Vegans are confusing people. If they care about animals so much, why do they eat all of their food?
- They say "Eat before you go to the grocery store, you do not buy as much" That does NOT work with a liquor store....
- 7 deadly sins Eating too much cake is a sin of gluttony, but eating too much pie is okay because the sin of pi is always zero.
- Scientists say, "Eat before you go into a grocery store, so you don't buy as much." That does not work in a liquor store.
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Eating Too Much One Liners
Which eating too much one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eating too much? I can suggest the ones about eat a lot and eating.
- Why did the anime girl eat too much? Because her eyes were bigger than her stomach.
- How much do you weigh after eating Chinese food? Wonton
- Why do the French like to eat snails so much? They can't stand fast food
- How much dessert does a dieting Jedi eat at an Italian restaurant? Only one cannoli.
- Why didn't Barca fans eat anything this morning? Because they 8-2 much last night.
- What happens when you eat too much Middle Eastern food? You feelafel
- Do you eat to much sodium? Na.
- How much lead is safe to eat It depends on the velocity
- What do you call a man who became fat from eating too much McDonald's? Big Max
- Knock Knock. Who's there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don't eat this much!
- What does a Mathematician say when he eats too much pie? √(-1/64)
- Barcelona players not gonna eat anything till morning Because they 8-2 much
- Why are all mathematicians fat? They eat to much π
- Why do bodybuilders get huge when they consume protein? Because they eat whey too much
- How much does it cost to stop a hungry bear from eating you? An arm and a leg
Eating Too Much Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about eating too much you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drinking a lot jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eating too much pranks.
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?"
And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
You know she loves you when she picks your nose. How much is determined by whether she gives it to you or eats it herself.
What's the best thing about having vegetables for dinner?
They can only eat as much as you allow them to.
What do you call someone who eats too much bread?
A gluten
I was eating in an Indian Restaurant when the waiter came over and say "Curry ok?"
I said "no thanks, i'm not much of a singer".
Portions
The minister was coming over for Sunday dinner so mom told the boys they had to wait until the minister had his portion before they could eat. The younger boy asked 'how much is a portion' and the older boy responded 'I don't know, let's watch the minister to figure it out'. So they watched the minister take his food first then the younger boy said to the older boy 'I know what a portion is'. The older boy said, 'what is it?'. The younger boy responded d**... near all of it!"
Two cannibals are eating a m**... starting at opposite ends.
One says to the other "This guy's ear is delicious! Are you enjoying eating him as much as I am?"
The other cannibal says "I'm having a ball."
I brought my vegetarian girlfriend home for dinner...
...and my grandmother served us all, including my girlfriend, a very juicy, very much still hanging on the bone, rack of lamb. My girlfriend was looking at me in horror, whilst I took my gran aside.
"Didn't I tell you she was a vegetarian?" I asked.
She replied "oh yes dear, I checked with the butcher and he said the sheep he sells only eat grass!"
Why did I eat so much paste in kindergarten?
It really stuck to my ribs.
F***ING !
1) F***ing once a week is good for your health, but it is harmful if done everyday
2) F***ing relaxes your mind & body
3) F***ing refreshes you
4) After F***ing don't eat too much go for more liquids
5)Try F***ing in bed cause it can save your valuable energy
6) F***ing can reduce your cholesterol level
So remember FASTING is good for your health.
GOD BLESS YOUR DIRTY MIND :
How much did Juan weigh after eating Chinese food?
Juan ton
My girlfriend's plastic fork broke while she was eating earlier....
....Just a tine-y bit. (i was so proud of myself but no one else laughed as much as I did )
Bacon....
"If you eat much more of that you're going to explode!" said my wife to our young son, as he shovelled in another mouthful of bacon.
Of course, statistically, he's far more likely to explode if he never eats any bacon at all.
I have bulimic Alzheimers
I always eat too much but forget to throw up.
If you had to choose between having a love life, or a lifetime supply of pudding:
How much chocolate pudding would you eat that first day?
A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris
The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to the bathroom and the waiter approaches the woman.
