The Best 70 East Jokes

Following is our collection of funny East jokes. There are some east western jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these east east indian puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest East Jokes and Puns

100 camels

A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you for your woman."

After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale."

The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?"

The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get back home.

Apparently Muslims invented the condom.

As it turns out, Muslims in the middle east one day came up with the brilliant idea to use goat intestines as a suitable condom. It wasn't, however, until in 1827 when the British perfected the idea by taking the intestines *out* of the goat first.

A Texan went to an ivy league party on the East coast...

...and there's this group of fancy ladies standing around.

"Howdy," he said. "Which school did y'all go to?"

"Oh... Yale," one of them replied daintily.

'WHICH SCHOOL DID Y'ALL GO TO?!"

East joke, A Texan went to an ivy league party on the East coast...

Why did Moses vote for Al Gore?

Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.

Why don't they teach sex-ed and drivers-Ed on the same day in the Middle East?

Because the camels can't handle it.


Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common?

Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West.

The Flintstones

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.

A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour,

but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

East joke, The Flintstones

It's Easter Sunday morning...

... and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can't eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees all the colored eggs, then storms outside and kills the peacock.

DRINKING BUDDIES

Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City and both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and asks, "So where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Dublin are you from?"
"The East Side."
"The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!"
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where on the East Side are you from?"
"McDonagh Street."
"Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that."
As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, "That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?"
"Oh, it's nothing amazing," says the bartender."It's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again."

What do they call spiders in the Middle East?

Iraqnids

What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?

They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.

You can explore east occident reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean east villages dad jokes. There are also east puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why don't they teach Driver's Ed and sex education on the same day in the Middle East?

They don't want to wear out the camel.

Made the mistake of letting my east coast newspaper freeze on the steps this winter...

I've fallen on some hard Times.

How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up?

He uses Hare Spray...

(Ill see myself out)

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

What's the most popular pub in the Middle East?

The Allahu ak-Bar

East joke, What's the most popular pub in the Middle East?

What's an argument in the Middle East but a compliment in the U.S.A?

"You da bomb"
"No, you da bomb!"

Can you name even one East African country?

Well, Kenya?

I heard that ' Call of Duty' has a different name in the Middle East.

They call it "The Sims".


You the bomb.

No, you the bomb.

A compliment in America.

An argument in the Middle East.

So, I hope that when President Trump gets tired of us

he'll leave us for some younger, more attractive, East European country. Hopefully in a year or so

Is it just ME

or is there another acronym for Middle East?

Israel officially decriminalizes marijuana use

So that's one country in the middle east where I wouldn't mind being stoned.

I told a good drone joke in arabic

It went over american's heads, but it killed in the middle east

Wanna know how I got to the Middle East?

Iran.

What are we doing for Easter?

Wife: What are our plans for Easter?

Husband: I'll be like Jesus. Disappear on Friday and return on Sunday.

Wife: That's AWESOME. I'll be like Mary.

Husband: What do you mean?

Wife: I'll show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.

The Easter massacre

After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later the rooster walked in saw all the colored eggs, then stormed outside and killed the peacock

Why is there no walmarts in the middle east?

Because there are targets on every single corner.

My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...

We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."

"You're the bomb, no you're the bomb"

A compliment in the United States, an argument in the Middle East.

Have I ever told you guys about how I escaped from the Middle East?

Iran.

Oman the whole story is ridiculous.

I basically had to Qatar cross the border.

Just like Bon Jovi, I was basically Lebanon a prayer the whole time.

I know it doesn't sound like a true story, but I assure you Israel.

Honestly I could tell you more but it Kuwait.

A reporter goes to the Middle East for an interview.

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

What do you call a lumberjack from the middle east?

Osama Bin Loggin

Why doesn't the middle east teach drivers education and sex education on the same day?

Because the goat gets tired.

Why don't they celebrate New Year's Eve in the Middle East?

Cause there's no one left when the clock hits zero

Did you know that there's a place in the Middle East that's considered the father of the bagpipe?

