The Best 35 Eating Out Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Eating Out jokes. There are some eating out jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these eating out puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Eating Out Jokes and Puns

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?

Because he needed 3Β² meals a day.

6 yr old son made this up. What do exploding pandas eat?

BAMBOOM!

No Nut November was pretty tough

Now I can finally eat nuts again, thank God I had masturbation to keep my mind off of the sweet little bastards.

A man is on trial for cannibalism

A man is on trial for cannibalism.
He says to the judge,

"Well, your honor, if you truly are what you eat, then I am an innocent man."


Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.

Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.

Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat

Then I remember they feed off of attention.

EDIT 1: This blew up quick thanks guys :D

EDUT 2: When I typed edit 1 it had 500 upvotes now im waking up to 29K upvotes thanks eveyone :D

Why did 7 eat 9?

Cause he needs 3 squared meals a day

I'm sorry

What do you call a witch that only eats sand?

Malnourished.

You know when you get the urge to eat something just because it's there?

Anyways, I lost my job as a gynecologist today.

A woman visits her husband in prison

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:

"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"

The officer laughs, saying:

"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"

"Bullshit! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"

You can explore eating out reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean eating out dad jokes. There are also eating out puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Men think about sex every 7 seconds...

Which is why I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds... So it doesn't get weird.

The sex position formerly known as 69 is now called 96.

Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has gone up.

"Your honor, it is said that people are what they eat...

And therefore my client is an innocent man!"

6 was afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

What's the difference between a pizza and a hippy chick?

You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it

Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.

He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."

Trump 20:16

TIL humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Mama, is this safe to eat?

No honey... it's for storing our valuables.


What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Fat. You get fat.

What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?

A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...

"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"

"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"

The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.

She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast?

A synonym roll.

They say you are what you eat...

today I bought some ready to eat chicken and sure enough I was ready to eat chicken.

Punctuation can really change a sentence. For example, "Let's eat kids" becomes

"Let's eat punctuation"

Doctor: Don't eat anything fatty.

Me: Can I eat sugar instead?

Doctor: No fatty, don't eat anything.

Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too

What did Mike Tyson say to Vincent van Gogh??

You gonna eat that?

Old German joke

An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, The soup is cold."

His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"

The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."

My doctor recommended to eat at BurgerKing more often

Well he said I should not have McDonalds anymore, but I know what he meant.

After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.



"Certainly," he replied.



I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

One turns to the other and asks, "*does this taste funny to you?*"

The other responds, "*no.*"

"Uniformed police eat free you say?"

"No, sorry it's *uninformed* police eat free."
"Oh, I didn't know."
"It's on the house, officer."

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Diabetes.

What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^tell ^this ^joke

When do you start on red and stop on green?

When you're eating a watermelon!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the eating out jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working eating out piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes