Following is our collection of funny Eat jokes. There are some eat eaten jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these eat tasty puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Nothing, they fast.
Because he needed 3² meals a day.
BAMBOOM!
Now I can finally eat nuts again, thank God I had masturbation to keep my mind off of the sweet little bastards.
A man is on trial for cannibalism.
He says to the judge,
"Well, your honor, if you truly are what you eat, then I am an innocent man."
Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.
Then I remember they feed off of attention.
EDIT 1: This blew up quick thanks guys :D
EDUT 2: When I typed edit 1 it had 500 upvotes now im waking up to 29K upvotes thanks eveyone :D
Cause he needs 3 squared meals a day
I'm sorry
Anyways, I lost my job as a gynecologist today.
Which is why I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds... So it doesn't get weird.
And therefore my client is an innocent man!"
You can explore eat food reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean eat snack dad jokes. There are also eat puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it
He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
No honey... it's for storing our valuables.
Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at least once a week," one of the guys answers the bartender. "Well it's not a law really," the other guy corrects him. "It's more of a mandate."
Super Bowl halftime show, watching with my wife and boys, wife says The halftime show is a bunch of rappers from the 80's and 90's, including Eminem, I really like him.
7 year old: Mn'Ms are good, but I like Skittles better
Wife: Not the candies silly, the rapper!
7 year old: Why would you just eat the wrappers!?
Fat. You get fat.
What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?
I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."
Turns out I was on the mothership.
"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
"Make me one with everything."
So the hotdog vendor makes him a hotdog with every topping, and the Buddhist hands him a twenty. He proceeds to eat the hotdog, but gets no change for his twenty dollar bill. He says, "Hey, where's my change?"
The hotdog vendor replies, "Change comes only from within."
(Courtesy of my fifty year old husband, who cant go five hecking minutes without making a dad joke)
A synonym roll.
today I bought some ready to eat chicken and sure enough I was ready to eat chicken.
"Let's eat punctuation"
Me: Can I eat sugar instead?
Doctor: No fatty, don't eat anything.
You gonna eat that?
Well he said I should not have McDonalds anymore, but I know what he meant.
"Can I ask you something?" I said.
"Certainly," he replied.
I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"
"No, sorry it's *uninformed* police eat free."
"Oh, I didn't know."
"It's on the house, officer."
Diabetes.
What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?
^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^tell ^this ^joke
A dog, dogs eat meat
I asked " no bacon? No burgers?!"
To which he replied "No fatty, just don't eat anything! "
Why are you shaking? She's going to eat me!
The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. "There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it will come down and eat one of our virgin girls" the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.
Fission chips.
Example:
I like to eat apples. ---> I like to eat commas.
The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."
but it's a lot harder to **deter gents**.
So she says to her baby
_"Eat up now or I'm going to give it to that nice man over there"_ and points at the man sitting across from her
10 mins later _"You have to eat, baby, or I will give to that man!"_
5 mins later _"Baby come on now, I can't waste this milk so you have to eat or im giving it to that man"_
At this point the gentleman sitting across from her yells
_"FFS Make up your mind lady, my stop was 3 stops ago!"_
Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you're taking science too far.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
One if nobody's looking.
He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very smelly breath.
He eventually became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
They get confused and incorrectly assume it's a date.
(Edit)
Thank you for the awards.
As people have pointed out, this joke seems to have originated from a venn diagram, but seeing as I heard it a different way and we can't post venn diagrams on this sub, I don't see what's wrong with sharing a good joke for others to enjoy. :/
''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Snowflakes.
Cr
Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!
Guy: My grandfather lived 108 years.
Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?
Guy: No, minding his own business.
and each was going on a date one Friday night.
The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"
Betty left with Freddy.
The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"
Flo left with Joe.
The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"
The farmer shot chuck.
Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.
The Frenchman says, They must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit.
The Englishman says, Clearly, they're English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.
The Soviet replies, No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.
Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
-My 6 year old Nephew
Uncle Bens rice.
Q- How can you tell the blind guy at a nudist colony?
A- It's not hard.
Q- Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A- The one carrying a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Q- Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A- The one who can eat the last donut.
Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
You know how sometimes even when you're not hungry you'll get tempted to eat something just because it's in front of you?
Well, that's how I lost my job as a gynecologist.
Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food...
A lot of food you probably didn't need to eat.
Because you're supposed to eat three squared meals per day.
But that would be time consuming
Then I'm an innocent man.
A few minutes later, the dinner was served.
Husband: The food looks great. Let's eat.
Wife: But honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home, sweetie. I'm sure the chef here knows how to cook.
He's force fed.
It's a good thing my brother told me about it
The Costco brand pods are half the price. Just saying.
I said, Like bacon and burgers?
He said, No fatty, don't eat anything!
Lovely woman. Terrible sandwiches.
Now, we all know that Mahatma Gandhi didn't wear shoes when he walked, so he had rather large calluses on his feet. He also did not eat much, making him rather frail, and due to his diet, his breath was unpleasant, to say the least.
He was a super-callused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.
Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
Example:
I like to eat candy
I like to eat capitals
Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.
"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.
Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.
The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"
Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"
"My mask will fall off!"
(True story from yesterday, happy end of 2021!)
I was annoyed because I was gonna eat that later...
And now it's gonna taste like carrot....
Because they don't like fast food.
A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his throat and says, "Hey woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off the bus 6 stops ago!"
Give a man a poisoned fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime.
Diabetes.
"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,
"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"
The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."
The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.
Ten years later the tourist finds himself in the Chief's neck of the woods and decides to pay him a visit.
He enters the Chief's home and respectfully greets him, saying "Hau, Chief."
The Chief promptly replies, "Scrambled."
I said yeah
He said, today is special.
I said, I can appreciate a good dad joke, but can you tell me about the menu please.
The waiter slams his notebook down on the table, and says, sir the men I please is my own private business.
**EDIT**
Thank you for the awards!!
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