Eat A Lot Jokes
102 eat a lot jokes and hilarious eat a lot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eat a lot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Eat A Lot Short Jokes
Short eat a lot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eat a lot humour may include short eating too much jokes also.
- What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life? A lot of food you probably didn't need to eat.
- Did you know that 69 is now 96? With this worsening economy, it costs a lot more to eat out.
- My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.
- When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
- Kids are a lot like pancakes. The first one comes out a bit funny but you can just eat it when no one is looking.
- Statistically humans eat more bananas than monkeys Yeah, I don't see a lot of people eating monkeys around here
- I called the doctor Me : I'm dying, i was eating an Apple
Doctor : You do that a lot?
Me : One a day
Doctor : You're on your own - My mom doesn't like it when I eat a lot of sweets So whenever she asks me how much I've had I just fudge the numbers.
- I just made life a whole lot simpler for an overweight friend of mine... I explained to him that every restaurant in town is an "all you can eat" place.
- Ash Wednesday was yesterday so my family is going to be eating a lot more legumes Mostly lentils
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Eat A Lot One Liners
Which eat a lot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eat a lot? I can suggest the ones about drinking a lot and eating food.
- Eating food is a lot of work. It's the most calorie consuming thing I do all day.
- I sure hope Pennywise isn't lactose intolerant... He seems to eat a lot of Derry
- Today's the day where I get to eat lots and lots of chocolate. Tuesday.
- Could eating a lot of spaghetti make me a better dad? I suppose it's pastable.
- What do you call a Spiderman villain who eats a lot? Green Gobblin'.
- What do you call a monster that eats a lot? A gobble-n
(Credit to my 7 y/o son) - What do you call Muhammad Ali after he eats lots of beans? Gaseous Clay
- Why did the anthropologist eat a lot of yogurt? So that he could understand culture.
- I heard it was healthy to eat nuts So I've been eating lots of doughnuts
- I've been eating a lot of eggs lately.. I must be on an egg roll.
- What do canible college students eat Lots of romens
- They say you are what you eat Then, my brother must have eaten a lot of veggies
- I eat a lot of white and brown bread. I guess you could say I have a hybread diet.
- I eat a lot of grapes. I'm basically a wino with no patience.
- Vaccine for Dementia Eat lots of unhealthy food, do lots of drugs, drink and drive
Eat A Lot Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about eat a lot you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eater jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eat a lot pranks.
What's a fat kids favourite instrument?
The dinner bell
Guy takes his girlfriend to the prom...
So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom. And he's got a lot of work to do.
First he has to rent a tux, so he goes to the tuxedo store. But there's a huge tuxedo line at the store. Finally he gets out of there and realizes he has to go buy a corsage, so he goes to a florist. But there's this big long corsage line at the florist. Finally he gets the corsage and has his tux and he's gotta go rent a limo. But there's this huge line when he gets to the limo place.
Finally after waiting and making all the arrangements, it's the night of the prom. He picks her up and takes her down there to get in, but there's this huge ticket line at the door. Finally they get in and they start dancing and having fun, and she says to him, "I'm hungry," so he goes to get her some food, but there's this huge buffet line. He gets her some food and they eat and they're dancing again and she says, "Now I'm thirsty, can you get me a drink?" So he goes to get her a drink and there's no punchline.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How long will I live doctor?
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I am about to turn SEVENTY-ONE).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?' 'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?' 'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of s**...?' 'No,' I said...
He looked at me and said........,
Then, why do you even give a s**...?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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An afternoon q**...
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson knew that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "q**..." with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. As his parents put their plan into operation, he began his commentary:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt Brown is riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason Smith is on his skate board!"
"Mr. and Mrs. Cooper are having noontime s**...!!"
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they're having s**...?"
"Because Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony eating a Popsicle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lots of Russian jokes recently, here is another one.
A boy sits on his couch and sees a newspaper there. Curious he picks it up and reads the front headline: "v**... Prices on the Rise." He shows this to his dad and says:
"Dad does this mean you are going to drink less?"
Dad: "No son, this means you are going to eat less."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and a rabbi are stuck on an elevator.
They strike up a friendly conversation and after a while, the priest asks the rabbi, "Tell me, did you ever, in a moment of weakness, partake in the eating of bacon."
The rabbi said, "Yes. I was staying at a motel where no one knew me and it was on the breakfast buffet."
The priest nods, empathetically. The rabbi then asks the priest a question. "Did you ever...you know...sleep with a woman?"
The priest replied, "Yes, in a period of weakness during my first year in seminary. I met a young woman at a cafe and one thing led to another and, well, yes. We had s**...."
"I see," the rabbi nodded, knowingly, before adding. "It's a heckuva lot better than bacon, isn't it?"
They say breaking a sweat every day is one of the healthiest things you can do...
good thing I eat a lot of Indian food.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Eating vegetables is a lot like having s**....
If you're forced to do it as a kid, you won't like it as an adult.
So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom...
So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom, and he's got a lot of work to do. First he has to rent a tux, so he goes to the tuxedo store and there's a huge tuxedo line. Eventually he rents a tux and gets out of there and realizes he has to go to the florist. once he gets there he realizes there's a huge corsage line at the florist. Eventually he gets the corsage and has to go rent a limo, but there's a huge line when he gets to the limo place. Finally, after waiting for hours and making the arrangements, it's the night of the prom. He picks up his girl and takes her to get in, but there's an enormous ticket line. once they get in the start having some fun and dancing, but she tells him I'm hungry So he goes to get her some food, but there's a huge buffet line. He gets her some food and they eat. they go back to dancing and she says Now I'm thirsty, can you get me a drink? So he goes to get her a drink and there is no punchline.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A german, a frenchman, and a greek c**... in the amazon
A german, a frenchman, and a greek are on a plane. The plane crashes in the amazon. They meet the natives and they say "don't kill us" and the amazonians say "We will not kill you, but you have to do something. You have to spend 10 years in a cave. We will fill the cave up with all the provisions you need and whatever you want."
They ask the german what he wants. He says "I want bratwurst. I want sausages everywhere. I wanna eat'em all the time, and I wanna eat a lot." So they fill the cave up with sausages.
They ask the frenchman what he wants. He says "I want women. I want women everywhere. I don't what kind of women; what age, what color, what size. I just want women." So they fill the cave up with women.
They ask the greek guy. He says "I want cigarettes. I wanna chain smoke all the time. I wanna smoke my way through the 10 years." So they fill the cave up with cigarettes.
10 years pass and it is time to open the caves. They open the german's cave. Out comes one huge beast of a man, so gelatinous, they can barely get him through the door.
They open the frenchman's cave. And they see little kids playing around, women talking to each other, and the frenchman h**... away at another woman in bed.
they open the greek guy's cave. He is sitting on top of a pile of unopened cigarettes. He says "A lighter...........give me a lighter!"
What's one sign you're not the next Steve Jobs?
Instead of a "visionary leader who changed the world," people typically describe you as a "nice guy who eats a lot." (BTW, are we allowed to link out?)
My friend has a compulsion to eat everything in sight, and as a result, he's put on a lot of weight...
You might say he suffers from OBCD.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Tough Kid
An 8 year-old kid is sitting on a swing, eating jelly beans, in a playground in South Philly. This man walks by and says, "Hey kid, you shouldn't eat candy. It's not good for you."
Kid looks up and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 95?"
"Yeah, and? He ate a lot of candy?"
Kid smiles and says, "No. But he knew how to mind his own f**...' business."
My wife asked: You're pretty proud of your self for that one aren't you? With only a slight smirk on her face.
So we were out to eat with the kids. My son, Ronin, is 1 yrs old and was kinda sick; coughing. We ordered some beers and she got a Chocolate Coffee stout. My son is hacking up a lung and I say to my wife: "Your beer is a lot like Ronin right now". She said "How's that?" I said, "They are both a little coughy.
Maybe this is a dumb Dad joke but if you guys liked it then I can show this post to her to back me up. I was admittedly too proud of this one but lets see what you guys think. Preparing for onslaught in 3...2...
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Once there was a boy who really liked tractors...
Tractors were his biggest hobby. He had lots of toy tractors and on weekends he would go and watch the farmers drive their tractors around in the fields.
As he grew older, he still liked tractors, but not as much because he started to find other interests.
