Eat A Lot Jokes
102 eat a lot jokes and hilarious eat a lot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eat a lot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Eat A Lot Short Jokes
Short eat a lot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eat a lot humour may include short eating too much jokes also.
- What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life? A lot of food you probably didn't need to eat.
- Did you know that 69 is now 96? With this worsening economy, it costs a lot more to eat out.
- My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.
- The other day, we took my Grandpa to one of those spas where the fish eat your dead flesh. It's a lot cheaper than cremation.
- A new study says humans eat bananas more than monkeys. I believe it. I know lots of people who eat bananas and none who eat monkeys.
- If you're broke you can just go eat a lot in london. You will profit as you gain pounds. Only works if American.
- Ever since I swallowed a watch I've been keeping myself busy taking laxitives, eating lots of fruit and drinking prune juice. Anything to pass the time.
- Women are like the police Once they've settled on a partner they eat a lot of donuts and then grow a mustache
- When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
- Kids are a lot like pancakes. The first one comes out a bit funny but you can just eat it when no one is looking.
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Eat A Lot One Liners
Which eat a lot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eat a lot? I can suggest the ones about drinking a lot and eating food.
- Eating food is a lot of work. It's the most calorie consuming thing I do all day.
- I sure hope Pennywise isn't lactose intolerant... He seems to eat a lot of Derry
- I used to eat a lot of cold cuts, but I recently stopped. I quit cold turkey.
- Today's the day where I get to eat lots and lots of chocolate. Tuesday.
- Could eating a lot of spaghetti make me a better dad? I suppose it's pastable.
- What do you call a Spiderman villain who eats a lot? Green Gobblin'.
- What do you call a monster that eats a lot? A gobble-n
(Credit to my 7 y/o son) - What do you call Muhammad Ali after he eats lots of beans? Gaseous Clay
- Why did the anthropologist eat a lot of yogurt? So that he could understand culture.
- I heard it was healthy to eat nuts So I've been eating lots of doughnuts
- I've been eating a lot of eggs lately.. I must be on an egg roll.
- What do canible college students eat Lots of romens
- They say you are what you eat Then, my brother must have eaten a lot of veggies
- I eat a lot of white and brown bread. I guess you could say I have a hybread diet.
- I eat a lot of grapes. I'm basically a wino with no patience.
Eat A Lot Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about eat a lot you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eating jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eat a lot pranks.
Lots of Russian jokes recently, here is another one.
A boy sits on his couch and sees a newspaper there. Curious he picks it up and reads the front headline: "v**... Prices on the Rise." He shows this to his dad and says:
"Dad does this mean you are going to drink less?"
Dad: "No son, this means you are going to eat less."
A priest and a rabbi are stuck on an elevator.
They strike up a friendly conversation and after a while, the priest asks the rabbi, "Tell me, did you ever, in a moment of weakness, partake in the eating of bacon."
The rabbi said, "Yes. I was staying at a motel where no one knew me and it was on the breakfast buffet."
The priest nods, empathetically. The rabbi then asks the priest a question. "Did you ever...you know...sleep with a woman?"
The priest replied, "Yes, in a period of weakness during my first year in seminary. I met a young woman at a cafe and one thing led to another and, well, yes. We had s**...."
"I see," the rabbi nodded, knowingly, before adding. "It's a heckuva lot better than bacon, isn't it?"
They say breaking a sweat every day is one of the healthiest things you can do...
good thing I eat a lot of Indian food.
Eating vegetables is a lot like having s**....
If you're forced to do it as a kid, you won't like it as an adult.
What's one sign you're not the next Steve Jobs?
Instead of a "visionary leader who changed the world," people typically describe you as a "nice guy who eats a lot." (BTW, are we allowed to link out?)
My friend has a compulsion to eat everything in sight, and as a result, he's put on a lot of weight...
You might say he suffers from OBCD.
Tough Kid
An 8 year-old kid is sitting on a swing, eating jelly beans, in a playground in South Philly. This man walks by and says, "Hey kid, you shouldn't eat candy. It's not good for you."
Kid looks up and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 95?"
"Yeah, and? He ate a lot of candy?"
Kid smiles and says, "No. But he knew how to mind his own f**...' business."
A man enter a resturant
A waitress walks towards him and says, "I'm sorry but you can't eat here we have had a lot of complaints due to your behavior".
The man replies, "I'm sorry, you must confuse me with someone else, i've never been here before". "I'm so sorry sir, what do you want?". The man then answers "Just the usual, please"
I am a 20 year old male dyslexic who loves cockporn..
and love to eat it with lots & lots of hot melted butter
During dinner, Juan asked his mother....
Mamma, why is dad bald?
Well Juan, your father has a lot to think about and is very intelligent, that's why.
But mamma, why do you have such a long hair?
Shut UP Juan and eat your soup!
If I eat lots of preservatives, won't I live longer?
No, but you will have a longer shelf life.
A boy works up the courage to ask the girl he likes on a date
The girl, liking him back, agrees to go on the date.
The boy tells her "Before we go on our date, there's something I have to tell you about myself. I only eat insects."
The girl finds this to be very strange but accepts it because she likes him.
They go out to dinner and the girl orders a steak while the boy eats an arrangement of insects he brought from home.
In the parking lot after dinner the two lock eyes, lean in, and slowly kiss each other. After the kiss the girls eyes are lit up with magic and she asks the boy how their first kiss felt.
The boy replies "I've got butterflies in my stomach."
A skeleton went to the doctor...
A skeleton went to the doctor one day and said
"doctor, I don't think I'm feeling very well. I've lost a lot of weight, everything I eat goes right through me and to top it off I've misplaced my arms."
The doctor looks the skeleton up and down and says
"This joke will never work, you haven't a funny bone in your body"
You can tell a lot about a country by what they eat for breakfast, like the French croissant
they are both flaky and a little bit gay
I like a lot of different kinds of breakfast, but I only eat one at a time.
I'm a cereal monogamist.
My friend took his grandmother to one of those health spas where tiny fish eat all the dead skin...
It cost him $300, but it was a lot cheaper than a f**......
A s**... joke that my mum tells me a lot
So there are two cows eating grass in a paddock. One cow looks up and says "moo". The other cow says "hey, I was gonna say that!"
A guy walks into a brothel with a donkey and a honeycomb
The brothel owner says "Why do you have an j**...? " Guy says, "I have a big farm, I want to trade it for some time with your girls."
Brothel owner says "Okay, why do you have a honeycomb?" Guy says "I have a lot of bees, was hoping to trade it for some food."
Brothel owner says "Why don't you just eat the honeycomb?"
Guy says, "Same reason I brought the j**..., tired of it."
How do you get a good tan?
Eat a bunch of cantaloupe - that way you'll get a lot of melanin you.
Flossed for the first time in a long time.
.... I don't remember eating all that blood, but a lot got stuck in there.
Why is a panda a lot like Charles Barkley at basketball practice?
He eats shoots and leaves
This may be a bit messed up.
If you eat one thing a lot, people tend to joke that you'll "become it".
I used to eat vegetables. Guess what I became.
Why does a white person turn black after eating a whole cantaloupe?
Because he's got a lot of melon-in.
A man goes to the dentist for a check-up
"Uh oh" the dentist says, "looks like your denture plate is eroding a bit. Have you been eating any new foods lately?"
The man thinks for a moment and says "you know, my wife has been using a lot of hollandaise sauce lately. She's been putting it on every dish."
"Ah, that explains it" the dentist replies. "We'll have to make you a new denture plate, but this one will need to be made of chrome."
"Chrome?" The man asks in surprise. "Why chrome?"
"Well, you know what they say", replies the dentist.
"There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"
If I want to go to a place that has lots of oil wells and uses the death penalty excessively...
I'll go to Texas. At least there I can eat bacon.
My girlfriend and I went to a restaurant and our German friend tagged along with us. I get the impression he eats a lot of calves.
There wasn't any meat on the menu, but he kept saying he felt like a third veal.
What do you call renters who eat a lot of noodles and ask little of their landlord?
Low mein tenants.
I just made life a whole lot simpler for an overweight friend of mine...
I explained to him that every restaurant in town is an "all you can eat" place.
It's ok to eat a lot at family parties
You burn half of those calories anyway trying not to punch someone in the face
What do you call your spouse's criminal relatives that eat a lot of Californian fast food?
In-n-out-laws
Two nuns are out for a stroll...
... they happen by a produce stand with lots fresh-from-the-farm offerings.
The first nun says "Oh my, look at those cucumbers. They look great and they're huge!"
The second nun nods her head excitedly and asks: "How much are those cucumbers young man?"
"They're three for two dollars," he replies.
The nuns smile at the vendor, then at each other.
The first nun says "Well, I guess we'll have to *eat* one!"
I called the doctor
Me : I'm dying, i was eating an Apple
Doctor : You do that a lot?
Me : One a day
Doctor : You're on your own
You know, a lot of different cultures consume monkey meat.
Just goes to prove there's no wrong way to eat a Rhesus.
m**... is a lot like eating a Cinnabon
You feel guilty after both, and the cleanup is the same.
I've been told that my personality is a lot like an English guy who doesn't eat dessert...
...off pudding
It's not a coincidence that a lot of conservatives who oppose abortions are also hunters
They know that anything they kill, they have to eat.
I heard its easy to convince women not to eat tide pods..
but it's a lot harder to **deter gents**.
My mom doesn't like it when I eat a lot of sweets
So whenever she asks me how much I've had I just fudge the numbers.
Two friends, after a long time...
I see you have lost weight! What happened?
It's because I signed up for a gym.
So, you make a lot of exercise, right?
No, but I have to pay them so much that I have no money for eating...
What do you call a depressed midget named Debra who likes to eat a lot of zebra cakes?
A Little Debbie Downer
I've been eating a lot, I mean a LOT, of black lentils and black beans lately....
I've become a creature of the black legume
I'm so healthy, I eat lots of greens
the lettuce was green
the potato was green
the meat was green
I used to eat a lot of junk food and do Fortnite dances
But my dad told me you are what you yeet.
It's STILL Not Safe to eat Romaine Lettuce...
I went to Kroger to buy some and got Robbed in the parking lot.
What an interesting discussion to start
Hey guys, I wanted to ask if you eat the middle of the donut. I've heard that it has a lot of calories so I don't eat it, I don't throw it out either it just dissapears.
An old man was sitting next to a kid
And he saw the kid eating a lot of chocolate, pack after pack...
So the man asked the kid: do you think it's healthy for you eating all that chocolate?
So the kid answered: My grandpa died at 100 years old
-And you think it's because he ate chocolate?
-No, it's because he minded his own business.
Ash Wednesday was yesterday so my family is going to be eating a lot more legumes
Mostly lentils
A man with e**... problem go to the doctor
The doctor says:"in order to solve your problem you have to eat a lot of bread.
The man says:" how the bread can help me?!? ".
The doctor says:" trust me and eat a lot of bread.
The same day the man went to buy the bread in a trust shop and asks for 3kg of bread.
The baker knows that the man lives alone and asks:" 3kg seem too much, it will become hard."
The man exclaimed:" Hard, give me 6kg!!"
A shark is teaching his kid how to attack swimmers.
"Make sure your dorsal fin is above the water and swim toward them *really fast*, then veer away at the last moment. Do that a few times, and then go back and eat them."
"But why not just come up from below and eat them right away?"
"Well, they taste a lot better if you *empty* 'em first."
Two friends meet after several months in the streat and they start talking
\+ You have lost a lot of weight! You look better!
\- Yeah, I have been going to a new gym. It is near here.
\+ Oh really? Do you have a strict monitor and a dietist?
\- No, the gym is so expensive that I barely have money to eat.
— you do eat a lot, don't you? You know this is gonna get you killed, right?
— my grandfather lived up to 90 years old.
— by eating a lot?
— by minding his own business
Statistically humans eat more bananas than monkeys
Yeah, I don't see a lot of people eating monkeys around here
Why do vegan l**... have lots of trouble dating?
They're picky about how people eat out.
I get a lot of solicitors at my house, salespeople, charity seekers, Jehovah's Witnesses, I've seen them all. But today I got someone at my door asking if I eat enough vegetables
I wasn't expecting some sort of spinach inquisition!
An American was talking to a Japanese friend on why he wouldn't eat french fries and hamburgers...
The Japanese friend said: "In Japan normally we don't eat a lot of unhealthy stuff because it'll make us fat".
The American said: "Why do you care about being fat?"
The Japanese friend said: "You don't want to know what happened last time when we had a fat man in Japan..."
Once a man, knocked on a door and an old lady opened the door. Without a word the man went in took a lot of cow dung from his bag and threw on the carpet. "You see , I have a wonder vaccum cleaner with me here, if this doesn't work I'll eat every piece of that dung" he said.
"Do you want tomato ketchup with it ? " The lady asked. "Cause you see, we still don't have electricity in this house"
Hiring a p**... is a lot like eating at Subway
You pay someone else to do your wife's job.
Our daughter wants us to set a place at our Thanksgiving dinner table, for her teddy bear, Theodore. She promises he won't eat very much.
She said he has been eating a lot lately, and is already stuffed
My dad's latest dad joke
My dad raises rabbit and goes through a lot of hay. As we're getting a new bale out a truck drives by with big round bales.
Me: that would keep you in hay for awhile.
D: rabbits can't eat those.
Me: what? Why not?
D: not good for them
Me:You mean the type of hay
D: nope, can't have those big round ones.
(This back and forth keeps going for like ten minute as I suggest why they can't have them and his just saying no)
Me: is there an actual reason why they can't have that hay?
D: (smirks) they won't get a square meal
Me:(floored)…did you just wind me up for like ten minutes to tell me a dad joke??!
D: yeah