East West Jokes
46 east west jokes and hilarious east west puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about east west that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest East West Short Jokes
Short east west jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The east west humour may include short east jokes also.
- Why can chess Bishops only more diagonally? Because north, south, east and west are Cardinal directions.
- Why can't you bury a man living east of the Mississippi in a graveyard west of the Mississippi? He's still alive.
(Learned from my 6th grade math teacher Mr. Warren) - Programmer's son asks his father: -Dad, why do the sun rise on the east and set on the west? Father: It works? Don't touch it.
- How to tell what part of Washington you're in: Forest is west, desert is east... Swamp is DC.
- Difference between Sun and Bun. Sun rises in the East and sets in the West.......... ............Bun rises in Yeast and sets in the Waist.
- Two people are putting together a compass One of them says, "Okay, I got the North part here, South here, and East right here". Then the other guy says, "where's the West of it?"
- German 1970's joke What's the difference between the east-german and the west-german accent? While the former is shared by most, the latter is richer.
- I once met a member of the Catholic faith who could only face North, East, South and West... His name was Cardinal Directions
- Why does everyone talk about Middle East? But not middle west, middle north, middle south?
- Soon the entire west coast will have legalized Cannabis. Now there needs to be a campaign to get it legalized all the way to the East coast. We can call it the *Cannabis Destiny*.
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East West One Liners
Which east west one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with east west? I can suggest the ones about west and north west.
- We needed to go east! Why did you turn west? I'm sorry. It was an occident.
- A Song of Ice and Fire The East and West Coasts
- The last time the Reds had a collapse this big West and East Berlin became united
- Columbus thought he landed in the Far East. But he landed in the Far West by occident.
- Kanye West interupted Chuck Norris and became Kanye East.
- If Kanye West was Asian... He'd be called Kanye East.
- What type of travel is it when going from east to west? Time travel.
- What feels good in the west but feels cotton in the East? Happi-ness
- What color eyes did Christa McAuliffe have? Blue. One blew East and one blew West.
East West Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about east west you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean west coast jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make east west pranks.
the greenhorn
A greenhorn comes from back east to try his hand at prospecting. He buys his gear and heads off into the hills. He has a couple of lonely weeks, with a little bit of success finding gold.
He's sitting by his campfire one evening when this crusty old prospector shows up and says "Howdy there, neighbor. My spot's just over the hill there. I wanted to invite you a party."
Greenhorn: "That sounds wonderful! I haven't seen a soul in weeks!"
Prospector: "I got to warn ya though...there's likely to be some dancin'!"
Greenhorn: "I love to trip the light fantastic! I'll bring my dancing shoes."
Prospector: "I got to warn ya...there'll be drinkin'!"
Greenhorn: "Oh, don't worry, I can hold my liquor."
Prospector: "There's likely to be some fiightin'."
Greenhorn: "I'm not inexperienced when it comes to fisticuffs!"
Prospector: "There'll be ... fornication."
Greenhorn: "Well...it is the Wild West...and I have not seen a lady in quite some time."
The prospector nods gruffly to himself and begins to leave. The greenhorn says, "Say, what should I wear to this soiree?"
The prospector pauses and says, "Oh, any old thing...it'll just be you and me."
What's the earliest joke you can remember? Here's mine:
These two:
"My wife went to the West Indies"
"Jamaica?"
"No, she went of her own accord."
"My wife went to the East Indies"
"Jakarta?"
"No, she went by plane."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lebron's life is like one big compass...
He went South, His hairline went North, his dad went East and his mom went Delonte West.
Old joke from East Germany.
Three guys work at a factory:
1st guy comes 5 minutes too late for work. Gets arrested for sabotage.
2nd guy comes 5 minutes too early for work. Gets arrested for espionage.
3rd guy comes to work on time. Gets arrested for possessing a West-Uhr. (a watch from the west)
When the Saxons landed in England...
...they decided to split up into five groups to cover as much ground as possible.
One group headed West and Wessex was born.
A particularly lazy bunch decided to stay exactly at the meeting point and incorporate Middlesex.
Another went South to form Sussex, which is still exactly where they made it, while yet another formed Essex to the East.
Oh, nearly forgot about the very conservative pack who went North. Nobody heard from them again
Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...
... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.
The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here."
The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.
The second man says, "Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle."
They look at the third guy. He says, "I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here."
The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, "How do you start a hurricane?"
An old joke from East Germany
A German worker gets a job in Siberia. Aware of how all mail will be read by censors, he tells his friends: "Let's establish a code: if a letter you will get from me is written in ordinary blue ink, it is true; if it is written in red ink, it is false."
After a month, his friends get the first letter, written in blue ink: "Everything is wonderful here: stores are full, food is abundant, apartments are large and properly heated, movie theaters show films from the West, there are many beautiful girls ready for an affair—the only thing unavailable is *red ink*."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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East and West Germany
In West Germany your job determines your Marks.
In East Germany Marx determines your job.
Three men are serving jail time in East Germany.
As they wait for time to pass, they eventually talk about why they were imprisoned.
The first one says: "Everyday, I got to work five minutes early, so they condemned me for espionage!"
The other two ask the second man.
He says: "Everyday, I got to work 5 minutes late, so they condemned me for sabotage!"
Men number one and two are getting curious about the third man.
Upon asking him, he says: "Everyday, i got to work exactly in time, so they condemned me for using a watch from West Germany!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Change Your Course...
Heard this from some friends, thought I'd post this here.
On a very dark night, a Captain of a battleship saw a light headed on a collision course.
He sent a warning message: "Change your course 15 degrees East!". He receives the reply: "You change your course 15 degrees West!".
Annoyed he sends another message: "I am a Navy Captain, now change your course!". He receives another reply: "I'm a s**... 2nd class, I suggest you change your course, sir!".
Angry, the captain sends another message: "I am a battleship! I will not change course!". Again he receives another reply: "I'm a light house! Your call.".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Change your course
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: Change your course 10 degree east.
The light signals back: Change yours, 10 degrees west.
Angry, the captain sends: I'm a navy captain! Change your course, sir!
I'm a s**..., second class, comes the reply. Change your course, sir.
Now the captain is furious. I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!
There is one last reply. I'm a lighthouse. Your call.
Burt and Marcus
Burt's worked on the railroad for several years as a laborer but all the constant layoffs have got him looking into moving up in the business and he applies for a job working on the actual train. He gets called in for an interview and it's going ok when they get to the final question. The interviewer says "Burt, you are on Train A and it's traveling west at 75 mph but on the same track is Train B traveling east at 85 mph. There is no way for Train A to stop or slow down. What would you do?" Burt hems and haws for a few minutes and then tells the interviewer "Well, I reckon I'd call my brother Marcus."
"Call your brother? Why"
"Well, Marcus ain't never seen no big train wreck before."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A father is lying on his death bed...
A father is lying on his death bed with his three sons and wife surrounding him. He says to the first son, Now that I'm passing I want you to take all the houses I have on the east side of Main Street.
He points to the second son and says, And you will have all the houses on the west side of Main Street.
Lastly he points to the third son and says, You will have the entire apartment complex at the end of the Main Street.
The nurse, having overheard the conversation, leans into the wife and says, Wow, your husband must have been a hugely successful person.
The wife responds, oh yeah, a *real* success. The j**... is talking about his paper route.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.
He sends a signal: "Change your course ten degrees east."
The light signals back: "Change yours, ten degres west."
Angry, the captain sends: "I'm a Navy captain! Change your course, sir!"
"I'm a s**..., second class," comes the reply. "Change your course, sir."
Now the captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!"
There's one last reply. "I'm a lighthouse. Your call."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are on a ridge
And the lone ranger says: "Tonto! There's Indians to the North! And Indians to the West, Indians to the East and Indians to the South! What are we going to do?"
And Tonto goes: "What do you mean we, white man?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.
He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west.
The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east.
The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, I'm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.
The light signals back, I'm a s**... First Class. You must change your course, sir.
Now the captain is mad. He signals, I'm an aircraft carrier. I'm not changing my course.
The light signals back a final message: I'm a lighthouse. Your call.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fun facts about England
Fun fact: Sussex, Wessex, Essex, and Middlesex, are all named for points on a compass, South, West, East, and Middle respectively, and represent places of Saxon occupancy. That is, Wessex means West Saxons.
But why Middle and not North, you ask. Well, Little Timmy, there's no north because no one wants to be called Nosex.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Here in missouri.
We call it the midwest, but looking at a map you'll notice that it's more east than west. It made me wonder why we call it the Midwest, but then I realized that we are mostly a red state, and I can't imagine those folks wanting to call it the m**....