The Best 60 Eastern Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Eastern jokes. There are some eastern oriental jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these eastern cbs puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Eastern Jokes and Puns

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.

I said, "Don't jump."

He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"

He said, "A Christian."

I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too! What denomination?"

He said, "Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."

I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.

--Emo Philips

What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch?

I ate too many chickpeas, now I falafel.

What do you call a person of mixed heritage from eastern Turkey/northern Iraq, and from Wisconsin?

A Cheese Kurd.

Eastern joke, What do you call a person of mixed heritage from eastern Turkey/northern Iraq, and from Wisconsin?

The famous joke from eastern europe. Depicting a stereotypic slooow estonian character.

An Estonian stands by a railway track.

Another Estonian passes by on a handcar, pushing the pump up and down.

The first one asks: Is it a long way to Tallinn?

Not too long.

He gets on the car and joins pushing the pump up and down.

After two hours of silent pumping the first Estonian asks again: Is it a long way still to Tallinn?

Now, it is very long way to Tallinn.

What do you call an Eastern European cashier?

A Checkoutslovakian.

(Better said than read)


What do you call a middle eastern sorceress?

A sandwitch

After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide

CHECK CZECH CHEQUES

Eastern joke, After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning

A Joke about Eastern Kentucky

In my younger years I used to counterfeit money and pass it off as real money. One day, after I made a fake $7 bill, I found a random guy on the street and asked him if he had change for 7 dollars.

"I sure do" the man replies as he hands me $3 and a $4.

I made fun of my Middle Eastern friend's food the other day

Now I falafel about it.

UN Food Survey Fails...

UN Phone Survey

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a complete failure because:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

What's the difference between American girls and Middle Eastern girls?

American girls get stoned BEFORE they commit adultery.

You can explore eastern northeast reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean eastern venezuela dad jokes. There are also eastern puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


When I manage a troupe of Eastern European acrobats...

they're going to be called "Czechs and Balances", it's the only logical choice.

Why did the man vomit after eating Middle Eastern food?

It made his stomach falafel.

Tragedy in Eastern Canada

Canada's Worst Air Disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Newfoundland.

Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as searching continues through the evening.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Handed over by an eastern european immigrant who doesn't care what happens to it or expect to see it again.

What happened when the bankrupt eastern european jumped off a building?

The Czech bounced.

Eastern joke, What happened when the bankrupt eastern european jumped off a building?

What does an american teenager and a middle eastern feminist have in common?

They're both getting stoned.

This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator...

This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator. It's oppressive, you can't get away from it, and I'm pretty sure we can blame the U.S. for it.

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak.


Apparently they're making a Middle Eastern version of 'The Flintstones'...

...and while Dubai doesn't like it, Abu Dhabi do.

I recently switched to an all Middle Eastern diet and can't say I recommend it

I falafel.

Hurricane Joaquin

This Category 3 Storm is likely to hit the Eastern US this week.

Good news for Arizona residents: you will not be affected by Joaquin, Phoenix.

The United Nations world-wide survey

The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.

The survey went like this:

"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"

The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:

The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.

I'm planning to open a Norwegian/Middle Eastern fast-food restaurant.

It's called The Valhallah Snakbar.

I used to work in an eastern european fraud office.

I had to check czech cheques.

What do you call a Zen master from eastern Europe who's been bugging you all day?

A Buddha Pest.

A local museum today received a substantial donation of French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork.

They're gettin' Monet for nothing and Czechs for free.

What's the difference between Western and Middle -Eastern atheists?

Western atheists have heads.

Why is eastern europe filled with strippers?

Because they like Poles.

I had some bad middle eastern food yesterday

I just felafel afterwards.

Jokes are sort of like Middle Eastern policies.

Some are decent, but it's really the execution that counts.

I traded my blowup doll in for a middle eastern version..

It blows itself up..

