Comical Easter Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have s**..., I've got nothing left to believe in."
As a child my parents used to tell me about the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa
I dont believe in those stories anymore, thank GOD
"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?"
"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"
"Thanks dad !"
"No problem Alan"
The usher in church greets one of their members...
and says "Welcome! You need to join the army of the Lord!"
The member says,"I am in the Lord's army".
The usher asked,"Then why do I only see you on Christmas and Easter?"
The member leaned over and whispered,"I'm in the Secret Service."
Q: What's the good part about having alzheimer's?
You can hide your own easter eggs.
Pest Control
There is a church that is infested with rats. No amount of traps or exterminators have any effect on the still growing population. One day the local pastor thinks up a plan. The next day, all the rats are gone. The people are floored and asked what he did. He replies by saying that he baptized them and they will only be back on Christmas and Easter.
Coloured Eggs
A rooster was strutting around the hen house one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow.
The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.
You know what's great about senility?
You can hide your own Easter eggs.
What are the three best things about Alzheimer's?
You never hold a grudge ...
You can hide your own Easter eggs ...
And you meet new people every day!
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his wife when she asked if Christmas was his favourite holiday
I still love Easter, Baby.
Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees...
Little Johnny claps his hands over his ears and says, "I don't wanna hear anymore! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus, and then there's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy either. If you're about to tell me grown ups don't have s**..., I got nothin' to believe in anymore!"
You can explore easter bunnies reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean easter christ dad jokes. There are also easter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees...
"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
Doctor says, "I've got good news and bad news…"
The bad news is that you have Alzheimer's.
The good news is now you can hide your own Easter eggs!
It's Easter Sunday morning...
... and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can't eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees all the colored eggs, then storms outside and kills the peacock.
My son asked me to explain what coloring eggs had to do with the story of Easter...
"You see, son, we color Easter eggs to remind us that Jesus dyed for our sins."
Did you hear that Jesus was a bit of a drunk?
One time He got so hammered that He fell asleep in a cave for three days before He woke up.
(heard in church today) :-) Happy Easter!
what did my s**... get for easter?
an egg hunt!
Why is business good on Easter?
Because prophets rise
Resurrection day
Children at Sunday school were asked what resurrection meant. One boy replied, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts for more than 4 hours you should call a doctor." Happy Easter!
My dentist took a look in my mouth and said, "Your gums look awful. I told you to floss religiously."
I do, I said, I floss on Christmas and Easter.
You know what the best thing about Alzheimer's is?
You can hide your own Easter eggs.
Grandma and Grandpa
Grandma and Grandpa are sitting at church on Easter Sunday, and Grandma leans over and whispers, "I just let out a silent f**..., what should I do?"
Grandpa leans back and replies, "You should get new batteries for your hearing aids!"
My mom asked me what I was doing for Easter ...
I said, "Same as Jesus. Going out on Friday and coming back Sunday"
How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up?
He uses Hare Spray...
(Ill see myself out)
I met my town's bishop at Easter mass today but I think he might be an imposter...
... he didn't move diagonally
I was going to make a scene when they told me I couldn't join the Easter Egg hunt...
...instead I just left without a Peep.
Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals?
Zoos
If you have Alzheimer's, look on the bright side…
…at least you can hide your own Easter Eggs.
An Irish man decides to go on Mastermind....
He's called to the chair.
'Your chosen subject?' asks the presenter.
'Easter Rising of 1916, sir,' he replied.
Time starts now ... What was the date of the Easter Rising of 1916?'
'Pass.'
'Who led the Easter Rising of 1916?'
'Pass.'
'How many men were involved in the Easter Rising of 1916?'
'Pass.'
Suddenly an Irish voice boomed from the studio audience:
'That's right, p**... - tell them nothing!'
Little Johnny and the Birds and the Bees
Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have s**..., I've got nothing left to believe in."