"Is everything alright?" He asks. The woman tells him that her husband lost his arm in the second world war when he was fighting in Paris. The waiter tells his manager they've got a proper veteran in their restaurant and the manager doesn't think twice. "Everyone that fought for our freedom eats for free!"
The waiter brings them the good news and the couple is much delighted. After dinner the manager and the waiter e**... the couple to the door. When holding the door open for the veteran he looks at the manager and says "Vielen dank für die guten abend"
Little boy on bus sitting next to an old man.
A little boy on bus was eating a chocolate. Then he took another one out from his bag and ate it, and then another one.
An old man sitting next to him said: "Do you know too much of it will damage your teeth."
The boy replied: "You know, my grandfather lived for 122 years."
Old Man said: "Was it because of eating chocolate?"
The boy replied:"No, He was always minding his own business."
What do you call it when someone eats too much wheat?
Glutteny.
I eat so much bacon my friends gave me a nickname...
Kermit the frog.
The little boy was in a bus eating a chocolate
The little boy was in a bus eating a chocolate, then he took another one and then another ...
A man next to him said, "Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth??"
The boy replied, "My grandfather lived for 132 years"
The man asked , "Was it because of eating chocolate?"
The boy replied, "No, he was always minding his own business!".
What disease do donkey's get from eating too much fast food?
Aspergers..
If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day but...
if you teach a kid how to make pop tarts your job as a parent is pretty much done
What happens when you eat too much seafood?
You begin to feel a little eel.
Why do girls like vampires so much ?
They still eat no matter what time of the month.
A man is sitting on the subway when suddenly he sees the only other passenger take out a roll of film and start eating it.
The man stares at him shocked for a while before deciding he has to say something, "But . .but isn't that awefull?" he asks.
The other passenger stops eating "Yeah, your right, the book was much better"
The Dad joke pay-off [not actually a joke, sorry]
Dad, a little after lunchtime: "Are you hungry?"
Son: "No."
D. "Really? You've hardly had anything to eat all day."
S. "Okay, really I am, but I don't want to say it because then you'll do that joke again."
Son hates joke so much he would rather go hungry than risk hearing it one more time. Now my legacy is in place, I may die a happy man.
Doctor, How can I live longer than 100 years?
Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?
Do you smoke?
No.
Do you eat too much?
No.
Do you go to bed late?
No.
Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?
No.
Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?
What kind of train eats too much?
a chew chew train
Sometimes when you eat too much carrot,
you turn orange and you run for presidency.
In Game of Thrones, Ygritte always said how much she hated the night's watch......
boy did she eat crow.
I used to hate Vegemite, but I read that you only need to put a thin spread to enjoy it
It's been much better. The cat is eating the whole thing now.
What do you call a person who eats too much chicken?
c**...
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine.
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself.
Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
How much food does a software engineer eat a day?
A couple of bytes
My friend died from eating too much waterfowl
I thought he had lived a good, happy life
He told me that he was full of Egrets
My doctor told me I was eating too much meat
So I decided to quit cold turkey
What do you get when Paul Atreides eats too much?
Mahdi Gras
How much bread can you eat on a low carb diet in India?
Naan.
A man asks a blonde how many apples
can she eat on an empty stomach. The blonde replies "Four".
The man says, "No, you can only eat one. After that your stomach is not empty". The blonde gets excited and plans to ask the same question to her friend.
Blonde: How many apples can you eat on an empty stomach?
Friend: Five.
Blonde: Aww shucks. It would have been so much fun if you had said four.
Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.
He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very smelly breath.
He eventually became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A frog and his froggy son go to a restaurant...
The young frog has been having trouble eating food, and not much seemed to help. The two are eating, and the little frog manages to s**... something without any issues! The father frog notices that the son didn't upchuck. Beaming with pride, the father frog grins over at his son.
"Ah, son! Your fly is down!"
Two nuns are out for a stroll...
... they happen by a produce stand with lots fresh-from-the-farm offerings.
The first nun says "Oh my, look at those cucumbers. They look great and they're huge!"
The second nun nods her head excitedly and asks: "How much are those cucumbers young man?"
"They're three for two dollars," he replies.
