The Best 64 Eaten Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Eaten jokes. There are some eaten cherries jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these eaten hungry puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Eaten Jokes and Puns

Humans are like grapes...

Grapes are green or purple, and a human has colors too. A grape is picked, and eaten by a human. Then we die of old age. I'm not good with metaphors.

A tourist is eaten by a python at the zoo.

Two tourists from the Czech republic are visiting New York. At the zoo, one leans forward, trying to get real close to the pythons. He falls down into the enclosure and is quickly swallowed whole.

Panicking, the other guy runs up to a caretaker and cries out for help. The caretaker asks him: "Which of these pythons ate your friend, the male or the female one?"

"That one! That one!", exclaims the Czech, pointing at the male snake, bloated with its stomach full. The caretaker runs up behind the satiated snake, cuts it open and pulls out ... a feeder pig.

"Oh no, it must have been the other one", yells the tourist. So the keeper cuts open the female snake, and sure enough, out comes the tourist.

In the end, the tourist could be revived, and miraculously, both snakes managed to live through the events, but there's still a lesson to be learned here: Never trust someone who tells you the Czech is in the male.

"Wolfgang Mozart", says Mozart's friend...

"What?!" replies Mozart. Then they are both eaten by a gang of wolves.

What did the salad say before being eaten

Lettuce go.

Czech and a Mexican

A Czechoslovakian and a Mexican go camping, while they were in the woods the Czech gets eaten by a bear. So the Mexican runs to find the park ranger and says "park ranger a bear ate my friend"
The park ranger and the Mexican find two bears, a male and a female. The park ranger asked the Mexican which ate his friend he points to the male and the ranger kills him and guts him there are no remains of the Czech man in the bear. Moral of the story never trust a Mexican when he says the Check is in the male


A man travels to New Guinea.

A man travels to New Guinea. He wants to see the natives, but is afraid of cannibals eating him. So he asks the guide: "Are there any cannibals left in this area?"

The guide answers: "No, the last cannibal was eaten just a week ago."

Willpower

I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'

I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

Eaten joke, Willpower

RIP to my good friend Brian...

...eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombies :(

Doctors say they found a food that causes years of pain and suffering after its eaten...

It's called wedding cake

I've haven't eaten gluten for a week...

and I, personally, already feel *so* annoying.

My cousin's horoscope was Cancer. Funny how she died...

She got eaten by a giant crab

You can explore eaten eater reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean eaten delicious dad jokes. There are also eaten puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My cousins zodiac sign was cancer. Kinda ironic how she died.

She got eaten by a giant crab.

What did Russell Crowe say when he found out that his ex-wife was eaten by a cannibal?

I'm gladiator.

We would all be living in paradise if Adam & Eve were Chinese..

Because they would've eaten the snake and not the apple.

Did you hear about the man with dandruff who got eaten by a shark?

They found his head and shoulders on the beach

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders one of everything. The panda finishes up his meal and his bill comes the panda stands up and shoots the waiter. The manager comes out of the back and goes you've eaten all my food and shot my staff and wont even pay your bill what's wrong with you? The panda reply's "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" The manager goes and gets a dictionary he looks up panda and the definition is "Eats shoots and leaves"

Eaten joke, A panda walks into a restaurant

Facebook..in real life...

Presently, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Therefore, every day I go down on the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do tomorrow night. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog and me gardening and spending time in my pool.
I also listen to their conversations and I tell them I love them.
And it works.

I already have 3 persons following me: 2 police officers and a psychiatrist.

I called my mom today, and she didn't sound good.

"Well, I haven't eaten in 2 weeks," she explained.

"Mom! That's not good - what's wrong?" I asked.

"I didn't want my mouth to be full when you called."

a cannibal family is sitting at the dinner table...

finishing up, when the youngest cannibal comes rushing in, panting, "am i too late?" the dad replies, picking his teeth "yep, everyone's already eaten".


Why didn't the Orange want to be eaten?

Because he wasn't feeling appealing.

Chewing and eating are very similar things.

But getting chewed out and getting eaten out are very different.

My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died

She was eaten by a giant crab

Football game between Jamaica and Ethiopia. Final result?

Half the grass eaten, half the grass smoked.

An inmate went messing, and his cellmate, a cannibal, claimed he had eaten him

The warden didn't believe him, so the cannibal finally threw up his hands out of frustration.

A cannibal was in prison.

One day, he ate his cellmate. The warden did not believe he had eaten the man. The cannibal threw up his hands in frustration.

A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says "I haven't eaten in three days".

She replies "where do you get the self control?"

Eaten joke, A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says "I haven't eaten in three days".

Two men are eating chili together.

One finishes his bowl and claims it's the best chili he's ever eaten. He looks at the second man who's bowl is completely full.

First man: are you gonna eat that?
Second man: nah I'm not feeling too good.
First man: wouldn't want it to go to waste then.

The first man eats the second bowl of chili and finds a dead mouse at the bottom. He instantly spews the chili back into the bowl.

Second man: yeah that's as far as I got too.

