Easier Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.

Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics?

It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for

How do women defy the laws of physics?

The heavier they are, the easier to pick up!

For me, getting girls is like spreading butter...

It's much easier with a knife.

What gets easier to pick up as it gets heavier?

Women

Do you think Charlie Sheen admitted to being HIV positive on national television...

because it was easier than making phone calls?

Judgement day

Peter is on trial. He's on trial because he shot his wife when he caught her in bed with another guy.
The judge wants to know; "why did you shoot your wife?".
"Well, " Peter replies, "it seemed easier to shoot her once, than to shoot a different guy every week".

My wife just told me that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I believe her, bananas are much easier to peel.

I wrote a book on penguins...

In hindsight, I realize that paper would have been much easier...

What's easier to pick up the heavier it gets?

A Woman

My wife was cleaning the closet last week

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them

Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes

Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

[email protected]#$%^&*

I love a girl with a trimmed bush....

Only because its makes it easier to see her through the window at night.

I like making money

It's a lot easier than earning it.

When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear.

After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.

For me, having sex is a lot like spreading butter on toast.

It's possible with a credit card, but so much easier with a knife.

The only things that defy gravity are women...

...the heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

Wife: I have a bag full of dirty & used clothing I'd like to donate....!

Husband: Why not just throw these in the trash? That's much easier for you.

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes with basket full satisfaction.

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

What's easier to pick up the heavier it is?

A girl.

Mom takes her sick daughter to the doctor.

The doctor asks the girl, "How old are you?"

Girl: "I will be 7 in two days."

Doctor: "Aww, look how optimistic we are."



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Totally unrelated joke

Son: "Dad, can I cross the street when the red light for pedestrians is on?"

Dad: "Yes, but make sure your arms are up in the air over your head."

Son: "Why is that?"

Dad: "Because it will be easier to take off your shirt in the morgue".

Two girls walking down the street when...

one sees her husband coming out of a floral shop with a bouquet of flowers. She says "Oh shoot, he's buying me flowers. I'll have to lay on my back for two days with my feet in the air. Her friend says "Would'nt it be easier to just buy a vase?

Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier...

if my wardrobe wasn't so fabulous!

I begin to carry a knife since a robbery attempt a few years ago

Since them, is being a lot easier to rob people

Getting laid is a lot like winning a war.

Its way easier in a third world country.

Why do gay guys float easier then straight guys.

Because they are flamboyant.

Princess Diana Jokes

What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.

How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.

Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can crash.

How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.

What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.

What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.

Yes I am a horrible person wow.

Today I told my wife our daughter is a little angel.

It was much easier than telling her that she's dead.

Mellinials today definitely have it easier than previous generations...

My grandfather had to cross the Atlantic to punch a Nazi.

You're not fat. You're just...

easier to see!

In audience at jail

Young woman in audience at jail where husband is held. "Mr. Officer, I am here to kindly ask you to give my husband an easier job" " He's sticking labels on cans, it's not too hard, is it? " Son of a bitch , he told me he's digging a tunnel !"

Hey, your fly is down!

I was walking down the road where I saw a lady shouting at me.

"Hello!" I said.

"Hey, your fly is down!" She shouted.

I turned to my pet fly. "What's going on, dude? You can always talk to me."

My Fly said "Oh you know, it's been a hard week. Wife left me. I lost my job and the fact that you've got your penis out doesn't make this conversation any easier."

Shooting guns is a stupid hobby.

Its much easier and more cost efficient to shoot targets!

Waiter and the soup spoon

A man is at a restaurant and gets soup before his entree. He notices right away that he doesn't have a spoon, so he asks the waiter for a spoon. The waiter promptly pulls one out of the pocket of his apron. The man says, "Wow, you carry a spoon around with you in your pocket? That's pretty smart."

The waiter replies, "Yeah, I've worked here for a while so I've learned a lot of tricks to help make my day easier."

The man starts eating his soup. When he sees the waiter again he asks him, "You said you have a lot of smart ideas about work. What else have you come up with working here?"

The waiter says, "Well, before work, I tie a string around my penis so I can pull it out of my pants without touching it. Then I can pee at work and I don't have to wash my hands before I go back to work."

The man says, "I like that idea....but how do you get it back into your pants?"

The waiter says, "Well that's what I use my spoon for."

One night stand

A guy finishes up banging a girl he just met at a bar. He says "If I had known you were a virgin I would have taken it a little easier."

The woman says "If I had known you were in such a hurry I would have taken my pantyhose off."