The nuns smile at the vendor, then at each other.
The first nun says "Well, I guess we'll have to *eat* one!"
A married couple was eating at a restaurant
when the wife noticed her ex-husband sitting at the bar. "He's been drinking since I left him seven years ago" she said to her current husband.
"That's silly, dear" he replied. "No one celebrates that much."
The mouse wife shouts to his husband: "John, I already told you you need to stop eating so much Emmentaler!"
The husband replies: "please, Helen, leave me alone. I'm already desperat enough".
I spend at least $800 a month eating out
Why must these d**... h**... charge so much for that??
Why do cannibals cough so much when eating hands?
They get a tickle in their t**...
One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to e**... new recruits to the mess hall.
After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them
"There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up!
Eat up!
Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"
Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
One day, Obi-Wan and Luke visit a Chinese restaurant...
Obi-Wan is eating normally, but Luke is having so much trouble with the chopsticks he's spilling the food all over the table.
Eventually, Obi-Wan becomes angry and says, "Use the forks, Luke!"
Fishing
- My God, how much your husband lost in weight !
- Fishing is the cause.
- I did not know that, fishing makes you lose weight ?
- Well, he's eating what he gets :)))
Scientists set to release miracle fat lost drug in 2018
They are calling it stop eating so much
So far I'm doin well on my New Years resolution. I'm eating much less.
So far just two days worth of food, last year I ate like 52 weeks of it
What do you call a dog that eats too much c**...?
Odie.
Restaurant signboard
A signboard outside a restaurant read "eat as much as you can, your grand children will pay the bill"... A man entered the restaurant and ate as much as he could, got a toothpick and was relaxing when the waiter gave him the bill. He laughed and pointed to the signboard, don't you see, "my grandchildren will pay" The waiter replied, "This is not your bill, it's your grandfather's bill".
My dad keeps giving me slack for eating so much bacon
I don't know why they spend so much money on Superbowl ads,
I still don't feel like buying any cars, eating any chips, drinking Budweiser or eating tide pods.
My mom doesn't like it when I eat a lot of sweets
So whenever she asks me how much I've had I just fudge the numbers.
What do you call the farts you get from eating too much yogurt?
Dairy-Air
Two friends, after a long time...
I see you have lost weight! What happened?
It's because I signed up for a gym.
So, you make a lot of exercise, right?
No, but I have to pay them so much that I have no money for eating...
The best way to lose weight is to eat n**... in front of a mirror.
The restaurant will ask you to leave before you can eat too much.
Much like cows eating m**....
The steaks have never been higher.
If you eat too much at a Greek restaurant
You might felafel
My gym trainer asked me to eat as much as possible to gain weight. I can't handle eating so much.
I'm fed up.
A lawyer saw a bunch of homeless people eating grass... He goes over and asks them why are they doing that and they tell him that they are homeless and have nothing to eat. Eager to help them out he escorts them to his mansion.. They are very happy and thankful.. He takes one look at them, smiles
And tells them "this is my yard, eat as much as you want, i won't charge you."
Every time I open the fridge, my wife tells me I eat too much.
It's gotten really irritating, she's told me 50 times today!
5 Jokes About Pi
1. Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and what do you get?
Pumpkin Pi
2. I saw a movie and gave it a 3.1415 out of 5.
It was Life of Pi
3. My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face.
It was an irrational decision
4. Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's table?
Sir Cumference . but how did he get that way?
eating too much Pi.
5. I hate all these Pi jokes.
They go on forever.
With that last one I'll show myself the door.
We spend so much money feeding other countries but...
We never do anything for the impatient American kid who has plenty of food at home, but doesn't feel like eating anything he has.
A lioness makes a nice kill, but has to catch a flight soon after.
There isn't enough time to eat it all, and and she doesn't want to waste so much good meat, so she just decides to bring it with her.
She gets to the airport, checks in and gets her boarding pass. She's about to go through security when she's stopped. Sorry ma'am, the guard says, we don't allow carrion.
Why can't hyenas bring their food back to their dens before they eat it?
It'd be too much carrion'
Why don't astronauts eat much at breakfast?
So they can be ready for lunch