Eat What You Want Day Jokes
33 eat what you want day jokes and hilarious eat what you want day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about eat what you want day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Eat What You Want Day Short Jokes
Short eat what you want day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eat what you want day humour may include short eating healthy jokes also.
- I really wanted to share a link to Weird Al's 1984 michael jackson parody today but I realized That I can't have my Cake Day and Eat It, too.
- we know that 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9. but why did 7 eat 9? he wanted to have 3 squared meals a day
- I cut my birthday cake in half and ate both sides. I wanted to halve my cake and eat it too
Today is my cake day - Depression... Me: Depression is the worst. I just want to sleep all day, I've been eating the same thing for every meal, life has lost its color—
My dog: oh my God, I have depression
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Eat What You Want Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about eat what you want day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eating jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eat what you want day pranks.
For my first cake day I want to share a joke my dad told me when I was probably too young to really understand it. How does an elephant hide in the jungle?
Climbs to the top of a cherry tree and paints his b**... red.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries!
(Apologies if you've heard it before fellow Redditors! Maybe by next cake day I'll get better material)
Skip a Day
During an annual physical, a doctor tells his overweight patient, "You need to lose some weight, so try this diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, I expect you will have lost five to ten pounds."
When the man returns, he's lost over 20 pounds. The doctor says. "Great job, did you follow my instructions?"
The man nods "I did, but I thought was going to drop dead every third day."
"From hunger?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
The Dad joke pay-off [not actually a joke, sorry]
Dad, a little after lunchtime: "Are you hungry?"
Son: "No."
D. "Really? You've hardly had anything to eat all day."
S. "Okay, really I am, but I don't want to say it because then you'll do that joke again."
Son hates joke so much he would rather go hungry than risk hearing it one more time. Now my legacy is in place, I may die a happy man.
The owner of my local health food store asked me if I wanted to know the secret of a long and healthy life.
"Sure -- let me know!", I replied.
He said, "Eat two raw onions every day."
"How could that possibly be a secret?"
Bad Bernie
Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, "F.F."
His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F." Out on the highway, he said, "F.F." She responded simply, "E.F." He repeated, "F.F." She again replied, "E.F."
"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?" Bad Bernie answered: "Your mother wants to eat first!"
Blonde Overweight
A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?" The blonde nods. "I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"
Jan goes to the doctor for a diet plan.
Jan is terribly overweight, so the doctor hands over a sheet of paper with a diet on it.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds.
When Jan returns, The doctor's amazed to see a loss of nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
Jan nods, "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
A man was convicted for murdering and eating his victims, which consisted of homosexuals and disabled people
When asked why he did this, he responded that he just wanted to get his 5 fruit and veg a day
A priest wants to know how he can become a better priest..
.. so he asks the bishop. The bishop had only two points to make.
"Eat healthy and exorcise daily"
(Just thought of this on the can, is there any ways I can improve on it? Or do you know of any similar jokes to lighten up my day?)
Pedro was riding his donkey back into town one day...
When out from behind a rock jumps Black Pete, the meanest bandito in all of Mexico.
Black Pete pulls out his gun and says 'Hey Pedro, if you want to live to see another day, then you better eat your sombrero'.
Poor Pedro has no choice but to eat his hat, and Black Pete just stands there laughing and laughing. Suddenly, Pedro grabs the gun off Black Pete and says 'Now my friend it is you who must eat his sombrero if he wants to live to see another day!'.
Well Black Pete has no choice and reluctantly eats his hat. Pedro laughs and laughs, then hops back on his donkey and finishes his ride back into town.
When he arrives he sees Black Pete's wife, who asks him if he's seen Black Pete recently. He says to her 'Si, si señorita, I have, we just had lunch together.'
The Soviets decided that they wanted to see which ethnic group could go the longest without eating.
So, to no one's surprise, Russians are pretty racist. My Belorussian girlfriend just told me this one, and insists that it's funny.
The Soviets decided that they wanted to see which ethnic group could go the longest without eating. They lock a Russian, a Ukrainian, a Belorussian and a "Chukcha" (Inuit) in different rooms, and tell them to call on the phone when they get hungry. One day passes and the Russian calls, two days go by and the Belarussian calls, three days gone and the Ukrainian calls. Then four, five, six days pass, and still no call from the Chukcha. The authorities go and see how he's doing, and they find an emaciated man barely clinging to life, calling out "phone, phone."
For the Russian speakers, he calls out - "телефона телефона, чукча кушать хочет."
A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?" The blonde nods. "I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"
Guy goes to a therapist. He says, "Doc, I live in constant fear that I'm a grain of corn and there's a giant chicken out there who wants to eat me."
Doctor says, "That's obviously absurd."
The doctor works with the man over the course of three years to finally convince him that he's not a grain of corn that a giant chicken wants to eat.
Finally cured, the man leaves. He's back the next day. The doctor says, "Why are you back."
The man says, "I know that I'm not a grain of corn that a giant chicken wants to eat....but does the chicken know that?"
A guy went to a therapist
Because he had constant dreams of cats playing football everyday, so the therapist asked him to eat nothing before he sleeps food might be the reason.
He came back the day after with no progression, he was still getting dreams of cats playing football.
Oh well, the therapist said, today i want you to sleep in the living room.
The patient came back with no progress, he was still getting dreams of cats playing football
The therapist told him today i don't want you to sleep at all.
The patient: i cant, today is the finals.
A man walks into a diner one day and orders a bowl of chili but the waitress says she gave the last of it to a guy sitting nearby who is just staring at it.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
A Blonde Goes On A Diet
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet."I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor. "No, from skipping," replied the blonde.
A child wants to eat something, so he goes over to his father.
"Dad, I'm hungry," he says. The father replies "Hi hungry, I'm Dad."
Thinking this was a terrible joke, the child walked away, and was later called down by his father. "Hungry, your food's ready!"
The child was then called "hungry" for 2 straight days until he finally had enough and came up to his father.
"Dad, if you want to keep up this joke, at least call me something else that I am."
After thinking for a while, the dad replies "Hi, Adopted..."
The day of prom
The day of prom, a boy goes to pick his girlfriend up early, so they could spend the whole day together instead of just the evening. He asks her what she wants to do, and she tells him she wants to go get something to eat. When they try to find a place, however, they see that everywhere they try to go has an incredibly long line.
"That's okay," says the girl. "I wasn't really that hungry anyway. Do you want to go see a movie?" The boy says yes, and they go to the theater. Unfortunately, there was an immensely long line there as well, so they decided against it.
The day goes on and on like this, with every plan they try to make being blocked by a long line. Eventually, it's time to go to prom, and they make their way into the building.
Exhausted with how their day has gone so far, the girl drops into a nearby folding chair and says, "I'm really thirsty. Can you go get me some punch?"
There was no punch line.
Three workers are eating lunch
The first worker, an Italian says, "If I get spaghetti again for lunch tomorrow, I'm going to kill myself."
The second worker, an American says, "If I get a ham sandwich again tomorrow, I'm going to kill myself."
The third worker, a Newfie says, "If I get a bologna sandwich again tomorrow, I'm going to kill myself."
So the next day, the Italian gets spaghetti, the American gets a ham sandwich, and the Newfie gets a bologna sandwich and they all kill themselves.
At a ceremony for the three of them, the Italian's wife says, "If he didn't want spaghetti, I would have made him something else." The Americans wife then said, "If he didn't want a ham sandwich, I would have made him something else." Then the Newfie's wife said, "He made his own lunch!"
So my Dad walked in on me making out with my girlfriend
I was naturally very embarrased, as I didn't want my parents to know I had a girlfriend and make a big deal about it. But my Dad said to me, "Don't worry son, I won't tell your mother, this will be our little secret".
The next day I'm eating breakfast with my family. My Mom says to me, "Son, where did that hickey on your neck come from?". In response I say, "This is me and Dad's little secret".
Afterwards, everyone at the table got really quiet.
A Spanish restaurant
One day a man goes to a Spanish restaurant and orders a meal. While his meal is being prepared, he smells something amazing coming from the table next to him.
He looks over and sees a man eating a meatball dish, so he asks a waiter what that dish is:
"That is a dish made from bull t**..., very exquisite."
"Can I cancel my order and have that instead please?"
"I am sorry sir, but we only get those once a week after the bullfights, you can reserve next weeks if you want?"
"Sure."
So the man waits all week and he can't get that smell out of his head, until finally the meal is in front of him.
It was a little smaller than he remembered, but the taste more than made up for it, savouring every bite. When he was finished the waiter came to him and asked:
"Was everything to your standard, sir?"
"Yes, thank you, I could have sworn they were bigger last week though...?"
"Ahh, yes sir, that is... you see... a problem... sometimes the bull wins"
The Three Construction Workers
Three construction workers were at lunch one day, a Mexican, an Italian, and a Blonde man. While eating, the Mexican says "I love my wife, but if she makes me one more burrito for lunch, I swear I will jump off this building!" The Italian man joins in as well "I agree, my friend, I have been eating her pizza every day for 10 years! I will join you if my wife makes me this for lunch again!" Then the Blonde man pipes in, saying "Me too! I don't want another bologna sandwich, so count me in!"
