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Eating Dog Jokes

101 eating dog jokes and hilarious eating dog puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eating dog that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Eating Dog Short Jokes

Short eating dog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eating dog humour may include short dog eating jokes also.

  1. I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn't good for dogs.
  2. My daughter really wants a dog this Christmas I am open for new ideas but we normally eat turkey.
  3. I can't take my dog to the park anymore.. Every time we show up, all of the ducks try to eat him... I guess that's what I get for having a pure bread dog..
  4. At a recent job interview I was asked about my background. I got my phone out and showed him that it was a picture of a dog eating spaghetti.
  5. When people are scared of my dogs I tell them... "They eat kibble not people"
    And when they relax I add:
    "But that's because I ran out of neighbors"
    (I actually say that)
  6. Me: I reckon if we got a dog we should call it Noodles. Wife: That's silly, we eat noodles.
    Me: If this recession gets bad enough, yes, we would.
  7. Depression... Me: Depression is the worst. I just want to sleep all day, I've been eating the same thing for every meal, life has lost its color—
    My dog: oh my God, I have depression
  8. Did you hear about the overweight introvert who thought he had won the hot dog eating contest? Turns out he was just a bit shy.
  9. My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice. She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
  10. Did you hear about the guy who had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks? Bad minton

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Eating Dog One Liners

Which eating dog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eating dog? I can suggest the ones about dog food and hound dog.

  1. My child doesn't eat meat, what to substitute it with? A dog, dogs eat meat
  2. Why are Chinese kids so good at math? Because their dog doesn't eat their homework
  3. Why are Asians so good at Math? Their dogs can't eat their homework.
  4. What do you call a sad dog that likes to eat fruit? A melon-collie.
  5. What do you call a dog that doesn't eat meat? A vegiterrier!
  6. Why are dogs terrible students? They always eat their homework
  7. My dog is vegan. She eats meat, that's just her name.
  8. What did the Leopard say after eating a chili dog? That hit the spot.
  9. What do Greek dogs eat? Barklava
  10. If you are what you eat, then my dog is a calculator.
  11. If my dog doesn't like you I'm not eating you either.
  12. Did you know that dogs actually love chocolate? After they eat it, they're in heaven!
  13. "We're eating dinner soon. Don't fill up on homework" ~ Dog's mother.
  14. What do you call a dog who likes to eat at subway? A sub-woofer!!
  15. What does Shakespeare's dog eat? Iambs!

Comical Eating Dog Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land

What funny jokes about eating dog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog sitting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eating dog pranks.

Two nuns from Ireland come to tour New York City.

Before they come, they hear that Americans eat dogs, so they both agree to try it when they arrive. As they're walking around New York, they hear, "Hot Dogs! Get your hot dogs!" They rush over to get one! As the first nun opens hers, her face turns white and she gasps, "What part did you get?!"

Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog.


When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"

"What are you eating and how can I help?"
-Dogs

What do you call a dog that eats an entire bottle of paste? (compliments of u/wizang)

A shitzglu

Two guys and their dogs are walking down the street...

...one's got a german shepherd and the other's got a chihuahua.
They get hungry so the german shepherd guy suggests they grab a bite to eat at the restaurant on the corner, but his friend says, "They won't let us into a restaurant with our dogs!"
"Just follow my lead," says the first guy.
He walks up and the maitre'd says, "What are you, nuts?! You can't come in here with a dog!"
"But it's a seeing eye dog," the guy with the german shepherd explains.
"Oh, excuse me, now I understand. Go right ahead," says the maitre'd.
The next guy walks up and the maitre'd stops him too. "You can't come in here with a dog!"
Following his friend's cue the guy says, "But it's a seeing eye dog!"
The maitre'd looks skeptical and says, "Sir - that's no seeing eye dog. It's just a chihuahua."
The guy jumps back in shock... "WHAT!? They gave me a chihuahua!!?"

My uncle invented this one today.

What is the best part of a dog eating peanut butter?
He has no hands to pick the p**... out.

Three brothers eating soup

A mom has three sons and she's making them soup, While she's not looking a cupboard above the stove opens and a box of beebee's falls in the soup. She keeps cooking, serves them lunch and they go back outside to play. Ten minutes later the first boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee came out.' She doesn't believe him and he goes back out to play. Ten minutes later the second boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee came out.' She doesn't believe him and he goes back out to play. Ten minutes later, the oldest boy comes in and the mom says 'Let me guess, you were taking a pee and a beebee came out?' He says 'No, I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'

A mailman walks up to a house...