College can be a lot like prison sometimes

It's easier to get into if you're black.

Legs up in the Air

One day little Susie went into her back yard and found her dog Muffles lying dead with its legs up in the air. She asked, "Daddy, Daddy why is Muffles legs in the air?" Thinking quickly, her dad replied, "This way Jesus can come down and take Muffles to heaven easier."

The next day when Susie's dad came home she ran up to him and said, "Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today." Flustered, her father said, "Honey what happened?" And Susie said, "Well Mommy's legs were up in the air and she was screaming 'Oh Jesus I'm coming I'm coming' and if it wasn't for the milkman holding her down she would have been a gonner."

A father and a son

one day were walking down a road when the little Johnny sees a beetle laying on the ground with his feet up and asks his father "Dad what's wrong with that beetle?", his dad tells him that the beetle has died and has his feet up because it will be easier for God to pick him up to the heaven when he comes down. And the Johnny starts crying and tells his Dad that his mother was going to die too, Dad: "What, how!". Johnny: "This morning, she was holding her feet up and screaming oh God I am coming, luckily the neighbour was there holding her down"
sorry english not my first language.

Two black men

are walking down a city street and come across a building reading "Only 98 cents to change your skin color," the men paused and looked at eachother. One Black man says "Wow, that would make life so much easier for us! I got 99 cents in my pocket." The other replies "Yes it would but I only got 97 cents. If you go in, try it out and it goes well can I borrow that leftover penny?"

"Of course, well here I go," the man walks into the building and minutes later comes out a brand new white man.

"Wow this is amazing, I don't believe what i'm seeing right now!" the black man continues "This worked out so well, can i borrow that penny from you?"

The new white man tells him, "Get a job, nig nog."

I dint know what to buy for my dad as his birthday present, so I gave him 100 dollars and told him to buy something that will make his life easier

He bought something for my mum.

So, I once went fishing with a fishing pole and brick...

...after some time a hot blonde walked up to me and asked:

-"What are you doing?"

-"Fishing"

-"Ok, I get what the fishing rod is for, but whats up with the brick?"

-"Oh, If you have sex with me, I'll tell you."

She considered for a moment and agreed.

After 2 minutes, when I was done, she asked again:

-"So, now you have to tell me! Whats the brick for?"

-"oh, well... It is easier to fish with the brick."

-"How come?"

-''You are my 4th catch today.''

What's the difference between black and white iPhones?

The black ones run faster but the white ones are easier to jailbreak

My little boy was drawing pictures.

I thought I'd give him a hand, so I drew a picture of a deer. 'What's that, Son?' 'Don't know, Dad.' I drew antlers on it to make it easier. 'What's that, Son?' 'Don't know, Dad.' 'You see them out in the forest'. 'Don't know, Dad.' 'Rhymes with 'beer'. You know, beer like your Dad drinks.' 'Don't know, Dad.' Final attempt. 'Your Mom calls your Dad one.' 'Oh, I know! It's a drunken bastard!'

I'm very good to my wife, everyday I'll run the hot water and put the bubbles in for her

...just to make doing the dishes that bit easier.

A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids.



The kids start goofing around while she's talking to the waitress. The mom gets impatient and yells, "Eddy! Stop that! Or else!" All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet.

The waitress asks, **"Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?"**

"Yup," says the woman. "Makes it easier than trying to remember who's who every damn time."

"But what if you only want to talk to one of them for some reason?" the waitress asks.

**"Well, then I just call them by their last names."**

It's easier if you have no spine

Congress is keeping its members-only gym open during the government shutdown, which is mind-blowing, since I didn't know you could do squat thrusts with your head up your ass.

Let's replace the glass ceiling for women

With something much easier for them to clean

While on holiday in Thailand my friend met a stunning girl in a bar, so he plied her with alcohol to make his chances of getting a shag easier.


His plan backfired though. When they got back to his hotel she was too pissed to maintain her erection.

Why is the Canadian version of GTA easier?

Hospitals don't take your money when you die.

What's easier to pick up the heavier it is?

Women.

What activity is easier as it gets harder?

Pissing on the ceiling

The Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe.

Wouldn't it just be easier to talk to a woman?

Why do blondes prefer the pill instead the condom?

Because it's waaay easier to swallow

The pen is mightier than the sword...

And considerably easier to write with.

A woman from the ghetto is in the grocery store with a whole crew of kids...

She yells out, "Billy!" and nine boys come running and line up by the door.