I felt a rush of culture shock wash over me as I walked through a middle eastern market

It was bazaar

My father complained "I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men."

Dad, you're using Uber.

For some reason I'm only afraid of Middle Eastern spiders...

It's O.K. though. My doctor says it's normal to be Iraqnaphobic.

A blonde calls a 24/7 support call center

The blonde asks what hours they are open for. The technical support person says we are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The blonde stops for a moment a thinks. After a while she asks is that Eastern or Pacific time?

Match the middle eastern country to its sworn enemy...

- Bahrain
- Lebanon
- Qatar
- United Arab Emirates
- Egypt
- Syria
- Jordan
- Iran
- Iraq
- Saudi Arabia
- Algeria
- Morocco
- Yemen
- Oman
- Kuwait

1. Israel

Apparently my attempt at recreating authentic Middle Eastern recipes gave everyone food poisoning...

I falafel.

Why do you never want to call a middle eastern man with a turban a Muslim?

Because they are Sikh and tired of it!

What's the difference between a Middle Eastern preschool and an ISIS training camp?

I have no idea, I just fly the drone

What do you call a Middle Eastern prostitute?

A hookah

What did the eastern Russian say to the western Russian in the bathroom?

"European."

So, you're the leader of a country who wants access to the Eastern Mediterranean, Balkans and Middle East, but you're not able to get it?

Oh, Crimea river.

What do you call a middle eastern Elvis Presley impersonator?

Amal Shookup

What's Justin Timberlakes favorite part of Eastern Europe?

The Crimea River.

I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes...

My personal spell Czech.

The UN decided to do a worldwide survey...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

Vladimir Putin Travels to an Eastern European Country

He walks up to the customs agent and the agent asks, Name?

Vladimir Putin

Country of Origin?

Russia

Occupation?

No, no. Just visiting.

That weird middle eastern guy insisted on giving me a ride home

Iran

My Middle Eastern dad has learned English from watching infomercials.

So when I would get in trouble as a kid and get punished, he would finish by saying "But wait, there's more!"

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

What do you call a law-abiding Middle Eastern waffle shop that caters to police officers, but tastes horrible?

Awful, awful lawful "Lawful Waffles & Falafels"

I had too much Middle Eastern food today.

Now I falafel.

I want to open a restaurant that fuses Chinese and Middle Eastern cuisine

I call it "Wok like an Egyptian".

An international school teacher asks: What's your own honest opinion on food scarcity in other countries?

An African student responds: What's food?

A Western European student: What's scarcity?

An Eastern European student: What's honest?

A Chinese student: What's opinion?

A Russian student: What's your?

An American student: What's other countries?

The year is 1921. Eastern Poland, the new border with Russia is forming after WWI.

One of the officials coordinating this process stumbles upon an old house that is located just on the path of where the border would be set. Property, with an old shed and few acres of land, is habited by one old farmer.

"This is your lucky day, old man. You can choose whether you prefer to be on the Polish or Russian side of the border" says the officel.

"Polish" the farmer answers without hesitation.

"And why is that if I may ask?"

"Cause Ruskies have very harsh winters."

A russian, a jew and a german are at a bar

they talk about their grandfathers war experiences. The russian says: "war for my grandpa was so bad, he was shot on the eastern front fighting germans". Hearing this the jew says: "you think that is bad? my grandfather got killed in a concentration camp...". Seeing that the situation makes him stand in a bad shadow, the german says: "guys, calm down, my grandfather died in war at a german concentration camp too." Surprised both the russian and the jew ask in unison "how?".
The german replies: "poor man fell down from the guard tower".

When I'm craving middle eastern food, there's this place I always go to. It's delicious, affordable, and best of all...

Israeli quick.

I saw Queen play in Eastern Europe around the early 1900s

I believe it was under Prussia

Why is the Middle Eastern mariner never allowed in heaven?

He Sinned Bad

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the eastern territories jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working eastern villages piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes