Eat Jokes
156 eat jokes and hilarious eat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This light-hearted article puts a humorous spin on everyday eating. Discover jokes about just eating, being hungry, and food that make you laugh. Whether you're looking to impress your friends or just need a break from your day, these jokes will hit the spot.
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Funniest Eat Short Jokes
Short eat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eat humour may include short hungry jokes also.
- A man is on trial for cannibalism A man is on trial for cannibalism.
He says to the judge,
"Well, your honor, if you truly are what you eat, then I am an innocent man." - Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.
- You know when you get the urge to eat something just because it's there? Anyways, I lost my job as a gynecologist today.
- "Your honor, it is said that people are what they eat... And therefore my client is an innocent man!"
- Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses. He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16 - daughter made up a cute knock knock joke: Knock knock
Who's there?
Let's eat…
Let's eat who?
What are you a cannibal? - I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
- They say you are what you eat... today I bought some ready to eat chicken and sure enough I was ready to eat chicken.
- Doctor: Don't eat anything fatty. Me: Can I eat sugar instead?
Doctor: No fatty, don't eat anything. - Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class. Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too
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Eat One Liners
Which eat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eat? I can suggest the ones about snack and tasty.
- What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
- 6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9? Because he needed 3² meals a day.
- 6 yr old son made this up. What do exploding pandas eat? BAMBOOM!
- Why did 7 eat 9? Cause he needs 3 squared meals a day
I'm sorry - TIL humans eat more banana than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- Did you know it's impossible to eat baklava underground? Because then it's bakmagma
- Mama, is this safe to eat? No honey... it's for storing our valuables.
- What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll.
- "When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat..." the vowels."
Friend: "Why?"
Me: "Sometimes." - What did Mike Tyson say to Vincent van Gogh?? You gonna eat that?
- When do you start on red and stop on green? When you're eating a watermelon!
- My child doesn't eat meat, what to substitute it with? A dog, dogs eat meat
- What do British nuclear engineers eat? Fission chips.
- What do you call a cannibal who only eats coma patients? A vegetarian.
- How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger? One if nobody's looking.
Eat A Lot Jokes
Here is a list of funny eat a lot jokes and even better eat a lot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life? A lot of food you probably didn't need to eat.
- Did you know that 69 is now 96? With this worsening economy, it costs a lot more to eat out.
- My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.
- Eating food is a lot of work. It's the most calorie consuming thing I do all day.
- I sure hope Pennywise isn't lactose intolerant... He seems to eat a lot of Derry
- Today's the day where I get to eat lots and lots of chocolate. Tuesday.
- When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
- Kids are a lot like pancakes. The first one comes out a bit funny but you can just eat it when no one is looking.
- Could eating a lot of spaghetti make me a better dad? I suppose it's pastable.
- What do you call a Spiderman villain who eats a lot? Green Gobblin'.
Eat What You Want Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny eat what you want day jokes and even better eat what you want day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I really wanted to share a link to Weird Al's 1984 Michael Jackson parody today but I realized That I can't have my Cake Day and Eat It, too.
- I cut my birthday cake in half and ate both sides. I wanted to halve my cake and eat it too
Today is my cake day - Depression... Me: Depression is the worst. I just want to sleep all day, I've been eating the same thing for every meal, life has lost its color—
My dog: oh my God, I have depression
Eat An Apple Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny eat an apple day jokes and even better eat an apple day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I recently tried the fruitarian diet, where you can only eat things that fall from trees I only lasted a day. All I had was 3 apples and an owl.
- I called the doctor Me : I'm dying, i was eating an Apple
Doctor : You do that a lot?
Me : One a day
Doctor : You're on your own - Why do anti-vaxxers eat apples? Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
- I wonder What happens when doctor's wife eats an apple a day?
- Eat An Apple A Day..... Dad:Eat An Apple A Day...
Me:We Still Die...
Dad:You Still Die Anyway! - Ph.D students should not eat apples... Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Eat Figs Jokes
Here is a list of funny eat figs jokes and even better eat figs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Chrysippus death joke while watching a donkey eat some figs, he exclaimed
"Now give the donkey a drink of pure wine to wash down the figs!"
and died in the subsequent fit of laughter. - what kind of cookies do atoms eat? Fig neutrons
Just Eat Jokes
Here is a list of funny just eat jokes and even better just eat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My doctor recommended to eat at BurgerKing more often Well he said I should not have McDonalds anymore, but I know what he meant.
- These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says " I can't stand my mother in law". The other says " so , just eat the potatoes".
- "Uniformed police eat free you say?" "No, sorry it's *uninformed* police eat free."
"Oh, I didn't know."
"It's on the house, officer." - I went to the doctor and he said "don't eat anything fatty." I asked " no bacon? No burgers?!"
To which he replied "No fatty, just don't eat anything! " - My son asked me, Dad, can I eat the last piece of cake in the fridge? I smiled and said, Sure..." "But the dining room would probably be more comfortable.
- Commas can change the meaning of a sentence. Example:
I like to eat apples. ---> I like to eat commas. - A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."
- Give a man an egg and he'll eat for a day Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you're taking science too far.
- What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.
Cr - Chocolate is bad Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!
Guy: My grandfather lived 108 years.
Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?
Guy: No, minding his own business.
Entertaining Eat Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about eat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean delicious jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eat pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No Nut November was pretty tough
Now I can finally eat nuts again, thank God I had m**... to keep my mind off of the sweet little b**....
Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat
Then I remember they feed off of attention.
EDIT 1: This blew up quick thanks guys :D
EDUT 2: When I typed edit 1 it had 500 upvotes now im waking up to 29K upvotes thanks eveyone :D
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Men think about s**... every 7 seconds...
Which is why I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds... So it doesn't get weird.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a pizza and a hippy chick?
You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(True joke) In 1960, after winning his olympic gold medal, Muhammad Ali went to eat at a fancy downtown resteraunt.
When the waiter came over Ali asked for a cheeseburger.
Shocked to see a black man sitting in the resteraunt, the waiter announced "We don't serve n**...".
Ali: "Well I don't eat them either, just give me my d**... cheeseburger".
A new law
Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at least once a week," one of the guys answers the bartender. "Well it's not a law really," the other guy corrects him. "It's more of a mandate."
My 7 year old organically made this up!
Super Bowl halftime show, watching with my wife and boys, wife says The halftime show is a bunch of rappers from the 80's and 90's, including Eminem, I really like him.
7 year old: Mn'Ms are good, but I like Skittles better
Wife: Not the candies silly, the rapper!
7 year old: Why would you just eat the wrappers!?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog s**... on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."
I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."
A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...
"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Punctuation can really change a sentence. For example, "Let's eat kids" becomes
"Let's eat punctuation"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.
"Can I ask you something?" I said.
"Certainly," he replied.
I said, "Why did you just e**... food?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A hero comes to a village...
The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. "There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it will come down and eat one of our v**... girls" the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is breastfeeding on the bus but struggling to get her baby to suckle....
So she says to her baby
_"Eat up now or I'm going to give it to that nice man over there"_ and points at the man sitting across from her
10 mins later _"You have to eat, baby, or I will give to that man!"_
5 mins later _"Baby come on now, I can't waste this milk so you have to eat or im giving it to that man"_
At this point the gentleman sitting across from her yells
_"FFS Make up your mind lady, my stop was 3 stops ago!"_
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.
He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very smelly breath.
He eventually became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
What do Excel, incels and some people who casually eat figs have in common?
They get confused and incorrectly assume it's a date.
(Edit)
Thank you for the awards.
As people have pointed out, this joke seems to have originated from a venn diagram, but seeing as I heard it a different way and we can't post venn diagrams on this sub, I don't see what's wrong with sharing a good joke for others to enjoy. :/
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Jewish man and a Chinese man were talking.
The Chinese man is proudly telling the Jewish man about his heritage. We can trace our history back for over 3,000 years, he exclaims with pride!
We'll, that's very impressive, replies the Jewish man, but our history goes back for almost 6,000 years!
The Chinese man, after some consideration, says to the Jewish man, Well, that doesn't make any sense. What did you people eat back then?
A farmer had three daughters...
and each was going on a date one Friday night.
The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"
Betty left with Freddy.
The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"
Flo left with Joe.
The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"
The farmer shot chuck.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The Frenchman says, They must be French, they're n**... and they're eating fruit.
The Englishman says, Clearly, they're English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.
The Soviet replies, No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.
Why did the kid eat his homework?
Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
-My 6 year old Nephew
What is the one thing Spiderman can't eat?
Uncle Bens rice.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll be able to eat for a lifetime
Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's?
Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food...
Officer, if you are what you eat...
Then I'm an innocent man.
The husband and the wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant
A few minutes later, the dinner was served.
Husband: The food looks great. Let's eat.
Wife: But honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home, sweetie. I'm sure the chef here knows how to cook.
How does Darth Vader manage to eat through that mask?
He's force fed.
Why do French people eat small breakfasts
One egg is an oeuf
When i was a boy, i had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to stay alive...
It's a good thing my brother told me about it
A "large" man is seated at a restaurant and the waiter brings an enormous steak.
A friend of the man walks by and says "Surely you're not going to eat that monstrosity alone!"
The man says, "Of course not! I also ordered mashed potatoes."
People that don't eat meat are called vegetarians, but what are people that don't eat vegetables?
constipated
My mother used to always say "give your food a rinse before you eat it."
Lovely woman. Terrible sandwiches.
Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious.
Now, we all know that Mahatma Gandhi didn't wear shoes when he walked, so he had rather large calluses on his feet. He also did not eat much, making him rather frail, and due to his diet, his breath was unpleasant, to say the least.
He was a super-callused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.
I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin
Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
The use of capitals can really change the meaning of a sentence
Example:
I like to eat candy
I like to eat capitals
Bill Gates Goes Fishing
Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.
"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.
Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.
The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"
Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
United States
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I nibbled on my 3 year olds ear and said "I'm going to eat your ears". She said "Papa! No! Don't e**... ears!"
"My mask will fall off!"
(True story from yesterday, happy end of 2021!)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I caught my sister m**... with a carrot
I was annoyed because I was gonna eat that later...
And now it's gonna taste like carrot....
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don't like fast food.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Breast Feeding
A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his t**... and says, "Hey woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off the bus 6 stops ago!"
What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?
Diabetes.
A tourist decides to visit a Native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory.
"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,
"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"
The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."
The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.
Ten years later the tourist finds himself in the Chief's neck of the woods and decides to pay him a visit.
He enters the Chief's home and respectfully greets him, saying "Hau, Chief."
The Chief promptly replies, "Scrambled."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the waiter asked if I'd like to hear today's special.
I said yeah
He said, today is special.
I said, I can appreciate a good dad joke, but can you tell me about the menu please.
The waiter slams his notebook down on the table, and says, sir the men I please is my own private business.
**EDIT**
Thank you for the awards!!
Why wouldn't the anti-vaxxers child eat his broccoli?
He's dead
What does a vegetarian zombie eat?
Graaaaains
What's the difference between my ex and a bowl of spaghetti?
Spaghetti wiggles when I eat it.
A boy was sitting in a bus eating chocolate. The elderly man next to him asked him...
Man : If you eat chocolates young lad, you will spoil your teeth.
Boy : My grandfather lived 110 years.
Man : By eating chocolate?
Boy : No. By minding his own business.
What do computers eat?
Micro chips!
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because he isn't real.
A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"
The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"
"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.
"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."