He sees a pig with a wooden leg. When the owner answers the door, the mailman asks why the pig has a wooden leg.
"Well, you see, that pig is a life-saver."
"That doesn't explain why he has a wooden leg."
"A couple nights ago, our house caught on fire. That pig dragged every one out of the house- even the dog."
"Okay, but that still doesn't explain the leg."
"Well, with a pig that great, you can't eat him all at once!"

Topical Jokes for 6/1

A video has surfaced of Justin Bieber saying the n-word. People are calling it the least offensive Justin Bieber video ever.
In Illinois, a 115-pound-woman won a hot dog eating contest, after she ate 28 hot dogs. The judges then congratulated the 138-pound-woman.
The NSA is reportedly collecting millions of images per day to build a f**...-recognition database. The NSA is cataloguing the photos in a massive online database -- it's called Instagram.

I was walking downtown, and I saw a sign advocating veganism, that showed a pig and a dog.

It said, "why love one and eat the other?"
I thought to myself, "that is a good point. I should start eating dogs."

Have you guys heard the joke about Helen Keller eating a hot dog?

It's okay, she never heard it either

What do you call a depressed dog eating honeydew ?

A meloncollie

Two Scottish nuns

Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replied, "But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. "Two dogs, please," said one.
The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs'.

The mother superior was first to open hers, stared at it for a moment, then leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"

My friend's dog eats anything and everything.

She told me that he was a bottomless Pit...I dunno. He looks more like a Boxer to me.

How do you eat the Flesh Hounds?

WH40K Humor: I don't know about you, but I prefer my Khorne Dogs with ketchup.

Daddy, did you ever eat cat food when you were little?

"Yeah, but it didn't taste very good." She smiled and nodded, "I know, it taste like dog food."
*A recent conversation I had with my daughter*

What happens to Pastors who eat chili dogs?

They have to sit in their own pew.

A kid asks for a dog for Christmas.

His mom says "No, we're eating a turkey like always."

Hot dogs

Two foreigners arrive in America for the first time, in New York City. They step out into the city and see a hot dog stand. One says to the other "wow - they eat dogs in America? Well I guess we should give it a try". They each get a hot dog and sit down to eat. After a minute of just staring at his hot dog, one turns to the other and says "hey... what part did you get?".

United States

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"

It's a dog eat dog world out there.

The chocolate lab is the most delicious, yet poisonous of all breeds

In a dog eat dog world...

The chocolate lab is both the most delicious, and the most deadly.

Old joke from when my dad was a kid

My dad told me that when he was a kid in Romania (late 1960's). The old people in the town told him that if you take meat and rub it against the school at night that dogs would come and eat the school and there would be no school the next day.

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United State

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.
One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'
The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vender and says

"Make me one with everything."
He then hands the vender a $20 and starts eating his hot dog. After he's done he asks the vender
"Where's my change?"
The vender replies
"Change only comes from within."

I was told this by my S/O 4yr old as she was eating on the floor

Her: What do you call a dog with no ears?
Me: What?
Her: What do you call a dog with no ears?
Me: What?...
Had me cracking up

What kind of dog only eats tapas?

Espanol.

A Buddhist monk orders a hot dog

A Buddhist monk orders a hot dog and gives the vendor a 20 dollar bill. After eating the hot dog he is still waiting and asks the vendor for his change. The vendor replied, "Change only comes from within."

A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.

A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.

What do sled dogs eat?

Mush

Is joke from Latvia. I tell now.

Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son's body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.

A man was eating a hotdog...

A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Immediately the little dog began to bark at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all." the woman replied.
The man picked up the dog and tossed him over a wall.

What do you call a dog that eats too much c**...?

Odie.

Inner Strength

If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can resist complaints and excessively loud people,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...
If you can do all of these things, then you are probably a dog

My new pet is so s**...... he won't even eat the dog food I give him!

I don't know why I even bother raising children.

An American brings a Chinese Man to a hotdog stand.

The American orders a hotdog and assures the Chinese Man that the food here is very good.
When the hotdog is finished cooking and served, the Chinese Man begins to look pale.
The American asks, What's wrong?
The Chinese Man replies, When we eat dogs, we typically remove this part of the body.

I go to the store and buy ten hotdogs, nine burgers, three bags of chips, and six sodas. If I eat nine hot dogs, seven burgers, three bags of chips, and drink five sodas, what do I have?

No self control

Men think about s**... every 7 seconds

that's why I can eat a hot-dog in 6

It's a dog-eat-dog world.

That's why the Asians are on top.

