Eating Chicken Jokes

An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets.
The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.
He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!”
“I’m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the cinema.”
The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers.
He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in.
Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it’s head out and watch the film.
Seated next to him is a woman.
She looks over at his lap and is horrified.
She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, “Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!”
Agnes whispers back, “Oh, don’t worry about it… you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.”
Madge says, “I KNOW…but this one’s eating my POPCORN!”

An idiot moves to a very religious catholic neighborhood.

This particular idiot loved to eat chicken, so he grilled it every day. Now, on Fridays, the people of his neighborhood would get irritated that someone was eating meat when they had to abstain, so they took it up with their pastor. Their pastor then went to the idiot, and told him about the message of christ, and was able to convert him, spraying him with water saying, "you were born sick, you were raised sick, but now you are CHRISTIAN!". The idiots neighbors left him alone thinking that was that, but come Friday, and he's still grilling chicken when he should be abstaining. So they began to spy on him to see how he could justify such an act, and they saw him spritz his chicken with holy water, saying "you were born chicken, you were raised chicken, but now, you are FISH!"
idk if this is a repost, but my dad told me this joke as a kid, and I thought it was funny.

A man and his chicken...

Once upon a time there was a man, lets call him George. Now George had a pet chicken, and he loved this chicken to death. He did everything with his chicken, he walked with it, he talked with it, he even bathed with it. One day George decided he wanted to go to the movies, and decided he would bring his chicken along with him. So, chicken in hand, he drives to the movie theater. When he gets to the theater he buys two tickets. The employee who sold George his tickets ask "Who is the other ticket for?". George responds "Oh its for my pet chicken here". The employee then tells George that he can't bring a chicken to the movies. So being crafty George walks into the alley next the the movie theater and shoves the chicken down his pants, he then walks back into the theater and takes a seat. About half way through the movie he decides that the chicken could probably use some air so he unzips his fly. Sitting next to George were to woman and one says to the other "Oh my the man next to me just unzipped his fly!". The other responds "So what? You seen one you seen'em all!". And woman number one responds "Yeah but this ones eating my popcorn..."

The leaders of the Big Three after the conference in Yalta

After WW2 in 1945 the leaders of the Big Three(USA, UK and the Soviet Union) respectively Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin met in Yalta for a conference to decide the fate of the world.
After the conference they wanted to have some fun. They decided to try and make the Persian cat in the residence to eat mustard.
Churchill started first. He took a silver spoon with some mustard and tried his best to feed the cat but failed.
-You british people don't understand, it should be done with democracy - said Roosevelt.
He took some chicken and put some mustard on it. The cat sniffed for a moment but walked away with no interest in the food he offered.
Without any hesitation Stalin took the cat and started to spread mustard on the fluffy tail. The cat started meowing loudly and lickеd the tail to wash out the mustard. Meowed and licked, meowed and licked... Then Stalin said wisely:
-That's how we do everything in our country, voluntarily and with a song.

The Monks and the Merchant. A joke penned by Leonardo Da Vinci

Franciscan begging Friars are wont, at certain times, to keep fasts, when they do not eat meat in their convents. But on journeys, as they live on charity, they have license to eat whatever is set before them. Now a couple of these friars on their travels, stopped at an inn, in company with a certain merchant, and sat down with him at the same table, where, from the poverty of the inn, nothing was served to them but a small roast chicken. The merchant, seeing this to be but little even for himself, turned to the friars and said: "If my memory serves me, you do not eat any kind of flesh in your convents at this season." At these words the friars were compelled by their rule to admit, without cavil, that this was the truth; so the merchant had his wish, and eat the chicken and the friars did the best they could. After dinner the messmates departed, all three together, and after travelling some distance they came to a river of some width and depth. All three being on foot--the friars by reason of their poverty, and the other from avarice--it was necessary by the custom of company that one of the friars, being barefoot, should carry the merchant on his shoulders: so having given his wooden shoes into his keeping, he took up his man. But it so happened that when the friar had got to the middle of the river, he again remembered a rule of his order, and stopping short, he looked up, like Saint Christopher, to the burden on his back and said: "Tell me, have you any money about you?"--"You know I have", answered the other, "How do you suppose that a Merchant like me should go about otherwise?" "Alack!" cried the friar, "our rules forbid as to carry any money on our persons," and forthwith he dropped him into the water

A young cowboy walks into the saloon.

He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chicken congee.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowboy, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning in it with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse. The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the congee back into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."

A farm boy comes down to eat some breakfast

On the table, is bacon, eggs and a huge glass of milk. However, before the boy could have anything, his mom demanded that he take out the garbage.
Angry at the world, the boy goes outside to take the garbage. On his way back inside, he stops at the pig pen, and kicks a pig in anger. He stops at the chicken coup and kicks a chicken in anger. He then stops at the cow barn and kicks a cow in anger.
Back inside, the boy feeling better, sits down. Only to find a bowl of dry cereal. He exclaims, "What's this?!"
The mom replies, "Well, because you kicked the pig, you get no bacon. Because you kicked the chicken, you get no eggs. And because you kicked the cow you get no milk."
Suddenly, an angry voice comes from the other room. Tripping, the dad kicks the cat in anger.
The boy responds, "Wanna tell him or should I?"

My terrible joke.

why did the chicken cross the road?
to eat itself at KFC sorry for wasting your time

A man goes to the dentist with some broken teeth...

The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:
"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."
The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"
To which the man responds:
"Man, that's exactly what I did!"
(A joke originally told to me by my grandfather in Urdu)