Eaten Jokes
107 eaten jokes and hilarious eaten puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eaten that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Eaten Short Jokes
Short eaten jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eaten humour may include short eats jokes also.
- Vegans proven wrong again If animals really didn't want to be eaten then why would they be made out of food?
Check mate vegans - A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says "I haven't eaten in three days". She replies "where do you get the self control?"
- A police officer was assigned to hunt a dangerous cannibal on his first day on the job All the more seasoned officers had already been eaten
- Did you hear about the six year old that got eaten by a lion? He was ate before he was seven.
- I heard the Toronto Maple Leafs now have the milk board as their sponsor. Now they only have to put in 2% of the effort.
- We would all be living in paradise if Adam & Eve were Chinese.. Because they would've eaten the snake and not the apple.
- Doctors say they found a food that causes years of pain and suffering after its eaten... It's called wedding cake
- An inmate went messing, and his cellmate, a cannibal, claimed he had eaten him The warden didn't believe him, so the cannibal finally threw up his hands out of frustration.
- People always told my dad that his pride would be the death of him and sure enough, he was eaten by his favorite lion just last Wednesday
- I had a friend whose zodiac sign was cancer. The way he died was very ironic... He got was eaten by a giant crab.
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Eaten One Liners
Which eaten one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eaten? I can suggest the ones about consumed and eater.
- My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died She was eaten by a giant crab
- RIP to my good friend Brian... ...eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombie :(
- What did the Roman say when his wife was eaten by a tiger? Gladiator
- My cousin's horoscope was Cancer. Funny how she died... She got eaten by a giant crab
- Just found this Sub and it made my day. It was half eaten and tasted kinda funky though.
- I've got a book coming out soon. Shouldn't have eaten it, really.
- How do you know you've eaten too much alphabet soup? You have a vowel movement
- What did the salad say before being eaten Lettuce go.
- I'm starving I haven't eaten anything all year.
- What can never be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner? Thanksgiving breakfast.
- Where does the holy bread go after it is consumed? The Garden of Eaten
- I've haven't eaten gluten for a week... and I, personally, already feel *so* annoying.
- What is the world record for the most Chinese food eaten in one sitting? Roughly wonton.
- What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a polar bear ? You get killed and eaten
- I put my dog on a vegan diet He's eaten 3 already
Eaten Alive Jokes
Here is a list of funny eaten alive jokes and even better eaten alive puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you get when you cross a bear and a lion? eaten alive.
- Did you hear about the computer nerd who was eaten alive by a giant snake? Now he's programming in python.
- Always be late for dinner with the cannibals otherwise you'll be eaten alive
- Did you hear about the Hunger Games character who got eaten alive in the Middle East? Poor Peeta...
Comical Eaten Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about eaten you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eating jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eaten pranks.
Humans are like grapes...
Grapes are green or purple, and a human has colors too. A grape is picked, and eaten by a human. Then we die of old age. I'm not good with metaphors.
A tourist is eaten by a python at the zoo.
Two tourists from the Czech republic are visiting New York. At the zoo, one leans forward, trying to get real close to the pythons. He falls down into the enclosure and is quickly swallowed whole.
Panicking, the other guy runs up to a caretaker and cries out for help. The caretaker asks him: "Which of these pythons ate your friend, the male or the female one?"
"That one! That one!", exclaims the Czech, pointing at the male snake, bloated with its stomach full. The caretaker runs up behind the satiated snake, cuts it open and pulls out ... a feeder pig.
"Oh no, it must have been the other one", yells the tourist. So the keeper cuts open the female snake, and sure enough, out comes the tourist.
In the end, the tourist could be revived, and miraculously, both snakes managed to live through the events, but there's still a lesson to be learned here: Never trust someone who tells you the Czech is in the male.
"Wolfgang Mozart", says Mozart's friend...
"What?!" replies Mozart. Then they are both eaten by a gang of wolves.
Czech and a Mexican
A Czechoslovakian and a Mexican go camping, while they were in the woods the Czech gets eaten by a bear. So the Mexican runs to find the park ranger and says "park ranger a bear ate my friend"
The park ranger and the Mexican find two bears, a male and a female. The park ranger asked the Mexican which ate his friend he points to the male and the ranger kills him and guts him there are no remains of the Czech man in the bear. Moral of the story never trust a Mexican when he says the Check is in the male
A man travels to New Guinea.
A man travels to New Guinea. He wants to see the natives, but is afraid of cannibals eating him. So he asks the guide: "Are there any cannibals left in this area?"
The guide answers: "No, the last cannibal was eaten just a week ago."
Willpower
I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'
I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'
Have you ever eaten a clock before?
I hear it's time consuming.
My cousins zodiac sign was cancer. Kinda ironic how she died.
She got eaten by a giant crab.
What did Russell Crowe say when he found out that his ex-wife was eaten by a cannibal?
I'm gladiator.
Did you hear about the man with dandruff who got eaten by a shark?
They found his head and shoulders on the beach
A panda walks into a restaurant
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders one of everything. The panda finishes up his meal and his bill comes the panda stands up and shoots the waiter. The manager comes out of the back and goes you've eaten all my food and shot my staff and wont even pay your bill what's wrong with you? The panda reply's "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" The manager goes and gets a dictionary he looks up panda and the definition is "Eats shoots and leaves"
Facebook..in real life...
Presently, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.
Therefore, every day I go down on the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do tomorrow night. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog and me gardening and spending time in my pool.
I also listen to their conversations and I tell them I love them.
And it works.
I already have 3 persons following me: 2 police officers and a psychiatrist.
I called my mom today, and she didn't sound good.
"Well, I haven't eaten in 2 weeks," she explained.
"Mom! That's not good - what's wrong?" I asked.
"I didn't want my mouth to be full when you called."
A man was eaten when he attempted to tell a joke directly to a crocodile's mouth.
He didn't live to tell the tail.
Why is it bad to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes you 4 minutes to get hard and only 2 minutes to get soft.
You have to share your box with 11 other guys.
The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother.
a cannibal family is sitting at the dinner table...
finishing up, when the youngest cannibal comes rushing in, panting, "am i too late?" the dad replies, picking his teeth "yep, everyone's already eaten".
Why didn't the Orange want to be eaten?
Because he wasn't feeling appealing.
Chewing and eating are very similar things.
But getting chewed out and getting eaten out are very different.
Football game between Jamaica and Ethiopia. Final result?
Half the grass eaten, half the grass smoked.
People always say don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry.
But I haven't eaten for a week and I'm getting really, really hungry.
A cannibal was in prison.
One day, he ate his cellmate. The warden did not believe he had eaten the man. The cannibal threw up his hands in frustration.
My ex wife's star sign was Cancer, quite ironic considering how she died...
...Eaten by a giant crab 🦀
Note: not my joke, not sure where I heard it
Why do women love playing Pac-Man?
They can get eaten three times for a quarter.
Two men are eating chili together.
One finishes his bowl and claims it's the best chili he's ever eaten. He looks at the second man who's bowl is completely full.
First man: are you gonna eat that?
Second man: nah I'm not feeling too good.
First man: wouldn't want it to go to waste then.
The first man eats the second bowl of chili and finds a dead mouse at the bottom. He instantly spews the chili back into the bowl.
Second man: yeah that's as far as I got too.
I can't wait to crack the 'I haven't eaten all year' joke tomorrow morning.
My favourite part of the year.
First cannibal: Am I late for dinner?
Second cannibal: Yes, everyone's eaten.
I saw a very large woman in a bar wearing a T-shirt that said 'I'm a Man-Eater'
I walked up to her, shot her a grin and she told me "Let me guess, you've got a joke about how many men I've eaten?"
I simply told her she spelled manatee wrong.
I'm so happy that my financial situation has finally improved.
I just found out the African boy I've been sponsoring has been eaten by a lion.
A New Yorker calls his mother who lives in Florida. She answers the phone with a very weak-sounding voice.
"Mom, you don't sound so good. What's wrong?"
Very feebly she answers, "I haven't eaten in quite some time."
"How long has it been, Mom?"
"My last meal was 26 days ago."
"26 Days!? How come?"
"I didn't want to be caught with food in my mouth when you called."
A man called his mother in Florida.
"Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because, I didn't want my mouth to be full in case you should call."
I feel really gay having just eaten burger and fries
I'm just so happy to have Five Guys inside of me.
I saw biggish girl at the pub last night,
Her t shirt said "watch out I'm a man eater!"
I went up to her and said " excuse me, love ... About your t shirt slogan."
She interrupted me and angrily snapped " oh let me guess: you want to know how many man I've eaten? Well, you know what, I can't help my size."
I said "Actually, no, I wasn't going to say that at all. "
She looks happier and smiled as she said "Oh yes, what did you what to say then?"
"That's not how you spell manatee."
