The Best 77 Easy Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Easy jokes. There are some easy quick jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these easy quick and easy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Easy Jokes and Puns
My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?
Easy.
Batman doesn't want to get shot.
Little Johnny Has A Question
A boy comes home from school one day looking for his father. He has an assignment that he needs a little help with. He finds his father and tells him that he has to write a paper explaining the difference between potentially and actually.
His father says to him "That's an easy one", "Go upstairs and find your sister; ask her if she'd sleep with the mailman for $10,000."
So the boy does as he is told. When he comes back down he tells his father what he learned. "She said yes, dad." "So," said his dad "Find your mother, now, and ask her if she'd sleep with the mailman for $10,000 as well."
The boy does as he is asked, and then returns to his father again.
"She said yes too, dad." "Well, there you go." said the dad.
The boy looked at his father, puzzled.
He smiled, "Potentially we're sitting on a gold mine; but, actually I live with a couple of whores!"
A woman's anger is like a Check Engine light...
There's no easy way to know what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
With the punchline first.
How did the time traveler tell his jokes?
(I'm sorry, it was just so easy!)
Getting girls to have sex with me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle.
Easy when I have a knife.
I'm making a fortune promoting home security systems
The pitch is easy. All I do is say "Good morning". At 3am whilst sitting on the end of their bed.
My friend got jury duty
So I drove him down to the courthouse. He came out 5 minutes later and said we could go. I said "How did you do that?" He said it was easy, just pretend to be super racist and they let you go. So I tried it myself a couple weeks later.
Apparently it doesn't work if you're the defendant.
I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts
Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think
You guys want to play that new Michael Brown drinking game?
It's easy, you just stand there and take eight shots.
A polar bear falls into the water
"Help! I'm dissolving!"
A black bear shows up and says, "But bears are insoluble"
"That's easy for you to say. You're not polar!"
You can explore easy comfortable reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean easy simple dad jokes. There are also easy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man isn't paying attention when crossing the street
A man isn't paying attention when crossing the street and gets hit by a red lorry, a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry.
A policeman is despatched to inform the unfortunate man's family:
"There's no easy way to say this..."
A good zinger that my friend carpenter used on a doctor
So this Dr hired my friend (who's a carpenter) to do some work around the house, the doc was curiously looking over my friends shoulder as he was putting a piece of molding to cover his uneven cut. The doc said with a cavalier attitude "that's an easy way to hide your mistakes!" and without thinking, my friend replied "yeah, to hide my mistakes I don't need 6 feet of soil!"
German women love me...
I'm a ladies man. I saw this fine German woman. I didn't even have to chat her up for her to hastily give me her number. It was easy to remember 999 9999.
Two hunters are out in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses. The other hunter pulls out his phone and calls 911
"My friend is dead, what am I going to do?" the hunter desperately asks.
"Just take is easy, I will help you. First; you need to make sure that he really is dead." the operator replies calmly.
#BANG
"Ok, now what?"
My dad taught me to swim by rowing me to the middle of a lake and tossing me overboard...
It was pretty easy once I got out of the bag!
Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?
Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves
A mother skunk had two kids that she named In and Out.
A mother skunk had two kids that she named In and Out. Whenever In was in, Out was out. And whenever In was out, Out was in.
One day Out was in but she couldn't find In anywhere. She looked everywhere for In; up, down, left, right, but she could not find In. Finally she asked Out to find In, and Out went right to where In was hiding. When the mother skunk asked Out how he knew where to find In, he replied
"Easy. Instinct."
A polar bear and a black bear are taking a stroll in the arctic...
When suddenly, the polar bear falls in some water he starts to panic and says, "Help, I'm dissolving!" the black bear replies with, "No you aren't bears are insoluble!" the polar bear says, "That's easy for you to say, you're non-polar!".
Donald Trump is like a marshmallow...
He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.
Why was math so easy in ancient Rome?
x always equals 10
I like my women how I like my light bulbs...
Not too bright, easy to turn on and hanging from electrical wire in my basement.
Wife: "Can you pick up milk?"
Me: *lifts gallon*
"Yeah, it's easy."
Wife: "I mean from the store."
Me: "I'd imagine it weighs the same there too"
Three old men
Three elderly men were at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor asked the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply.
The doctor said to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday", he replied.
Then the doctor asked the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine", he answered. "That's great!" said the doctor. "How did you get that answer?