When he turned 20 he met a beautiful girl and fell in love. One night he decided to take her out for dinner to a local restaurant. As they were eating, the whole room started to fill up with smoke. Everyone was panicking so he jumped up and said "calm down, I've got this!". He stood on his chair and s**... in all the smoke in the room, then walked outside and blew it all out.
When he returned back into the resturant, his date said to him "oh my god how did you do that?!" To which he replied: "I'm an ex-tractor fan."
A man enter a resturant
A waitress walks towards him and says, "I'm sorry but you can't eat here we have had a lot of complaints due to your behavior".
The man replies, "I'm sorry, you must confuse me with someone else, i've never been here before". "I'm so sorry sir, what do you want?". The man then answers "Just the usual, please"
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Ice is a lot like girls
They both get wet when you eat them
If I eat lots of preservatives, won't I live longer?
No, but you will have a longer shelf life.
A boy works up the courage to ask the girl he likes on a date
The girl, liking him back, agrees to go on the date.
The boy tells her "Before we go on our date, there's something I have to tell you about myself. I only eat insects."
The girl finds this to be very strange but accepts it because she likes him.
They go out to dinner and the girl orders a steak while the boy eats an arrangement of insects he brought from home.
In the parking lot after dinner the two lock eyes, lean in, and slowly kiss each other. After the kiss the girls eyes are lit up with magic and she asks the boy how their first kiss felt.
The boy replies "I've got butterflies in my stomach."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Will I Live to see 80?
Will I Live to see 80?
Here's something to think about.
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He
said I was doing fairly well for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think
I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then He asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
'I said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive motor-cycles, drive fast cars, or have a lot of s**...?'
'No,' I said...
He looked at me and said,.. 'Then, why do you even give a s**...?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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why did h**... eat a lot of fish sticks?
because he thought they were not seafood
A skeleton went to the doctor...
A skeleton went to the doctor one day and said
"doctor, I don't think I'm feeling very well. I've lost a lot of weight, everything I eat goes right through me and to top it off I've misplaced my arms."
The doctor looks the skeleton up and down and says
"This joke will never work, you haven't a funny bone in your body"
I've been eating a lot of Thai food lately to lose weight.
I'm on an Ethnic Cleanse.
You can tell a lot about a country by what they eat for breakfast, like the French croissant
they are both flaky and a little bit gay
I like a lot of different kinds of breakfast, but I only eat one at a time.
I'm a cereal monogamist.
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A s**... joke that my mum tells me a lot
So there are two cows eating grass in a paddock. One cow looks up and says "moo". The other cow says "hey, I was gonna say that!"
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A guy walks into a brothel with a donkey and a honeycomb
The brothel owner says "Why do you have an j**...? " Guy says, "I have a big farm, I want to trade it for some time with your girls."
Brothel owner says "Okay, why do you have a honeycomb?" Guy says "I have a lot of bees, was hoping to trade it for some food."
Brothel owner says "Why don't you just eat the honeycomb?"
Guy says, "Same reason I brought the j**..., tired of it."
How do you get a good tan?
Eat a bunch of cantaloupe - that way you'll get a lot of melanin you.
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Flossed for the first time in a long time.
.... I don't remember eating all that blood, but a lot got stuck in there.
Why is a panda a lot like Charles Barkley at basketball practice?
He eats shoots and leaves
This may be a bit messed up.
If you eat one thing a lot, people tend to joke that you'll "become it".
I used to eat vegetables. Guess what I became.
A man goes to the dentist for a check-up
"Uh oh" the dentist says, "looks like your denture plate is eroding a bit. Have you been eating any new foods lately?"
The man thinks for a moment and says "you know, my wife has been using a lot of hollandaise sauce lately. She's been putting it on every dish."
"Ah, that explains it" the dentist replies. "We'll have to make you a new denture plate, but this one will need to be made of chrome."
"Chrome?" The man asks in surprise. "Why chrome?"
"Well, you know what they say", replies the dentist.
"There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"
My girlfriend and I went to a restaurant and our German friend tagged along with us. I get the impression he eats a lot of calves.
There wasn't any meat on the menu, but he kept saying he felt like a third veal.