Vegans proven wrong again

If animals really didn't want to be eaten then why would they be made out of food?

Check mate vegans

Just found this Sub and it made my day.

It was half eaten and tasted kinda funky though.

What is the world record for the most Chinese food eaten in one sitting?

Roughly wonton.

I'm starving

I haven't eaten anything all year.

First cannibal: Am I late for dinner?

Second cannibal: Yes, everyone's eaten.

I saw a very large woman in a bar wearing a T-shirt that said 'I'm a Man-Eater'

I walked up to her, shot her a grin and she told me "Let me guess, you've got a joke about how many men I've eaten?"
I simply told her she spelled manatee wrong.

A police officer was assigned to hunt a dangerous cannibal on his first day on the job

All the more seasoned officers had already been eaten

I feel really gay having just eaten burger and fries

I'm just so happy to have Five Guys inside of me.

I've got a book coming out soon.

Shouldn't have eaten it, really.

I saw biggish girl at the pub last night,

Her t shirt said "watch out I'm a man eater!"

I went up to her and said " excuse me, love ... About your t shirt slogan."

She interrupted me and angrily snapped " oh let me guess: you want to know how many man I've eaten? Well, you know what, I can't help my size."

I said "Actually, no, I wasn't going to say that at all. "

She looks happier and smiled as she said "Oh yes, what did you what to say then?"

"That's not how you spell manatee."

My grandfathers star sign was cancer which is ironic seeing how he died.

He was eaten by a giant crab.

"Thank you Lord"

Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

People always told my dad that his pride would be the death of him

and sure enough, he was eaten by his favorite lion just last Wednesday

The zodiac sign of a friend of mine was cancer, which was very ironic because of how he died.

He was eaten by a large crab.

What is a food that, if eaten by women, could lower their sex drive by up to 90%?

Wedding cake

What did the Roman say when his wife was eaten by a tiger?

Gladiator

I've given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.

Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I've eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.

And it works. I already have three people following me… two police officers and a psychiatrist.

Hey, I'm new to this Sub, and think I'm going to have a lot of fun here!

said the lettuce leaf foolishly. He was yet to come to terms that he, and eveyone else in this Sub, are going to be eaten.

I don't get what's so hard about No Nut November

It's the 3rd day and I haven't eaten any nuts yet. I just distract myself by constantly masturbating all day.

I put my dog on a vegan diet

He's eaten 3 already

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a polar bear ?

You get killed and eaten

'Wolfgang Mozart!', said Mozart's friend.

'What?', said Mozart.

And then they were both eaten by a pack of wolves.

Where does the holy bread go after it is consumed?

The Garden of Eaten

Long term pain

During a congress about health care, the speaker asks:
"which food causes extreme suffering, even after years of being eaten?"

After a long silence an elderly raises his hand and replies "A WEDDING CAKE"

I saw a boy eating the grass between the cracks in the curb

I went up to him and said "don't eat the grass, it's bad for you"

He looked at me and said "I haven't had any food for the last 3 days. This is all I can find"

I told him to get up and to come over to my place to get him a better meal

He stopped and said "well, my sister, she hasn't eaten in 3 days either"

I thought for a second and went, "hmm I don't know, I don't really have a very big lawn"

What's the worst thing about being a birthday cake?

After you are set on fire, you are eaten by the hero that saved you.

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten.

It's called a wedding cake!

I've just had some great news.

Financially I am going to be $3. per month better off.


The boy I was sponsoring in Africa has just been eaten by a Lion.

What do you get when you cross a bear and a lion?

eaten alive.

After witnessing his wife been eaten by a lion the old Roman was asked if it worried him,no he said...

I'm a gladiater.

I had a friend whose zodiac sign was cancer. The way he died was very ironic...

He got was eaten by a giant crab.

Three lawyers go on a hunting trip…

Two were from Germany, the third was Czechoslovakian. They were about two days into their hunting trip, having a good ol' time when two bears come out of nowhere and devoured the three hunters.

Crime scene investigation was called in after a couple of hikers stumbled across the bloody campsite, and the detective came to the conclusion that the two Germans were eaten up by the female bear.

When asked how he knew, he pointed behind a tent where the second bear was sprawled out dead, with a foot sticking out, and he said, 'well, if you do a dna test, you'll find that the Czech is in the male.'


Thank you. I'm here all night.

Did you hear about the six year old that got eaten by a lion?

He was ate before he was seven.

How do you know you've eaten too much alphabet soup?

You have a vowel movement

Bad jokes are the best jokes

Did you know humans eat more bananas than monkeys?



I believe it… I've never eaten a monkey, have you?

Spartacus and his wife are enjoying a nice dinner with friends when

Out of nowhere a lion leaps onto the table and swallows his wife whole!

Horrified, his friends shout "Spartacus, your wife was just eaten by a lion! Why didn't you do something?"

Shocked Spartacus says "Do something? I was gladiator."

When I was young, I was so overweight that my mom wouldn't let me take swimming lessons.

It wasn't because of my weight, it was because it was never more than a half an hour since I had eaten.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the eaten leftovers jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working eaten digest piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes