Eating Fish Jokes

Q: Why don't Batman and Robin go fishing?
A: Because Robin eats all the worms.

Yo momma like a prize fish: I can mount her or eat her.

What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.

Three blondes want to cross the Nile. A Golden Fish offers each of them a wish to come true

The first one wishes to swim fast. She gets to the middle of the river and the crocodiles eat her. The second one wishes to swim faster. When she gets to the middle the crocodiles eat her. The third blonde wishes to become a man. The Gold Fish turns her into a man and she says: -Thank God there's a bridge here.

Chinese Proverb

Catch a man a fish and he eats for day. Teach a man to fish and you never see him on weekends.

dat hyphen

A man eating fish
was saved by a hyphen from
a man-eating fish
(you might have heard it before but its new to me)

Give a man a fish

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Fish 24:7

Bill Gates Goes Fishing

Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.
"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.
Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.
The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"
Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"

Be very careful eating French fish...

It's poisson

Don't eat raw fish

You'll get salmonella

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day;

Teach a man to fish, and a month later he dies of scurvy.

If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day but...

if you teach a kid how to make pop tarts your job as a parent is pretty much done

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn't, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish....

And a Bass Pro Shop salesman will eat for a lifetime.

If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day.

If you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.
If you give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
If you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.

A fat r**... went to a doctor to check on his heart condition.

The doctor advised him to stop eating meat with high fat contents, while low fat meat are still OK to eat. The r**... was confused which are which, so the doctor gave simple explanation; "You may only eat animal which swims in the water, like fishes for example."
A week later, the doctor went to the r**... house to check on him. The doctor found him around a pool in the back of his trailer. The doctor asked "What are you doing here?". r**... answered "Oh hi mister doctor, I'm just teachin ma cow to swim."

How did the shrimp eat all the fish food?

shellfishly

Different cultures like eating animals that we consider pets...

For example, did you know that in Japan, they eat fish?

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day

Teach a man to fish, and pretty soon the fisheries will be collapsing.

My friend took his grandmother to one of those health spas where tiny fish eat all the dead skin...

It cost him $300, but it was a lot cheaper than a f**......

What do sharks eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day...

Teach a man to microwave a fish and he'll lose the respect of all his co-workers.

Give a man a fish he eats for a day...

Teach a man to fish, he sits out on the lake drinking beer all summer

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime.

Give a man a monthly subscription of fish delivery right to his home, profit.

Teach a man to fish...

and he'll eat for a lifetime. Teach a fish to man and he'll never fit in.

How are vegans okay with drinking water?

They can't eat meat, but they can just destroy a fish's home for a glass of water?

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish...

And you are missing out on a lucrative business opportunity.

Give a man a fish

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day
Teach him to fish and you have lost a profitable business idea

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day....

Let him out of your basement and he can go back to his family.

Give a man a fish...

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
Teach a man to google, he quits asking d**... questions.

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish...

and he'll be fined for fishing without a license.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a lawyer a fish...

And he'll sue you for giving out raw, uncooked food, and doing so without a license.

Did you hear about the French guy who died after eating in a fish restaurant?

It must have been food poissoning.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day...

Give a fish a man, and you don't gotta worry about him squealing to the Feds.

Give a man a fish...

And he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to Phish and he'll make grill cheese sandwiches on your lawn for a week.

Accidentally used my wife's electric toothbrush...

I don't remember her eating fish for lunch.

Why can't blind people eat fish?

Because it's sea food.

Why did the shark tell the fish he wouldn't eat it?

Because he was being sharkastic.

You've heard of "to teach a boy to fish... "

The old saying goes "you give a man a fish he eats for a day, but teach him to fish he eats for his lifetime." In the military they tell privates the same thing but a little differently.
It goes "you make a fire for a soldier, he's warm for the night. You light the soldier on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life."

I took my grandmother to a place that for only 45$ they put you in a bath filled with fish that eat the dead skin off :)

It was cheaper than cremation or a burial!

Never eat French fish...

... It's poisson!

I took my grandma to a new spa..

I took my grandmother to a new spa where they have little fish eat away at your dead skin for only $40.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin.

It was way cheaper than having a f**....

Nigerian Fishing

Give a Nigerian a fish and he'll eat for the day.
Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll immediately turn into a prince and start emailing people.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.

Give a man a loot box that MIGHT contain a fish and you'll get paid FOREVERRR!!

If you give a man a fish he'll eat for a day.

If you give my wife a fish she'll say it's not what she ordered.

Fishing

- My God, how much your husband lost in weight !
- Fishing is the cause.
- I did not know that, fishing makes you lose weight ?
- Well, he's eating what he gets :)))

Give a man a fish...

He eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime. Give the man some dynamite and there will be little chunks of fish all over the village.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.

Teach a man to fish, and well... your fishing business is s**... dude.

Give a newfie a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a Newfie to fish,

He'll draw unemployment all winter long.

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.

Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life.

I took my dad to one of them spas where the fish eat your dead skin.

It was £30 but cheaper than a f**...

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.

Force a man a fish down his t**... and he'll be fed for the rest of his life.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day

Give a man a puffer fish and he will eat for the rest of his life

Last week I took my grandma to the spa

For 20 bucks they have this tiny fish that eat off your dead cells. It was way cheaper than f**...

I eat fish sometimes

But its only for the halibut.

Don't eat the French fish.

Because it's poisson.

Feed a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day.

Feed a fish a man, and you're no longer welcome at Seaworld.

Surimi must have the lowest self-esteem of all fish.

Nobody would dare eat them unless you refer to them as "imitation crab."

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day...

but teach a man to fish and he will become your competition pricing you out into inevitable bankruptcy and s**....

I got sick after eating fish while in France.

The doctor said it was ... le poisson.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day . . .

Teach a man to phish and he'll create a constitutional crisis using hacked emails and kompromat.

What kind of fish do guitars eat?

Tuner

The other day, we took my Grandpa to one of those spas where the fish eat your dead flesh.

It's a lot cheaper than cremation.

I have a Christian friend who only eats fish

He's a prescyterian

Give a Nigerian a fish, he will eat for a day,

Teach a Nigerian how to phish and he will be a prince for the rest of his life.

A Man Walks Into A French Restaurant And Orders Fish...

The waiter brings out his order and the man begins to eat it. After about fifteen minutes, the man keels over and dies. The waiter, panicking, calls the paramedics. When they arrive, they examine the body of the deceased man.
"Well?" asks the concerned waiter "What killed this poor man?"
One of the paramedics solemnly looks into the eyes of waiter and simply replies "Poisson"