What do you call renters who eat a lot of noodles and ask little of their landlord?
Low mein tenants.
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How do people with s**... fetishes stay healthy?
They eat lots of corn
It's ok to eat a lot at family parties
You burn half of those calories anyway trying not to punch someone in the face
What do you call your spouse's criminal relatives that eat a lot of Californian fast food?
In-n-out-laws
Two nuns are out for a stroll...
... they happen by a produce stand with lots fresh-from-the-farm offerings.
The first nun says "Oh my, look at those cucumbers. They look great and they're huge!"
The second nun nods her head excitedly and asks: "How much are those cucumbers young man?"
"They're three for two dollars," he replies.
The nuns smile at the vendor, then at each other.
The first nun says "Well, I guess we'll have to *eat* one!"
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What do deer and s**... l**... have in common?
They both eat a lot of bush.
You know, a lot of different cultures consume monkey meat.
Just goes to prove there's no wrong way to eat a Rhesus.
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m**... is a lot like eating a Cinnabon
You feel guilty after both, and the cleanup is the same.
I've been told that my personality is a lot like an English guy who doesn't eat dessert...
...off pudding
It's not a coincidence that a lot of conservatives who oppose abortions are also hunters
They know that anything they kill, they have to eat.
What do you call a depressed midget named Debra who likes to eat a lot of zebra cakes?
A Little Debbie Downer
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If you're broke you can just go eat a lot in london. You will profit as you gain pounds.
Only works if American.
I've been eating a lot, I mean a LOT, of black lentils and black beans lately....
I've become a creature of the black legume
I'm so healthy, I eat lots of greens
the lettuce was green
the potato was green
the meat was green
I used to eat a lot of junk food and do Fortnite dances
But my dad told me you are what you yeet.
It's STILL Not Safe to eat Romaine Lettuce...
I went to Kroger to buy some and got Robbed in the parking lot.
What an interesting discussion to start
Hey guys, I wanted to ask if you eat the middle of the donut. I've heard that it has a lot of calories so I don't eat it, I don't throw it out either it just dissapears.
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A man with e**... problem go to the doctor
The doctor says:"in order to solve your problem you have to eat a lot of bread.
The man says:" how the bread can help me?!? ".
The doctor says:" trust me and eat a lot of bread.
The same day the man went to buy the bread in a trust shop and asks for 3kg of bread.
The baker knows that the man lives alone and asks:" 3kg seem too much, it will become hard."
The man exclaimed:" Hard, give me 6kg!!"
Two friends meet after several months in the streat and they start talking
\+ You have lost a lot of weight! You look better!
\- Yeah, I have been going to a new gym. It is near here.
\+ Oh really? Do you have a strict monitor and a dietist?
\- No, the gym is so expensive that I barely have money to eat.
— you do eat a lot, don't you? You know this is gonna get you killed, right?
— my grandfather lived up to 90 years old.
— by eating a lot?
— by minding his own business
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Why do vegan l**... have lots of trouble dating?
They're picky about how people eat out.
I get a lot of solicitors at my house, salespeople, charity seekers, Jehovah's Witnesses, I've seen them all. But today I got someone at my door asking if I eat enough vegetables
I wasn't expecting some sort of spinach inquisition!
An American was talking to a Japanese friend on why he wouldn't eat french fries and hamburgers...
The Japanese friend said: "In Japan normally we don't eat a lot of unhealthy stuff because it'll make us fat".
The American said: "Why do you care about being fat?"
The Japanese friend said: "You don't want to know what happened last time when we had a fat man in Japan..."
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Once a man, knocked on a door and an old lady opened the door. Without a word the man went in took a lot of cow dung from his bag and threw on the carpet. "You see , I have a wonder vaccum cleaner with me here, if this doesn't work I'll eat every piece of that dung" he said.
"Do you want tomato ketchup with it ? " The lady asked. "Cause you see, we still don't have electricity in this house"
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Hiring a p**... is a lot like eating at Subway
You pay someone else to do your wife's job.
Our daughter wants us to set a place at our Thanksgiving dinner table, for her teddy bear, Theodore. She promises he won't eat very much.
She said he has been eating a lot lately, and is already stuffed