East Jokes
170 east jokes and hilarious east puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about east that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest East Short Jokes
Short east jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The east humour may include short west jokes also.
- "You're the bomb, no you're the bomb" A compliment in the United States, an argument in the Middle East.
- Why can chess Bishops only more diagonally? Because north, south, east and west are Cardinal directions.
- What do Kim Kardashian and hurricane Sandy have in common? They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.
- Why can't you bury a man living east of the Mississippi in a graveyard west of the Mississippi? He's still alive.
(Learned from my 6th grade math teacher Mr. Warren) - me "Please to meet you, I am from East Detroit" Other person: "Oh my gawd, have you ever seen someone get shot"
Me: "No I close my eyes when I pull the trigger" - I told a good drone joke in arabic It went over american's heads, but it killed in the middle east
- Why don't they celebrate New Year's Eve in the Middle East? Cause there's no one left when the clock hits zero
- Why did moses vote for Al Gore? Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.
- I heard that ' Call of Duty' has a different name in the Middle East. They call it "The Sims".
- Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles? He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.
Share These East Jokes With Friends
East One Liners
Which east one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with east? I can suggest the ones about south and north.
- Why do you never see a flock of seagulls in the middle east? Because Iran's so far away
- What did I see while on vacation in the Middle-East? I Saudi Arabian Desert.
- What's the most popular pub in the Middle East? The Allahu ak-Bar
- What do you call cheap apartments in the Middle East? Low rents of Arabia.
- What do they call spiders in the Middle East? Iraqnids
- Could you imagine a market in the Middle East? Because that would be bazaar
- What is the biggest miracle of Jesus Christ? Being white in Middle East.
- Is it just ME or is there another acronym for Middle East?
- Where is Jesus if he keeps going East? Easter
- I'm developing a gun that shoots east european stew. I call it the Goulashnikov.
- As an East Asian guy, I constantly get asked what's my background It's Windows standard.
- Can you name even one East African country? Well, kenya?
- I'm making a silent film set in the Middle East It's titled A Kuwait Place
- How do they make honey in the Middle East? From a shawarma bees
- Wanna know how I got to the Middle East? Iran.
Middle East Jokes
Here is a list of funny middle east jokes and even better middle east puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I knew a guy that was selling exploding prayer rug in the middle east He told me prophets were going through the roof
- I'm starting to not like the Middle East. The plot's too confusing and I can't connect with any of the characters.
- I run a backpack store in the middle east. Sales are great but I've never had any returning customers.
- James Bond retired and turned down a knighthood in England to live in Afghanistan where he became one of the most important men in the middle east. Turns out he wanted to be Sheikh'en, not Sirred.
- Did you know that there's a place in the Middle East that's considered the father of the bagpipe? It's Baghdad
- What did Spider-Man say when he was deployed to the Middle East? Iraq, no phobia
- Wal-Mart Why are there no Wal-Marts in the middle east?
A: Because there are too many Targets - The Middle East reminds me of that old joke about the optimist and the pessimist The pessimist says "everything's terrible, it can't get any worse." the optimist says "oh yes it can."
- What's the most popular chili in the Middle East? Halalpeño.
- What do you call a witch in the middle east? A sandwitch.
East West Jokes
Here is a list of funny east west jokes and even better east west puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Programmer's son asks his father: -Dad, why do the sun rise on the east and set on the west? Father: It works? Don't touch it.
- How to tell what part of Washington you're in: Forest is west, desert is east... Swamp is DC.
- Difference between Sun and Bun. Sun rises in the East and sets in the West.......... ............Bun rises in Yeast and sets in the Waist.
- Two people are putting together a compass One of them says, "Okay, I got the North part here, South here, and East right here". Then the other guy says, "where's the West of it?"
- German 1970's joke What's the difference between the east-german and the west-german accent? While the former is shared by most, the latter is richer.
- I once met a member of the Catholic faith who could only face North, East, South and West... His name was Cardinal Directions
- Why does everyone talk about Middle East? But not middle west, middle north, middle south?
- We needed to go east! Why did you turn west? I'm sorry. It was an occident.