It's Baghdad

Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:

Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.

Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.

Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"

The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.

Could you imagine a market in the Middle East?

Because that would be bazaar

How did I escape from the Middle East?

Iran.

Easter this year is April Fools Day

Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.

I run a backpack store in the middle east.

Sales are great but I've never had any returning customers.

What is the biggest miracle of Jesus Christ?

Being white in Middle East.

Why do easter eggs hide?

Because they're little chickens.

Why do Muslims believe the afterlife is more important than the current life?

If you lived in the Middle East, you would too.

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?

The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!

(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)

James Bond retired and turned down a knighthood in England to live in Afghanistan where he became one of the most important men in the middle east.

Turns out he wanted to be Sheikh'en, not Sirred.

I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes...

My personal spell Czech.

The UN decided to do a worldwide survey...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

I'm making a silent film set in the Middle East

It's titled A Kuwait Place

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are on a ridge

And the lone ranger says: "Tonto! There's Indians to the North! And Indians to the West, Indians to the East and Indians to the South! What are we going to do?"

And Tonto goes: "What do you mean we, white man?"

I knew a guy that was selling exploding prayer rugs in the middle east

He told me prophets were going through the roof

me "Please to meet you, I am from East Detroit"

Other person: "Oh my gawd, have you ever seen someone get shot"

Me: "No I close my eyes when I pull the trigger"

What do you call cheap apartments in the Middle East?

Low rents of Arabia.

Why can't you bury a man living east of the Mississippi in a graveyard west of the Mississippi?

He's still alive.

(Learned from my 6th grade math teacher Mr. Warren)

Where is Jesus if he keeps going East?

Easter

An Aussie soldiers and an American soldier are pinned down in the Middle East.

The Aussie gets up and begins flailing his arms and laughing. When he gets back down, the American says

What, did you *come* here to die?

The Aussie responds Nah, I came here yesterday.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

What do you call a spider from the Middle East?

an Iraqnid

Here's a joke for English and irish

So 3 people go to the middle East, a German a English and a irish. They get captured and sent to a Prince, the Prince gives them each one wish and 20 whips to the back. The German goes first and asks for a pillow on his back, he gets the pillow and the whips but it doesn't work. Next is the English he asks for two pillows and again it shreds throgh them. Next is the Irish, the prince's wife grants him one more since she likes his people. The Irish man first asks for 100 whips, and for the English guy to be strapped to his back.

Snow isn't a problem in the Middle East

...but ISIS

A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.

He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west.

The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east.

The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, I'm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.

The light signals back, I'm a Seaman First Class. You must change your course, sir.

Now the captain is mad. He signals, I'm an aircraft carrier. I'm not changing my course.

The light signals back a final message: I'm a lighthouse. Your call.

How do they make honey in the Middle East?

From a shawarma bees

What do mumble rappers from the East coast rap about?

I don't know...Their verses aren't Pacific.

Why can chess Bishops only more diagonally?

Because north, south, east and west are Cardinal directions.

Two German explorers

Two German explorers were making their way east across New York when they came to a wide river.

Karl: How vill vee get across dee large body of vater?

The other explorer sees a large, steel object north of them.

Heinrich: Look der es und structure dat vee can use to cross

Karl and Heinrich make their way across and into the land know as upstate New York. Karl gets to the other side but notices that his companion is still behind. Karl also notices that he is continuously poking his finger on the object they just crossed.

Karl: Heinrich, vat are you doing?

Heinrich: I'm Tappan Zee Bridge

I'm starting to not like the Middle East.

The plot's too confusing and I can't connect with any of the characters.

I'm developing a gun that shoots east european stew.

I call it the Goulashnikov.

What do you call someone who got fired from the East German secret police for substance abuse ?

An Ex-Stasi

Why doesn't A Flock Of Seagulls perform in the Middle East?

Because Iran so far away.

Two Redneck Eagles are drinking in a bar

One turns to the other, with his leg out, and says You hear bout that Talon ban in the Middle East?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the east apartments jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working east east german piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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