A passer-by laughs to himself and asks, "Did you name all your sons Billy?"

"Yup. Makes calling them for dinner a lot easier."

"What happens when you only need to talk to one of them?"

"Then I just call them by their last name."

Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

I went into my sons room and found a mouse, so I stamped it to death.

It would have been so much easier if there wasn't a fucking cage around it.

Lord of the Rings is symbolic of Marriage

One ring rules your life, it slowly destroys you, and sometimes, death seems easier than continuing on.

Convincing someone to have sex is a lot like getting ketchup out of a glass bottle.

It's a lot easier with a knife.

My wife wants to have the baby listen to classical music while in the womb.

Would an ipod nano or shuffle be easier to get up there?

Overweight



A man goes to his doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've gotten so fat I can't see my penis anymore."

The doctor says "Well, you're just going to have to diet."

To which the man replies "What makes you think I could find it easier if it was a different colour?"

The ladder to success

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.

No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye. "Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success," she said. "Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."

On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite attractive. "Screw me now or climb the ladder to success," she uttered. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went.

On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "Screw me here and now or climb the ladder to success," she flirted. Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.

"Who are you?" the man asked.

"Hello" said the ugly fat man, "I'm Cess!"

Why should you always rent, rather than buy, a multimeter that measures ohms?

Because it's easier to follow the path of leased resistance.

If I was an executioner, I'd prefer to use an axe

It'd be easier to get ahead.

I'm switching all of my clocks to a 24-hour format...

...making it much easier to wait til 5 o'clock to start drinking

Blondes

A group of blondes were willing to prove that not all blondes were dumb. They established a judges panel of people to ask the questions. On the day of the judging the people started off by asking, "What is 59 + 2?" The first blonde contestant responded by saying, "57?" The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" Then they asked, "What is 15 - 5?" The blonde responded, "20, right?" Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, "What is 1 + 2?" "Is it 3?" said the blonde. The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"

So man goes to prison

On the first night while he's laying in bed contemplating his situation, he hears someone yell out, "44!" Followed by laughter from the other prisoners.
He thought that was pretty odd, then he heard someone else yell out, "72!" Followed by even more laughter.
" What's going on?" he asked his cellmate.
"Well, we've all heard every joke so many times, we've given them each a number to make it easier."
"Oh," he says, "can I try?"
" Sure, go ahead."
So, he yells out "102!" and the place goes nuts. People are whooping and laughing in a hysteria. He looks at his cellmate rolling on the ground with tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.
"Wow, good joke huh?"
"Yeah! We ain't never heard that one before!"

I Gave My Father $100…

I gave my father $100 and said, Buy yourself something that will make your life easier. So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

A blonde tried to sell her old car

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day she mentioned her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a way to make your car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "as long as I can sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here's the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.

About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

A man goes to prison.

The first night while he's laying in bed contemplating his situation, he hears someone yell out, "44!" Followed by laughter from the other prisoners.

He thought that was pretty odd, then he heard someone else yell out, "72!" Followed by even more laughter.

"What's going on?" he asked his cellmate.

"Well, we've all heard every joke so many times, we've given them each a number to make it easier."

"Oh," he says, "can I try?"

"Sure, go ahead."

So, he yells out "102!" and the place is dead quiet save for a few gasps. Confused, he looks at his cellmate who is just shaking his head.

"Hey, what happened?"

"Man, that's not cool. Lenny's mom just died."

What do women and dog poo have in common?

The older they are, the easier they get to pick up.

(compliments of BloodHoundGang's "3.14")

Why do chemists love bad jokes?

Their jobs get a lot easier when there are no reactions

The thought of going home to my wife makes work much easier for me.

Think of all the stress I avoid by staying in the office.

Why should you cook kale in coconut oil?

Makes it easier to slide it right into the trash.

What gets easier to pick up the more it weighs?

Women.

Why was being a soprano a requirement to becoming a pirate?

It made it easier to deal with high C's

Three chinese emigrate to USA

Bu, Lu and Fu from China goes to America, but in order to get around easier, they decide to Americanize their names. Thus, Bu becomes Buck, Lu becomes Luck, and Fu...well, he goes back to China.

A man shot his wife

Judge: Sir, why did you shoot your wife?
Man: Well your honor, it was easier than shooting a different man every night.

Logic hurts.....

*Wife:* I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.
*Husband:* Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
*Wife:* But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
*Husband:* Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

What are the funniest easier jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Easier? Well, here are the best Easier puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Easier pick up lines to share with friends.

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