- A Song of Ice and Fire The East and West Coasts
- The last time the Reds had a collapse this big West and East Berlin became united
East Coast Jokes
Here is a list of funny east coast jokes and even better east coast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Made the mistake of letting my east coast newspaper freeze on the steps this winter... I've fallen on some hard Times.
- What do mumble rappers from the East coast rap about? I don't know...Their verses aren't Pacific.
- I had trouble getting drunk off the coast of East Africa Turns out Zanzibar is sans a bar.
- This Halloween on the East Coast I heard a lot of people are going to be the Scorpions this Halloween.
Because we're gonna get rocked like a hurricane. - My girlfriend lives on the east coast of Virginia. She's my Chesapeake Bae.
- Two beans on the east coast of Australia Ended up in Cairns.
- Did you hear about the Candy Factory they opened on the East Coast? It closed after a month... they couldn't find any good wrappers.
- One country act that isn't going to get much of an audience on the east coast for a while: Luke Combs.
- Soon the entire west coast will have legalized Cannabis. Now there needs to be a campaign to get it legalized all the way to the East coast. We can call it the *Cannabis Destiny*.
- A hurricane is going to hit the east coast? Are you Joaquin?
East Indian Jokes
Here is a list of funny east indian jokes and even better east indian puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the proper term for a lover of East Indian cuisine who doesn't deviate from the norm? A naan conformist.
- What do you say when you walk in on an East Indian woman dressing? Sari!
- My brother and I were arguing over what bread East Indians eat. My dad told us its a Naan issue.
- I think T series is from the Middle East? Why do we call them T Syrians and not T Indians
- What do u call a disadvantage for being east-indian Hindi-capped
Charming Humor East Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about east you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean outer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make east pranks.
What's the earliest joke you can remember? Here's mine:
These two:
"My wife went to the West Indies"
"Jamaica?"
"No, she went of her own accord."
"My wife went to the East Indies"
"Jakarta?"
"No, she went by plane."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lebron's life is like one big compass...
He went South, His hairline went North, his dad went East and his mom went Delonte West.
100 camels
A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you for your woman."
After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale."
The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?"
The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get back home.
Bubba n' Buford IV
Law enforcement officers in east Texas must also be linguists on occasion just to communicate. Take the time Bubba n' Buford were pulled over outside of Madisonville and the officer walked up and simply said "You boys have any ID?". Now that would seem a simple, clearly understood request...but not in east Texas. Buford with a puzzled look on his face responded "ID 'bout what?"
A Texan went to an ivy league party on the East coast...
...and there's this group of fancy ladies standing around.
"Howdy," he said. "Which school did y'all go to?"
"Oh... Yale," one of them replied daintily.
'WHICH SCHOOL DID Y'ALL GO TO?!"
Did you guys hear about the fruit and dairy tycoon from the middle East?
We call him the Banana Milk Sheikh
I made a game where you play a soldier saving people in the Middle East.
Qatar Hero.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Someone literally said this in class
Teacher: "Half the world is a cess pool"
Student: "The middle east isn't half the world"
The Flintstones
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour,
but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
It's Easter Sunday morning...
... and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can't eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees all the colored eggs, then storms outside and kills the peacock.
Easter used to be called Wester
But they decided to take things in a new direction.
DRINKING BUDDIES
Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City and both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and asks, "So where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Dublin are you from?"
"The East Side."
"The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!"
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where on the East Side are you from?"
"McDonagh Street."
"Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that."
As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, "That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?"
"Oh, it's nothing amazing," says the bartender."It's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again."
One day a man wandered too far away
From his camp, he knows he needs to head east and he searches for hours trying to find the sun.
Then it dawned on him.
(Thought of this joke at work, might have sounded better in my head)
How do you start an earthquake in East Africa?
Shake Djibouti.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
East and West Germany
In West Germany your job determines your Marks.
In East Germany Marx determines your job.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... Hotline
Did you hear the government moved the s**...-hotline call center to the middle east to save money?
I called to talk to someone and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.
How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up?
He uses Hare Spray...
(Ill see myself out)
Easter Kids' Joke
Why can't you sniff out Easter Eggs?
(In a tone like you have no idea) "No bunny nose"
-Made up this morning in bed to a very dissatisfied girlfriend
Antique shop owners in the middle east have one rule
Dubreak, Dubai.
What do you call a witness to an event in the Middle East?