I go to the gym religiously
Christmas, and maybe Easter
There are 3 perks of having Alzheimer
1. You can make new friends every day.
2. You can look for the Easter eggs you hid yourself.
3. You can make new friends every day.
Jesus may have been offended
Elderly couple in church during Easter mass. Wife turns to husband and says, "I have just done a silent f**..., what should I do?" Husband says, "put new batteries in your hearing aid!"
I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.
Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
What type of jewelry does the Easter Bunny wear?
24 carrot
What are we doing for Easter?
Wife: What are our plans for Easter?
Husband: I'll be like Jesus. Disappear on Friday and return on Sunday.
Wife: That's AWESOME. I'll be like Mary.
Husband: What do you mean?
Wife: I'll show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.
The Easter massacre
After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later the rooster walked in saw all the colored eggs, then stormed outside and killed the peacock
A church has a rat problem
The church doesn't want to kill the rats so they trap them and release them far away, but the next day they are back.
Next they try ask them politely to leave, still they won't budge.
Finally the priest has one last idea, he baptized all the rats.
Now they only come at Christmas and Easter.
Son: Dad, why is my sister named Teresa?
Dad: She's named after something your mother loves, Easter! It's an anagram.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: No problem Alan.
What did the eastern Russian say to the western Russian in the bathroom?
"European."
Easter this year is April Fools Day
Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.
My grandpa told me this one today
There was a boy who lived on a farm. He decided that he wanted to pull an Easter prank. So the next morning he went into the hen house and swapped out all the eggs for colorful Easter eggs. When the rooster came in he took one look at the eggs and then immediate ran and killed the peacock.
Not the best joke but it made me chuckle
What's the best thing about having alzeimhers disease?
You can hide your own easter eggs
Easter is on April 1st this year.
Where we remember the original April fools joke performed by Jesus himself.
Arnold Schwarzenegger joined an Easter egg hunt but didn't find any eggs. His secretary asks "Does this mean you hate Easter now?"
He shakes his head and responds:
"I still love Easter baby."
Why do easter eggs hide?
Because they're little chickens.
I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg
so I said to him, 'Which is your favourite Christian festival?'
He replied 'Have to love Easter, baby.'
Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?
The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!
(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)
What beer do you drink on Easter Sunday?
Rolling Rock
The last time Easter fell on April Fool's Day...
...Jesus tricked everybody by making them think he was dead for two days.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny...
Happy Easter
I accidentally drank the water we used to color eggs for Easter.
I think I dyed a little inside.
My grandmother was a somnambulist who had recurring dreams of coloring Easter eggs
Conveniently, she dyed in her sleep last week.
Did you hear Easter was cancelled?
They found the body.
Son: Mom, why is my sister called Teresa?
Mom: Because Teresa is an Anagram of Easter and we love Easter!
Son: Oh I see. Thanks mom!
Mom: My pleasure Alan.
I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes...
My personal spell Czech.
A boy is talking to his father
"Dad," he asks, "why is my sister named Teresa?"
"Well son," replies his father, "your mother loves Easter, and I'm a fan of anagrams, so we combined both."
"Aw, that's really nice, thanks dad."
"No problem, Alan."
Who is the odd one out between.... Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, Bill Cosby and the tooth fairy?
The Easter bunny, the rest only come when you are sleeping.
Dad...
"Dad, why is my sister Teresa called Teresa?"
"Well, son, your mum loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter and so we named her Teresa"
"Thanks, Dad."
"No problem, Alan"
Where is Jesus if he keeps going East?
Easter
Anagram
Son : Dad, why is my sister named Teresa?
Dad: Because your mom loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram for Easter.
Son: Thanks for the explanation Dad!
Dad: You are welcome, Alan!
Great Easter joke I heard today
**Wife:** "What are your plans for Easter?"
**Husband**: "Same as Jesus."
**Wife**: "What do you mean?"
**Husband**: "I will disappear on Friday and and reappear on Monday."
**Wife**: "AWESOME, if you do that I'll do the same as Mary."
**Husband**: "What do you mean?"
**Wife**: "Show up pregnant, untouched by my husband"
Husband stayed home all Easter.