The next day, sure enough the Mexican man gets his burrito, the Italian his pizza and the Blonde a bologna sandwich. So they wrote a note, and in unison, keeping with their oath they hurl themselves off the top of the skyscraper!
At the f**..., the wives of the Mexican man and the Italian man were both very sad, wishing they had known they could have prevented their deaths. But the blonde mans wife was upset like the others, so they asked her why she wasn't sad. She responded "Hey, don't look at me. He made his own lunch."
Italian bread
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's vigor and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies.
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, Do you have any Italian bread?
She said, Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?
He said, I want 5 loaves.
She said, My goodness, 5 loaves …. by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard.
He replied, I can't believe it, everybody knows about this stuff but me.
An Englishman, a Scot, and an Irishman are all eating lunch together.
The Englishman says, "I hate bologna! If I get bologna one more time, I'm going to kill myself!"
The Scot says, "I hate ham! If I get ham one more time, I'll kill myself, too!"
The Irishman says, "I hate peanut butter! If I get peanut butter one more time, I'll do the same thing!"
The next day, each of them gets the same lunch as they did the day before, and killed themselves. At the f**..., their widows started talking.
The Englishman's wife said, "If I knew he didn't want bologna, I wouldn't have made it for him!" and began crying uncontrollably.
The Scot's wife said, "If I knew he didn't like ham, I would have made something else!" and also began crying.
The Irishman's wife said, "I don't know what his problem was. He made his own lunch!"
The farmer and the mule.
An old farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning til night she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule, which he did as often as possible.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her s**... in the back of the head and killed her dead on the spot.
At the f**... several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement, but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.
This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the f**..., the minister spoke to the old farmer and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women but always shook his head and disagreed with all of the men.
The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."
"And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
A man and his chicken...
Once upon a time there was a man, lets call him George. Now George had a pet chicken, and he loved this chicken to death. He did everything with his chicken, he walked with it, he talked with it, he even bathed with it. One day George decided he wanted to go to the movies, and decided he would bring his chicken along with him. So, chicken in hand, he drives to the movie theater. When he gets to the theater he buys two tickets. The employee who sold George his tickets ask "Who is the other ticket for?". George responds "Oh its for my pet chicken here". The employee then tells George that he can't bring a chicken to the movies. So being crafty George walks into the alley next the the movie theater and shoves the chicken down his pants, he then walks back into the theater and takes a seat. About half way through the movie he decides that the chicken could probably use some air so he unzips his fly. Sitting next to George were to woman and one says to the other "Oh my the man next to me just unzipped his fly!". The other responds "So what? You seen one you seen'em all!". And woman number one responds "Yeah but this ones eating my popcorn..."
3 Feminists at a convention
Says the first one: my husband has only one shirt and wants me to iron it. I said if you want your shirt you will have to iron it yourself! (loud applause) First day I saw nothing, the second day either, but on the third day he was ironing his shirt himself!!
Second one: my husband has white sneakers for the summer and wants me to clean them. I told him that if he wants clean shoes he has to clean them himself! (loud applause) First day I saw nothing, the second day either, but on the third day he was cleaning his shoes!!
The third one: My husband wants to eat steak every day. I told him that if he wants to eat steak he has to cook for himself! (loud applause). The first day I saw nothing, the second day either, and on the third day I saw a little through my left eye.
There's a blonde man, a Mexican man, and an Italian man sitting on a construction site eating lunch and...
The Mexican man opens his lunch and exclaims, "Bean burritos again?! I swear if I get bean burritos one more time I am going to jump and kill myself!" Then the Italian man opens his lunch and says, "Seriously?! Spaghetti and meatballs again?! If I get this one more time in my lunch I am going to jump and kill myself as well!" then the blonde man opened his lunch and gets a ham and cheese sammich and pretty much says the same thing as the other guys.
Then next day at lunch time the three guys go to the the top of the site and open there lunches, all of them got exactly what they had yesterday and jumped to their deaths.
At the f**... the Mexican's wife goes up to the front and says, "If only I'd known he didn't want burritos for lunch I would have made him something else!" Next the Italian's wife walks up and says, "He should have told me he didn't want spaghetti and meatballs! I just would have made him something else!" After this everyone at the f**... looks at the blonde man's wife waiting for her to say something and she just says, "Don't look at me he makes his own lunch."
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds.
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
Wow, that's amazing! the doctor says.
Did you follow my instructions?
The blonde nods…
I'll tell you, I'd thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
From hunger, you mean? said the doctor.
No, from skipping, replied the blonde.