"Easy," said the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
Tommy comes back off his holiday with his mum and his step dad and the teacher asks him...
"Hello Tommy, did you enjoy your holiday?"
"I did Teacher"
"And did your stepdad take you out, show you things, go exploring?"
"Yes he did teacher, he took me out rowing 1/2 a mile into the lake every day, and then I'd swim back."
"Oh, well, um, it's an awful long way to swim isn't, 1/2 a mile?"
"Oh no teacher, no, it was easy once I'd got out of the bag!"
"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"
"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"
"That's easy, Berlin."
"And the capital of France?"
"Berlin"
"And the one of Poland?"
"Also Berlin."
"Good job Adolf, good job!"
Why is Jesus easy to insult?
It takes him 3 days to comeback.
I hopped in a cab after work and said to the cabbie
"My wife won't put out any more. Take me somewhere I can get an easy chick that won't say no"
10 minutes later he dropped me off at my house and said
"Just tell her Larry sent you"
A father is teaching his boy how to pee in the toilet.
"OK son", he says. It's as easy as counting to 5.
1. Pull down your pants.
2. Pull back your foreskin.
3. Pee in the toilet.
4. Put your foreskin back.
5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4".
Why are Fish easy to weigh?
Because they have their own scales.
Algebra was always easy for the Romans...
x was always 10.
An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...
Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?
"That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. "
Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision?
"Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."
Scaring men is easy
I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is..
What is communism?
- Let me explain.. If you had 2 yachts and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course.
- Well, that's communism. Another example, if you had 2 homes and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course I would.
- See, its easy. If you had 2 coats for example and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- No!
- No? Why not?
- Because I *do* have 2 coats
I heard its easy to convince women not to eat tide pods..
but it's a lot harder to **deter gents**.
Why is it so easy to find a prostitute in Islamic countries?
They're always just a stone's throw away.
Quitting smoking is easy
I've done it over 15 times
Harry Potter woke up in a hospital.
A little confused he asked "where am I?"
Doctor: "why you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"
"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself
slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a coma for 8 years"
Hiding an erection isn't as easy as you may think...
It's harder than it looks...
I'm trying to organize a Hide and Seek tournament for a while, but it is not easy.
Good players are hard to find.
Why is it easy to come up with nicknames for a tree?
Because they stick.
I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life.
I don't know why most people think a dogs life is so easy.
Everytime I come home from work I ask my dog how his day went and he always says rough.
The Trophy Wife
This guy is so sick of his hot trophy wife always asking for money.
So the next time she comes and asks him for some money he says "I'm not giving you any more money until you make some money for yourself."
So the next day he comes home from work and his wife says "I did it. I made money. I made $230.50!"
He says "Wow. How did you do that?"
She says "Easy: Prostitution."
So now he looks kind of perplexed he says "Who paid 50 cents?"
She says "Everybody!"
A woman was sobbing on the side of the street because she had accidentally locked her keys in her car,
a passing soldier saw this and assured her that he can help.
She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens....... "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the soldier. "These are my khakis."
I used to sell home security systems.
It was super easy.
I went door to door and If the customer wasn't home, I'd just leave my brochure and business card on their dining room table.
One boy tell the other: "There is an easy way to get what you want"
The other boy said, "How?"
"Tell people you know their secret"
The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!"
The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10"
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"
The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15"
The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!"
The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"
I like my women how I like my Corona viruses
Easy to get, quick to spread and leaving me out of breath
How can you tell good cops from bad cops?
Easy. Good cops carry a Goodge.
I lost 15 pounds
But in my defense, babies are easy to misplace.
I told my wife I'm going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on. She said, Where would you find the time?
I said, Easy. Right next to the sage.
Finding a woman sobbing because she had locked her keys in the car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.
She watches amazed as he takes off his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens.
"That's so clever!" the woman exclaims. "How did you do that?"
"Easy," replied the soldier, "These are my khakis."
Lol plague inc easy mode is so unrealistic
Like who wouldn't wash their hands and wear a mask during a global pandemic.
"Boy, I'm scared," a man said to one of his friends,
"I got a
letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop
seeing his wife." "Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll
have to stop seeing his wife." "Easy for you to say," the first
guy said. "You like her that much?" the friend asked. "It's not
that," declared the man, "He didn't sign his name."
It ain't always easy having erectile dysfunction
but it sure as hell ain't hard
How easy is it to tell a joke 1 year after joining Reddit?