Research says that men think of s**... once every seven seconds.

That's why I always e**... hot dogs in six.
Being a transgender is hard.

A man goes to the vet

Man: "Doctor, judging by the p**..., I think my dogs sick"
Vet: "Why do you say that now?"
Man: "Well it tasted awful!"
Vet: "Good God! Why would you eat your dog's p**...?"
Man: "I didn't, I ate the dog"
Vet: "Oh God No!
Man: "It was my p**... that tasted awful afterwards"
Vet: "Nooooooo!"

I had a dog once. Named Minton. He kept eating all my shuttlecocks.

He was a bad Minton.

When I was younger I'd always get upset when my dad told me to eat veggies, but now I miss veggies

He's was the nicest dog ever.

The meek little husband came home from work

and found his wife in the arms of a stranger man. Angrily he threw his hat and coat to the floor and screamed.

"So that's the kind of a wife you are! I leave you early in the morning, I work like a dog all day and I come home after midnight and what do I find -- NOTHING TO EAT! That I won't stand for!"

Breaking news: Rare time traveling bloodthirsty Fire elemental wolves spotted in Russia!

In Soviet Russia, the hot dogs eat you.

2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,

''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.

So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.
Teacher: Why on earth do you let your dog eat your homework?
Billy: Well, my dog really love to eat cake.
Teacher: And how does this even related?
Billy: Yesterday you said that the homework is a piece of cake....

What Are We Eating?

A can of tuna has a picture of a tuna fish
A pack of Ham has a picture of a pig
Turkey has a picture of a turkey
Egg carton has a picture of a chicken
Beef has a picture of a cow
Dogfood has a picture of a dog

Two flies are sat on a dog p**.... One of them breaks wind, and the other says….

Do you mind! I'm eating!

Hot Dog

A foreign tourist was taking a walk around New York, but was getting very hungry and had only 2 dollars on him . Then, he saw a hot dog stand with a sign "Hot Dog - 2$". Unable to understand what's the meaning of "hot dog", he took out the dictionary. After a brief moment, he looked up in confusion and thought: "If there is nothing to eat, I will eat the d**... dog."
He ordered and got a long piece of bread with sausage in between it. He looked straight at the salesman eyes in frustration and asked: "From a whole dog, all I get is the dog's d\*c**...?"

A man had been away from home for 3 days trying to hunt a deer.

Finally, he was able to shoot the largest deer he had ever seen.
He took it home and kept it a surprise from everybody else. He cooked it in the shed so that no one could see what it was.
When he brought the cooked deer to the table, his kids asked what it was.
"It's what your mother calls me," he said with a smile on his face.
The eldest son was repulsed by this statement and shouted, "Nobody eat it! It's a dog!"

A dog gets left in a forest by its owners. A tiger spots it, and thinks to itself: "What is that? It looks delicious." The dog catches wind of it though, and in a bit of quick thinking, it stands in front of a pile of bones, and shouts: "Mmmm, tiger meat is the best! I gotta hunt for more!"

The tiger kills and eats the dog, because it doesn't know dog language.

My grandpa was very competitive...

My grandpa was so competitive with me and would always try to win any game we played. Baseball. Soccer. Even who could eat the most corn dogs.
But I'll never forget his last words to me as he was about to pass away, he look at me wide eyes and with his last breath he said…
… staring contest, go!

This is something my dad told me.

A man was going to meet his girlfriend's dad, when they started eating dinner his stomach started to hurt and he let a little f**... out, no one noticed so he was like neat then he let a little more out, then the dad shouted Rover! , the man snickered and thought they think it's the dog f**... so he f**... again so the dad shouted Rover! then the man thought again man this is so cool so he did it again but a bit more, then the dad shouted a final time Rover get over here before that man s**... on you!

A vacuum salesman knocked on my door this morning

When I opened my door, before I could even talk to him, he dumped a bucket of dog s**... on my carpet
He then said if this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean your carpet within 2 minutes, I will personally eat whatever's left of the s**...
To which I replied well you better be hungry because my electricity has been cut off since 5am

A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog s**... on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."

Last evening when I came out of hot shower after a long day of work, I saw my dog e**... watch.

It was time consuming.

Vacuum cleaner salesman

a Vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on my door.
Before I spoke he tipped a bucket of dog s**... over my carpet and said:
"If this vacuum doesn't remove every trace of it, I'll personally eat what's left."
I replied:
"I hope you're hungry because they cut off my electric this morning"

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
RIP to one of my favorite comedians, Mitch Hedberg. The king of one liners

jokes about eating dog