When I was a kid, my parents fed me a lot of b**..., like believing in the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. But I finally started thinking for myself and realized it was all wishful thinking.
Thank you Jesus!
A little boy asks his Dad.....
"Dad. Why is my sister called Teresa?"
"Well, son. Your mother loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter."
"Oh, I see! Thanks, Dad!"
"No problem, Alan!"
When I was a kid, I used to believe in such nonsense as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny.
Now that I've grown older, I don't believe in that rubbish anymore, thank God.
Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?
Well son, your mum really really loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram of Easter
Thanks Dad
You're welcome Alan
Did you know Sean Connery used to save the egg shells from pancake day and paint them to use for egg hunts at Easter?
It was an egg shell lent idea
Both of my parents died in a car c**... when I was a kid.
Not only did I lose my parents, but Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny all forgot about me that year too.
Me: Why is my sister's name Teresa?
Dad: because your mom loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram for Easter.
Me: Thanks, dad.
Dad: no problem, Alan.
Father calls little Johnny over to give him the birds and the bees talk...
Johnny starts crying uncontrollably the moment he says this.
"Whats wrong? I haven't even told you anything yet!" the surprised father asks.
Little Johnny tries to talk through the tears:
"Two years ago, you wanted to talk about Easter bunny, then told me he wasn't real...
Then last year you wanted to talk about Santa, and told me he isn't real either...
If now you tell me s**... isn't real, I have nothing left to live for!"
This Easter, the catholic church is sourcing all of it's bread and wine from a factory in China.
It's called mass production.
How do you make easter easier?
You uncross the t and dot it instead.
What does the Easter Bunny listen to while hiding eggs?
Hip hop.
Rumour has it...
Rumour has it that Jesus got so hammered on Good Friday that he didn't wake up for 3 days.
(Easter Joke... Nailed it.)
A boy asked his father "Why is my sister named Theresa?" "Because your mother loves Easter and Theresa is an anagram." "Thanks dad."
"Your welcome Alan."
My parents named me and my sister after anagrams of things they love most...
So my sister is Teresa because they love Easter, still not worked out why I'm called Alan.
Hey dad, why is my sisters name Teresa?
Your mother named her after her love for Easter, and when you rearrange the letters you get Easter.
Alright, thanks dad..
No problem Alan!
Why don't the Easter Island statues ever go anywhere?
They're really s**...
Son: Why is my sister called Teresa?
**Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram**
**Son: Thanks dad**
**Dad: No problem Alan**
Why do capitalists celebrate Easter?
They love when prophets rise.
I recently got an Eastern European maid to help clean around the house
I gave her the vacuum and she said she'd start right away. When I came back from work, she was still vacuuming, 8 hours later.
She was a Slovac.
Son: why is my sister called Teresa?
Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram
Son: Thanks dad
Dad: No problem Alan
Did you know that the original Easter took place on April 1st?
That Jesus sure knew how to pull off a prank!
Jesus was born on Christmas, died on Good Friday and rose on Easter.
What are the odds?!?!
An Easter joke.
A priest was arguing with a rabbi.
"What is great in our religion", says the priest, "is that there is room for advancement. A humble village priest can become a bishop, an archbishop, a cardinal, who knows?, maybe even the Pope!"
The rabbi answers: "What about the Almighty? Can he become the Almighty?"
"Certainly not!", responds the priest, "what a sacrilegious thought! No mere mortal man can aspire to become the Almighty!"
The rabbi retorts: "One of our boys made it!"
Why do we color eggs for Easter?
Because Jesus DYED for our sins.
Happy Easter!
Little Johnny was sitting in Sunday school on Easter
The Sunday school teacher said "Today is all about the resurrection, does anyone know what that is?"
Little Johnny raises his hand....
"I do! And if it lasts more than 4 hours you're supposed to call a doctor!"