A piece of cake.
A doctor has an appointment
A doctor has an appointment with 3 of his crazy patient to see if they are doing any better.
He asks the first one: "3 times 4 ?"
"1484"
Wrong. Disappointed, he asks the second one the same thing: "3 times 4 ?"
"Wednesday"
Wrong again, he asks the same thing to the third one: "3 times 4?"
The third one immediately answers "12".
The doctor is surprised that the last one got it right: "Wow, how did you get to that answer?"
"It was easy", says the last one. "I divided 1484 by wednesday".
A lumberjack once told me he's cut down 27,572 trees.
How do ya know exactly how many? I inquired.
Easy. I keep a log.
A husky, a pitbull, and a chihuahua are all fighting over a poodle.
Poodle says: "I'll only choose the mate who can use the words 'Liver' and 'Cheese' in one sentence..."
Husky: "Well that's easy, I love liver and I love cheese!"
Poodle: "That's not gonna work"
Pitbull: "I hate liver and I hate cheese!"
Poodle: "...No"
Chihuahua: "LIVER ALONE, CHEESE MINE!"
A student got home from school and his mum asked him how the test went.
He said it was easy but one question held him up. The mother asked what the question was.
" They asked what the past tense of think was" the boy answered. "So what did you write?" the mother asked.
"I thought and thought and thought until I finally wrote thinked"! The boy replied.
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking.
A couple of Blondes are out in the woods hunting.......
When one of them falls to the ground and her eyes close. The other blonde whips out her cell phone and calls 911. She gasps to the operator, Help! Help! My friend Holly is dead! What should I do? The operator, in a calm voice, says, Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure she's really dead.
After a brief silence, a shot rings out, then the blonde's voice comes back on the line. OK, now what?
I used to rip off famous comedians' jokes to post on Reddit for easy karma.
I still do, but I used to, too.
Bad news. I got fired from my job at the bank today.
I mean, it was an easy mistake... An elderly woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
It's pretty easy to stop women from eating tide pods
But it's a bit harder to deter gents
Robin said to Batman...
"Batman, why do you wear dark colors?"
"Easy Robin, it makes me less likely to be shot"
"Then why do I wear bright colors?"
"It also makes me less likely to be shot."
For extra cash consider robbing sex offenders.
Their address is easy to find, and they can't own guns.
Only downside is politicians usually have good security.
Being a dog walker is so easy
It's a literal walk in the park.
Not very hungry
Me: "I'm not very hungry, I just want something easy"
Server: "... maybe the chicken strips for $6?"
Me: "... maybe it does, but that doesn't help with my hunger."
Random dad across the restaurant: "GOOD ONE!"
A young woman was standing outside her car weeping. A soldier walks up and asks what the problem is.
It turns out she's locked her keys in the car.
"Simple," says the soldier and drops his trousers, takes them off, rolls them into a ball and rubs them on the door.
The door pops open.
"How did you do that?!" exclaimed the young woman.
"Easy," says the soldier, "These are my khakis."
Some people have a lot of trouble sleeping.
Me? It's so easy I can do it with my eyes closed!
Thank you.
I read the post from u/AndiPandi92 about how she woke her dad up every morning with a joke from this subreddit. It is a beautiful post as are the comments. It inspired me to do the same for my dad. I already see him once a week - he has had seven strokes, can hardly talk but has an enormous brain capacity - very sharp and an easy laugh. I have told him jokes for two days and both times he laughed so tears fell down his cheeks (my mom told me afterwards) and he say thank you afterwards.
So thank you from me and my dad - you are all awesome ❤
Two easy steps to become a millionaire
1: Be a billionaire
2: Set up businesses in Russia
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are asked to design a fence.
The fence is required to contain as much land as possible for the least amount of fence material.
The engineer says "easy, just make a circular fence"
The physicist says, "wait a second! If you build the fence across the equator you'll have an even higher area/fence ratio!"
The mathematician says "amateurs!". He gets up and builds a tiny fence around his feet and proclaims "I declare myself to be on the outside."
English is so easy to learn...
You just need to remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme, but read and lead don't rhyme and neither do read and lead.
My doc warned me to take it easy on the mints
They make you go menthol
My father bought me up single handedly....
It's not easy being the son of a pirate.
It's not easy to come up with jokes about undelivered letters.
People don't seem to get them.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the easy easy practical jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working easy easy spanish piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.