My grandfathers star sign was cancer which is ironic seeing how he died.
He was eaten by a giant crab.
"Thank you Lord"
Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the o**... starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
The zodiac sign of a friend of mine was cancer, which was very ironic because of how he died.
He was eaten by a large crab.
What is a food that, if eaten by women, could lower their s**... drive by up to 90%?
I once dated a girl and she threw up a bunch of red flags..
It turned out she had eaten a bunch of red flags.
I'm currently doing whatever I can to give myself and my girlfriend the best chance of having our own house.
But so far her grandma hasn't eaten any of my "wonderful" muffins.
I've given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.
Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I've eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.
And it works. I already have three people following me… two police officers and a psychiatrist.
I don't get what's so hard about No Nut November
It's the 3rd day and I haven't eaten any nuts yet. I just distract myself by constantly m**... all day.
Day 268 at home And the dog continues looking at me like See?? This is why I chew furniture.
I've eaten 9 meals and taken 4 naps, and it's STILL today. Are you kidding me?
In case you've lost track, today is December 268...
This virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day grazing for
food. We're told "NO!" if we get too close to strangers. We get really excited about car rides.
My wife said if I don't get off the computer and help with the dishes, she'll slam my head on the keyboard. I think she's jokinoifghcxiegcrwlwefggxm
lkergx eyt3ruhcmergceg ewgucc ce;oeijf !!!
'Wolfgang Mozart!', said Mozart's friend.
'What?', said Mozart.
And then they were both eaten by a pack of wolves.
Long term pain
During a congress about health care, the speaker asks:
"which food causes extreme suffering, even after years of being eaten?"
After a long silence an elderly raises his hand and replies "A WEDDING CAKE"
I saw a boy eating the grass between the cracks in the curb
I went up to him and said "don't eat the grass, it's bad for you"
He looked at me and said "I haven't had any food for the last 3 days. This is all I can find"
I told him to get up and to come over to my place to get him a better meal
He stopped and said "well, my sister, she hasn't eaten in 3 days either"
I thought for a second and went, "hmm I don't know, I don't really have a very big lawn"
What's the worst thing about being a birthday cake?
After you are set on fire, you are eaten by the hero that saved you.
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten.
It's called a wedding cake!
I've just had some great news.
Financially I am going to be $3. per month better off.
The boy I was sponsoring in Africa has just been eaten by a Lion.
Canibal: am I late for dinner?
Cook: I'm afraid you are. Everybody's eaten!
After witnessing his wife been eaten by a lion the old Roman was asked if it worried him,no he said...
I'm a gladiater.
Three lawyers go on a hunting trip…
Two were from Germany, the third was Czechoslovakian. They were about two days into their hunting trip, having a good ol' time when two bears come out of nowhere and devoured the three hunters.
Crime scene investigation was called in after a couple of hikers stumbled across the b**... campsite, and the detective came to the conclusion that the two Germans were eaten up by the female bear.
When asked how he knew, he pointed behind a tent where the second bear was sprawled out dead, with a foot sticking out, and he said, 'well, if you do a dna test, you'll find that the Czech is in the male.'
Thank you. I'm here all night.
Bad jokes are the best jokes
Did you know humans eat more bananas than monkeys?
I believe it… I've never eaten a monkey, have you?
Spartacus and his wife are enjoying a nice dinner with friends when
Out of nowhere a lion leaps onto the table and swallows his wife whole!
Horrified, his friends shout "Spartacus, your wife was just eaten by a lion! Why didn't you do something?"
Shocked Spartacus says "Do something? I was gladiator."
When I was young, I was so overweight that my mom wouldn't let me take swimming lessons.
It wasn't because of my weight, it was because it was never more than a half an hour since I had eaten.
Two cowboys are lost in the dessert,
They haven't eaten in days and are close to death. Suddenly one see a tree covered in bacon. 'We're saved' he cry's 'a bacon tree.' and he runs towards it. He is shot to death.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
Dumb, Yet s**...
Godzilla: I don't feel so well...
Mothra: What did you eat?
Godzilla: Netflix.
Mothra: Why did that make you sick?
Godzilla: Dunno. I feel like I've eaten Stranger Things...
An old Russian joke about recruitment
A wolf is going around in the forest talking to animals
Bear, you are to come at 2pm to my lair to be eaten
Yes, wolf
Fox, you are to come at 2pm to my lair to be eaten
Yes, wolf
Hare, you are to come at 2pm to my lair to be eaten
I don't want to
Very well, crossing the hare out