A Dubaistander.
Yeah I thought of it myself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do women in the Middle East and Millennials have in common?
If they go to college, they'll probably get s**....
Two East German guards were standing near the Berlin wall.
"What do you think of our regime?" asked the first.
"The same as you!" the second replied.
"In that case," said the first guard, "it is my duty to arrest you!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
in the middle east you can't drink
But you can get s**...
For drinking
BREAKING NEWS: Just in from a correspondent in the Middle East.
ISIS to buy all Samsung Galaxy Note 7. #note7
What did the son say to his father when he lost his suitcase in the airport on their trip to the middle east?
"Where's baghdad?"
Trump wants to cut funding for birth control, renegotiate trade deals, and stop the wars in the Middle East.
It seems pulling out is his solution for everything.
I was banned from the Middle East, so this is what I did...
Iran
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Israel officially decriminalizes m**... use
So that's one country in the middle east where I wouldn't mind being s**....
What are we doing for Easter?
Wife: What are our plans for Easter?
Husband: I'll be like Jesus. Disappear on Friday and return on Sunday.
Wife: That's AWESOME. I'll be like Mary.
Husband: What do you mean?
Wife: I'll show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.
My friend said he didn't know there was a war going on in the middle east...
He must have been living under *Iraq*
The Easter massacre
After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later the rooster walked in saw all the colored eggs, then stormed outside and killed the peacock
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If we have "t**..." bars in the US...
... do they have "facie" bars in the Middle East?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is there no walmarts in the middle east?
Because there are targets on every single corner.
Trump is banning telephone calls to and from the middle east
I can't believe our president created the teleban!
My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...
We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."
Roll call in the Middle East
Teacher: Asghar?
Asghar: Here!
Teacher:Hassan?
Hassan: Present!
Teacher: Rahal?
Rahal: A present, count to four!
Teacher: Don't you mean 'present and accounted for'?
Rahal: No. Count to two.
Teacher: What do you- BOOM!
Just in from the Middle East
Media reports that people in Dubai wouldn't understand the
humor in the "Flintstones" but, I know for a fact that
people in Abu Dhabi do.
Have I ever told you guys about how I escaped from the Middle East?
Iran.
Oman the whole story is ridiculous.
I basically had to Qatar cross the border.
Just like Bon Jovi, I was basically Lebanon a prayer the whole time.
I know it doesn't sound like a true story, but I assure you Israel.
Honestly I could tell you more but it Kuwait.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A reporter goes to the Middle East for an interview.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "s**...?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, d**..., any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a lumberjack from the middle east?
o**... Bin Loggin
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why doesn't the middle east teach drivers education and s**... education on the same day?
Because the goat gets tired.
Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:
Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.
Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.
Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"
The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.
What did the eastern Russian say to the western Russian in the bathroom?
"European."
Easter this year is April Fools Day
Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.
A hermit in the middle east has not heard about any current events.
I guess you could say he lives under Iraq.
So, you're the leader of a country who wants access to the Eastern Mediterranean, Balkans and Middle East, but you're not able to get it?
Oh, Crimea river.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was going to move to the Middle East
Then someone told me what they mean by getting s**...
It's funny how a sentence can have different meanings depending on where you say them.
saying "you da bomb" in the US is a compliment.
However a discussion in the Middle East.
Easter is on April 1st this year.
Where we remember the original April fools joke performed by Jesus himself.
Why do easter eggs hide?
Because they're little chickens.
Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?
The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!
(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)
Have you heard about the situation in the Middle East
It's pretty Syrias
An East Indian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, has swam with sharks, has wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was...
Bindair Dundat
I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes...
My personal spell Czech.
The UN decided to do a worldwide survey...
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are on a ridge
And the lone ranger says: "Tonto! There's Indians to the North! And Indians to the West, Indians to the East and Indians to the South! What are we going to do?"
And Tonto goes: "What do you mean we, white man?"
Accent humour, mate!
It's the year 2022, WWIII has started. 1st world countries vs 2nd world countries and Middle East. Britain asks for reinforcement from Australia. The Australian regiment arrives and next morning starts preparing while the British Commander enters and starts increasing the army's morale:
British Commander: Did you came here *to die*?
Australian Soldier: No sir, we came here *yester-die*.
